by W. J. May
“Gaz!” Shaking myself from her stare, I click my fingers to catch his attention.
“Going on my break, okay?”
He gives me the thumbs-up. I turn back towards her wide eyes.
“And you’re coming with me.”
I don’t release her wrist or allow her time to question. With the stealth of a panther, I launch myself across the bar to where she stands. Pulling her with me, we pass through the archway into the backroom. I close the door. We are alone.
“You don’t remember me, do you? Look closer...”
I have a crushing pain beneath my chest; with every breath she takes it’s as though she breathes me back to life. I must have her. She is as beautiful as the day we first met. She was like a frightened gazelle running through the forest, her clothing dishevelled, her hair wild and free.
“No,” she murmurs, shaking her head.
Being a bouncer, there are so many witty comments I could throw her way, but I stop myself, for I don’t intend on playing tricks with this girl’s mind. I glance down at my clothes; I have to admit I look smart and I want her to see that, to see the man that stands before her. Not the monster, the vampire that I really am. It would be so easy for me to control her, for with the hypnotic power of my eyes and my thoughts she is there for the taking. I have no intention of letting her feelings become blurred by illusion. She is the drug to which I am addicted, and I can’t bear for her to be out of my sight.
I feel cold as she pulls away, and the beat of my heart which stirred once again lies dormant. I watch her closely as she walks towards the corner of the room and sinks down onto a grey upholstered easy chair.
“I don’t know you.” She places her finger on her bottom lip, gazing up. “You remind me so much of...” She falls quiet; it’s as though her eyes are drinking me in.
I hardly hear her words, just crave her closeness and the feelings she brings. I drag the matching easy chair across the wooden floor, where I seat myself at her side. It isn’t just her floral scent I catch, but the scent of another man.
“Are you seeing anybody?” I quiz.
“Yes, I am; what’s it to you? And what’s with the men around this place?” She huffs, shaking her head. “All I want is a job, to go home at the end of the night and get paid. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, so what say you all leave me alone?”
“I see you’ve still got your fighting spirit, but if your wish is that I leave you...”
Leaning forwards, I throw her a knowing glance. I push my hands down on the arms of the chair to stand, but with the chair’s release I enter her space. Her face is so close to my own and I can feel the inner heat of her body as it rises. There’s a warm blush on her cheeks. My eyes lower and fall into her lap, where her hands are placed. I pick up the acceleration of the pulse in her wrist, and can actually see its rhythmical beat before me growing faster and faster. The sexual tension between us is like an explosive charge. Her sultry red lips are so near I can taste her. Yet there’s a hesitance on her part. She said there is somebody sharing her life, but I know she lies.
“One would not look at another the way you look at me,” I tell her. “Well, not if you were truly in love with someone else. So, again I put it to you, is there a man in your life?”
I can see a swimming of tears in her eyes. Maybe I’ve probed too deeply into matters of the heart. She loses my gaze. I watch her head bow, leaving her long hair to mask her face. She cannot silence the intermittent sobs, nor can she hide the rise and fall of her shoulders. I feel such empathy as I look down upon her, so I take her in my arms like a mother would a child. The skin of my hand brushes against her; every nerve ending and every unfelt feeling inside me intensifies, every pulsating vein inside me awash with blood. The lust I feel is explosive, and the want, the hunger of the man I once was returns. My instincts are to lavish her with kisses and await her lips, her return of affection. As the night hours pass, we will bathe in the moon’s glow and make love until once again the sun sits against the backdrop of the sky. The urge, the desire is so strong, I am unable to quantify it. How can I pull away from the renewed life she unknowingly offers me? And yet I find myself doing just that. I can’t take these feelings any longer and the pain they bring.
I turn towards the door, barely able to face her. When she leaves here tonight, I have a feeling I shall never see her again. My shoulders fall; I know I will lose her.
“You can’t keep doing this, coming in and out of my life the way that you do. Unknowingly on your part maybe, but it is cruel, for when we touch you awaken the long forgotten beat of my heart that in your absence dies.”
It hurts far too much to look again; I will say my goodbyes to both my love and my life. Maybe in time I will learn to forget, for time is one thing a vampire has plenty of.
“I don’t understand,” she replies.
I reach for the handle of the door to leave. She really doesn’t remember, but maybe it’s for the best.
“Wait, I’m sorry,” she calls after me.
I hear her sniff back her tears and turn to be met by mottled pink cheeks. She gets to her feet.
“I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t.”
I watch tears spill once again, and see her damp cheeks glisten.
“Some days you just want to wish away, and this is one of them.” Her voice seems to have gained some composure as she continues. “I’m buried in debt and unhappiness, and you know what? My life is going nowhere. It’s a case of shuffling the bills and reminders, and seeing which one I can pay first. My flatmate is doing the best he can, but he’s in and out of work, and now I’ve got a chance of getting a job and a regular income...” She pauses, running her fingers through the length of her hair. “But after the interview and trial, I don’t think it’s for me.”
“Was it something Gaz said?” I enquire. “I know what he can be like, especially when he sees a pretty girl.”
She offers no reply; it seems she doesn’t wants to fill me in, so I dare not probe deeper, but on second thoughts, I can’t not. “Come on, there is more to this than you’re telling me.”
I watch as her eyebrows draw in.
“I’ve told you too much already,” she snaps, with a stern edge to her voice. “What’s it got to do with you anyway? I hardly know you; you think I’m going to tell my life story to a total stranger when I hardly tell it to my best friend? Well, think again, because I’m not.”
I take a couple of steps towards her.
“What’s your problem? I’m only trying to help; they say a problem shared is a problem halved.”
“Oh really,” she mutters under her breath. “I can sit here for hours talking to you if that’s what you really want, but empty words can’t bring my mum or boyfriend back from the dead. They have no way of stopping me getting evicted from my flat, and thrown out onto the street. They can’t make me fall in love with an amazing guy that loves me unconditionally... So there you have it, a brief outline of my life story.” Her eyes scoot back and forth, like a caged animal in search of escape. “As for Gaz, you can tell him from me, he can stick his job.”
I smile. She has no idea, but I’ve already managed to find her weakness. Her bravado is one of a broken woman, who in time my intentions are to unbreak.
A draft sweeps across my face as the door opens; I hear her steps, her heels against the floor.
“Ten thousand pounds!” I shout before I really have time to think about what I am saying.
I hear the door click shut, and once again she turns.
“Ten thousand pounds?” she repeats. “For what?”
“For ten evenings with you.”
“You’re as bad as Gaz; I’m not an escort.”
The catch on the door clicks open and it stands ajar. I throw my hands over her shoulders, entrapping her small frame against me.
“Let go of me or I’ll scream!” she yells.
She looks up, her face one of fire, yet the anger she displays is so contradictory to the
desire her body language emits.
“Why do you fight this, when I can feel and see you are drawn to me?”
I feel the tremble she tries so hard to hide, and smile smugly at how her eyes evade mine.
“Rose, it’s not an escort I want, just your company and time. I’ll pay you a thousand pounds a night, cash. Take it or leave it. If you have a change of heart, then I will go and you’ll never see me again.”
Encased within my arms, I fear I may have come across a tad intimidating, and so I release her and give her back her space. She stammers, then appears to think better of it and gapes at me in silence. I pass her a card from my pocket.
“Here; you don’t have to make your decision now.” I follow her stare as she glances down at my name and number.
“Lucian...”
It’s the first time I hear any recognition in her voice, and see a twinkle of recognition in her eyes. Though still I feel our first meeting eludes her, I’m sure it won’t be long before the windows of her mind begin to clear.
Still facing me, I see the searching move of her arm towards the door handle, which she opens.
“Think hard, Rose, because ten thousand pounds could help solve a lot of your problems.”
She slips away, and on this occasion I let her go.
Chapter Four
Rose
The afternoon is like a breath of fresh air as I try to run far away from my thoughts. I feel weighed down by Lucian, by yesterday, and even more so by his proposal.
My head spins as my stilettos dig into the pavement with every stride I take. My stone-washed jeans rub together at the knees. I undo the first two buttons at the neck of my pale-green shirt. I turn up my iPod and let James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful drown out my guilt. It doesn’t stop me questioning why I kissed Tristan in the way that I did or why Lucian still sits between my temples. I have a constant headache that won’t go away.
What is wrong with me? I can’t get that man out of my head. The thought of Lucian, almost a total stranger, is able to bring butterflies to my stomach. I feel like a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush, yet I also feel an utter betrayal to Jai.
The black iron gates of the cemetery stand ominous and wide. I remove my earphones, and the sound of birds and the trickle of the small stream tell me I’m getting closer to where he lies. Coming here is beginning to feel like more of a ritual, and although I don’t want to admit it to myself, there are some days I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to remember. There is a constant battle raging in my head. If I don’t come every day, it’s as if I’m forgetting him and the love we had, the time we shared, but if I do come every day, I’m not allowing myself to move on.
The grey-shingled footpath narrows. I’m almost tripped up by my feet at what I see and for a second I stand open-mouthed. Yesterday Jai’s resting place was decorated by only a couple of daisies, but now the plain grass is covered by a thick bed of tiny white and yellow flowers that gaze up at me; they are blooming.
“Are you kidding me?” I gasp as I look around.
Apart from Jai’s plot, I see only green grass and the odd flower peeking out amongst the wreaths and cards that have been laid.
“It’s how the dead communicate with the living.”
Spooked, I jump upon hearing a familiar voice and tense as fingers rest upon my back.
“But then you already know that, don’t you?”
“Tristan?” I turn around.
My legs falter; losing my balance, I fall into his open arms.
“I don’t understand; these weren’t here yesterday.”
I point towards the daisies and take a tentative step closer, but Tristan grabs me by the arm.
“No, leave them.”
The daisies, Tristan’s words, his being here, it’s all scaring the hell out of me.
“Rose, can’t you see? Jai’s trying to tell you something; it’s a warning.”
I frown, shaking my head.
“Jai’s dead, Tristan.”
He takes my hands within his.
“Haven’t you ever sat in a room where a light flickers without explanation, or you think you’ve seen somebody from the corner of your eye, turn and there’s nobody there?”
“Tristan, stop it, will you? You’re going to give me nightmares.”
He releases my hands, moves behind me and places his fingers over my eyes, sending me into darkness.
“Think back, Rose, a few hours ago to last night.”
I can hear his voice as it softens, becoming almost hypnotic to my ears.
“Allow your mind to place yourself back in the comfort of your bed. Jai is gazing down at you from your canvas on the wall; he can see you. Now, let your ears pick up the melodic tick of your clock. Look around, allow your eyes to wander towards the shutters that hang at your window. Can you see the way they move? Can you hear the wind as it howls outside? Yet last night there was no breeze; outside was calm and still... Now look back towards the canvas on your wall.”
I feel Tristan’s hands slip away from my eyes, yet I don’t question my surroundings. I find myself in the flat, my bedroom. I am lying in my bed, and it is dark. I feel myself pulling the quilt away from my face. I lean onto my side to retrieve my iPhone and press the button. The small screen illuminates, throwing out a dim light, and I lift it towards the canvas. The photo of our prom day looks back at me, yet there is no one at my side.
Goose bumps spring up on my arms and legs.
“Jai, you’re not there!” I scream.
Unnerved by what I see, I quickly turn on my small bedside lamp. Grasping the quilt cover between my hands, I jump from my bed. As my eyes lift towards the canvas, the flicker of lamplight steels away my gaze, and caught in the corner of my eye is the figure of a man standing alone beside my window.
“Open your eyes...”
On hearing Tristan’s voice, I jump back into daylight and the warm afternoon, yet I shiver as my heart races and my eyes refocus. I’m standing back in the cemetery.
I reach up and grab the material of his cotton shirt.
“What did you do to me?” I shout, trying to shake him, but I haven’t the strength.
Tristan smiles and reaches towards me, but without a thought I push him away.
“I’m opening up a dream, a memory of last night. I’m here to remind you.”
“Remind me? Remind me of what?” I hiss.
He places his index finger over my lips.
“There are too many lost souls here for me to explain. This is God’s garden, not one for me to muddy with revelations.”
I draw in my brows, tossing my head to the side.
“Who are you?” I question.
“There’s a taxi waiting outside the gates. Leave Jai for now ... there’s always tomorrow.”
Grabbing me in his arms, he holds me tight, crushing me against the firmness of his body as he links his arms through mine.
“Come on, I think you could do with some cheering up.”
I can’t leave the swaying carpet of daisies without one final glance back. I wasn’t mistaken; they still stand on Jai’s resting place without reason. I drag my feet along the shingled pathway, my steps unresponsive to Tristan’s quickening pace.
I wind down the window of the yellow taxi. The red-bricked buildings soon open out into wide roads edged with broad green trees, which appear knitted together in long lines. Brown information signs pop up every few miles. Tristan’s planned day out is not a place I would choose to visit, not again. Sherwood Forest. I had a death wish that night, and it’s a memory I’d prefer to forget. The offshoot of the River Trent was where I intended to end it all. I only need to close my eyes and I’m back there. I can still see the wooden structure of the bridge and feel its instability beneath my feet. I am soothed by the purr of the engine as the next few miles pass.
We drive past the many holiday camps and tourist spots, on to where Mother Nature shows the prettiest side of her face with its interwoven canopy of tree
s. I lean my head back on the seat’s leather upholstery and gaze out at the leafy patchwork quilt of the forest. I can feel Tristan’s eyes watching me, though I make no attempt to strike up conversation. He’ll have plenty of time to answer my many questions later. My eyelids grow heavy and I slip from my daydreams into a light sleep, feeling my body slump forwards.
“Is she your lady?”
My ears are met by an unfamiliar voice, a distortion of words. The taxi driver, I surmise.
“Yes.”
The unfamiliar voice is replaced by Tristan’s reply. Half waking, I find my head cossetted against the broadness of his chest. I inhale, taking in the heady scent of his aftershave, and feel his chin resting on top of my head. Once again, sleep takes its hold.
I’m jerked awake by the handbrake being applied and Tristan’s voice calling my name. I step out of the taxi onto a black tarmacked expanse; I gather it’s a makeshift car park, as it’s fenced off, with the odd car dotted around. I turn to speak to Tristan, but think better of it when I see he has his head buried in the boot of the taxi. I watch as he slings a long strapped gym bag over his right shoulder.
He walks towards an opening in a fence, and not knowing what else to do, I follow. The forest floor has a littering of brown leaves, which I imagine are remnants from last winter. Dark and porous, they crunch beneath our feet. I gaze up through hanging branches, and my eyes catch the afternoon sun as it flits across the forest floor. Beams of light filter their way between the heavily laden boughs and branches.
We tread further on into the forest, walking between thickset bushes and trees; I imagine them to be like giants, rubbing shoulders.
Tristan’s strides lengthen and I struggle to catch him up as we walk in silence. I can’t believe the man; he had more than enough to say for himself in the cemetery earlier, yet now it seems that he can’t muster a single sentence. He must be able to hear my heavy breaths behind him, yet not once does he turn my way. He forgets he’s a strapping six-foot man and I’m only inches above five, so heels are a must, but I wish I had not worn them today. If I’d known I was to end up in a forest in the middle of nowhere, I’d have searched for my flats. I trip over yet another root and imagine my calves crying out in pain.