by Abbey North
“I see.” She tipped her head to examine him critically. “And do you wish to have the same privilege to use Lizzy, Will?”
His lips tilted in a small smile. “It would please me to have your agreement, Miss Bennet.”
“In that case, you shall have it. You have my permission to use Lizzy, and I shall endeavor to call you Will, at least when we have moments alone.” There would be few of those until their wedding. Her reputation was already ruined, and his was temporarily tarnished, but that would buy them no leniency when it came to customs of society.
His expression warmed slightly. “Lizzy.” He seemed to be testing the name on his tongue. Apparently, he liked how it sounded or felt, because he nodded. “Yes, you are indeed a Lizzy. Elizabeth is much too formal.”
She warmed to the praise, feeling that fluttering in her stomach again. “I daresay, Will seems far too casual for a man such as yourself, Mr. Darcy.”
He frowned.
“Will,” she corrected. “Fitzwilliam suits you, so I was surprised to hear you prefer the diminutive Will.”
He smiled. “There too many Fitzwilliams in my family, and my mother always called me Will. It has been my long-preferred name among close acquaintances.”
“Perhaps I will see some Will in you yet then.” So far, he still seemed like the stiff Fitzwilliam Darcy she had known since the first night of the Assembly ball.
“I should very much like to see Lizzy as well. You are as yet Miss Bennet, despite the slight increments we have made this day. You keep me at a distance, and I hope we can move past that before our nuptials.”
She grimaced at Darcy’s blatant assessment, disconcerted he could read her that well. “I confess to some awkwardness in the situation. I scarcely know how to behave, or even how to contemplate the idea that I will soon be wed to you, and that my life will move from here to Pemberley.”
“I shall endeavor to make the transition as easy as possible for you, Lizzy.” He covered her hand on his arm briefly, squeezing lightly before returning that arm to his side.
That small gesture warmed her, and her stomach fluttered once more. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, and she had the strangest compulsion to stop their walk and lift her mouth to his, to see what her future husband tasted like. The thought scandalized her, and her cheeks flushed.
Darcy frowned her. “Are you well, Lizzy? You are suddenly flushed and breathing laboriously.”
Her gaze darted around, and she struggled to steady her breath. “I suppose it was just a momentary reaction.” She didn’t bother to explain to what, and he was kind enough not to ask.
As they continued walking, he said, “Charles is returning to Netherfield in the coming days.”
She had a mixed reaction to that, relieved for her sister, yet reluctant to see Caroline Bingley again. “It will be lovely to see the Bingleys once more.” There was a slightly wooden note to her tone that she hoped he did not notice.
“Miss Caroline is currently touring the continent with one of her aunts. She will not be joining us at Netherfield this visit.” There was a strange note in his voice that caught her attention.
“Is this Miss Bingley’s choice?” How she had the audacity to ask, Lizzy couldn’t guess.
He stopped walking, turning to face her. He was scowling softly, but it was quickly obvious the expression was not meant for her. “I would never reveal this in passing, for I am not a gossip, but it seems important for you to know, since we are to wed.”
When he fell silent, she prompted, “Know what, Mr…Will?”
His frown deepened, and he appeared genuinely distressed. “Miss Caroline tried to arrange a situation where I would be forced to offer for her hand the last time I visited the Bingleys in London. It failed, partly due to Charles’s perception of what was about to happen. He interrupted before she could do anything that would force my hand, and she fled to her aunt’s house afterward. She is likely recovering from the humiliation of the experience.” He appeared humiliated as well, judging by the flush on his cheeks.
Lizzy could hardly pretend to be surprised Caroline would stoop to such machinations after having seen her in action before with poor Jane. Instead, she simply said, “Oh.”
Darcy nodded briskly. “Indeed. I do not expect to see her back in my social circle for at least several months.”
Lizzy allowed herself to feel full relief then. Charles was returning, and Caroline was banished, at least for now. By the time the other woman returned, Lizzy would be safely ensconced at Pemberley as Darcy’s wife and mistress of the manor. That thought was nerve-racking, but she was happy not to have to deal with Caroline Bingley while she acclimated.
They resumed walking, and Lizzy felt him out when she said, “My sister will be relieved to see Mr. Bingley again. Her love for him has not wavered.”
He stiffened slightly, but he did not respond or debate. He simply nodded. Then he changed the subject slightly. “Charles has informed me he plans to hold a ball shortly after his return. He has tasked Georgiana and his staff with overseeing most of the preparations. If it is agreeable to you, I believe that would be a good time to announce our engagement.”
Lizzy stumbled, though there was nothing in her path. If not for Mr. Darcy, she would have fallen on her face. He steadied her for a moment, his arm going around her waist. As their bodies made fuller contact, it sent a shivery sensation through her as her stomach clenched and fluttered at the same time.
She looked up at him, her mouth in an “O” of surprise as their gazes locked. His head appeared to be descending, and her stomach tightened further when she realized she was about to get her first kiss.
“Lizzy, Mr. Darcy, are you going to catch up?” called Fanny a slight distance away.
“Of course, Mrs. Bennet,” called Darcy in return. He looked away from Lizzy, and then he quickly stepped back from her, once more offering his arm. “Do you agree that would be a good time for the announcement, Miss Bennet?”
They were back to Miss Bennet and Mr. Darcy, apparently due to having shortened the distance between themselves and her family. “I believe it would be an acceptable time, Mr. Darcy.” She trembled for just a moment, imagining standing before her friends, family, and acquaintances to announce she was marrying Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Once the words were uttered and it was public, there would be no going back without great ruination. Not that there was a chance of going back as it were. She nodded her head firmly. “Yes, that is perfect timing, Mr. Darcy.”
* * *
That night, while preparing for bed, she looked up from the mirror to see Jane watching her with a pensive expression. “What?”
Jane shrugged. “I suppose I was looking for signs of happiness, or at least acceptance. Have you resigned yourself to your fate?” There was a hint of teasing in her sister’s tone, though her eyes remained serious.
Lizzy rolled her eyes as she set aside the brush before moving from the vanity to her own bed. She slipped off her night rail before climbing under the covers. A warm water bottle awaited, and she snuggled closer to it. “I suppose I have accepted it. Perhaps I can even find some happiness or joy in the idea at some point. Mr. Darcy might not be quite as boorish, inflexible, and offensive as I deemed him to be upon first acquaintance.”
“Damned by faint praise,” said Jane with a twitch of her lips.
“Such language,” admonished Lizzy, but with a giggle. “I do not have to look hard at all to find signs of joy at the news Mr. Bingley is returning to Netherfield.”
Jane flushed in a most becoming manner. “Indeed. I am quite excited by the turn of events. Is it true that Miss Bingley will not be coming along?”
“That is what I heard from Mr. Darcy. I assume he would know. I am as yet unclear if the Hursts will be returning, but at least Miss Bingley is safely away touring the continent, and we shall not have to endure her.”
Jane chuckled, though she looked a little guilty. “I should not be so uncharitable as to enjoy her lack
of presence at Netherfield.”
Lizzy scoffed. “Should anyone deserve to enjoy another’s misery, it is you, dear sister. Miss Bingley manipulated you and interfered with you and Mr. Bingley finding happiness. She deserves what comes to her.” Lizzy winced as she realized the same could be said about Mr. Darcy.
Once again, it reminded her of the uncomfortable situation in which she found herself, betrothed to the man who had helped break Jane’s heart, though that had not been his goal. She reminded herself he had been trying to protect Charles, which was admirable, if unnecessary. Caroline had simply been trying to keep them apart because she deemed Jane unworthy. There was a difference between the two, and she had to focus on that if she was going to find happiness with Darcy.
“Jane?”
“Yes, Lizzy?”
She sighed. “Do you believe it possible to fall in love with someone within a month’s time, especially if you cannot see them every day?”
Jane nodded, wearing a dreamy expression. “I absolutely do. I fell in love with Mr. Bingley the first night of the Assembly ball.”
“You crazy romantic. I thought it must have been at least the second time you saw him,” teased Lizzy.
Jane laughed, but there was a knowing in her chuckle, something that suggested an understanding Lizzy had not yet reached. “Tease me as you wish, dear sister, but I believe love can happen in an instant.”
“I do not believe I shall be so lucky as you, Jane.” She felt melancholy as Jane blew out the lamp a moment later, and darkness descended. Sleep was a long time coming.
3
As was her habit, Lizzy rose early the next morning despite the lack of a satisfying night’s sleep, dressing quickly so she could enjoy a morning walk before breakfast. When she departed the house, she deliberately moved in the direction of Netherfield. There was perhaps more to her morning walk than she would admit even to herself as she headed that way.
Only when she saw Darcy on the path ahead of her did she allow herself to admit she had wanted to see him this morning. They had made no plans to walk together, yet here they were.
He paused as she approached, and she stopped a few feet away. “Good morning, Mr. Darcy.”
“Will,” he said, a slight hint of roughness in his tone.
“Will,” she repeated. “It is a lovely morning for a walk.”
“The weather is dour, and the air is ripe with rain.” He glanced up the gray clouds above them.
Lizzy shivered slightly as a cold wind blew past them, chilling her even through her spencer coat. “Perhaps it is not the best day for walking.”
“Yet I could not keep from leaving the house and heading this direction. I had hoped we would run into each other, Lizzy.”
She shivered at the husky note in his voice before glancing at his stallion, which he was walking rather than riding. “Do you often take your horse for a walk?” She kept her tone lighthearted.
“I started out riding Goliath, but I felt compelled to walk.” He lowered his tone slightly, in a confessional-style. “I was covering too much ground too quickly on horseback. I wanted my walk to linger.” He left unspoken, though she understood, that he was looking for her.
She flushed with pleasure as she moved closer to the horse, which allowed her to stand near Darcy without touching him inappropriately. She lifted a hand to caress the black stallion’s fuzzy nose. “He is a handsome fellow.”
“He is prideful and stubborn. He reminds me of someone else.” He slanted her a glance as his lips tipped upward.
She gasped. “Surely you do not imply me, Will?”
His eyes widened at her words, probably reacting more to her affronted tone. “I meant no offense—”
She giggled before saying, “Your face is priceless, Mr. Darc…Will. I was only teasing. I am aware those faults lie in myself, and I freely admit I do not expect them to ever be completely tamed.”
Was she issuing a warning to the man who would be her husband? Lizzy decided she was. She knew some changes would be expected, and others were likely to organically occur just from her shift in circumstances, but she would never be a perfect, dutiful wife. He’d best realize that now.
“I referred to myself as being prideful and stubborn, not you.” His hand brushed against hers as he also petted the horse, except on the cheek instead of the nose. “I am content with the woman you are, and I seek no changes.”
“Thank you. I do not wish to change you either, sir.” Oddly, she meant that, though she would not object to him finding ways to subdue his pride and obstinance. She patted the horse once more before letting her hand fall to her side. “He really is magnificent. I would be scared to death to get on his back though.”
Darcy frowned. “Goliath is well-trained. Why does he seem frightening?”
“He is so big, and I am not a horsewoman. We do not really have riding horses on the farm. There are plow horses the others ride sometimes, but they intimidate me as well.”
He frowned. As he glanced at her, he looked genuinely surprised. “I had not thought you had any fears, Lizzy. You seem intrepid.”
She flushed at the praise, though she knew he was wrong. “I assure you, I have fears, and riding horses ranks among them.”
He nodded decisively. “You must ride him.”
She shook her head. “Thank you for the offer, but I would do poorly, and I do not wish to force such a proud creature to convey me. I am quite pathetic on horseback.”
“I am right here to steady you. Do you trust me, Lizzy?”
It was a loaded question, and she could scarcely hesitate. If she did, he would assume the answer was no. That could hardly foster more trust or development of feelings between them. Instead, she replied as quickly as possible, “Yes, but I am still afraid.”
“I acknowledge your fear, but I promise no harm will come to you. Would you like to ride Goliath?”
It seemed like a mistake, but she found herself nodding. After that, Darcy lifted her as though she weighed nothing, setting her on the saddle. It was somewhat uncomfortable in that position, since he used a regular saddle rather than a sidesaddle, but she was still sitting on it sideways. “I do not know about this, Will.”
“I shall be right beside you. I will take the reins if you hold the horn.”
She did as he instructed, clinging to the bit of leather with all her might. Her thighs clenched, and her buttocks were tense on the saddle as he compelled the horse to start walking forward slowly. Even though he was leading the horse, he still managed to stay roughly beside her as they walked, and it was briefly a nice ride, until Lizzy started to slide off the saddle.
She squealed, which made the horse flinch, and that caused her to let go before she could think better of it. She fell with a cry, but before she collided with the ground, strong arms wrapped around her, holding her against him.
Lizzy gasped at the contact of her body pressed against his. Mr. Darcy appeared muscular and firm, and she already knew he was tall and handsome. For the first time, she realized there would come a time when they would have nothing between them.
They would be intimate as husband and wife. Rather than be afraid, she longed fiercely to explore him in that moment. She lifted her head, licking her lips as her gaze met his. For a moment, she thought he would lower his head.
Instead, with a pained groan, he lowered her to the ground. His gaze had darkened, and he was clearly experiencing desire, but he stepped back, helping her smooth her jacket. “I apologize for the ride ending so abruptly, Lizzy.”
She grinned. “I stayed on longer than I expected.”
“If it is your wish, I shall endeavor to make a horsewoman of you once you move to Pemberley.”
She inclined her head. “I would very much like to learn how to ride him.” Her face flushed as she realized it wasn’t just the horse to which she referred. She wasn’t entirely clear about what happened between husband and wife, but she found herself anticipating the night she would learn. Could they build a
strong foundation for their marriage on mutual passion if love did not develop before their wedding?
They resumed walking, heading back in the direction of Longbourn. As they walked, she licked her lips, her thoughts heavy.
“What is on your mind, Lizzy? Something seems to be weighing you down, so I entreat you to speak of it.”
“I suppose I was thinking about a question I asked my sister last night.”
He paused, and the horse stopped immediately as well. His gaze met hers as he turned slightly to face her. “What question?”
“I asked her if it was possible to fall in love within a month.” She looked away from him, cheeks flushed. Surely, he must guess why she’d asked such a thing.
“What did Miss Bennet say?” He seemed to be holding his breath. He was certainly tense.
“She said she fell in love in one night.” Lizzy looked at him again. “That is pure nonsense, is it not, Mr. Darcy?”
He didn’t remind her to use the diminutive for his first name instead of his surname. He seemed solemn when he shrugged. “I suppose it is different for everyone.”
She summoned some courage. “Do you believe it is possible to fall in love within a month?”
“Undoubtedly.” His husky tone and sincere expression left no room for doubt that he believed what he said.
He could only be speaking of her, couldn’t he? She wanted to ask if he loved her still, but she had not enough courage to broach that topic yet. Instead, she changed the focus of conversation to something lighthearted, and they completed their walk with false easiness, though she was aware of unspoken tension between them as they returned to Longbourn.
4
Mr. Bingley’s staff and Georgiana had certainly gone all out just, just like the last time Netherfield hosted a ball. As Lizzy stepped inside with her parents and sisters, she only hoped her mother would be less indiscreet this time. Of course, she had not asked Fanny to rein in her impulsive statements, or to avoid discussing rich husbands, for fear it would only provoke her mother to deliberately do so.