by Ivy Spears
Asher leaned forward, so close his breathing brushed against my cheek. “What happens if you don’t?”
I pulled back and set the needle and thread on the kitchen table. “Then you risk the chance of causing a virus or infection and they might end up having to chop your fingertips off.”
“Ugh,” Asher looked disgusted.
“Come on, start taking this serious, I mean it.”
“Okay, okay, miss big shot nurse.” He laid his land flat. “I’m ready for you.”
I picked up the needle again and held his hand steadily in mine, working the thread in and out of his hand. He didn’t even flinch at the pain, his eyes on my face the entire time.
Somehow we had ended up back at Asher’s parent's house.
We sat in the kitchen now, the same wooden table laid out in front of us from when we were kids. The situation reminded me of how I used to feel when I was younger; being here was just another day back then. Of course, back then I wouldn’t have been disinfecting his hand against the advice of my medical morals. And back then; Asher would have been wearing a shirt.
Which he wasn’t; still. Wearing a shirt, I mean.
His muscles looked even better in the light. Tan and full, glistening naturally like someone had just rubbed oil all over him. I inhaled and let my gaze shift up to his right peck. So defined and toned. So…
“Careful,” Asher said, pulling his hand back an inch.
I looked down, seeing the small puncher wound of where I had gone out of the line of the stitch for a brief moment. “Sorry.” I blushed and pulled him back into me. “I’m almost done.”
“I was sorry to hear about your pop,” he told me now.
The statement startled me, just like so much had from the rest of the night, and I almost jabbed the needle into his hand again. “I guess it only makes sense that everyone’s already talking about it, no one could ever keep a secret in this town.”
“People are only talking about it because they care.”
“Well, maybe they should mind their own business.” I picked up the scissors and snipped the thread, leaning back down to push the end into his skin. “My dad isn’t really anyone else’s problem.”
“If you knew anything about this town at all anymore you would know that’s not true, Bella.” His tone wasn’t clipped or annoyed, just soft and real like he was trying to get through to me.
It pissed me off. “You need to clean it twice a day and change the bandage anytime you get it wet, get in touch with your doctor right away if you feel any pain or it starts to change color, a little swelling is normal.” I stood up and walked across the kitchen toward the hanging phone on the wall. “Do you care if I use your phone to call a cab? Some crazy man broke mine.”
“How are you handling it?” He stood up and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over one another as he studied my body language. If he heard me ask about the phone, he didn’t acknowledge it.
“Handling what?”
“Everything with your dad.”
I swung around to face him. He was so frustrating. He hadn’t seen me in how long? And now he wanted to stand her and act like he cared about how I was feeling? He wanted to act like he gave a fuck about how my father was doing? The idea was laughable considering what had happened between us the last time I had been face-to-face with him.
“So, we’re going to do this now? Stand here and act like you give a fuck about how I’m feeling or my how my dads doing?” I threw my hands up in the air. “News flash, Asher, we aren’t friends, we haven’t been in a really long time.”
Asher ran his long tongue over his lips. “You just have me all figured out, don’t you? Same old Bella, so assured and too stubborn to realize that someone might actually really give a fuck about her.”
I laughed sarcastically. “Let me guess… you still live at home with your parents, right Asher? Still stuck on the dream that, maybe, somehow, someway, you can make something of yourself in this town that no one ever seems to be able to get the hell out of, right? Still hooking up with all the locals whenever you can, looking forward to the summer when the good looking tourists flock in? Because we all know the great Asher Dawson can’t be tied down to one woman.” I took a step closer to him. “Fell free to stop me anytime.”
Asher didn’t say anything, letting an empty look come across his face instead. The silence was exhausting and so deep that I could have heard a pin drop.
How had I ended up here in the first place? How could I have been stupid enough to follow him back here? Sure, I had no phone and we had to get out of there but I could have asked him to drop me back off at my dad’s house. It was the exact thing I had been trying to avoid; falling back into that type of control he had over me. Asher Dawson hadn’t changed at all and every second I wasted thinking he had was another one I would end up disappointed.
I had to get out of here.
I had to get out of here now.
I turned away from Asher’s judging eyes and rounded the corner, crashing smack into a hard surface. Whoever I had hit let out a small screech and I jumped back, startled.
I could feel my feet giving out from under me, unable to regain their balance when Asher was clutching me by the back of my elbows, pulling me back up to my feet. “Easy, mom, you know she was never good on her feet.”
The feeling of Asher’s breath on my neck made my knees buckle and I fell forward again. He pulled me back, forcing me into his rock hard chest, and setting me gently on my feet again. “Jesus, Bella.”
I cleared my throat and smoothed down the front of my shirt before moving a few steps over from him. The sooner I put some distance between the two of us the better.
Mrs. Dawson was a tiny woman with long blonde hair and the nicest complexion I had ever seen. She was just as beautiful now as she had been five years ago, it wasn’t hard to understand where Asher got his good looks.
She rushed forward now, grabbing me in a hug and pulling me close to her small frame. She finally released me after a few seconds, still holding my hands in hers as she let her gaze travel up and down my frame. “Oh, Bella, it’s so good to see you! Just look at you! Oh, you’re so beautiful! Isn’t she just so beautiful, Asher?”
That was the thing about Mary Dawson; she was just as kind as she was beautiful.
Asher didn’t say anything, letting out an exhausted sigh instead.
I smiled. “It’s really great to see you again, Mrs. Dawson.”
She waved me off. “Oh, please, don’t Mrs. Dawson me, you’ll make me feel old. I’m so glad you’re here, I figured you’d be back in town soon enough. Did Asher tell you we’re having a bake sale down at the church for your father? Because we are, I organized the whole thing myself.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “Thank you, that’s really nice of you guys, really.”
I wasn’t trying to be awkward; I just didn’t know how to act around her anymore. What had Asher told his parents about our friendship? Did they know how he had rejected me or did they just think I was some bitch who forgot about him when I went off to college?
They probably thought I thought I was too good for this place now.
Don’t you? A nagging voice asked me internally.
The smile faded just a little bit from her face. “Well, let’s get the guest room made up for you then. Asher, go ahead and get some clean sheets from the lining closet.”
“What? Oh no, really I couldn’t…”
“Nonsense,” she said, waving me off and starting to pull me down the hall after her. “Of course you’ll stay the night here! Why your father would kill me if I let you go off all by yourself in the middle of the night.”
“No, really, I should…” I started to protest again.
Mrs. Dawson stopped suddenly, her eyes locked on Asher’s arm. “What happened to you?” She dropped my arm and moved closer to her son, her tone laced with worry. “What’s wrong with your arm?”
Asher locked eyes with me over her head and gave
me a short nod, letting me know I should keep my mouth shut. “It’s nothing mom, I fell down on a site today and got cut on some glass. It looks worse than it is, really.” He had the same reassuring and smooth tone he used to use when we were younger and he was trying to convince a teacher to go easy on him.
“You need to see a doctor,” she said, her face crinkling with worry.
“I’m fine, mom, really. If it gets worse I’ll go in, besides, Bella looked at it. She’s a big shot nurse now up in Boston now.” He kept his eyes on me the whole time, not looking down once.
Mary swung around, shock on her face. “Oh, Bella! That’s wonderful!” She rushed over to me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me in for another embrace. “We’re so proud of you! Your dad never mentioned….”
Of course, he hadn’t. I’d asked him not to.
She pulled away a second later and I was alarmed to find tears in her eyes. “Oh, you kids are just growing up so fast.” She shook her head and turned away. “Come on, Asher, you help me set the room up.”
Asher started to follow his mom before stopping and turning back around to look at me. “You’re right.” His voice was hard and serious. “Everything you said was right on, nothing’s changed.”
Then he turned around and left me standing in his kitchen all alone.
Chapter Four
I shot up in bed, sweating and gasping for air. I could feel him all over me; Lance. He had his hands around my throat and was holding me down with that evil grin while he had his way with me.
I was screaming and begging for help but this time Asher didn’t come.
No one came.
I threw the covers off my body and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Asher had given me one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers to sleep in but I was sweating so heavily that I felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. I pulled the hair off the back of my neck for a second, desperate for a little relief.
I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised to find tears running down the side of my pale cheeks. In the light of the hallway, I could see every single one of my flaws perfectly.
My narrow cheeks and plain brown hair that seemed to always fall limb no matter how much product I put in it. Boring brown eyes and a nose that I had always thought was way too big for my face. I let my eyes travel down to my breasts, which were usually the first thing guys noticed about me. They weren’t huge or anything, I was a C cup, but I guess they came out of nowhere in comparison to the rest of my body.
The word surfboard came to mind.
Although when I was younger and easily influenced I always imagined Asher was looking at my ass, back then I was stupid enough to think that actually meant something.
I lay back down in bed and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes.
But it was no use.
Every time I would start to drift off to sleep I would jolt awake again, covered in sweat and tears, reliving what had happened earlier over and over in my mind. I was thinking about making a run for it, calling a taxi and sneaking away into the darkness so I wouldn’t have to explain anything to Asher or his mother when I felt a presence in the doorway.
I swung around, startled.
“It’s just me.” Asher leaned against the doorframe. His dark hair was tasseled like he, too, had been tossing and turning. A pair of black sweatpants hung low on his hips and his bare chest glistened in the darkness.
Of course, he had to be shirtless.
I sighed in relief. “Jeez, give a girl some warning next time, would you?”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He walked into the room, sitting his body down on the bed next to me without asking. “So, are you?”
“Am I what?” I knew he was talking but I was having trouble concentrating on anything but the way his abs ran down every part of his stomach. The thought of how he would look even better with those sweatpants gone made the deepest parts of me go moist between my legs.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Are you okay?”
I bit down on my lip, locking my eyes on the sheets. “Of course I’m okay.”
“You were always a terrible liar,” he whispered.
I hated how well he knew me, even after all this time.
He moved even closer to me when I didn’t answer. “To tell you the truth I’m kind of surprised to find you here at all, I thought you would have tried to bolt by now.”
I looked up at him, desperate not to give myself away. “Why would I do that?”
He laughed. “Oh, come on, the look on your face when my mom insisted that you stay over. You were just being polite, Bella, but I’m glad you stayed. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
I lay down again, turning my back to him. “I told you I was fine.”
“Right.” He hesitated for a second. “Well do you care if I stay with you tonight? I know you’re fine… but it would give me some peace of mind,” he said it casually; like it was no big deal.
A part of me knew that his staying would be wrong but a bigger part of me didn’t care. I was tired and alone and scared and maybe having him there would actually let me sleep.
Unlikely when he had no shirt on.
But still.
“It’s a free country.” I shrugged.
I felt him lay down next to me, pulling his body under the covers and inching closer to me. “It’s going to be okay, Bella, I wouldn’t… I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
My heart lit up with instant pleasure and I hated myself for it. Just one statement from him was still enough to make my entire body shiver. I swung around, ready to snap at him the way I had earlier, but the look in his eyes made me stop.
It was the same look he used to get when something was bothering him when we were young. He was in here because he really cared, he was concerned about me and making sure I was okay.
I wanted to put on this brave face but it was no use.
Asher Dawson still knew me better than I wanted to admit.
“I can’t sleep. I want to sleep… I just can’t. I keep seeing his face and his hands wrapped around my neck, choking the life out of me.” I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and faster inside of my chest. “If you hadn’t been there, Asher, if you hadn’t of shown up… he would have… I mean…”
“But he didn’t,” Asher said sternly. “He didn’t and I was there.”
“Yeah, I got lucky.”
Asher shook his head. “No, he got lucky. Lucky that you had the heart to stop me after what he had done to you… if you hadn’t, he wouldn’t still be breathing.” Anger crowded his face. “I don’t… I couldn’t stop myself from how bad I wanted to kill that guy.”
I loved how protective he was of me. I knew Asher would have pulled that guy off of any girl, not just me, that was the kind of person he was. He had never scared easy and never been selfless unless you were counting the girls who wanted to tie him down when he had no interest.
Still, I felt bad for the things I had said earlier.
He had pretty much saved my life and instead of saying thank you I had treated him like shit because of how he had made me feel all those years ago. He couldn’t help how he felt or didn’t feel about me.
I had decided to hate him long ago to shut out the pain.
“Listen… about what I said earlier…”
Asher shook his head. “Forget about it, I don’t want to talk about that…”
I closed my eyes.
I didn’t want to talk about it either.
The truth was I didn’t want to talk at all.
My body was throbbing, desperate for his touch, desperate to feel safe again.
I was so sick of feeling sad and like a part of me was missing. So sick and tired of going through the motions of acting like everything was okay because it was the right or polite thing to do. I was sick of being polite. It had been nothing but politeness for the last five years.
I had just been through something horrible, something horrific
. And I was sick of feeling the pain. The pain of the night, of my father, of trying to prove everyone wrong.
I wanted to forget all those feelings, at least for one night.
For one night I wanted to feel nothing at all.
Nothing except for intense pleasure.
So, even though my brain was screaming at me not to, I did anyway.
For the second time in my life, I leaned into Asher and kissed him.
This time, he kissed me back.
Chapter Five
Asher tasted better than I thought he would, like peppermint and chocolate swirled into one. How did a guy even manage to taste like that? I opened my lips and allowed his tongue to explore the inside of my mouth.
I moaned loudly.
He was a good kisser. No, he was an amazing kisser.
The sound from my mouth snapped Asher out of it and he pulled away slightly, locking his eyes on mine. “Bella…” His breathing was skipping beats, heavily influenced by my body practically on top of his now. “We don’t… we don’t have to do this.”
I looked down at him and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear, shaking my head. “Asher, shut up and kiss me.” I crushed my lips on top of his again, hoping he would get out of his own head and just go for it.
I didn’t want to think about if this was right or wrong right now.
I didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to act.
He growled and flipped my body over onto my back, deepening the impact his mouth had on mine and starting to dominate my tongue with his. His hand latched onto my neck, yanking me so far into him that I could feel it in every part of being.
My inner circle was throbbing already, wetness taking over. I moved my legs closer together, not wanting to drip all over the fabric of Asher’s boxers already. The fight was of little use since a few seconds later I felt the moisture dripping down the inside of my thigh.
Asher traced the inside of my leg with his fingertips and edged my legs apart again, working his body between me even more so that I sank down into the bed. He pushed his lips further into me and the bed creaked loudly underneath us, the wooden frame sinking into the ground with a loud thud. Asher pulled away from me and glanced at the door, waiting for any sound that his parents had heard us.