by W. J. May
“Well, about that...” Frank laughed. “Technically, it snorts, but at least it doesn’t create a smog problem. I’m your knight in shining armor, right? It would only be proper that I ride you off into the sunset on a white steed.”
“A knight on a white horse?” Gosh, could this day get any weirder?
Frank winced. “Well, technically, the horse isn’t white, but you get the idea.”
“This isn’t some romance novel or fairytale, so can you just drop me off at the nearest bus station?”
“Well, well, aren’t you quite the little comedian? Do you know how much work I put into this rescue mission?”
“Yes, Frank, and thank you. How’d you know where I was?” Shaking her head, she waved her hand. “Never mind. This isn’t the time. Let’s just say I appreciate it.” She eyed him up and down, knocking on his decorative etched breastplate. “You look like a walking tank, or maybe some kind of ancient Terminator.”
“Careful now. This is just a loaner from a friend I just met.”
“And he trusted you? I mean, you did crash my car into a pole a few months ago.”
Frank peered out the door. She caught the nervous flick of his tongue as he licked his upper lip. It was a telltale sign, even when he didn’t want to show his nerves. “If I remember correctly, you couldn’t drive because you were tipsy from too much champagne. You locked lips with me while—”
“No, I don’t remember it that way at all,” she lied. He’d looked so handsome in that tux that she couldn’t help it. “Anyway, you can rehash your misguided fantasies later. For now, what’s up with all of this? What the heck happened to us?”
“You tell me, ‘cause I never gave up on our whirlwind affair.”
She inhaled sharply. “I’m not talking about the relationship we so don’t have. I’m talking about this place. What is it? What happened? Where the heck are we?”
“Well, I wasn’t given a handbook, but I’ve been doing a lot of research. Uh, it seems we...uh...”
She smiled, knowing all too well that they’d entered some kind of portal, but she couldn’t pass on hearing Frank admit it. “I’m all ears.”
He averted his gaze as though the mere thought of what he was about to say embarrassed him. “Against all logical explanation and my better judgment, I must admit that we’ve somehow slipped into another dimension.”
“What?” she asked with her hands on her hips again. Those words could put a serious dent in your reputation, not to mention book sales. How can the greatest skeptic of all time admit to something so ridiculous?”
His face twitched, and he shuffled his feet, trying to avoid her gaze. “Trust me when I say it isn’t easy.”
“I’m not too floored. After all, I wrote a long article on how these beings use an intra-dimensional portal to gain access to our world. Don’t you remember asking me in front of hundreds of people at a conference if Chewy could use warp speed to get back to his world? And don’t forget all the cracks you made on my colleagues.”
Frank’s cheeks turned red. “Uh, the details of that are a little fuzzy, I’m afraid.”
She knocked on his metal chest. “You remember. Just admit it.”
“Sorry about that. When we get back, I’ll apologize to your team.”
“You’ll buy them dinner too. Flowers would be a nice touch, and chocolates with a nice card attached admitting that you’re an idiot.”
His jaw dropped. “Dinner, flowers, and candy? Are you kidding? There are thirty people on that team of yours.”
Sarah shrugged. “Sucks to be you then. Speaking of my team, where are they?” A shadow crossed his face, and her heart fell. “Did they come through the portal or are they back in California? If they came in after us, we should find them and make sure they’re okay.”
Frank smirked. “Yeah, I know you wish you could squeeze everyone to your bosom, but it’s kind of hard to do with a herd of Bigfoot on your butt.”
She pressed a palm to her chest, fighting the anxiety building up inside. What’s wrong with being a nurturer, of wanting to take care of people? She wished she’d done the same for her sister.
“We gotta go. We need to be in position for Jules’s whistle,” Frank said. “Ready to be my prisoner?”
“Yep. I feel like I was ripped out of my world and just thrown somewhere I don’t belong. I want to go home, and I have a funny feeling clicking my heels three times isn’t going to work.”
“Yeah, dirty boots can’t take the place of ruby red slippers, I’m afraid, even if I do look like the Tin Man in this thing,” he joked, thumping his metal chest.
“Well, you could use a heart.” She smiled, stepped in front of him, and placed her hands behind her back. “Anyway, you got here in the nick of time. That psychopath thinks I’m some princess and plans on making me his wife.”
He let go of her hands. “What?”
She spun around. “If you hadn’t come, I’d be a queen. He wants me to bear his dozen offspring.”
Frank looked away, but she didn’t miss the narrowed eyes and the frown forming between his brows as he mumbled, “I don’t believe this.”
“Don’t worry. It’s not gonna happen. I got caught in the middle of a hellish war between two kings. The one who threw me down here mistook me for Princess Gloria, the daughter of the other king. He wants to use me as a pawn for vengeance. The idiot could’ve checked my driver’s license. It’s nothing more than a big fat case of mistaken identity and being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Well, come on. We can talk on the way,” Frank whispered, motioning her to step in front of him so she could play a proper prisoner. But halfway up the corridor, he stopped. “Wait...I have an idea.”
“I don’t know what’s running through that mind of yours, but this might be the first and last time I’ll ever be willing to ride off into the sunset with you, so let’s just go.”
He turned to face her, lifting his visor, and let out a long breath. “What you just said changes everything. You’ve got to go back.”
She stared at him for a brief moment, unable to speak. Why did I have to open my big mouth? The thought of being left in that place made her gut tighten. “No! No way. You can’t just leave me here. Why? That makes no sense.”
He pressed his hands on her shoulders, his voice softening. “You have to marry the king.”
“What the heck are you talking about?” she asked. “Do you even hear yourself? How much ale have you been chugging with the locals?” Anger bubbled up inside her. She balled her hands, emotion choking her. “Wow, Frank. Really, I know you’re the jealous type, but this?” She took a steadying breath. “You’re even trying to speed things up by dumping me here.”
Frank shook his head, his eyes serious. “You’re staying.”
“He’s a lunatic. He threw me up against the wall and threatened my life.” And then it dawned on her. “Wait...there’s something in it for you, isn’t it? Are they making you editor-in-chief of the Tastian Times or the Guardian Gazette or something?”
“No! What do you take me for? That’s ludicrous.”
She shoved his shoulder. “Then tell me why!” She started to walk off, but Frank refused to budge. “What kind of knight in shining armor are you? You tease me with rescue only to send me back to my cold cell that’s in desperate need of fumigation?”
“You know there’s a method to my madness. I’ve been talking with my sources. We need that wedding ring to get back home. So you go play nice with Mr. King. Act like that princess and bat those eyelashes a million miles a minute if you have to.”
She crossed her arms. “What about the romantic dinner date I promised you for going into the cave? It’s not going to be so nice when I bring along my new husband, His Royal Pain in the—”
“Yeah, that could be a deal-breaker.” He paused for a moment. “Leaving you in the arms of another suitor really sucks, but we don’t have any other choice. Is he at least hot?”
She glared. “Very
.”
His jaw set. “He’ll never lay his filthy hands on you.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “Yet you want me to marry him.”
“I’ll get you out of here before he can consummate the marriage.”
“Let me get this straight, and excuse me if I’m a tad confused.” She took a deep breath. “You came here to rescue me, which you aren’t. Now you want me to marry King Victor, and you promise to make some triumphant return before Kingy McJerkwad has his way with me? Frank, I don’t get this at all. We should be running for the hills, but instead you’re doing a total 180 on me!”
“We aren’t going to get back to our dimension anytime soon. Those Guardians, those Bigfeet, can go in and out as they please, but it’s not that easy for us.”
Sarah tapped a finger against her lips. “Explains why we can’t find a specimen now, doesn’t it?”
“Seriously? Do you really want to debate Bigfoot at a time like this?” He shook his head. “Anyway, a person can walk through the portal, but once they’re in, that’s it. There’s no getting out, unless we have this special key.”
“Let me guess...the key’s impossible to get? We’re stuck here, just like my sister probably is? How do you even know all of this?”
“I’ve been digging all morning and have found some reliable sources. There’s a way to get back through, but we have to open the lock with an ancient wedding ring that only royalty wears.”
“We’ll just find a way to steal one, to borrow it temporarily so we can get the heck outta here.”
Frank shook his head, a shadow crossing his face. “It’s not that easy, Sarah. The owner of the ring has to wear it when activating the portal.”
“You want me to exchange I-do’s with this guy so I will be royalty, so I’ll be handed the royal ring? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Once I found you, my original plan was for us to somehow kidnap a queen, a prince, or maybe a king just long enough to open the portal.”
“You were going to hold them hostage with the...” She looked him up and down. “With the tranquilizer gun I gave you? Brilliant, Frank. Just brilliant...and completely insane.”
“Funny. I got the same reaction from the people I’ve met here. They told me it would be a suicide mission. Fortunately, thanks to you, we can scratch that and move on to Plan B.”
“What’re you saying? You want me to be the queen in your crappy excuse of a plan? The only way that will happen is if I marry Mr. Lunatic King so he’ll place a wedding ring on my finger.”
He pointed at her finger. “The vows won’t mean anything, Sarah, except that you’ll be wearing the key to the portal.”
She massaged her temples to ease the sudden tension building inside her skull. “What if this doesn’t work? I’ll be stuck as Queen Guinevere, married to some medieval—and I do mean evil—whack-job for the rest of my life, taking care of his bratty little minions.”
“It will work. It has to, or else we’re both gonna be ditching our careers and putting in applications at the Round Table.”
“That might work for you, Frank, but I’m not having it.” She scoffed. “I can fight with a sword if I have to, even if they’ve never heard of Joan of Arc. Regardless, I’m going to get my hands on that ring-slash-key because I’ll do anything to get back home.”
“I’ll come up with an escape plan.” Frank pulled her close. “If I didn’t think you were up for the challenge, I’d never have asked you to do this, but I know how tough you are. If anybody can pull this off, Sarah, it’s you.”
It was a bold and daring plan, and she had to stay strong, focused, and determined so they could pull it off and get back home. She simply could not allow fear to creep in. “Fine. King Victor is a royal pain in the butt, but don’t worry. I can handle him.” She touched Frank’s arm, knowing full well she should’ve never made Frank go inside that cave. Now they were stuck in some crazy world trying to pull off a jewelry heist. “I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this.”
“Are you kidding? I couldn’t let you have all the fun.” He hesitated, his gaze connecting with hers. “At least not alone.”
She cleared her throat and inched closer, peeling her gaze away just to avoid the depth of those hazel eyes.
Frank shook his head as if in disbelief. “I still can’t believe this place exists. You really think your sister is here?”
“Yes. I believe she’s alive, somewhere in this medieval world. I can feel it.”
“I agree, now that I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Anyway, the first thing we need to do is get the ring,” Frank said. “If we don’t take this opportunity, we may never get home. We’ll be stuck here forever. Once we have the ring, we’ll go undercover and hunt for your sister.”
Hundreds of thoughts raced through Sarah’s mind, but she managed a nod. “That’s a beginning. In the meantime, Frank, do as much digging as you can. You’re a reporter, a million times sharper than Lois Lane, remember? And right now I need you to be my Superman.”
“I knew those words were going to come back and bite me.”
“While you’re out there, keep an eye and ear out for Liz, okay?” Sarah whispered. Her voice came hoarse, barely audible in her own ears. For a moment, she wasn’t sure he even heard her, but then he gave a sharp nod.
“I’ll see what I can find.”
A black beetle scurried over her foot. She squashed it, digging her boot into the dirty ground until dust whirled up. “I don’t want to risk getting stuck here forever, but there is no way I’m leaving without my sister—not after looking for her for so long.”
“Then you have to play along, or we’ll never get the chance to get our hands on that ring.”
“Princess Gloria seems to be in hiding, letting me take the fall. What if he figures out I’m not the real deal?”
Frank cupped her face. “You need to bring home the Oscar at all costs, babe.”
A shudder rocked her body. “We don’t have much time. The ceremony’s tonight. Boy, I can’t wait to see the comments I’m gonna get when I tweet and Facebook this crap.”
“You won’t really be married, Sarah. It’s not legal.”
“Whatever. He said sunset, though, so you have to hurry. Trust me, it’s the only thing he looks forward to. The guy’s dying to knock me up with triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and sextuplets.”
Frank smiled. “Wow. What a lucky man.”
“What, you want a try too?” She slapped his armor. “Focus, please. We need all the brain cells we can get.”
“I swear to you that I won’t let it get that far. Our plan is to get the ring, break out, find your sister, and then run like hell to Sabrino Cave—back to reality and that diner we were talking about.”
She shook her head. “It’s doable...I think.”
He nodded. “You can do this. You’re the strongest person I know. Who goes out in front of thousands of people and gives lectures about supposedly imaginary monsters without batting an eyelash? Who politely tells off all the reporters and debunkers? Who got the biggest research grant in the state of California?” He smiled. “You did, Bigfoot researcher, Sarah Larker.”
“Aw, shucks. I never knew you had so much confidence in me.” She smirked.
“You know it, Princess.” He softly kissed her hand. “I can’t believe this. I’m down here dressed like some Lancelot wannabe in a creepy dungeon in another dimension, trying to win you back. What kind of joke is fate playing on me anyway? Man, karma can do a number on a skeptic, huh?”
“Life’s funny that way, always throwing us some kind of curveball. I mean, when I woke up this morning, I never dreamt I’d be a medieval queen in the land of Camelot.”
A chirp sounded nearby. “That’s the signal.” Frank peeked down the corridor.
Footsteps echoed, and Sarah jumped. “Somebody’s coming.”
Frank’s lips softly brushed hers. “Leaving you is the last thing I want to do. You know that, right?” He flipped his visor down.
She gasped, anger rising inside her once again. “Don’t feel guilty for leaving me here to marry a complete stranger who wants nothing more than to see my stomach swollen with his seed.”
He turned around, his eyes wide. “You’re right. I can’t do this. What in the world am I thinking? Leaving you here is just...stupidly impossible. Come with me, Sarah. We’re gonna find your sister and find our own way out of this Renaissance nightmare.”
Knowing there was no other way, Sarah turned and ran down the corridor.
“What’re you doing?!” Frank yelled, chasing after her.
She grabbed the door and slammed it shut, then walked to the back of the cell. Staying in that freaky dimension wasn’t an option. She had to take a chance on marrying the nutcase if it meant she could get her hands on that key. “Lock me in! Hurry!”
“What?”
She met his gaze through the rusty bars. “You heard me. Lock it and leave. Tell the other knights to inform the king that I’ve changed my mind and I’d love to marry him.”
“Sarah, are you sure? You really need to think about this. I mean, you’re risking everything, and what if we—”
“I have thought about it, Frank, and this is the best way.” She smiled. “Now go...and don’t worry.”
“I’ll get you out of this, I swear. Just get that ring.”
“Not a problem.” As he turned to leave, she added, “I’ll be sure to say hello to hubby for you.”
Chapter 5
Sarah smoothed out her white and gold Juliet-style dress. The corseted bodice clung to her chest like a second skin, raising and flattening all the right places, but she hadn’t seen that style in any magazine in the last twenty years. She felt for the tags at the back, but the scratchy piece of material wasn’t there. It certainly wasn’t a designer label, but with all the sequins, lace, and fine details, it would have made a killing on any runway.
The maidservants had wasted no time preparing her for her dreaded nuptials. They scrubbed her skin with lye soap in a tub of scalding water. Countless hands had forced her into a wedding dress so tight she didn’t know whether she was dead as a ghost or just floating from the lack of oxygen, and the shiny tiara that weighed a ton didn’t ease her throbbing headache either. A long veil trailed the ground, promising to send her into a tumbling fall if she didn’t move gracefully.