Then there were the times when she made him feel as if he had imagined it all. Her lips. The warmth of her skin. The night they almost shared together. Even on days like today when he could feel her body relaxing beneath his fingertips. All those things reassured him it wasn’t a dream. So why was she fighting the inevitable?
His cell phone vibrated at his hip, eliminating any further deliberation. Looking down, he saw that it was Kendra calling him from the clinic.
“I hope the hell you hadn’t forgotten about my doctor’sappointment.”
Guilt washed over him. He had forgotten. “No, I haven’t,” he lied. “Want me to pick you up?”
“That would be wonderful,” she replied with glee. “I have one more patient to see, then I’ll be ready to go.”
“I’ll see you shortly.” He snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the passenger’s seat, then reached into his coat pocket for a cigarette. Luckily, his schedule was clear for the rest of the day.
Leave it to Kendra to help him keep his priorities in order.
“Wasn’t that exciting?” Kendra exclaimed.
Jay nodded. Excitement was putting it mildly. If he hadn’t been there, he would have never fuckin’ believedit possible.
He had heard his baby’s heartbeat.
“Four more weeks and this will all be over,” Kendra sang. Leaning over in the seat, she clutched his biceps. And not a moment too soon, she silently added.
She had insisted that Jay accompany her to the examiningroom, knowing that hearing his child’s heartbeatwould have just the right effect. However, she’d forgotten that it also meant Jay would see her disgustinglydistended stomach. She’d never forget the way his eyes practically fell out of his head when she raised her shirt. With a sidelong glance, Kendra noticed he was still wearing the same stupid expression. She groaned. How could she have been so dumb? The sight of her own protruding belly button was enough to make her sick. She could just imagine how it looked to him. He hadn’t said a word since they left the office.
“I can’t wait to hold our child in my arms!” she said, hoping her words were convincing enough to capturehis attention.
Jay merely nodded and continued to stare straight ahead. Overcome by a rush of tenderness, he too had images of holding his child.
She glanced over at the dazed expression on his face again. “Well, say something,” she demanded, hating to be ignored.
Her whiny voice broke the spell. Jay looked over at her. “I’m sorry, did you say somethin’?”
With an artful pout, she moved away from him and slumped down in the seat. What could he possibly be thinking about that was more important than her and this baby? “You’re a trip.”
Jay swallowed and reached over to lightly squeeze her arm. “Damn, Kendra. This is all new for me.”
His soft smile reassured her that she was on to something. She moved his hand to her belly. “I wonder if she’s gonna look like ... you or me?”
“I hope she’ll look like you.”
She was taken aback by his kind comment. “You do? That’s so sweet of you!” She sighed with relief. I knew he still found me beautiful.
He returned his hand to the steering wheel. “I’ve always found you attractive,” he admitted as if he’d read her mind. Seeing the dreamy look she gave him, he stared out in front of him again. He didn’t want her to misinterpret his comment. “As long as the baby is healthy, I don’t care what he ... or she looks like.”
“How the hell can you say that?” she shrieked, then her face fell and she added, “If this baby is ugly, I’ma have a fuckin’ cow!” She hurried to explain. “I have patients coming in all the time cuddling their babies as if they’re the most precious things in the world. But when I move in to take a closer look, I have to hide my surprise.” She rolled her eyes. “Just yesterday, this lady brought in her new baby. He was pink, with a big-ass mothafuckin’ head and little bitty eyes.” Kendra squirmed in her seat for added emphasis.
Jay shook his head, not at all stunned by Kendra’s response. He expected as much from her. “A mother’s love is ’posed to be unconditional,” he said. “Regardlessof what the child looks like, you are to love it becauseit was created inside you.”
“Whatever,” she mumbled, looking unconvinced.
Jay pursed his lips.
She tried to come to her own defense. “I’m entitled to my own opinion.”
“True, but it’s that attitude that makes it hard for me to understand your ass.”
“How can you say that?” She reached over to cradle his arm as she wiggled closer to him again. “It was my attitude that drew you to me in the first damn place, and it’s my attitude that kept your black ass coming back,” she cooed.
“And it’s that stankin’-ass attitude that’s now keepingus from figuring out what’s best for this baby.”
“Why are you saying such hateful things?” Her lower lip quivered.
He glanced down at the fingers wrapped around his arm. “Why the hell are you still wearing that man’s engagementring?”
She smirked. Jay was jealous. “Do you know how it feels to be pregnant and unmarried?” she whined, tryingto sound as pitiful as she could manage. “Well, it’s embarrassing. And I refuse to have people staring and pointing their fingers.”
“Kendra, this ain’t the fifties,” Jay said, keeping his voice even and light. “Single women have babies every day.”
“You are so insensitive,” she said, pouting. “You know I’m not like everyone else. I’m an old-fashioned type of girl.”
“Since when?”
“I always have been.”
He chuckled. “You are so full of crap. You don’t even want this baby.” His words were harsh, but his voice was kind.
“Yes, I do. I just want you, too.” Her features transformedinto a plea. “Things will work this time. I just know it.”
Jay felt himself weakening as his conscience whisperedto him. He fought it, taking a deep breath as he pulled into the clinic parking lot.
He turned to look at her long face. “Why don’t we work on being friends?”
She snorted. “I’d rather you come over tonight and fuck me.” She folded her arms over her belly.
Even though it had been a while since he’d had some, he declined. “Nah.”
“Why not? It would work between us if you tried.” Her voice was almost a wail.
I’ve tried. Lord knows I tried. Besides, he doubted his dick would even get hard. “Kendra, listen—”
She cut him off before he could finish. “Shhiiit! I almost forgot.” After pulling herself out of the car, she crooked a finger and signaled for him to follow her into the building. A reluctant Jay got out of the car and followed.Once in the building, she grabbed his hand and led him to her office. Moving to a shelf in the corner, she retrieved a small box and handed it to him.
“What is it?” he asked.
Her eyes glittered. “Open it and see.”
He lifted the lid and stared down at the tiniest pair of booties he’d ever seen. He removed one and placed it over his thumb. It was a perfect fit.
“Aren’t they darlin’?” She pressed her round body against his. “One of my patients gave them to me,” she lied. Actually, she’d bought them herself the night before,hoping to stir Jay’s emotions even further.
“Take them with you,” she insisted, and rested both hands on top of her stomach. “We created this life together.Whether it was love or not, this baby is ours.”
Jay asked quietly, “Does this mean you decided to keep the baby?”
She moistened her lips. “Have you decided to marry me?”
His thoughts clouded with sympathy, but he knew better than to voice them. She would think she was wearing his ass down.
He shook his head, then took a hard breath and surprisedhimself by saying, “No. But I’m thinking about raisin’ the baby myself.”
She dropped her hands. “So one of your hoochies can raise my child?” She rolled
her eyes. “You got life fucked up.”
“What’s the difference?”
Before Kendra could retort, she looked up to find Claire, her hygienist, entering her office without waitingfor permission. “Oops!” Claire skidded to a halt. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but we’re ready for you.”
“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Kendra snapped.
Jay noticed Claire didn’t bat an eye. She was probablyused to her boss flying off the handle. He gave her a sympathetic smile, then turned back to face Kendra and patted her hand as he said, “I’ll holla atcha later.” It was time to leave; the last thing he needed was for her to go the fuck off.
After he left, Claire shrugged an apology. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that,” Kendra spat. Droppinginto her chair, she scratched her stomach and sulked with displeasure. This shit had better work.
“I still can’t believe it,” Jay mumbled.
Terraine watched his brother pacing back and forth in front of the floor-to-ceiling window with his hands clasped behind him. Speaking about his unborn child, he had a noticeable glow of happiness about him. Terrainesmirked, believing it a sign that Jay was finally coming around. “It is somethin’ else. I remember the first time I heard my daughter’s heartbeat. I was overwhelmed.Words couldn’t begin to describe the experience.”
Staring out at the snow falling, Jay merely nodded, still in awe. He hadn’t even known something like that was even possible. But after Dr. Rosalyn Gaye finished examining Kendra, she squeezed some cold jelly—he couldn’t remember the name—onto her abdomen and with a monitor she was able to pick up very loud sounds. It sounded like an underwater submarine—rapid swirling sounds that Dr. Gaye said were his child’s heartbeats. Hearing that, he felt his heart swelling with pride.
Terraine leaned forward on the gleaming mahogany desk. “It sounds like this experience has really shaken you up. Are you havin’ second thoughts?”
Jay turned and shrugged. “Yes. Maybe.” He paused to blow out a breath of frustration. “One minute I’m sure, then the next minute my head is all fucked up again.” He shook his head, overcome by a sense of responsibility.“I just don’t know. I want to do this, but, man ... I’m scared. What if I can’t get it right?”
Terraine folded his hands. “Being a parent ain’t somethin’ to take lightly. So I can understand your frustration. My daughter isn’t even here yet, but alreadyshe’s changed the entire course of my life.”
After turning the words over in his mind, Jay moved to a black wingback chair and leaned against it. “I guess it would be easier if it wasn’t Kendra.” What he didn’t tell Terraine was that he resented the fact that Kendra was putting the future of their child in his hands with some stupid ultimatum. Why was she so dead set on marrying him?
“What if it was Honey?”
Jay blinked and glanced over at him. “What did you say?”
“What if Honey was pregnant?”
He gave a faint smile. “I wouldn’t give this shit a second thought.” His eyes lit up as he envisioned Honey’s stomach swollen with his seed. “I lay awake the other night asking God, why Kendra of all people? There has to be some underlying reason I just haven’t figured out yet.” He leaned forward to briefly bury his face in his hands, then looked up again. “I’ve messed around for years, sticking my dick in anything with tittiesand a big ass. I had my pick of any woman I wanted. Even had them falling at my big-ass feet, and I didn’t want any of them. Then here I am, ready to settle down and spend the rest of my life with one woman, and what the fuck happens? She doesn’t want me. Instead,I get a woman pregnant I can’t even stand to be around.” He laughed in frustration. “What the hell does that mean?”
“I don’t know, man,” Terraine said, watching Jay gather his thoughts. “I think that’s somethin’ you’re gonna have to figure out for yourself.” Seeing the lines of stress around Jay’s eyes, Terraine wished he could be of more help.
“I know, bro. I know,” Jay said, his thoughts in a frenzy. Terraine was right; he had to make the decision himself. “That child deserves better than me.”
“All that kid will want is to be loved ... by his daddy.”
Images of a foot the size of his thumb flashed before his eyes.
The door to Terraine’s office swung open and Sasha waddled into the office, holding her car keys.
“Hey, Jay,” she said merrily.
He moved to plant a kiss on her forehead and said, “Whatcha doin’ driving?”
She frowned and hugged her swollen belly. “You’re as bad as your brother. I’m pregnant, not handicapped.”Moving behind the desk, she landed in Terraine’slap. He met her lips with a quick yet passionate kiss.
Watching the exchange, the love that clearly showed in their eyes, Jay felt a brutal stab of warmth and jealousycombined. Shhiiit, why can’t I have the same thing? He moved toward the door.
“Uh, Jay?” he heard Sasha say.
He turned around. “Yeah?”
She couldn’t keep the humor from her voice. “You talk to Honey lately?”
His blood surged at the mention of her name. “I saw her this morning.”
Her brow rose. “Business or pleasure?”
Jay chuckled. His sister-in-law was about as nosy as Natalia. “Strictly business.”
With an exasperated look, she asked, “What are you waiting for?” Terraine tried to get her to mind her own business, but Sasha shooed his hand away and told him she knew what the hell she was doing. Then she turned back to Jay. “Well?”
“It’s all about timing,” Jay said as he reached the door.
“Well, you need to hurry up,” she mumbled as he exited the room.
Sasha mouthed something off to her husband, then everything was quiet. Jay was certain Terraine had found a way to silence her.
While he was waiting for the elevator, his cell phone went off.
“Jay speaking.”
“Mr. Andrews, this is Jocelyn Price.”
Oh yeah. “Thanks for returning my call. I spoke with my partner, and I’d like to hear more about your case. Can we meet?”
“Yes, definitely,” she answered. “I’m free tomorrow evening. How about dinner, my treat?”
Jay smiled. “Dinner would be fabulous, as long as I get to pick the place.”
“Fine,” she agreed. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Seven
Honey was squeezing into a pair of panty hose when the phone rang. It better be important. On one leg, she hopped over to her nightstand and retrieved the cordless.
“Who are you going out with?” Sasha barked before she even had a chance to say hello.
“Damn,” Honey muttered under her breath. While struggling to get her other leg into the hose without ripping them, she asked, “How’d you know I was going out?”
Sasha hesitated, then said, “Jay told me.”
“Jay!” Honey said. “What’s he doing running his fuckin’ mouth?” Blowing out a breath, she lowered herselfonto the edge of her red satin comforter before asking, “What did he say?”
“He wasn’t gossiping or anything. Jay just happened to mention it to Terraine.” She clucked her tongue. “So, who is he?”
Honey groaned. She didn’t need this shit, not after a long day. Candy had cleared most of the afternoon so she could leave the salon by four, only to find that she had nothing to wear, which meant she had to race to North-westPlaza. After spending an hour trying on dresses, she’d finally settled for a simple black turtleneck sweater dress she found on a clearance rack at JC Penney.
Rising, she peered at the clock and realized she had less than fifteen minutes before Darrius was to arrive. “It’s no big deal,” she said by way of dismissal. “Just one of Rashad’s bucktooth friends from junior high.” She padded to the adjoining bathroom decorated in rose and reached for the facial cleanser.
“Then why are you going out with him?” Sasha asked.
Honey spread the cream gen
erously across her cheeks while wishing she hadn’t bothered to answer the damn phone. “Not that it’s any business of yours, but last time I checked I was still single and could do whatever the hell I wanted.”
“Well, Jay is pissed.”
Honey stopped scrubbing her face long enough to snarl, “I don’t give a fuck!”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t,” she snapped louder than she intended.
“Then why are you getting mad?” Humor had crept into Sasha’s voice.
“I’m not getting mad.” Staring at her reflected image, Honey saw evidence of frustration. “I’m just sick of everyone gettin’ in my damn business.”
“Girl, puhleeze! Your business is my business. Don’t you know we’re joined at the hip?”
“And I guess since you’re married to one brother, you expect me to be dating the other?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Bye, Sasha.” Honey depressed the button, ending the call on her best friend’s giggles.
Leaning against the sink, she took a moment to grin at the fact that Jay had been discussing her. She wonderedwhat he was thinking. Who gives a fuck? she remindedherself. Brushing the thought aside, she splashed her face with cold water and reached for a face towel. She had a date to prepare for.
Moving to the full-length mirror behind the door, she glanced at her reflection and was pleased with what she saw. The dress was narrow, fitting her small breasts, narrow hips, and phat ass to perfection. Not bad for a last-minute decision. After one more quick look, she went in search of her black leather boots.
Tonight, Jay would be the furthest thing from her mind.
Max’s Steakhouse was already crowded when they arrived. Luckily, they didn’t have too long a wait. With his hand at the small of her back, Darrius escorted her to a cozy table for two at the left side of the room. The lights were dim, giving an intimate atmosphere. Soft dinner music was in the background, and the aroma of grilled meat filled the air.
Darrius pulled out a chair for her at a small table covered in white linen. A red rose was on display in the center. After the waitress took their drink orders, Darriuschatted away about the stock market. Honey had expected to be completely bored by the topic, but quickly found herself intrigued. He even agreed to help her put together a small portfolio when she was ready. During the conversation, she found her eyes lingering on his chest. She liked the way the peach rayon shirt fell from his wide shoulders. The color contrasted well with his skin. Darrius definitely had it goin’ on. Intelligent eyes, full, juicy lips ... it was a shame she wasn’t attracted to his sexy ass.
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