by A. M. Hardin
I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m not though. Not really. I’m a job to all of you. That doesn’t mean you all need to know everything regarding me or what’s going on with me.”
His hand moves to my nape and he grips the hair there, tilting my head back. “That’s nothing but bullshit. I know it and you know it.”
I grit my teeth. “I can’t. . . no, I won’t tell you guys everything. That isn’t bullshit, Maxwell. That’s the truth. I have no intention of staying in Faerie any longer than I need to. Once I’m gone, you all will go back to your lives as you have before I entered them. I am nothing to you. The sooner you realize that, the easier it will be to let me go.”
He glares at me while the grinding of his teeth is the only sound in the room. “Has it ever occurred to you to ask us for help?” he finally asks.
“No, because I didn’t know or trust you guys. Yes, I knew and trusted Levi years ago, but a lot can change in six years, Maxwell.”
“What about now?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
He inches closer so only a breath separates us. “Do you trust us now?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say no. I should say no. Instead of answering, I close the distance between us and kiss him. He stiffens for a moment before he takes control of the kiss, his hand cupping the back of my neck.
I don’t really know what happened, it’s like my body took over before my mind could catch up. But now that I’m kissing him, I don’t want to stop.
His hand grips my hair and pulls me away all too soon. I stare at him, my mind in a daze. “What?”
“You shouldn’t have done that,” he growls, narrowing his eyes at me.
Well, too late for that now.
“I can take care of myself, Maxwell. Please leave me to sleep,” I say tiredly. Maybe that kiss worked in my favor. Hopefully it spooked him and now he wants to stay the hell away from me. “I don’t need a guard in my room.”
“Stop being stubborn,” he mutters as he stands. “Your pride is going to get you killed.”
I smirk at him. “It hasn’t killed me yet. I doubt it’ll kill me anytime soon. Now, please, leave me be.”
He stares at me, not moving from where he’s standing beside the bed.
I glare at him. “I can make you leave the room, Maxwell. Don’t make me do it. I’ll shout if I need any of you.”
His teeth grind loud enough so I can hear it again. “As you wish, princess.”
He turns and stalks out of my room, his body tense. I don’t doubt that they’ll send one of the others back in here at some point while I’m asleep.
I frown and put my fingers to my lips. It was a bitchy thing to do, admittedly. Kiss him, then act like it didn’t happen and kick him out of my room.
Looking out the window, I sigh. This shit is getting more and more complicated. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Chapter Twenty-One
Crystal
“Crystal are you even listening to me?” my mother asks haughtily.
“Hm?” I look up from my plate and frown at her. “Sorry. What was that?”
My mother scoffs. “Honestly, child. Listen when you are spoken to. You know better than to space out like that.”
I glance down at my plate again and go back to moving my food around. “I apologize, mother. I’m not feeling well this morning.”
She purses her lips. “As I was saying, today you’ll be showing the prince around and spending some time together. It has all been arranged. Your guards will be unavailable during this time; however, the prince has assured us that you’ll be well guarded. Isn’t that right, Julian?”
Julian nods from beside me. “Of course. I will make sure nothing will happen to Crystal. I’ll have two of my own guards with us as an added precaution.”
“My hero,” I grumble quietly as I push my eggs across my plate.
My mother sighs. “If you’re not going to eat, the least you could do is not play with your food, Crystal.”
I pause, then drop my fork onto my plate. “May I be excused?”
I don’t bother waiting for an answer before I push out of my chair. Pausing before I move away from the table, I look at the prince. “I’ll meet you in an hour, if that’s okay.”
His green eyes study me, a worried glint in them. “Of course. I’ll see you in an hour.”
I give him a quick nod, then leave the room without looking at anyone else. I hear my guards behind me, keeping a respectable distance away, but still close enough if I need them.
I go to my room and ignoring the guards, grab a change of clothes before moving to the attached bathroom. “I’ll be out in a bit,” I mutter to them.
Drawing a bath, I get undressed while staring into the water. Why am I so out of it today?
I feel different, but not necessarily in a bad way. I just feel. . . off. It’s a bit disconcerting with how numb I’m feeling right now. After everything that’s happened since we’ve arrived here for me to suddenly shut down like this? I don’t get it. It’s happened before, but not like this.
Is it the calm before the storm?
I ponder this for a while, not paying attention to the water level, instead just staring at the water in a daze. Water trickles over the edge of the tub, pulling me out of my own head.
“Shit,” I mutter as I turn the water off. “Fucking idiot.” I reach into the tub and unplug it to let some of the water drain out before I put the plug back. Straightening, I walk to the cabinet underneath the sink and toss a few towels over the floor to soak up the water.
Leaving the towels on the floor, I climb into the tub, thankful that it won’t overflow again.
I spend the time in the tub, trying to shake myself out of this funk I’m in.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work. I’ve done this song and dance before. However, I won’t be able to get out of this funk right now.
Climbing out, I pull the plug, dry myself off, and quickly get dressed.
Entering my bedroom, I see Jade and Celeste, alone and looking worried.
“Where are my guards?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at them.
“Ezra came and told us that you’re acting weird,” Celeste starts.
“They thought we could help because we know you better than they do. They’re outside the door, most likely listening in on us,” Jade finishes.
I frown at Celeste.
She simply shrugs. “They’re worried about you, Crystal. That’s not a bad thing.”
Translation: “No, I’m not making the room soundproof.”
Sighing heavily, I plop on my bed and rub my face with both hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
That’s only kind of a lie. It hasn’t been this bad since I left here the first time. I do know—now that I’ve had time to think about it more in depth while in the tub—there’s just nothing that I can do about it while we’re here.
“When’s the last time this happened?” Celeste asks gently.
“You know when,” I mutter. I drop my hands and stare at the wall. “It was shortly after I ended things with Quincy.”
“Then do what you did last time,” Jade suggests, being careful with her words since we’re most likely being spied on.
I snort. “I can’t. Not here. Not now.”
“Fighting hasn’t been helping,” Celeste says softly. “You should have been at least a little better after the fight with Miranda. It seems like it just got worse. You didn’t get any relief. If you don’t get some sort of reprieve from this—” she stops.
She doesn’t need to say anymore.
If I can’t get a grip on my powers, I’m fucked. Everyone would be, honestly.
“I won’t be able to shield myself,” I admit, my voice almost desperate. Pleading.
“It’s that bad already?” Jade asks, her eyes wide.
I nod miserably. My grip on a majority of my powers are semi-fine. However, my mental shields are almost completely shot to s
hit. I managed to shield enough from Maxwell last night that when we kissed I didn’t get anything, but that’s not likely to happen again until I do what they’re suggesting. I realized while in the tub just how bad my shields were becoming.
“You’re stressed and not feeling safe because you’re back here.” Jade sighs. “Which is totally normal.” She falls silent for a moment, her expression thoughtful. “Maybe you could tell your guar—”
“No!” I snap. The balcony doors slam open, banging hard against the wall. Jade and Celeste eye me warily. “No one. No one here can know,” I mutter, my expression and tone apologetic. “I don’t want them to know.”
“Alright, so we don’t tell them,” Celeste says after a few beats of silence. “Something has to give though.”
“I know. I’m working on it,” I promise them. “I’ll figure something out.”
Celeste and jade smile at me. “We’ll do what we can to make this easier on you,” Celeste says.
“I’ll come by tonight before we all go to bed and I should have something that can help. At least for the time being. Until we can get back home.”
“Thanks Jade.” I get off my bed and give them both a hug. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”
“You’ll never have to find out,” Celeste swears.
We walk out of my room and I can’t help but laugh a little at the sheepish looks on Ezra and Levi’s faces. Maxwell stares unapologetically at me, his eyes calculating.
He’s probably trying to decode what we were talking about.
Levi clears his throat, drawing my attention. “We’ll be escorting you to prince Julian. He and his guards have assured us that you will be well taken care of.”
“Where will you three be?” I ask.
“The king and queen wish to see us. They didn’t tell us what for. We will meet up with you when we are done.”
None of them look happy about needing to trust my safety to outsiders. “Alright,” I say slowly. “If you’re sure.”
They all give me a brisk nod, but they can’t hide the worry that I can clearly see in their eyes.
Levi gestures for me to walk ahead of him. “You’ll be late if we don’t go now, Crystal.”
“Right.” I turn to my friends. “I’ll see you guys later.”
“Be safe, Crys,” Celeste says.
“I’ll see you tonight.” They both give me a supportive smile then walk off in the opposite direction.
I stare after them for a moment, then at another gentle reminder from Levi that we need to go, I follow my guards.
“Where are we meeting Julian?” I ask, suddenly realizing that we had never picked a meeting place.
“The doors to the courtyard,” Ezra says as we walk. “We’re dropping you off with him, then heading to your parents immediately after.”
“Alright,” I mutter, glancing at the paintings on the wall without really seeing them.
It doesn’t take us long to get to the prince and his guards. All three of them turn to watch as we approach. Julian flashes a smile at me before looking at Levi.
“Captain,” he greets with a small nod.
“Your highness,” Levi replies before turning to me. “This is where we part for now, princess.”
I glare at him causing him to smirk. “Asshole,” I say without any heat. “Go away. Take care of what you all need to take care of.”
Julian, Levi, Ezra, and Maxwell all laugh, while Julian’s guards stay completely stone faced. Well, Maxwell chuckles, but it still counts as a laugh in my book, damn it.
“Take care of her,” Levi tells Julian and his men. All three of them nod. My guards each glance at me once more then take off for my parent’s study.
“How are you feeling?” Julian asks as we walk out the doors to the courtyard.
“Fine,” I answer immediately.
Julian frowns at me. “Why don’t I believe you?”
I smirk at him, meeting his eyes. “Because you’re paranoid as hell?”
“Be honest, Crystal,” he says pointedly, not amused at all. “How are you feeling?”
I look away, unable to handle the intensity of his stare anymore. “Why do you care?” I find myself asking quietly.
“Pardon?” he asks, sounding offended.
I stop walking and meet his eyes again. “Why do you care? I mean, this is only supposed to be a business arrangement. Emotions don’t play a part in politics. Yet, you seem to genuinely care about how I’m feeling. You don’t even know me.”
He studies my face for a long time before finally he cups my cheek with his hand. I tense, doing my best to shield myself from flashes of his life, but it’s not enough.
A young Julian runs in the forest, exhilaration bursting through him as he and his friends play.
“To be honest, I wanted to hate you for this arrangement. I’m ready to settle down and have a family but I didn’t want it to work. I didn’t like your sister, and I was so sure you’d be the same as her. Greedy, attention seeking, selfish. The people around here don’t see you that way, though. I was positive they were mistaken, and you would be like her double. After all, what kind of princess leaves not only their kingdom, but their very realm if she wasn’t a spoiled, selfish brat?”
I immediately open my mouth to snap at him, but he shakes his head and I close my mouth. My curiosity winning over my desire to defend my actions. I mentally curse as another flash enters my mind.
A toddler Julian skinning his knee after tripping over a rock. He cries until his nanny assures him that he’s okay.
“After you arrived, the entire kingdom’s energy seemed to change. While you’re looked down on by a lot for supposedly having no power, there are a great many others that adore you. The air of the kingdom has been happier since your return. Things are tense between your family, true. I don’t know if that’s because they look down on you though. I haven’t quite figured out what it is.”
“This is all fascinating,” I say dryly, “but it doesn’t explain why you give a shit.”
His lips curve, his eyes flashing with amusement. “So impatient.”
“Always have been,” I respond truthfully.
“As I was saying, after I met you, after seeing you at dinner that first night—defiant while also doing your best to not be disrespectful—it brought out things I haven’t felt or thought in many years. For the longest time the only thing I’ve cared about was my family and my kingdom.”
His thumb brushes against my cheek causing another flash.
Julian as a teenager, anger burning in his veins as he trains. The anger pours into me as if it’s my own.
“Then you showed up, and it was almost like you took priority over everything else. I don’t know what it is about you that draws those feelings to the surface. At first I fought them, but the more time I spent with and around you, the more drawn I am to you. The more protective I feel of you. Your safety and happiness have become important to me and I’d be lying if I told you otherwise.”
“I’m still not hearing a why in there, Julian,” I whisper, still getting small flashes but nothing with much context. “And I’d be lying if I said I understood the reason that you’re telling me all of this.”
“You’re a bit of a bitch,” he says bluntly. I raise an eyebrow imperiously at him. His mouth quirks into a grin. “You are, you’re proud of it, and if you try to deny it, you’d be lying to yourself. But you’re also strong, beautiful, and caring. You treat everyone equally unless they’ve pissed you off or done you wrong. There’s a vulnerability in you that is hidden behind several walls of pure steel. All of that is why I care, Crystal. You may not be the first born, but you were born to rule. I stopped fighting this engagement when I realized that. You may feel nothing for me right now, but I’m hoping with time that will change.”
As soon as those words penetrate, I look down for a while, stunned speechless. I was not expecting that much honesty from him. I mean, he’s a damn prince. Politics are drilled
into us from the moment we’re born. Emotions like love and even like aren’t in the cards for those in a position of power.
Thinking about that, I decide that he deserves to hear some honesty from me as well. “I don’t feel nothing for you,” I mutter, my cheeks heating as I meet his eyes. “I’m just not exactly sure what it is that I feel.”
His eyes flare with shock before quickly being followed by a gleaming intensity. He lowers his head slowly, giving me plenty of time to back away, but I don’t. My heart hammers in my chest as my mind races. I should pull away. I really should. The thing is . . . I don’t want to.
Our lips touch in a gentle, almost testing kiss. Feeling me respond to his initial kiss, he moves closer, wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me against his body. His other hand moves from my cheek to cup the back of my head as the kiss deepens.
His tongue brushes against mine and soon enough I’m clutching his arms as the kiss intensifies. Even though his guards are most likely watching, a soft moan leaves me as my body is pressed tighter against him.
Julian breaks the kiss, pulling back, but keeping me firmly in his arms. Our breaths come in pants and I bite my lip as I try to calm my racing heart.
What the hell am I doing?
I step out of his arms, grateful for the reprieve of momentary flashes from his life. He frowns a little, but he doesn’t question my actions.
I wrap my arms around myself and glance to the trees several hundred yards away as they sway in the wind. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I say, echoing Maxwell’s words from last night after I kissed him.
I see his fist clench at his side in my peripherals. “You had plenty of time to pull away, Crystal. Why didn’t you?”
I glare at him, not liking that I don’t have a good enough excuse for the kiss happening. “I don’t know,” I lie.
Shockingly, he doesn’t call me on my lie. Instead he simply sighs, his body relaxing. “I hope one day you will come to the realization that you don’t have to hide anything from me. You never have to lie to me. I’m not your family. I won’t do everything in my power to cut you down, despite what I’m sure your family believes of dark fae.”