“Shut up, I’m dying of envy,” Sam interjected, pouting only the way she could.
“Seriously! You like horseback riding. I’ll have to take you sometime. We still have our membership at the stables, and I’m allowed to bring friends.”
Sam’s eyes widened and I grinned. “Shut up,” Sam hissed. “No, seriously, you’d take me?”
“Definitely. It’s so much fun. I mean, after you get used to it, anyway. As long as you don’t end up upside down under the horse with your hair in a puddle.”
Sam laughed. “Okay, how the hell did you end up like that?”
“Right! So they put me in the class with the other twelve-year-old’s instead of putting me in the beginner class like I was supposed to be. I didn’t say anything because I guess I just assumed they knew what they were doing—”
Sam shook her head. “Don’t ever assume that.”
“Right? So they put me up on this giant freaking horse. I mean massive. And I’m thinking okay, it’s huge, but it’s probably gentle, right? Then this woman, this instructor, she pulls her horse around to the front of the class and says, okay girls, who’s ready to jump?”
“No!”
“Oh, yeah. I just about wet myself. So then my brain kicks in and I’m like excuse me I think I’m in the wrong class, but she’s not listening. She lines us up and says, the horses know what to do, follow me and lean into it. Keep in mind, this is my first time on a horse. Ever. Lean into what, right?”
Sam was laughing so hard I thought she was going to choke.
“So I’m clinging to this poor horse for dear life,” Arlena continues. “The horses are running, following the instructor. Then I see it. There’s a fence. I’m like please stop, please stop—but nope, the instructor goes up and over it, then the next horse, and the next one, and by now I’m like legitimately crying. Can’t see anything.”
Before I know it, I’m laughing too, fully sucked into the way she’s telling the story, playing out all the emotions on her face as though she’s back in that moment.
“So I come up on the fence. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t anything like this. The horse runs flat-out at this damn fence, my feet slip out of the stirrups, I’m holding on to the saddle horn, then we’re flying. I mean, flying. Horse goes up and I start slipping, I’m holding on, then the horse comes down with a thud. I slip, but now my foot is tangled in a stirrup and I’m grabbing for a handhold, and somehow I end up hanging onto this horse from the bottom with my hair falling in a puddle.”
“That’s awful,” Sam giggled, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “But noted, no jumping on the first lesson.”
“I still haven’t jumped,” Arlena confessed. “After that I decided that horses were fine and dandy as long as they kept two feet on the ground.”
Sam gave her a glittery-eyed look of plotting. “Hm. Now I definitely have to come with you.”
“Oh?” Arlena asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yup,” Sam said. “Somebody needs to hassle you into getting over that fence.”
Arlena choked on her drink, then narrowed her eyes playfully at Sam. “You can try.”
“I will succeed,” Sam shot back.
We lingered over breakfast for hours, just talking. The girls did most of that, honestly. Not that I could complain. I was having a great time just listening. It felt like a complicated knot in my stomach had spontaneously untied itself, straightening out everything around it in the process. But soon enough, even that came to an end as Sam looked down on her phone.
“Shit, I’m about to be late,” she said. “I can drop you guys off somewhere first, though. Where do you want to go?”
Arlena looked up at me and slowly, but surely, her lips parted. “Do you want to come over?”
There was no saying ‘no’ to that.
26
I checked the step as we walked up. It was a habit now, one that I didn’t know if I was ever going to break. There was nothing there, thankfully, but somehow it didn’t feel like as much of a relief as it should. I tried to shake whatever feeling, whatever negativity was trying to overwhelm me and searched for my keys.
“Sam’s not so bad,” I said, looking at Blayze over my shoulder. “I see why you like her.”
Blayze shook his head and laughed. “She’s a really good friend,” he said. “But when we’re together, it’s like it flips a psycho switch in her.”
“Is that a puzzle you want to figure out?”
“Not anymore.” he said, stepping into the house behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. “I’m more interested in figuring out the puzzle of why I’m not kissing you right now.”
I turned around in his arms and pulled him close, tilting my head up to take as much of him as he was willing to give right now. Our kiss was long and sweet and full of heat, threatening to melt me from head to toe.
“Come on,” I breathed as I pulled away from him. “Let’s go upstairs.”
A small, mischievous smirk parted his lips as he followed me upstairs. “Your parents aren’t planning on coming home any time soon, are they?”
“Nope. They’re both working until at least four.”
“Good. Because I’m not sure your dad would approve.” He wasn’t wrong, but right now, the last thing I wanted was to think about was my father.
I pulled the door to my bedroom open and took a seat on the bed, patting the spot next to me. Blayze’s smile softened and there was a tender glow in his eyes that made my heart ache. He knelt down on the floor in front of me and took each of my hands in his, kissing them one after the other.
When he looked up at me, his eyes were full of earnest intention. “I said a lot of shitty things to you,” he said. “I treated you horribly. You didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry.”
As soon as that last word landed, my eyes were a mess. Tears leaked through the cracks, pushing out the sadness and filling me with something entirely different. I didn’t know I needed to hear that until he said it. I raked my fingers through Blayze’s hair and stroked his face, gazing into his eyes. “You’re forgiven,” I said softly. “And—I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should have trusted you. I guess I’m sorry, too.”
Pulling my hands closer, he kissed the back of them. One and then the other. “Forgiven, a million times over, without a second thought,” he said.
I pulled him up, then close, and kissed him hard enough to make his pulse jump. He closed his eyes, breathing heavily, as he clutched me close to him. Sliding onto the bed, he kissed my mouth again, letting his hands run over my body. Tender, searching hands, mapping me out. Without hesitation, I gave myself to him, pouring my body into his hands, trusting him with every part of me and exploring all of him.
His breath caught in his throat as he slipped one hand under my shirt and froze, pulling back to meet my gaze. His eyes glowed warm with need, but there was restraint written all over his face. He didn’t want to hurt me. Didn’t want to push me or coerce me. I smiled softly and let my heavy-lidded eyes close as I kissed him, breaking apart only long enough to pull my shirt over my head.
We moved together, fell together, as we wriggled out of our clothes, loathe to part for even a second. I ached for him. Every touch of his bare skin against mine sent ripples of desperate pleasure through me, my heart galloping like a racehorse toward a finish line I’d dreamt of for months.
Groaning, Blayze caught my earlobe gently between his teeth. “Princess,” he whispered and I felt the word dance across my spine, my skin, my heart.
I don’t know what I’m doing. The thought rolled in on a thundercloud of anxiety, but Blayze pushed it away with his firm, gentle hands. They swept over my body, molding me, exploring me, positioning me beneath him. All I could do was react as his mouth moved over me, my breasts, my belly, hesitating between my legs until I looked down at him. Once my eyes were locked to his, he lowered his mouth and covered me in warm, moist heat, groaning as he flicked his tongue across my core.
“Blayze,” I screamed as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through me.
My voice seemed to work as fuel to his fire. One hand against the base of my thigh, Blayze hoisted my leg further up and over his head, leaning into me as deeply as he could get. My folds parted, he had full access to my clit, and he didn’t hesitate to suck and lick, to tease and torment, to take from me and to give every damn thing in return.
My body screamed, and my brain spiraled, trying to lock everything about this moment into memory, but I was moving so fast, climbing so high. Heat spread from my thighs right up to my belly button and my body tensed, bucking my hips even closer to his mouth as though I wasn’t already as in over my head as I could possibly be. When my orgasm hit, it caused my entire body to vibrate. My nails sunk into Blayze’s shoulders as I fought for stability. But he was a boat, rocking his head to drink every bit of me in. It wasn’t until the quakes had subsided, and I was too sensitive to be touched that he crawled over me, dropping kisses over my body until he reached my mouth. I kissed him desperately, tasting my arousal on his hips and feeling like I would float away unless I clung to him.
When he lowered himself onto me, I felt the hardness of his cock against my belly and I arched my back, so, so ready to let him in. But he pulled me away, his eyes so very dark with desire. “Safety first,” he said hoarsely, cruising a finger over my lips. He moved away from me and I could have cried, I wanted him so badly. He was only gone for a few seconds, but they could have very easily been the longest few seconds of my life.
“There,” he whispered in my ear as he took me in his arms again.
My heart beat a frantic tattoo against my chest until I could barely breathe. I needed him. Clinging to him, I bit his shoulder, tasting our mingled sweat as he pressed against me, into me, so very slowly. I was ready. I thought I was ready. I wasn’t sure I was ready—he was big and felt even bigger, and there was resistance. He adjusted to it, then adjusted again, rocking slowly. His arms shook and his belly tensed.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, his voice frantic, but calm.
I grabbed his neck and pulled him down to meet my mouth, holding tight to his hip with my other hand. I held him like that as I wriggled beneath him, pressing and rocking him ever closer to the molten heat deep inside of me. At long last the resistance gave way and I cried out as he filled me up, his heat melding with mine. He froze, terrified that I was hurt, gentle to a fault. I held his eyes with mine and moved my hips, urging him on.
It was all he needed. He went slowly, at first, but soon enough his control began to crumble. I moved with him, matching his pace as he drove us both through an irresistible torrent of pleasure. I breathed him in, drowning in his scent, meshing with his body. When the pulse began in my core once more, it was answered with his own.
Crying out into his shoulder as he growled into my hair, I fell over the edge of pleasure into a sea of ecstasy.
When the quakes finally subsided, he was still there, holding me. My head cleared - layer by layer, inch by inch. He kissed my forehead when he had to move away and dispose of things, but there was no desperation in me at his absence now—just a calm, golden contentment. When he returned, he curled up behind me and held me close, kissing my temple.
“Arlena?”
“Mm?”
“Are you okay?”
I rolled over, smiling like I hadn’t smiled in months. “I’ve never been better,” I told him and meant every ounce of it.
Blayze sighed happily and held me close. We stayed like that for a long, long time. I’d never been so vulnerable; but I’d never felt safer.
27
I was halfway back to my mom’s place when Eddie called me.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I answered.
“Hey, man—I heard about the fight. You don’t happen to know what that was all about, do you?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Somebody passed out a bunch of topless pictures of Arlena. I couldn’t let that slide.”
“Shit. Are you serious, man?”
“Serious as a storm,” I said, trying not to let the rage of that moment built right back up.
“Do you know who did it?”
“Not yet,” I said. “But I’m gonna find out.”
“Listen man,” he said, then paused, sucking in a breath that shook all over. “I’m sorry, okay. I fucked up. I didn’t… I didn’t think it was that big a deal, but you were right.” He sighed, as though it was the weight of the world that he was trying to speak off his shoulders. “You can come back over, bring your stuff. I offered you a place to stay and even if we’re fighting and shit… you still have the right to fucking stay here, you know. We’ve been through too much.”
I laughed and shook my head. Eddie was a mess, that much was for sure, but he was a good friend. “No worries, man. I’ll be right over, I still got my stuff in my car. My mom didn’t want it in the house, you know how she gets.”
“Yeah, I get it, I get it. But yeah, come on back, we’ll brainstorm or some shit.”
“Cool, thanks man.”
“And Blayze…”
“Yeah.”
“I really am fucking sorry, man.”
Everything was looking up, it seemed. Eddie and I were cool again, Sam and I were solid, Arlena was back by my side, and even my mother had started talking to me again. If I could just figure out how to get Damon out of prison, I would be set. Plus, there were always a lot of suspensions and expulsions after a riot, which meant that Arlena would be safe at school for a while, even when I couldn’t keep an eye on her. Yes, everything was looking good now. Well, maybe not good, but better.
Eddie tapped his pen on the paper in front of him. Ever since I got here, we’ve been brainstorming, trying to figure out who the fuck took the pictures of Arlena. Who keyed her car. Who wrote on her body. Who enemy fucking number one is. Eddie and I didn’t get too far, but we made more progress than Arlena and I had. He’d invited a very specific guest list to that party, and had kept track of all the random people who’d tagged along. That narrowed my focus down pretty far.
“So we’re looking at twenty-four people,” I said.
“Twenty-five,” Eddie corrected. “Don’t forget Sam.”
I shook my head. “Sam’s already cleared, we can forget about her. So of these twenty-four people, who has access to the school printers and also has a Fugwidem account?”
Eddie frowned. “Can’t know the second one for sure, that’s sort of the beauty of the app. But the first, let’s see—Stacy, Marissa, and Lea all do yearbook stuff. Aiden, Elsa, and Jean are all on the school newspaper. Tony, Josey, and Raul do theater stuff. But let’s be honest, any one of them could have come up with an excuse to use the printers. Hell, we don’t even know if the pictures were printed at school.”
“True,” I said thoughtfully. “Whoever printed those pictures did it at some point between Saturday night and Monday morning before the school doors were even open. They could have printed them anywhere.” I sighed, annoyed that the one piece of hard evidence we had didn’t seem to go anywhere.
“Okay, new tactic. Who would have had time during the party to slip away unnoticed and smash up her car?”
Eddie blew out a breath and shook his head. “Man, I don’t even know. Everybody?”
“Nah,” I said. “These four were in the back room with me and Sam all night.” I crossed the names off the list.
Eddie nodded. “Okay, down to twenty. Has she mentioned any of these people specifically?”
“Yes and no,” I said. “Half of them are in her history class, though.” I put stars next
to their names and Eddie gave me an incredulous look. “What?”
“Man, how do you know who’s in all her classes?”
“I don’t,” I said. “These people all wanted to talk to me about something that happened during that class, that’s all.”
“Okay, cool. So I’ll take these five, you take the rest of them. We’ll talk to them one by one and figure out who’s twitchy.”
“Leave it to you to pick all the girls,” I said.
He grinned. “Did you really expect anything else?”
“Nope. Not even a little bit.”
That conversation sparked an almost week long affair of trying to get through the list. During that time, the school administration started a full-on investigation of their own. Two of the guys I talked to didn’t even remember seeing Arlena at the party. One of them couldn’t remember the party at all, but was pretty sure he spent the whole thing throwing up in the bathroom. The last two remembered seeing her, but claimed to have no interest in her comings and goings.
“When you got nothing to hide, you got no one to fear,” Chris said with a shrug. “I swear, everybody just been telling on themselves singling her out like that.”
“Don’t know her, don’t want to know her, don’t care who her daddy is,” Bart said. “I been clean for a year and I’m planning to stay that way. And I sure as shit don’t want no problems with a lawyer’s daughter.”
“Rational,” I said.
The school didn’t seem to be having much more luck, but then they were starting with way less information than I already had. One Thursday, on a day when Arlena told me her mother would be bringing her to school, I was sitting in class when I heard her name called over the PA. I frowned, instantly alert. Usually they just send runners to the classrooms to pull the student. I slid my phone out of my pocket and texted her.
Manic: A Dark High School Bully Romance Page 18