I went to the kitchen to scavenge something to eat. A bowl of cereal, toast, and a couple of cups of coffee later, I started thinking again. I still wasn’t entirely clear on why I had hit the road and ended up hours away in San Francisco. I had three brothers in Oregon who I could talk to. That was when it occurred to me. I was now sharing my life in Oregon with Ava.
I couldn’t just talk to Matt, Tyler, or Jesse. They all knew Ava so well and were getting closer to her all the time. They wouldn’t know how to feel or what to think about it. They were too close, too involved.
Tom was separate. He knew Ava, of course. But for the most part, he was at a distance, and that made him a safer candidate for hiding out until I could figure out what I was supposed to do next. That was the looming challenge ahead of me. I needed to wrap my brain around what was going on before I could react.
The thing was, it wasn’t just one issue I was having to face and figure out. It wasn’t just the news about Ava’s pregnancy. It was the fact that she had lied to me. She’d looked right at me and lied about the baby. Then she’d continued to hide it from me. I had to deal with that and figure out where we would stand.
Tom got back in the middle of the afternoon. He found me sprawled out on the couch with a sandwich and a book.
“That looks good,” he said. “What is that?”
“Tuna salad,” I said. “I made a big bowl of it. It’s in the refrigerator.”
He went into the kitchen and a few moments later came into the living room with his own plate and a drink. He dropped down into the chair beside the couch, and we ate for a few quiet moments.
“So, what brings you out here, Mason?” he finally asked.
He had accepted me with no questions asked, but it seemed that had run its course. Now, he was curious. In all honesty, I didn’t want to tell him. I was hoping I would be able to just skate through however long I was going to stay there without having to actually say any of the situation out loud.
But I really didn’t have a choice. I was the one who had shown up at his house. It made sense he was going to be curious, and he really did have the right to know why I had taken over his guest room.
“Last night when I was at work, the new bartender came up to me and said she had something she needed to talk to me about,” I said. “As it turns out, I’m going to be a father.”
Tom’s stopped in the middle of his bite and stared at me. “Are you seriously telling me you had sex with another employee? After you signed an agreement about your relationship with Ava?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head as I tried to compute where I went wrong explaining it. “I did not have sex with the new bartender. She was outside when she overheard Ava and Stephanie talking. And yes, Ava is, in fact, pregnant.”
I braced myself for his reaction. He finished his bite, washed it down with a sip of his drink, and took another. He swallowed and looked at me with little expression.
“So, what are you going to do?” he asked.
I was nothing short of shocked. “You’re not mad?”
Tom laughed and shook his head. “No, I’m not mad. Like I said at the restaurant when I was having you sign those papers, I just want you to be happy. I wasn’t sure how things were going to work out between the two of you considering you work together. And now with this and your past history, it’s just a lot. I was just wondering what you’re going to do about it. I’m happy for you if you’re happy.”
I nodded, looking at my own sandwich like it was going to give me all the answers. “Well, as soon as the bartender told me, I stomped out of the bar and drove directly here. So, that’s about where I am right now. She lied to me, Tom. I asked her if she thought she could be pregnant, and she said no she wasn’t. S I just don’t know how to deal with that.”
“Mason, how do you really feel about Ava?” Tom asked.
There was only one answer to that question.
“I’m in love with her,” I said.
“Then you need to go back and explain that to her. Let her know that she has your support before it ruins everything that you just took off like that. Have you even thought about how much that might have hurt her? Isn’t it what you did to her before?” Tom asked.
That question made me feel ashamed, but I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
“Sort of,” I said. “But I needed to wrap my head around becoming a dad so young. This time, I’m just trying to figure out why she lied to me.”
“Maybe it’s because she’s afraid,” Tom said. “She went through a miscarriage. Losing a baby is traumatic, and a lot of women end up feeling like it was their fault.”
I was stunned by my brother’s insight. That definitely wasn’t the way I ever would have thought he would react. But he made absolute sense. When the bartender said that to me, it breezed over my head. I didn’t let myself really think about it. Now that I was hearing Tom say the same thing, I felt awful that I did this to her.
“I have to go,” I said. “I need to get back to her.”
“Let me pack you some food,” he said, not even hesitating or trying to change my mind about the twelve-hour drive back home that was ahead of me.
33
Ava
The next day, I was still replaying everything that happened in my head. It was like watching a terrible movie. I couldn’t possibly have actually stood there in the parking lot watching Mason peel away after he found out I was pregnant from somebody else.
In all the scenarios I had gone over when it came to him finding out about the baby, this wasn’t even something I had considered. I had come up with several different versions of a worst-case scenario. There were moments when I was positive he would completely freak out.
But in all of those scenarios, whatever his reaction was, it started because I was the one who told him I was pregnant. In every single one of those situations, I sat him down and gave him the news myself. This happening was so outside the realm of what I could think, it had never even crossed my mind.
How could she have done this? How could somebody I didn’t even know take it upon herself to talk about something so deeply personal and sensitive to another person she didn’t even know?
It blew my mind and kept me in this perpetual state of feeling like it couldn’t be real. Nobody did something like that. Nobody would take those sort of liberties with another person’s relationship. And yet, she had. While I stood there in the parking lot waving goodbye to my best friend, the new bartender, a woman I had hired, was walking up to Mason and telling him I was carrying his child.
Putting my personal feelings and the fact that she just lit my life on fire aside, I couldn’t put myself in that place. Miranda was so young. I knew from my interview with her that this was only the second bar she’d worked in, and the first had been just a few months before when she lived in another state. She moved to town and fell in love with The Hollow. Working there behind the bar was her dream.
So she said during the interview. I found her charming and refreshingly real during that interview. The other people lining up to babble on about how honored they would be to work there were just blowing smoke up my ass. So said Tyler after I described it to him. Not a phrase I would purposely choose myself, but once he said it, I found it oddly fitting.
The point was, the other candidates might have had more experience or come with local recommendations, but it was Miranda’s personality and ability to manage interactions smoothly and coolly that drew me in and secured her the position.
When I was that young, I would never have been able to do something like what she did. My boss had intimidated the hell out of me. I barely felt comfortable letting her know the bottom of her slip was sticking out of her skirt before she walked into a meeting. There would be no way I would be able to bring myself to interject into her personal life to such an astonishing degree. It never would have occurred to me anyone would have that kind of disregard for social propriety.
And yet, there I was.
A
t least when I went back into the bar after trying to chase Mason down, Miranda had the decency to be crying and look mortified. She rushed up to me, putting herself in my path so I couldn’t walk around her and get away. I didn’t want to hear a single word out of her mouth, but she forced me to listen to her.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I thought he knew. I really did think he knew you were pregnant, but that he didn’t realize you were scared. I saw how horrible you looked, and I just wanted to make things better.”
I tried to walk around her again. The last place I wanted to be was anywhere in her vicinity. But she shifted to get in my way again.
“I’m sorry, Ava. I was just trying to help. I wouldn’t ever do something just to hurt you. And if I knew he didn’t know, I wouldn’t have said anything to him. Ever. It’s just… I never fit in anywhere. And I just wanted to fit in here so bad. All of you are so close, and I wanted to feel like maybe someday I could be like one of you.”
Her words hit me, and my anger drained away. As awful as the result was, the intention really was kind. And I felt bad for her feeling so lonely and wanting so much to become a part of our group. After all, that was the whole point of hiring based on personality. We said from the beginning we wanted somebody who would be able to fit in with us and get along.
I let out a breath. “I forgive you. I understand. But next time you want to try to make a situation better, you might want to talk to me about it first.”
Miranda let out a slight uncomfortable laugh through her tears and nodded. “I will.”
Thankful to have gotten past that and that there was no drama, I changed my mind about leaving the bar for the night and just going home and got to work. I buried myself in computer and paperwork in the office, only coming out a couple of times to check and see how everything was going upfront.
None of the guys said anything to me. I didn’t know if that was because they didn’t really understand what was going on, hadn’t heard everything, or were just trying to keep their distance, trusting we would fill them in when the time was right. Whatever the reason, I was thankful for that, too. I didn’t want to talk about it with any of them until I had gotten a chance to talk to Mason.
I figured he would call me once he cooled down. Or at least send me a text. But he didn’t. I called him over and over and sent several text messages. He didn’t respond to any of them, and by the time I went to bed that night, his voicemail inbox was full.
By the next afternoon, I still hadn’t heard from him. I called Jesse to ask if he had spoken to him. I was starting to worry that something might have happened to him. But Jesse said he had gotten a message from him just letting him know he was alright and apologizing for leaving the way he did.
At least I could relax knowing he was safe. But now I had to keep waiting to find out how he was really going to react to my news. It was killing me. And at the same time, I was trying to savor these moments before I had that talk with him. At least right now, there was still question. I still had the chance to imagine it didn’t have to go as poorly as I thought it would. There was a possibility everything would be okay.
When trying to talk myself into that didn’t work, I called Stephanie and asked her to meet me for lunch. It occurred to me she didn’t know what happened. I was so wrapped up in waiting to hear from Mason I never let her know.
She and I both went through the elaborate bar to build our salads, then sat at the table in the back corner of the restaurant I had specifically chosen so we could have privacy for the conversation.
“I’m not complaining, but when I made you promise we would get together soon for lunch, I didn’t expect it to be within twenty-four hours,” she said, setting her plate down and sitting.
“Well,” I said, “something happened after you left the restaurant.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. “You told him?”
“Not exactly,” I said.
“What do you mean not exactly?” she asked. “Either you told him, or you didn’t.”
“No. He knows now. But I wasn’t the one who told him.”
I told her the entire story, then sat back and waited for her reaction. She stared at me with a shocked expression for a few seconds.
“So, he’s just gone? He just drove away, and nobody knows where he is?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with him, but he won’t answer me. It’s just like I worried. He’s completely freaking out about becoming a father.”
“Maybe it isn’t the being a dad part that’s freaking him out,” Stephanie said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Maybe he’s just upset that you hid it from him, and that he had to hear it from somebody else,” she said.
“I already explained to you why I hid it from him,” I said.
“I know,” Stephanie said. “And I understand. But Mason might not. He might not get that motivation, especially since he heard it from the bartender, which to him might seem like you were telling a bunch of other people, but just not him. You need to talk to him.”
“I know I need to talk to him,” I said. “But I have no idea where he is or when he’ll be back.”
“Don’t freak out yet,” she said. “Give him a couple more days.”
I nodded my agreement and tried my best to focus on lunch.
34
Mason
Another twelve-hour drive with only one stop left me exhausted, but I only allowed myself a quick nap when I got back to Oregon. I couldn’t wait any longer to get to Ava. Part of me knew I could just pick up the phone and call her, but that wasn’t an option. There were conversations you just couldn’t have over the phone. I needed to be able to see her, to look into her face and see her eyes when we had this talk.
Once I got up, I didn’t know where to go first. I went back and forth between heading into the bar or going to Ava’s house. I couldn’t make a decision, so I got into the truck and drove. At least this time trusting my subconscious to bring me where I needed to go didn’t end with me showing up in California.
Instead, I looked up and found myself outside of Ava’s apartment. Trusting my subconscious, I went up to the door and knocked. Nervousness clenched around my heart right after I knocked. I had no idea how she was going to respond to me. I felt horrible for what I had done, and she deserved to be furious with me.
At the same time, I had the right to be hurt, as well. We were in a strange place, both of us needing to give and receive apologies. But right at that moment, I was more focused on what I needed to say to her. I was worried she wouldn’t be open to hearing it.
The door opened and I had only another instant to worry about it. Ava practically jumped into my arms, and I wrapped them around her as tight as I could.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she said.
Stepping away from her, I took her face in both hands so I could look into her eyes. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I was just so upset that you had lied to me. I didn’t understand why you would do that.”
She held on to my wrists, tears starting to form in her eyes. “I only lied because I was scared. I wanted to make sure things were going to be okay first. I wanted to wait until the second trimester so I would feel safer and not be so worried that I would end up hurting you again.”
She led me into the house.
“I understand. I know you’re scared, and I understand you wanting to be more comfortable,” I said.
“And I understand how upset you were with me,” she said. “I totally deserve that reaction.”
“I love you so much,” I said.
“I love you, Mason.”
I buried my face into her neck and kissed her soft skin gently. She returned the kiss with one of her own on my neck, and I pulled back to look into her face. Tears still welled just behind those eyes, and I wanted to make them disappear forever. A sudden urge took control, and I swept
her close to me and planted my lips on hers, breathing in heavily through my nose. A moan of surprise and delight rumbled through her, and I parted her lips with my tongue. It met with hers and played languidly together, while my hands slid down her back and lifted her.
Ava wrapped her legs around my waist and curled her arms around my neck, giving in to the deep kiss. I stood there for a moment, holding her aloft and enjoying the embrace of our lips together when she suddenly grabbed me by the cheeks and pulled back. I looked into those eyes which had been filled with raw emotion and saw something new there. Hunger.
“Want to go to the bedroom?” she asked.
I nodded and she giggled as she leaned down to kiss me again. Rather than setting her down, I walked her down the hall to the bedroom, and she reached behind her to turn the knob. As it opened, I felt her rummaging around at my waist level and was surprised when we parted our kiss long enough for her shirt to fly over her head and land somewhere near the bed. I groaned at the sight of her round, full breasts, still suspended in the bra that clasped in the front. Taking one hand off her backside, I slid it between us and kissed her as I unclipped it in a quick motion.
Her kiss turned into a smile as the bra unclasped, and I ran my tongue down the side of her neck as she let it fall off her shoulders and to the ground below. Leaning back in my grasp, she pushed her chest up to me, and I took one of her nipples into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it and teasing it to a taut, pink peak. Not letting my tongue leave her skin, I slid over to the other breast, reveling in the change of elevation from her chest to the heavy pillow, and taking in the taste of her sweat underneath. Suckling on her seemed to heighten her arousal, and I could feel the heat from her core through the tight yoga pants she wore, her wetness dampening my thin T-shirt.
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