“You read it?” For some reason it bothered her to think he’d read words written in post-partum desperation. “And you didn’t believe me?”
Dane set the soda can on the table. “Actually my first inclination was that your letter was probably true. Brandon had never been known for being practical or careful so it made perfect sense that he would recklessly impregnate a girl he had no intention of staying with. But I needed to know for sure of course. I couldn’t turn over money to someone who wasn’t Brandon’s actual blood relative.”
That did make sense. She’d never expected money and had never asked for any, but no one would be handing it out unless Nicky was the genuine article.
“Brandon didn’t mention his son in his will?”
Dane sat down heavily in the chair by the window, his shoulders hunched and his elbows on his knees. “Brandon didn’t have a will. Just a bunch of bills and creditors. I liquidated his estate to pay them off. Your email was the last thing the family attorney gave me.”
Leaning against the cool glass of the window, she shook her head. “The family attorney, huh? What kind of family needs an attorney? Wait, don’t answer that. A rich one.” She straightened and looked him right in the eye. “So you were sent to pay me off? Get rid of the rubbish? Did you decide to have a roll in the hay while you were at it?”
His face paled and she knew her arrows had found their marks. If only he knew that she was hurting just as badly. She’d thought they really had something but now it looked cheap…and tawdry.
“No,” he bit out. “No one sent me. I read the letter and made my own decision. The fact is I haven’t said a word about this to the rest of the family. I was going to let you decide if you wanted to meet them and let them know about Nicky. They’re not the easiest people in the world to deal with, and honestly I wouldn’t blame you if you chose not to. As for a roll in the hay, I already told you that what we have means something so don’t try and turn this into something it’s not. You and Nicky are the two most important people in the world to me, dammit.”
God, she wanted to believe that.
“Why didn’t you introduce yourself as Brandon’s cousin? Why did you pretend even after I told you about him? What game are you playing with me and Nicky?”
She choked on the last question, the anguish of having done something so incredibly stupid and now her son would pay the price as well as herself. Nicky loved Dane. How could she explain this to a two-year-old?
“No game.” There was an urgency in his voice as he stood and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. The heat from his palms seemed to burn her skin right through the thin material and tears pricked the back of her eyes as she fought the urge to throw herself into his comforting arms. “I admit that I didn’t introduce myself as a relative of Brandon’s on purpose. I wanted to find out what you were like. What kind of mother you were and whether I could trust you with a sum of money or if I needed to tie it up in a trust you could never touch. I know this is hard for you to understand, but I needed to see the real you.”
She shook off his touch and stepped back. “The real me?” she repeated, her tone icy. “So all these weeks that’s what this has been about? Seeing the real me? Judging me? You are such an asshole, Dane.”
He reached out to her but she shook him off. She needed her space to be able to process what was happening to her.
“I knew almost immediately I could trust you. I didn’t tell you the truth because I was afraid, Lily. Afraid you would react like this. Not listening to why I did it, not understanding I felt like I had no choice. It was up to me and me alone to protect the Braxton family. I don’t take that responsibility lightly. Neither will Nicky someday.”
Her teeth snapped together in rage. “The Braxton family isn’t going to get their grubby paws on my son. I don’t want your blood money. I want you out of my life.”
Pushing Dane away felt like shoving a dagger in her heart but she didn’t have a choice. She had a son to protect.
His expression bleak, he shook his head. “I’m not trying to take Nicky from you. No one will ever do that. I admit that I have a hard time trusting people. Women especially, but there are good reasons for that.” His shoulders slumped and he looked down at the floor. “I met you and I liked you right away. I liked Nicky and I wanted to spend more time with you. By the time I realized I cared I knew I needed to tell you the truth. I tried the night we had pizza at your house but you stopped me.”
Her gut churned with a burning acid. “So this is somehow my fault? Are you telling me you couldn’t find one moment since then to tell me who you were? Bullshit.”
Her voice had gone up and she quickly glanced at the half closed pocket door between the living room and bedroom. She waited a moment but didn’t hear a sound from Nicky. Thank God he was sleeping through this nightmare.
Dane looked up, their gazes clashing. “I could have found the right moment but by then I was terrified of losing you. I love you, Lily, and I was scared. I’ve never been in love before so it’s probably not a huge surprise that I’ve messed things up. I talked to Chris and Seb and they suggested taking you away somewhere to tell you.” He spread his arms with a flourish. “So here we are. The idea was that you couldn’t kick me out of your house. We’d have to stay together and hash this out.”
Her heart had skipped a beat when he’d said he loved her but then she remembered he was an asshole. He’d deliberately not told her who he was and now he wanted to buy and sweet talk his way out of the dog house. Screw that.
Picking up the envelope, she took a deep breath and shoved it back at him. “Take it. I don’t want a bribe. Nicky and I were doing fine before you came into our lives and we’ll be fine when you’re gone.”
Except that she’d been lonely most of the time. The lack of money hadn’t been her biggest issue. It had been the isolation and lack of emotional support.
He took the envelope from her fingers and tossed it onto her suitcase. “The money isn’t about me or you. It’s for raising Nicky. He’s entitled to it and the paperwork is already finished. The money is yours. You can spend it or ignore it. Your choice. And it’s definitely not a bribe. I know I can’t buy my way out of this, and just for your reference I’ve never tried that. I didn’t bribe my way out of basic training when I went into the Army and I didn’t try to buy my way out of Ranger training either.” He came closer and this time she didn’t move away. “I’m not Brandon. Don’t get the two of us confused.”
That would be impossible. Brandon had been completely self-absorbed, thinking only of himself and his needs. Dane on the other hand was always thinking of ways to make her or Nicky happy.
Wait…she needed time to think, and she couldn’t do that here.
“I need to get some air,” she said, pulling a pair of jeans from her suitcase and tugging them on. She stuffed the key card into her pocket and headed for the door. “I’m going to take a walk or something.”
Dane nodded but his expression was determined. “Fine, but I’ll still be here when you get back. This discussion isn’t over. I need to tell you why I have issues trusting. I hope when I do that you’ll be able to forgive me for not telling you the truth last week.”
She pulled open the door and didn’t look back. “I’m not sure there’s anything you could say that would make any difference. You lied, Dane. I trusted you and you abused that trust. Reasons don’t matter.”
Hurrying out the door before he could reply, she jogged down the hall to the elevator and then to the sidewalk that surrounded the property. She needed to be alone and think.
Had she made another huge mistake and trusted the wrong person?
Chapter Twelve
‡
“She went for a walk,” Dane told Chris. He’d called his best friend the minute Lily stomped out of the hotel room. “I’m in deep shit here. She doesn’t want to hear why I did it. Frankly, telling her my whole sordid childhood was about the only hope I had that she’d for
give me.”
“The point of taking her somewhere was so she couldn’t leave completely. She left her clothes, purse, and child with you. She’s coming back,” Chris replied calmly. “Hopefully she’ll be calmed down and you can talk to her when she returns. Unless of course she took your car keys—then she could be anywhere.”
A quick glance in the next room confirmed Nicky was still sleeping blissfully, unaware that the shit had hit the fan. Dane could only hope things would be worked out by the time the boy woke in the morning.
“My car keys are right here. She was just so hurt, so angry. I feel like such a jerk. Maybe I shouldn’t be forgiven.”
“Then you really don’t have any problems. When she comes back, admit you’re a bastard, offer to drive her home, and promise never to darken her door again.”
“I can’t do that. I love her,” Dane growled, ready to slam his phone down on the table. Chris was being a shit deliberately. “I should have called Seb.”
“You know as well as I do that Seb and Amanda are in New York for the weekend. Wait, hold on.” Dane heard Chris talking to someone but couldn’t understand the words. “Susie wants to talk to you.”
Sure, why shouldn’t everyone know how he’d fucked things up and then opine on it?
“Dane? It’s Susie. Listen, Lily’s angry and hurt right now and you’re doing the right thing giving her space. This is no time to push her because you want resolution. She needs to come to this in her own time. But she will. When she was at the party anyone could see that she absolutely adored you. So just be patient, okay?”
Dane’s heart lurched painfully in his chest. “I want to believe that, but the way she was looking at me when she left here…”
“If she didn’t care she wouldn’t be hurt,” Susie explained. “I could see it, Dane. I promise she’s crazy about you. Just let her vent a little.”
Easier said than done. If Nicky hadn’t been here Dane would have gone after Lily, but he didn’t want to leave the little boy alone.
Heaving a sigh, Dane scraped his fingers through his hair. “I’m not going after her no matter how much I want to. Nicky is here and I can’t leave him alone.”
There was a chuckle on the other end of the line and Dane’s jaw tightened in anger. Susie was laughing at him?
“Then you really have nothing to worry about. Dane, stop and think for a minute. She left the most precious thing in her life in your care. She trusts you with her son. Her son,” Susie emphasized. “She might be pissed off but she won’t hate you forever. Eventually she’ll remember all the good things. We women are known for that.”
Susie sounded pretty smug but Dane didn’t mind. She’d made a damn good point. Lily had walked out knowing Dane would take care of Nicky no matter what happened.
She trusted him even if she didn’t realize it.
*
Lily had taken a couple of power-walking laps around the hotel grounds and now covered in sweat and exhausted she threw herself down on a pool lounge chair. Still confused, she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, staring into the still blue water of the deserted pool. Dane Braxton was a total asshole. Completely. A jerk. A bastard. She wanted to scream and yell at him, maybe throw something at his head.
And then not be mad anymore.
Because shouting and throwing crap wasn’t really her style. Being mad at someone from here to eternity wasn’t really either. She’d forgiven Brandon after all, and he’d run out on his son. Dane wanted to give her money to raise Nicky. He’d just gone about it all the wrong way.
She couldn’t even imagine what had been going through his mind when he’d decided that hiding his identity was a good idea. He was an intelligent man. Was he simply stupid when it came to people?
Trying to see it from his point of view wasn’t easy. She’d never been rich but she supposed he would want to make sure she wasn’t going to take his million bucks and blow it on greyhound races or a male gigolo. But she sure as hell wasn’t the gambling or playgirl type. Especially at the expense of her toddler son.
But he didn’t know that.
Until the day she’d met him in the park he hadn’t known anything at all about her and Nicky. At least he’d taken the time to get to know them.
No. He should have trusted me. I’m a good person.
She hadn’t trusted him right off the bat. She’d made the man come to the park five times a week for a month before she’d even go out on a date with him. And then they did and they’d had a great time. Even today at the Magic Kingdom he’d been sweet and kind to Nicky, indulgent but careful to not spoil him.
But he lied.
She groaned and rubbed her temples, her head aching from thinking too much. She tried to picture how the meeting would have gone if he had introduced himself as Brandon’s cousin right at the beginning. It wouldn’t have gone well. She would have been suspicious and a little hostile. She might not have even listened to what he had to say.
Like tonight.
Wearily, she stood up and walked back to the room. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet but she wasn’t all that angry either. Mostly she was sad and disappointed. He said he had reasons for what he’d done but she couldn’t think of what they might be and she didn’t know how they were going to get past this.
But she wanted to, and wasn’t that the first step? If he had a good reason she wanted to hear it.
When she opened the hotel room door, Dane leaped up from the bed but she held up her hand and shook her head. “I need some rest. We’ll talk later.”
He nodded, circles under his eyes and a gray pallor to his features. She didn’t have to wonder if he was suffering as much as she was. It was some comfort but not enough. Not yet. Kicking off her shoes, she climbed into the fold-out bed and curled up next to Nicky, breathing in the comforting scent of her son, a mixture of baby shampoo and the ketchup he’d eaten on his fries.
He was what was real and important. As long as she concentrated on what was best for him everything would be okay.
Chapter Thirteen
‡
Dane must have fallen asleep at some point. He felt a hand on his shoulder and voice saying his name, their breath warm in his ear. Dragging his arm across his eyes, he saw Lily sitting on the bed and the nightstand lamp set on low.
“What time is it?” His voice sounded rough and still full of sleep. He was surprised that he’d fallen asleep at all, but then they’d been on the run all day long and he’d been exhausted.
“Three in the morning. I’m ready to talk now if you are.”
Instantly awake, he sat up in the bed and nodded. “I’d like that. I want to start off by saying I’m sorry.”
Don’t mess this up.
She didn’t respond for a moment, just sat there gazing solemnly at him, giving him no clue as to her thoughts. “What exactly are you sorry for?”
“For generally being a jerk. For lying by omission when we met. For not telling you the truth before we went to bed together. Pretty much everything.”
“Are you sorry for making love to me?” she challenged.
“No,” he responded quickly. “I’m glad we did. I’m not sorry about falling in love with you either.”
Say you love me too. Say it, baby.
“You said you’ve never been in love before. I find that hard to believe.”
If you knew why…
“It’s true,” he said quietly. “I’ve never even been close. Hell, I didn’t even respect women all that much until I met you.”
He cursed inwardly as her mouth fell open in shock. Maybe he shouldn’t have been that blunt but it was the truth.
“You didn’t respect half the population of the earth? What did womankind do to deserve that kind of disdain?”
She’d given him the opening and he was going to take it.
“Abandoned me for money,” he said, watching her expression carefully. If a man’s own mother didn’t love him could he expect anyone else to? “My mother
married my father for wealth. She liked being Mrs. Braxton, wearing jewels, and having staff to do her bidding. When the marriage went south he used money as a means to keep her from seeing me. They’ve used me as a pawn in their war for years.”
“I don’t understand. How could your father use money to keep her from you? She was your mother.”
Lily looked genuinely perplexed, which wasn’t surprising. She loved little Nicky and would die for him. Dane’s mother? She looked at life completely differently.
Levering from the bed, Dane stood and paced the small room, needing to move to assuage the pain that had taken root deep inside. “My father had to support my mother. That was a given but he’d promise her a lot more money if she stayed away from me. She was happy to oblige. She once admitted to me the only reason she got pregnant in the first place was ‘insurance’, as she put it. She said once she’d given him a Braxton heir he would have to take care of her for the rest of her life, no matter what she did.”
He heard Lily’s sucked-in breath. “She told you that?”
“When I was on leave from the Army a few years back. Said I was old enough to understand.” Dane couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. “My mother never loved me. I was a means to an end. Period.”
Lily came to stand beside him, her hand on his arm and her forehead still wrinkled in confusion. “I guess I’m just not getting this. Why would your father pay her to stay away? Did he think she would harm you?”
Dane smiled cynically at the suggestion that Clive Braxton gave a shit whether his wife would hurt his son. He cared only for money and the making of it.
“He did it to control her. He enjoys controlling people. All people, if he can get away with it. Mother had to dance to his tune if she wanted her generous payouts. The fact is I barely saw either one of them when I was growing up. I was raised by a long line of nannies, chauffeurs, and tutors. And thank God for that or I might have turned out like them. I consider that I’ve had a lucky escape.”
Caviar and Covert Ops: Book 3 (Military Moguls) Page 9