"Jay?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't really invite you in to look out the window."
"Oh. What did you invite me in for?"
"You... didn't pick up on any of my... signals?"
"You were sending signals?" Jay had no idea what Stephen was talking about now, and that made him distinctly uncomfortable. Social situations were usually just beyond his grasp, but this seemed completely beyond the boundaries of his reality. "What sort of signals?"
"I... well... I thought this was... the two of us were... "
"Having lunch?" Jay asked, his confusion mounting as Stephen became more uncomfortable.
"No. Not having lunch. Oh, hell." Stephen grabbed him by the shirt and yanked him closer. "This is what I was trying to say, Jay."
With that, he pressed his mouth to Jay's in a hard kiss. Shock washed over Jay in an icy bath, and instead of doing what he so desperately wanted to do, he froze. He went completely rigid, his brain trying to process the fact that Stephen was kissing him while his mouth refused to engage at all. One hand tightened into a fist at his side and the other hovered above Stephen's arm, though he couldn't quite bring himself to touch. He probably looked like a complete idiot. Stephen probably thought he was mentally deficient. Or didn't return his interest.
The thought startled Jay into action. He could live with Stephen thinking he was an idiot and a shitty kisser, but he didn't want Stephen to get the impression that Jay didn't want him. Jay wanted him so badly it literally hurt. He opened to the kiss before Stephen could pull away, embarrassment clawing at his throat even as Stephen moaned and cupped the back of his head. Stephen's tongue briefly touched his, pulled back, and then brushed over his lips. The contact went directly to Jay's cock, which instantly swelled to press against Stephen's thigh. Each subsequent touch of Stephen's tongue sent a dozen jolts of pleasure to his groin, until every muscle was clenched tight and he felt like he was going mad with it.
Jay didn't know exactly where he found the boldness to slide his hand between their bodies, but as soon as he fingered Stephen's erection through his jeans, he knew the impulse had been the right one. He palmed Stephen's length, amazed that he was touching Stephen at all, overjoyed to be massaging his thick cock through the soft jeans. He wanted to do more than that. As soon as he touched Stephen, it was too much to ever hope for and not even close to enough. Stephen's mouth continued to move over his, still strange but growing more familiar. Jay was beginning to have a sense of how to respond, how to mold his lips over Stephen's perfectly, how to use his tongue to tease Stephen's and explore the curves of his mouth.
Jay managed to pinch Stephen's zipper between his increasingly thick and clumsy fingers and pulled it down. Stephen's cock sprang from his pants, and his moan was low and appreciative when Jay fisted it. And God, God, he had Stephen's cock in his hand, Stephen's flesh throbbing against his palm, Stephen's slick pre-come wetting his fingers. Jay's knees turned to rubber, and his heart raced dangerously. Touching Stephen left him more breathless and light-headed than anything they did at the gym.
Stephen's cock was long and thick, and Jay hadn't even had the chance to look at it yet, but he knew it was probably as beautiful as the rest of him. He'd never touched anything so hot, so smooth. His skin was softer than silk, and the bit of liquid at the tip was so warm and slick. It shouldn't have been like a revelation to Jay, who had more than ample experience with his own cock to understand the texture and the heat. But it was nothing like touching his own, and Jay couldn't stop himself from marveling at every blessed second of contact.
He pumped his wrist slowly at first, dragging his palm from the tip to the base and back again in long, measured gestures. Jay had to break away from Stephen's mouth to catch his breath, and as he looked at Stephen's shining lips and his bobbing Adam's apple, he realized he wanted to do more than just taste Stephen's mouth. Dropping to his knees wasn't an option. He was feeling bold, but not quite that bold, and besides, it wasn't exactly easy to get himself down and back up again in such a small space. But that was fine. He was more than happy to kiss Stephen's neck and his throat and collarbone. He pulled at Stephen's shirt, revealing more of his chest to lick and nibble. Jay hoped he was doing everything right. He tried to use Stephen's moans and soft sighs as a guide, repeating the motions that received the loudest sounds. Was it obvious that he had no idea what he was doing? What about his desperation? Was that as obvious as his inexperience?
Of course it is, Jeni's voice quickly responded. He kissed you once and you grabbed his cock. Do you think that's how people normally behave?
Jay gasped at the thought and tried to step back, releasing Stephen like he'd been burned. "I'm sorry. I... "
"Fuck, Jay, please don't stop."
In this confusing time, the right thing to do was whatever Stephen said to do. Jay re-established his grip on Stephen's cock and began stroking him again, pumping his wrist faster and faster, occasionally twisting his palm over the swollen head. Stephen clutched his shoulders, claiming Jay's mouth just in time to muffle a low groan. He rocked his hips, fucking Jay's hand and the urge to drop to his knees returned. He'd let Stephen fuck his mouth like that.
"Oh, Jay, I'm going to come... oh... " His hips stuttered and Jay had just enough time to cup his palm over the slit, catching each shot of the thick, hot liquid. Stephen shuddered against him, dropping his head to Jay's shoulder to catch his breath as the last of the aftershocks rolled through him. "God."
Jay stared at the back of Stephen's head, not quite ready to believe this even happened, despite the fact that Stephen's come still coated his fingers. He could stand there all day holding Stephen, studying his hair and the shape of his shoulders and the slope of his spine. But all too soon Stephen was straightening and half twisting his body to snag a T-shirt that had been tossed onto the futon.
"Here. You can use this to clean up."
Jay nodded and took it, using the soft material to carefully wipe his fingers even though he would have rather licked it up.
"Let's sit down and I'll return the favor. So to speak."
Stephen wanted to give him a hand job? Jay hadn't even thought about Stephen touching him, much less touching him. Stephen offering like that was more than Jay could have ever hoped for, and it certainly wasn't anything less than Jay longed for. But in order for that to happen, he'd have to unzip his pants and get partially naked. Not completely naked, not for a simple wank, but he couldn't let Stephen see him without clothes. That wasn't even an option. He liked Stephen too much, and more importantly, he'd rather have the opportunity to touch Stephen again.
"I... I can't. I'm sorry, I have to go."
"What?"
"I have to go," Jay repeated, his mouth dry. "I'm sorry, but I have to do... things... "
"I won't keep you for the whole afternoon," Stephen promised. "Twenty, thirty minutes tops. Maybe forty-five."
For a brief moment, Jay considered giving in and unzipping his pants. Another thirty minutes of kissing Stephen, of touching him, of being close to him? Jay couldn't think of anything more wonderful. But by that same token, the inevitable disgust on Stephen's face would be too much to bear. Not that he believed he was disguising himself completely with his clothes. Stephen clearly knew he wasn't attractive, but if he was willing to touch Jay just to return the favor, it wasn't necessary.
"I have to go," Jay repeated, wondering if Stephen could tell how much the words cost him. "But I'll see you on Monday."
"Yeah, okay." Stephen tucked himself back into his pants. "I'll walk you out."
"No, that's fine. Bye."
Jay couldn't make his escape fast enough, and he didn't give Stephen another chance to argue that he should stay. His hands were trembling by the time he got to the car, and it took two attempts to even get the key in the ignition. His cock throbbed so hard he felt it in the back of his eyes. The slightest direct contact would be enough to make him burst. He couldn't stop thinking about the way Stephen enveloped his senses
, the way it felt to stand so close to him and hold him and lick at his mouth. But those thoughts only sharpened the ache between his legs until Jay couldn't think about anything except that.
He only lived a few miles to the north, but he was all turned around and couldn't get his head on straight. He went a good ten miles out of his way, but at least by the time he made it back to his apartment, the pain had faded and he could walk with a minimum amount of discomfort. Fortunately, Amy was in her room with the door shut when he returned home, so there were no obstacles between him and his own bedroom. He locked the door, undressed, and spread out on the bed.
It probably took less than a minute to get himself off the first time. All he had to do was think about how Stephen's cock felt against his hand, and when he brought his palm up to his face, he could still smell the other man's sweat and come and the natural, slightly bitter scent of his skin. Come burst from him with enough force to hit his chest, but that wasn't enough to ease the ache in his balls. He jerked himself off a second time, moving much slower, giving himself enough time to consider Stephen's entire body, not just his gorgeous cock.
When he was close to the breaking point, he let his fantasies change their shape a little. He thought about Stephen joining him on that bed, covering Jay's naked body, kissing him like he was dying for Jay's mouth.
The scene in Jay's mind didn't make it far beyond that point before he finished again.
With his mind clear, Jay could admit that it would have been far more preferable to actually be with Stephen rather than just think about it. He wished he could have stayed in Stephen's little house all day, but he still felt he'd made the right decision. He definitely wanted Stephen to touch him, but since that would probably be the last thing they did together, Jay knew he could be patient.
Chapter 5
Monday was difficult. More difficult than Jay anticipated. He spent the first half of the day trying to concentrate in his 19th Century Novels seminar, but even though he'd done the reading, he found he had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. Dr. Smith sent him a few questioning looks since he was usually the first person to volunteer his thoughts and always plunged into the debates with enthusiasm. He forced himself to take notes, trying to prove he could pay attention and not just swoon over Stephen like a teenage girl. But his notes were incomplete and in no way resembled the meticulous letters on the previous page. After class, he ate lunch without tasting the food and tried to grade a handful of papers, but mostly he just thought about Stephen. By the time he showed up at the GLBT Center, he'd spent at least ninety-five percent of his mental energy on Stephen, and he had no idea how he was supposed to get any work done while Stephen was in the same room.
There was no sign of the other man anywhere when he arrived, much to Jay's disappointment and relief. It was getting complicated, the way all of his emotions just sprung to the surface and mingled in perplexing ways whenever he thought about Stephen. Maybe inhabiting the middle ground between terror and joy was just the state they described as love. Maybe love had nothing to do with happiness and everything to do with walking the fine line between holding somebody close and fleeing as far and as fast as possible from that person. Either way, Jay spent the first hour of his shift debating what he should say to Stephen, how he should say it, when he should say it, and if he should be smiling or not. He tried to reassure himself that there didn't have to be any difference in the way they interacted, but Jay already felt a difference--a big one--before Stephen even returned.
When he walked through the door, Jay might have heard a heavenly chorus. In that moment, Jay understood all the overwrought Victorian poetry he'd always been so partial to. His heart leapt in his throat when Stephen smiled at him. It wasn't just a casual greeting. It wasn't the sort of smile he bestowed on anybody else hanging out in the room. It was personal and pleased and clearly meant for Jay. He was happy to see Jay. As far as Jay knew, nobody ever looked forward to seeing him. Nobody had ever smiled at him like that, as though their entire day had turned around because Jay was present. And to think he had that sort of affect on Stephen... it just didn't seem possible.
"Jay, can you step into my office for a second? I needed to go over this week's schedule with you."
It wasn't a very good excuse. Jay had nothing to do with scheduling decisions, unless he couldn't cover the shifts he'd volunteered for. But nobody else seemed to notice when Jay used the terrible excuse to get up and follow Stephen into his office. He tried to train his features so he didn't look too much like an eager puppy dog. He didn't necessarily want Stephen to know that he inspired such strong emotions in Jay. He especially didn't want Stephen to know that he was both terrified and ecstatic, shy and so eager to touch Stephen that his fingers were already trembling. Just being near him was an intoxicating form of torture, the pain nourishing the pleasure, creating a heady cocktail. He wanted to reach for Stephen, but he waited, afraid that maybe he'd misunderstood the situation and Stephen really did want to discuss the schedule.
Stephen reached behind him and pushed the lock on the door. Jay might have been unsure and shy, but he didn't need a more explicit invitation than that. Stephen never locked his door. He took Stephen by the shoulder and forgot to be afraid, pushing him back against the desk and kissing him desperately. Stephen grunted and parted his lips, his tongue diving into Jay's mouth with unmistakable hunger. Jay felt his confidence growing by the second--as well as his desire and his cock. He pushed his hands through Stephen's hair, sighing with pleasure at the silky softness, plunged his tongue into Stephen's mouth, gripped him by the hip and pulled him closer, sought out every inch of bare skin he could reach. Stephen didn't resist him. He was pliant, responding to Jay's touch and his hard kisses, settling comfortably between Jay's body and the edge of his desk.
"I thought you'd tell me no," Stephen said against his mouth.
"Why?"
"Because you beat a hasty retreat on Saturday."
"I really had to read." Did he even read a single word on Saturday? He couldn't remember. He'd once been so focused, so good at remembering things, but now if he wasn't specifically thinking of Stephen, everything felt clouded and vague. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize. God, Jay, you have no idea how good it feels to... I've been dying from loneliness."
The reference to why Jay was even there to begin with wasn't quite an icy bucket of water, but it did act as a reminder that he needed to focus on Stephen's desires and not his own--though a part of Jay wondered why Stephen chose him specifically to take care of that loneliness. Maybe he figured Jay would just be happy to get what scraps he could get while Stephen kept his options open? Well, if that was the case, Stephen wasn't wrong. Jay was very happy to accept the scraps if it meant he didn't have to rely on his imagination for a little while at least.
Jay didn't hesitate to tug Stephen's pants open, even though it wasn't very professional and somebody could knock on the door at any time. He didn't want to put Stephen at risk for losing his job, but he figured if that really was a possibility, Stephen would stop him.
"Can you sit on the desk?" Jay asked.
Stephen nodded, perching on the edge and leaning back to support himself on one hand. Now Jay had the chance to actually see Stephen's length, he didn't want to look away. He swiped his thumb over the red crown, his mouth watering at the sight of the pre-come gleaming under the yellow lights. Jay fisted his length and bent his head, inhaling sharply. The smell was heady and rich, much stronger than the faint whisper that had lingered on Jay's fingers on Saturday. Jay filled his head with the musk and then took another deep breath, feeling like he might drown in it. He knew he'd never forget the scent or this moment. Stephen's fingers twisted in his short hair, and he looked up through his lashes to see Stephen staring at him, lips parted and swollen from their hard kisses, cheeks red.
"Should we... do this here?" Jay asked, making one final effort at being a responsible adult.
"We don't have to," Stephen said hoarsel
y. "You can stop if... if you'd rather not."
"I don't want to stop," Jay assured him with complete honesty. He didn't know if Stephen meant for things to proceed so quickly or if he was revealing himself to be an overeager virgin, but he couldn't just be happy with kissing. He was too desperate. He wanted for too long, and couldn't take a single second for granted. He dipped his head again and blew a stream of air over the slick head, the hard flesh jerking in response. Taking a deep breath, Jay let his tongue slip between his lips and dance over the smooth skin. The texture made him whimper, and the taste felt like a thousand tiny explosions on his tongue. It was salty and bitter at the same time, musky like Stephen's scent, and it seemed sweet to him. One taste wasn't enough. He dragged his tongue over the swollen flesh again and again, lingering between each slow lap, rubbing the flat of his tongue right over the slit. Pre-come dripped into Jay's mouth, and he had to follow the drops that escaped him. He sucked the tip between his lips, then moved lower and lower, taking inch after lovely inch into his mouth.
"God, Jay... you don't have to... oh fuck... "
Jay knew he didn't have to, but he sure as hell wanted to. He relaxed his jaw and swallowed as much of Stephen as he could, moving the ring of his lips nearly to the base of Stephen's shaft before he had to stop. He loved the weight against his tongue, loved how it felt when the top slid over the roof of his mouth. He was careful not to let his teeth catch on the sensitive skin. He hollowed his cheeks, sucking until Stephen groaned and dropped his head back. His fingers still worked through Jay's hair, alternately twisting the strands and then smoothing them down. Jay angled his head so he could take even more of the shaft, wishing he could take Stephen all the way down his throat.
He couldn't quite make it, though he did try. As soon as Stephen's crown brushed the back of his throat, it triggered his gag reflex. He pulled away, swirled his tongue around Stephen's crown until he licked the salty liquid away from his skin, and then moved back down his shaft. Jay made up for the fact that he couldn't take every bit by fisting Stephen's base and moving his wrist in time with his mouth. Jay closed his eyes, shutting out everything that wasn't directly related to Stephen's cock. All that mattered was the thin, heated skin, the throbbing muscle, the smooth liquid flowing over the back of his tongue, and Stephen's tiny, encouraging whimpers.
Pisces: From Behind That Locked Door Page 5