Drew lowered his face to mere inches from mine, sweat dotting the cockiness plastered all over it. “Make me.”
My chest heaved, unable to withstand his weight much longer, and my eyes widened, fear whipping over me that I was going to pass out before he set me free.
His breath met my ear, hot and struggling. “C’mon, beautiful. Get me off of you.”
My breaths broke around his words as Drew’s face was swallowed by the cloud of a memory.
“C’mon, beautiful. Get me off. Touch it for me.” Damon is sitting with a wide part to his legs, palming the hard line beneath his sweatpants. I sit across the bed from him—my bed—in the home where I was supposed to be safe.
I’m never safe anymore. He’s always here, and my sister is always sleeping. Tears prickle in their ducts. I can’t move, and I pray he can’t either.
“Don’t look so worried, I’ll get you off, too.” The promise in his gaze is enough to bring up my lunch.
He licks his lips, and his eyes drift closed as he begins to prime himself. A soft moan follows the breath of air that leaves his mouth and my stomach contents curdle. I can’t speak, though. Not even when he gets to his feet and makes his way over to where I’m still rooted to the edge of the bed. My hand instinctively reaches to touch the soft fur of Mary’s head, the stuffed lamb my sister had given me to ward off bad thoughts.
Damon stands before me, his eyes following the movement. “Kinky, I like it. That might feel nice.”
“Don’t touch her,” I growl. I’m not sure where that comes from, but the thought of him touching Mary disgusts me even more than the thought of him touching me.
He cocks his head slightly, seeming to mull over my demand, and I draw her behind my back, moving her beneath my pillow.
“Whatever. It’s you I want anyway.” He grabs my hand and wraps it around the solid bulge in his pants. “Make it feel better, beautiful. Touch it.” He guides my hand to stroke him, closing his eyes as he uses me the way he wants.
I close mine, too.
And everywhere that Mary went, that lamb was sure to go.
My eyes flew open with a start, feeling as though they were glowing with fire. Drew’s eyes seemed to register the change in mine, and the edge of his lip twitched with satisfaction. In a last-ditch effort, I did the only thing I could think of. I swiped my tongue along the outer portion of my top lip, removing the sweat lined there, and drove my knee upward, incapacitating him.
He rolled to his side, groaning, and I rolled the other way, bent on one knee, and propped myself up with the other in case I had to move quickly while I caught my breath. He was on both knees in a ball, clutching his stomach, his face lost in his chest, and I delighted myself with a ginormous smile. A smile to make up for all of the smiles foregone. I did it.
“Good girl.” Still heaved over, Drew turned his head to catch my eye, sending me a reaffirming wink. “See you tomorrow. Same time.”
I nodded, determination to see this through forming. There was a tingle in my veins that I wasn’t used to feeling. A spark that I hadn’t realized I was craving. When you’re lost in an abyss, it’s easy to forget what life feels like. That it’s possible to climb back. I had allowed Damon to take me and lock me away all of those years. But now it was my turn.
I was taking me back.
BLAKE
“GLAD TO SEE you’ve come around, son.”
I sat across from my father, the shiny gleam of his cherry wood desk mocking me. The cocky look on his face was enough to make me walk right back out the door I’d willingly entered a few minutes ago, but if I was doing this, I had to play along.
When Angel left, she’d stomped me right back into the dirt that my father helped lay at my feet, obliterating the strong pieces of me that I’d built up in the time we were together like a heavy swing of a sledgehammer. And now, as I struggled to gain back even a third of that man, to try and rebuild, it felt as though a strong gust of wind would threaten to take me down.
I pushed past the clenching heartache I felt and pursed my lips, nodding at the overbearing man gleaming at me. “I was wondering if there’s a firm you’d like to set up an internship with before I look into them on my own.”
Next year I’d be a senior, and I needed to secure a summer internship—it would look good on my resumé. There was nothing stopping me from moving forward with my law career now that I’d lost Angel. Besides, I could use the distraction. The numbing boredom went well with the colorless life I was destined to lead.
The smug bastard staring back at me couldn’t have been happier. I had always craved seeing the happiness I saw on his face now. Yearned for it my whole damn life. But today as I looked at him, all I felt was icicles running through my veins, showing me that all he loved about me was a phony imposter. Reminding me of all the honest, unconditional love I had lost.
The ache in my gut was another reminder of all that had changed in my life since I’d met Eva. I never imagined this day would feel so heart-wrenching—the day I’d longed for since I was a child. The day my dad finally looked at me like I was worth something. Except that worth came at the most expensive price—the price of my soul.
“Just don’t let ‘em steal your soul. I hear you have a good one.” Eva’s dad’s voice rang in my head, tightening the knotting ball in my gut.
Although I’d considered not going to the photography classes Eva had set up for me as a Christmas gift, nervous they’d be too much of a reminder, I had decided to go anyway. They were paid for, and I needed an outlet. It made me feel as though we were still connected somehow. At least I had that. That’s where I’d met Marybeth. She was sweet and reminded me a little of Eva. Blonde hair, green eyes, tiny . . .
But something was missing.
As dull as Eva may have felt, she carried around a light she didn’t even know she possessed. I’d seen it when she couldn’t. And now I missed it. My world seemed so gloomy in its absence. You never feel the dark until your light is gone.
Sound funneled into my ears, a low, monotonous tone turning to actual words, and I realized my father had been talking. I’d zoned out. Seemed I did that quite often these days. I cleared my throat and straightened in my seat, trying to appear as though I cared about whatever he was going on about. Thankfully, this time his words weren’t directed at me.
My dad’s smile reached the telephone receiver. “Thanks, Chuck. He’ll see you first thing Monday morning.”
He hung up the phone and grabbed for a pad. The scratch of his ballpoint pen felt like it was grazing my brain. The tear of the page from its adhesive binding cut through the air. Positioning the paper between his index and middle finger, he slid his arm toward me. “You’re to meet Chuck at Lawson, Clark & Stein LLP, nine a.m., Monday morning.”
My mouth went dry as the desert while I watched the yellow piece of paper sway. I never imagined a four-by-six, college ruled notepad could be so paralyzing. Knowing my fate was sealed once I accepted this offer, I kept my hand rooted, strangling the armchair.
When I didn’t move, his eyebrows rose and he inched his arm a bit closer. With no other saving grace, I peeled my fingers away and met his hand, mine shaky as shit as I took the paper from his waiting grasp.
He deflated back into his leather chair. Bobbing back and forth, he entwined his fingers over his belly. “You seem different.” He studied me, his shrewd eyes analyzing.
With a firm set to my jaw, I bit down any emotion before it could take hold and give me away. It was my father’s job, after all, to weed through the bullshitters. “Determined, that’s all.”
“Hmph.” He examined me further, and I could see the suspicion in his eyes. Never once, though, did he ask if I was sure this was what I wanted to do. And never once did I fool myself into believing that he cared about that.
He stopped bobbing and honed in. “This have anything to do with that girl?”
Prickles danced along my scalp, chasing each other down the back of my neck. A bit of numbness s
tretched to each of my fingers and toes, and my breathing sat low in my chest at the mere mention of Angel. I was always on high alert where she was concerned, especially when her name graced my father’s crude mouth. It had only been a few weeks, but no matter how much time passed, I didn’t think I’d ever shake the possessiveness I felt over her. I sat, ready to pounce like a ferocious lion any time she was the topic.
I pulled forward in my chair. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to. I’m here making good on your wishes. Surely you’re not looking down on that.” I dared him, wanting him to try me. It might feel good to get stuff off my chest.
He rolled the edges of his fingers around, not letting what he was thinking slide from his eyes as he worked over his thoughts. “It was a smart move disassociating yourself with that one. You may not see it now, but you will one day. Trust your old man.”
That’s like asking me to trust a tumor. “What’s done is done, but I’d rather not talk about it.” I rose and looked down at my father.
“I’ll be at your friend’s office on Monday.”
“TOSS ME THAT Allen key, would ya?” Sweat lined Drew’s brow as he worked to keep his foot on a rowdy piece of metal while simultaneously holding its adjacent part lined up.
“So, an Allen key would be . . .” I bit my lip and searched the scrap scattered along the empty corner of my apartment.
Drew swiped his forearm across his forehead, still holding the bulky piece of steel, and looked at me like I had sprouted ten heads. Working so closely with him the last couple weeks I was getting to know him better, and I could tell there were a million wise-cracks dying to come out of his mouth. Instead, he just used his “I’m talking-to-a-child” voice. “L-shaped object. Inserts on the ends. Please.” He stretched out his hand.
I tossed things aside until the tool he’d described appeared. “You know I’ve never built anything in my life, right? I’m not really a dude just because you’re trying to turn me into one.” I tossed the tool, and he quickly dropped what he was holding to clap it between his hands.
A low growl rumbled from his throat. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
Ignoring his scowl, I hopped to my feet and brushed off my hands. “Want a drink?”
“Water. Thanks.” A few clanks later, I knew he’d gone back to his project of building me a home gym.
A melancholy feeling settled over me as I stared at the set of biceps working vigorously in my living room. Not that I was nervous to have him in my apartment alone with me, but it only reminded me that it was the wrong set of biceps. I was more than grateful for the support Drew had given me, the sacrifices of his time and his income to train me. He was a good friend. But all of my accomplishments, any of my growth was stunted when I couldn’t share it with the one person who mattered most. At least once a day I would convince myself that I could go back to Blake, give up the charade and beg him to take me back. But then all of the reasons why I couldn’t do that would creep back in. His new girl. And the fact that no matter how much better I was starting to get, I was far from fixed enough. After what I had put him through, I needed to be one thousand percent sure I would never even have an inkling to walk away from him again. To hurt him like that again. No, when I went back to Blake, I had to be ready. In mind, body, and heart.
I filled a cup with tap water and then grabbed two bottled waters from the fridge, setting one beside Drew whose tongue was pressed into his top lip with his struggles, before I stepped out to the balcony. Why I continued to water the pot of dirt that sat out here was a mystery, but something in me kept hoping Blake was right and the flowers inside would live to see another day. Or maybe it was just another pathetic attempt at feeling close to him, like a part of him was still here.
I squatted and watched the water absorb into the dirt with my slow pour, my mind reminiscent, the memory as fresh as the day it was etched into my brain.
Forget not . . . you’re cared for.
I hung my head, the cup hanging between my bent legs, allowing myself a weak moment while I was alone.
Drew’s knock at the glass brought me back to the moment. He didn’t look happy as his choppy hand motions and bugged out eyes beckoned me back inside. “You know this is for you, right? You could at least give me a hand.” Drew suspended some unidentifiable bungee-thing from the top of the contraption.
“That’s debatable. I think you’re just trying to make your job easier.” I loved messing with him. He was too easy. “What do you want me to do, crybaby?”
Drew let out a weighted huff, losing his patience. “You know, sometimes I question why I bother with you at all.”
“Lies.” I grabbed the edge of the elastic band. “You want me to hold this?” Before I could secure it tightly enough, the cord slipped from my grasp and whipped Drew on the arm.
“Ouch!” He flung to the side, sending the piece of metal he was about to attach clamoring to the floor. He rubbed at the welt. “You’re killin’ me,” he joked through the pain.
“Sorry . . .” I reached out, wincing as I inspected the red swell on his bicep.
“Helloooo . . .” My front door opened without a knock, and Jace stepped inside, talking without looking over. “Feed me, I’m star—” His tone immediately took on a new sound as he eyed the bulky bicep I was holding. “Well, hello there.” He sauntered over. “And who has the pleasure of meeting me?” One hand was tucked to his chest while the other reached toward Drew for a shake.
“Jace, I think you have that backward.” I rubbed my thumb over Drew’s wound and smiled up at him. “You’ll live.”
“Honey, trust me, I’d know if I was backward in that man’s presence. And it would certainly be his pleasure.” Jace licked his lips.
“Jace!”
Drew laughed and stuck out a hand. “Drew. And we’ve met. I guess I’m just easy to forget.”
“Algebra is easy to forget.” He waved a gesturing finger, his eyes salivating. “You, my dear, will be on my mind all night. And recalled on as often as needed, if you get my drift.”
Drew’s face turned pink. I slapped my palm to my forehead and shook my head. “Welcome to the crazy, Drew. Grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.”
“It’s Oscar-worthy.” Jace used his pinky to swipe along his hairline before blowing Drew a kiss.
Drew chuckled, shaking his head as he bent to pick up the pieces he had dropped. “I remember.”
Jace waved his hands. “What’s all this man-stuff, and why is it in my bitch’s apartment?”
“Hey, I resent that. It’s not man-stuff, it’s a home gym. Don’t be so sexist.” I laughed, grabbing the elastic more carefully this time. I liked the fact that Drew was setting this up here. It would serve as a good outlet to get out my frustrations when things were too tough.
A smirk crawled up Jace’s face that could only mean one thing was coming. I cringed, waiting. “Honey, I’ve had a Jim at home, too, but he left in the morning. He didn’t set up shop.” And there it was.
All of the air rushed out of my nose in a snort. “Oh my god!” I laughed so hard, I doubled over, letting the elastic fly once again.
“Eva!” Drew yelped.
“I’m sorry!” I apologized, still laughing as water filled my eyes. Grabbing the elastic for the third time, I turned my focus to my best friend and pointed a free finger to the floor. “Down, Jace. Heel.”
Jace popped to the floor, pulling his legs in enthusiastically to a crisscrossed position. “I bet he looks even better from this angle.”
Drew’s eyes nearly popped out as he paused in his struggles and gaped at Jace.
Jace licked the line of his upper lip.
“Enough!” I yelled at him. “Can we get this done, please? My arms are killing me.”
Drew finally hooked the piece that was laboring him. “This is today’s workout. Stop crying. I’ve done worse to you than this.”
Jace made the sign of the cross and propped his hands to the customary praying position. “Dear Lo
rd, please let this man do worse to me. I’ve been a bad boy. I deserve—”
“Jace!” I launched a screw at him. I couldn’t take much more. Drew clapped a hand to his abs and bent back in hysterics. “Don’t encourage him.” I frowned.
“I’m sorry, but he’s fantastic,” Drew said around his laughs.
“Please, can we finish?” I exhaled, exhausted. As much as I wanted to seem like all was okay on the outside, holding that face in place was hard after a while and I wasn’t in the mood to keep it up much longer.
“Okay, okay.” Drew hung a punching bag from the top of the sophisticated piece of equipment, then he opened a long cardboard box and hung a mirror on the wall behind it, before lining up some free weights and workout balls below it. Bulky as it was, it fit right in as though it was meant to be there.
“I’m thinking I might not even need you anymore.” I eyed his finished product, impressed and eager to use it.
“You’ll always need me to kick your cute little ass.” Drew crossed his arms over his broad chest and rocked to the right, nudging my shoulder.
Jace hopped up, jumping. “Oh, Oh, Oh. Kick mine! Kick mine!”
Defeated, I hung my head.
“Let me try.” I heard Jace through the blonde waves hanging in my face. I brushed them aside just in time to see Jace grabbing onto the piece of elastic that had tried our patience moments before. “This is like a ginormous sex toy.” He tugged and swung, lifting his legs in a chicken flail as he bobbed, laughing.
I chortled into my hands as Drew tried from every angle to grab hold of one of Jace’s body parts. “You’re gonna break it!” Drew yelled, anxious at the prospect of all his hard work going down the drain.
Jace hopped off and curtsied. “The only thing I’d break is you. Your machine-thingy is safe.” He blew another kiss before turning to disappear into the kitchen. “Now feed me already.”
Drew followed. “Yeah, I could use a sandwich myself. That was worse than a workout.”
My gaze roamed the small corner of my apartment from the home gym to the floor mat, to the weights, before finally landing on my reflection in the full-length mirror. Something was always missing, but a small piece of me felt okay. As heartbroken as I was, parts of me were beginning to feel fulfilled. Like a salve had been spread over a bunch of tiny cuts lining my body, and it knew that in the end there would be healing because of it.
Breathe You (Pieces of Broken Book 2) Page 12