“Okay,” he agreed, still sounding like he was unsure. “I’ll call you on Christmas, okay?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
There was an entirely too long pause and I pulled the phone away from my ear, seeing that were still connected. I put the phone back to my ear, and could hear Jake’s faint breathing. “Jake?”
“Sorry,” he said, sounding nervous. “I was going to say…never mind. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” Then there was the sound of silence and I knew the conversation was over. I stared at my phone a moment as if it were going to explain Jake’s behavior.
Christmas was uneventful and the usual affair. We all piled into diner: me, Luke, Iris, Dave, his wife and three kids, Oliver and Cassandra-who seemed to be spending more and more time with each other-Frank, Diane and Robert, even Chris and Mitch managed to make it. Luke cooked and yelled things through the pick-up window and Iris got silly drunk and started singing Christmas carols at the top of her lungs. Gifts were exchanged and I got a seriously good haul.
Jake called as promised and, because most of my family was drunk, they all insisted on talking to him. The phone was passed around the room and by the time it made it back, he sounded tired and promised to call me the next day.
I drove to his house the day he was schedule to come home, a few days after the New Year. I had offered to pick him up from the airport but he had laughed and said a driver was arranged, making me feel only slightly foolish. Instead, I promised to be there at his house, waiting for him. I had worn a special outfit for the occasion. Even though I probably wouldn’t be admitting it out loud to anyone, I had missed Jake. I had missed the way he made me laugh and the way he made me feel when we were between the sheets. I wanted to make sure that when he walked in the door, he would remember. I had bought a form fitting navy blue halter-top and a short, loose black skirt.
I was flipping through the pages of a new book that hadn’t quite caught my attention yet when I heard the front door swing open and then slam shut. I tossed the book aside, watching it slide across the leather couch and fall to floor. I rolled my eyes and stood up just as Jake walked into the room. His smile grew wide when he saw me, his eyes traveling up and down my body, looking pleased. I couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied.
“Hi,” I started to say, before he crossed the room and lifted me up in his arms and pressed his lips against mine. We stayed like that for a few moments before we both had to pull away to breathe. “Well, its nice to see you too.”
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Jake said, breathing heavily, his hands pulling at the hem of my shirt. I was distracted for a moment as he lifted it swiftly above my head.
“Jake…”
“Come here,” he said, pressing his hands into my bare back, his fingers expertly unsnapping my bra clasp and pulling me towards the couch. “This couch looks incredibly comfortable.”
I smiled as the bra fell to the floor and he started pushing me lightly onto the couch. “Maybe we should take a nap then.”
His lips were on my neck, brushing against my collarbone and pressed hard between my breasts. I felt my breath catch in my throat as his fingers found their way up my thigh, under my skirt and to my butt. “I have something else in mind,” he said, his hand bringing my leg up and around his waist, as he pressed himself closer against me.
“Okay, you win,” I gasped, as his fingers slipped underneath my panties. I started to fumble with the buttons of his shirt, disappointed at how dressed he still was.
“I always win,” he whispered, his face meeting mine again.
When I woke up a little while later, we were still on the couch, pressed together. Jake was still passed out, breathing heavily against my breasts, his arms wrapped around me. I felt a weird, sudden surge of affection for him. He looked so…looked so normal. He was perfectly groomed or posed so much of the time that I spent with him that it always amazed me when I saw him look normal and…vulnerable. Before I could stop myself, I felt my fingers tracing his forehead, his eyebrows, down his nose, cheeks and grazing softly across his lips. My hands travelled down his back, and found that scar. I fell asleep again, my fingers tracing that scar over and over again.
* * * * * *
“I am so glad you decided to come tonight, “ Amanda said, happily, reaching into the fridge at Mike’s house and pulling out two beers. “I know this party isn’t exactly Vanity Fair but I’m happy you’re here.”
I took the beer she was holding out to me and immediately started picking at the label. “I’m happy to be here too. It’s the first party that I’ve been to in months where I didn’t have to have my hair professionally style,” I admitted, looking around at Mike’s house with interest.
“Hey, I, for one, am very jealous of all those parties that you get to go,” Amanda said, laughing. Her face lit up as Mike made his way over to us. “Oh, hey baby.”
Mike slid his arm around her waist and placed a kiss at the top of her head, which he could barely meet. Amanda had spent most of her life trying to find a guy taller than her to date but it turned out the right one was just a inch or two shorter than her. “Hey yourself. You ladies look gorgeous. And where is Jake tonight?” Mike asked.
I waved my hand, dismissively. “I don’t know. I think it’s the cast wrap party tonight or something.”
“And you weren’t invited?” Amanda asked, looking horrified.
I laughed. “It was for the regular cast, Amanda. I was just a guest star, and not even a star at that.”
Amanda sighed, taking out a mirror from her purse and inspecting her lipstick. “You always underestimate yourself.” She looked back at me, and her eyes got wide. “Who invited him?”
“Who?” I asked, turning around. My eyebrows rose as I saw Gabriel walk in the front door, trailed by his best friends, Will and Todd. “I didn’t realize that Mike knew Gabriel.”
“Yeah, from high school,” Mike said, nodding in their direction. “Its not a problem, is it?”
Amanda looked over at me and I shrugged, uncaring. “What do I care if Gabriel is here?” I looked back in his direction and our eyes met for a moment. To my surprise, a grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to be a problem.”
I spent most of the party, avoiding Gabriel as much as possible. It wasn’t that I was running away from him exactly but there just wasn’t a point to talking to him. Talking to your ex, even if you were the Dumper, was just awkward and it was a situation that I liked to avoid. If Gabriel was sitting out on the patio, I remained inside. If he made his way into the living room, I found people to talk to in the kitchen. It wasn’t until Amanda convinced me to play a round of beer pong that I bumped into him on the way outside.
“McKinley, hey,” Gabriel said, reaching out to touch my arm. “It’s been awhile. I haven’t seen you around.”
I took a deep breath, smiling. “I know, I’ve been really busy.”
He grinned back. “Oh, I know. You’ve been all over the TV.” Some people pushed past him and he stepped closer to me to get out of their way. I inhaled his cologne, the one that I had suggested he start wearing when I realized he constantly smelled of laundry detergent, and I felt my face get hot. Gabriel was still very sexy and I was very aware of our close proximity.
I tilted my head to the side and looked up at him. “Oh, you noticed?”
“Hell yeah, I noticed my hot ex girlfriend on television! I shouldn’t have let you get away.”
Technically, I had broken up with him but now did not seem like a good time to mention it. “Too bad,” I teased, lightly.
“If you ever get tired of pretty boy Kennedy…” he suggested.
“Oh you’ll be the first person to know, Gabriel,” I promised.
“McKinley!”
I looked behind me and saw Amanda standing by the table, ready for a game. She waved me over, laughing at something someone had said to her. I turned back to Gabriel. “Duty calls.”
“What are you doing later?”
he asked. “Do you maybe want to grab a bite to eat?”
I frowned playfully. “If only you’d asked me earlier! I couldn’t eat a bite; I’m so full. Maybe another time?”
“Definitely,” he agreed, his arm snaking around my waist.
I pulled away from his grip, slowly, a smile still plastered on my face. “I’ll see you around, Gabriel.”
I walked over to Amanda, as she took her first shot. The ping pong ball landed perfectly in one of the red cups and the girl across the table, a girl I vaguely remembered as someone I had went to high school with, frowned and drank the contents down.
“What was that all about?” Amanda asked, keeping a smile on her face as the girl lobbied the ping-pong ball back at us and missed.
“Nothing,” I said. “We were just talking.”
She threw a wry look at me, as she handed over the ball. “Nothing is just talking with you, McKinley. And this is me not reminding you that you have a boyfriend.”
I didn’t respond; instead, I pitched the ball over to the other side of the table and watched as it bounced, once, twice, and landed in one of the middle cups. I had no argument for what she was saying because she was definitely right. And there was something about seeing Gabriel that made me miss my old life and miss my freedom.
Chapter Eleven
“She’s coming to California,” I said, my jaw dropping, staring at my computer in shock. My eyes scanned the email again, wondering if there was something that I missed. I had to have misread it.
“Who is?” Amanda said, lazily, lying on her back, pushing buttons on her phone. Mike and Jake were both coming by the diner in a little bit-we were actually going to go on a double date-but that didn’t stop Amanda from texting him at all times.
“Olivia,” I said. She stared at me blankly. “You know, my grandmother.”
Amanda sat up. “Wow, that’s really cool.” She rolled off the bed and came to sit next to me. “I mean, that is cool, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s cool.” Wasn’t it? Though I had been emailing back and forth with my grandma since August, and it was January now, it just didn’t feel like she was real. I had never heard her voice; she existed only in the emails. And now she was heading out to California, to visit me, she said.
“When is she coming?”
I squinted at the email, wondering where on earth I had put my glasses. They were probably in my car somewhere. Everything seemed to be in my car somewhere. I spent so much time going back and forth between the diner and Jake’s house that all my necessities tended to have a home in my car. “February. She’s coming in February. The week of Valentine’s Day.”
“Well that is going to put a major cramp in your V-Day plans,” Amanda said. I shot her a look. “Oh, right.”
The truth of the matter is I always have a date on Valentine’s Day. I’m not the type of person to be alone on the holiday, even though this is one of those holidays that I think is stupid. I hate the red and pink, I hate the candy and the flowers and the stupid stuffed bears with those stupid little “be mine” shirts. But I’m vain enough to need a date on those days. However, I never have a date with a boyfriend. I always managed to break up with whomever I was dating before the date…and swooped in on a lonely guy who was willing to spend money on some flowers and a dinner. Was it a little messed up? Maybe. But I didn’t do feelings.
When I stopped to think about this fact…I remembered that left me with a little over a month to break up with Jake. I knew that this was easier said than done.
“I’m not really worried about my valentine’s day plans right now,” I said, turning back to my computer.
“McKinley, you can’t break up with Jake just because its what you always do,” Amanda said, firmly. “You just can’t.”
“And why can’t I?” I said, pronouncing each word with care.
“Because Jake Kennedy means a lot more to you than you let on. Because you love him.”
“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this: I don’t love Jake Kennedy. I’m fond of him, sure. The way I was fond of Gabriel before him,” I said, feeling tired.
“McKinley…”
“Can we focus on the topic at hand?” I interrupted her.
Amanda held her hands up in surrender. “All right, fine,” she said. “So she’s coming in February. That’s amazing.”
“I should feel that way, right?” I said, checking my other emails, one of them reminding me that I had registered for school, starting in a few weeks. I had dropped out of all my classes the previous semester, getting so caught up in Jake’s world. My registration date for the spring semester had come up and I had re-registered for all the classes that I had dropped without really thinking.
“McKinley, she’s your grandmother,” Amanda said, her voice dripping with disappointment. “She’s your family. She wants to meet you.”
“I know that,” I said, earnestly. “I just don’t…know what to expect.”
“I understand that. I can understand that,” Amanda admitted. “Does she know your mom came back?”
I took a deep breath before I turned around to face her. I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but I was a little unnerved by my mom’s quick reappearance and disappearance. I wasn’t ready to let someone else connected to her come waltzing in my life if they were just going to waltz right out. “Of course not.”
“She hasn’t heard a thing from your mom, her own daughter since your mom was sixteen years old. I think she deserves to know that she was out here and that you saw her.”
“What the hell am I supposed to tell her, huh, Amanda? That after all this time, her daughter finally came back? That after all this time, she disappeared again? That she couldn’t even stick around long enough to talk to her own daughter? That obviously she doesn’t want to talk to her own mother? She can’t even pick up the phone to say hi, how you are you doing? She can’t even sit through one small lunch and then she could’ve gone and disappeared.” I pursed my lips together, pissed at how much I had just shared. I had made a decision that night not to mention it again. It would go back in that little file in the back of my mind, where all those unpleasant things happened. That’s the place where I stored the day my mom left me, the day that Luke told me he was disappointed in me, and the day that my mom came back and left again.
“Fine, fine,” Amanda said, looking a little nervous at the sudden increase in volume my voice had taken on. She traced the diamond pattern on my comforter absentmindedly before looking back up at me, biting her lip nervously. “McKinley, you’re really not going to do it, are you?”
“Do what?” Jake asked, walking in the room, followed by Mark. When neither of us answered, he asked again. “Do what?”
“Nothing,” I said, firmly, standing up and walking over to greet him. As he wrapped me in his arms, I threw a warning look over at Amanda who grimaced and nodded. “Let’s go, okay?”
* * * * * *
It happened when we were sitting in Jake’s trailer down on the set. They were filming the season finale. My story had been wrapped three weeks ago and therefore, I’d been very graciously kicked out of my closet of a dressing room. I hadn’t spent that much time in there anyway, so I hadn’t even noticed when they took the laminated name plate from the door. We were in sitting the trailer; Jake was reading his lines to himself and I was sprawled on the couch reading a new book that I had convinced myself to buy.
When you took a guest spot on one of the most popular television shows in the world, you tended to get a fairly decent paycheck. This was something that I was trying to get used to and I hadn’t spent much of it yet, besides putting gas in my car and buying a few new books. When I saw how many zeroes had been added to my paycheck (a bonus, Josh said, for playing a ratings boosting character), I had thought it was some kind of joke. Now that I knew it wasn’t, I couldn’t quite bring myself to spend any of it.
Anyway, we were sitting on the couch when Jake’s phone rang, the theme song from The Big Ban
g Theory blasting in the silence of the room. It went silent after a minute and then started up again.
“Are you going to answer that?” I asked, barely looking up from my book.
Jake glanced at it. “It’s Adrienne.”
“Yeah, I would answer that, if I were you.” I loved Adrienne, especially since she had taken me under her wing as my agent/publicist (though I expected her enthusiasm with that had to do with my sudden popularity and her desire to snatch me up before someone else). She was smart and she knew this business well, even though she was pretty young herself, probably only ten years older than Jake and I. However, she was a little scary and a little demanding, especially with all the name-dropping she did on occasion.
He made a face but pressed the button on his phone to answer the phone call. “Hello?”
He spoke on the phone for a few minutes. I flipped through the book in my lap, paying more attention to his phone conversation than to the plot. It was no good. Jake was sticking to “yes” or “no” or short phrases. I could hear Adrienne’s booming voice easily but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I was hoping the conversation would end soon because I was dying to know what was going on.
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