by Heather Boyd
That second chance was forever denied him.
The doorway to the mansion loomed. The duke waited, balanced on his canes.
“I guess I will have to answer all his questions to find out what I have done wrong.”
He took a deep breath. The only wrong he had ever done was touching Sally before they became man and wife. The best nights of his life were also the ones he regretted most. Sally’s innocence had been lost, along with his chances of ever deserving her. He could not change their past, but he could quietly disappear from Sally’s future.
Chapter Thirteen
As Sally sat down to tea after dinner that night, she fought back her embarrassment and kept her eyes on those seated closest to her. What a stupid mistake to have made—kissing Felix just to prove she felt nothing for him. Thankfully, Felix stood some distance away and at an angle that made it hard for them to see one another. She was grateful because she did not know what to do.
She had allowed Felix to kiss her without one word of complaint or protest of his presumption, purely on a whim. And she had enjoyed it far more than the kisses Ellicott had bestowed on her.
So much more.
During their brief kiss, her whole body had lit up with a surge of desire and an undeniable ache that she had had trouble controlling. Even now she was on edge because of that kiss and could not stop thinking of Felix’s whispered good-bye.
But that kiss had brought into sharp relief what she had with Ellicott.
A distinct lack of passion.
The realization was lowering. She was bound for bedlam if she did not sort herself out soon.
“Captain Hastings,” her mother called. “Do come and join us.”
Sally kept her eyes on her teacup as Felix excused himself from conversation with Lord Cameron, an earl, neighbor, and close friend. Marrying Ellicott was a sensible plan, a good match. She knew it to be true. But was that all there could be to their union—a meeting of great fortunes and family connections? She had hoped time and familiarity would remedy the lack of response with Ellicott, and yet six years apart from Felix had done nothing to dim her response to him.
The situation troubled her. She intended to be a good wife, and even though Ellicott expected her to take lovers when their interest in each other waned, she had never intended to. She should have been content enough with the life she had planned for—if only she had not kissed Felix Hastings again.
Eventually she lifted her chin. Felix had a pleasant smile on his lips as he bowed over her mother’s hand. At Mother’s urging, he took a place at Sally’s side on the chaise. Sally folded her hands in her lap and tried not to look at him or remember how much she had enjoyed being in his arms again.
He talked of her elder brother’s success against the French, of Laurence’s aptitude for command, and he was introduced to Laurence’s wife, Cecily. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” he said in a firm voice that tied her insides in knots.
“And you. My dearest husband thinks so highly of you,” Cecily insisted, primping a little under the captain’s gaze. “He is so fortunate to sail with so distinguished a captain.”
Cecily had no idea that Sally and Felix had almost married, so her praise was undoubtedly intended to make the sort of impression that helped her husband advance.
Felix accepted the compliment with a curt nod. “He is a fine officer.”
Her brother’s praise for Felix bordered on blind devotion. His letters home to his wife always mentioned the man in glowing terms, and she had endured each reading in stoic silence.
Cecily fluttered her lashes. “When might he return to shore next do you think?”
His jaw firmed a moment as his gaze shifted to stare at her grandfather, who sat across the room. “That I am afraid I cannot say.”
“I have not seen him since we married, and he writes so infrequently,” Cecily said to him.
Such a bald-faced lie. Sally had heard Cecily’s complaint many times before and knew how lucky the woman was. Sometimes as many as six letters arrived at once. Laurence was an exceptional correspondent.
Her brother’s wife was not the only one inconvenienced by the war. There were mothers of sons, sisters too that longed for news of loved ones.
“I begin to think he has forgotten all about me,” Cecily said next.
Felix frowned. “Lieutenant Ford speaks of you often.”
Her eyes lit up like a fire on a dark night. “What does he say?”
“I, well,” he mumbled then frowned, clearly perturbed by the question and how best to answer.
“Now my dear, do not pester the captain,” her mother interrupted before Felix was further pestered for particulars. “He has orders to follow, just as all sons do.”
Felix smiled at her mother gratefully. “Indeed.”
Sally almost laughed at the relief he attached to just one word. Cecily’s need for reassurance was a constant thorn in her side. Her fear that she was forgotten by her absent husband tried her patience. Sally knew what it was like to truly be forgotten. Cecily at least received letters at irregular intervals.
She glanced at Felix again, annoyed. She could not fault him for his manners tonight, but six years of silence was difficult to forget. He was polite and charming to her family, though he never looked her way more than common courtesy demanded. That hot desire that had filled his eyes after their kiss was gone. He did nothing to remind her that she had been in his arms.
He took his lip between his teeth, then licked it with the tip of his tongue. All of Sally’s wicked remembrances of Felix struck her at once.
Dear God, she had sucked his tongue into her mouth.
She had not wanted to stop kissing him either, which made no sense if she claimed to hate him.
Her mother laughed suddenly, and Sally wrenched her attention back to the here and now. “I had forgotten how witty you can be. My dears, I told Captain Hastings during his first dinner at Newberry that when he is of a mind to settle he should make his home in Essex, and I swear I almost have him convinced. He would be a very welcome addition to Newberry society, would he not, ladies?”
The captain laughed. “My ship and men need me back, but if it were possible, I could live in this part of the country very comfortably I am sure.”
Bitterness twisted her lips. She was getting married and would move away when Felix was finally settling down. The talk was that the war would soon be over. Once peace was assured, Felix would come ashore, make a home, and make a life. Her chest tightened. He would make that life with another woman.
The others began to talk amongst themselves, so she turned to him, “Have you seen so much of the district you could make your mind up so easily to live in Essex?”
He faced her. “Not very much at all. Your mother knows better than to believe my interest in Essex anything beyond idle speculation.”
“I am sure it is nothing more.”
“I do like what I have seen though. The duke has assured me I am not a prisoner, so I have been considering where I might venture when he is done with me for the day. Where are your favorite places on the estate? Somewhere within easy walking distance would make for a pleasant outing in the afternoon.”
His following grin was as warm and irresistible as she remembered. He had always made her smile with his curiosity about her preferences. He had been the first man she had met among the naval set who had not flattered her family excessively to curry favor, and his attention had gone straight to her head. He had been clear and direct from the start. He had told her he was ambitious. Sally just had not understood those ambitions meant more to him than she ever could.
Reminded of the past once more, she strengthened her resolve to fight nostalgia. That was all she was feeling when they were together. They could not ever be friends, so there was no point encouraging familiarity. She shrugged off his question rather than offering her opinion on the best vantage points on the estate and asked instead, “Would it really be possible for you to be happy so far
from your ship?”
“Most likely you will never find out.” He sighed deeply. “I do intend to visit the village as soon as the duke is finished with me tomorrow, and after that I will find my own way around since you cannot bear to offer advice.”
“You must be anxious to return to your ship.”
“I hope I can leave soon.”
Sally’s breath hitched in irrational distress at the thought of a carriage taking him so far away that she would never see him again. But when the duke finished with him, Felix would undoubtedly run back to his ship as quickly as possible. They were a country at war. Of course he must wish to return to his men.
“Yes, it is pointless growing accustomed to your being ashore.”
His jaw clenched as her younger sister and cousins took their leave in search of their beds for the night. Her mother left them to follow Louisa to the door.
After the room had settled again, a footman brought over a tray filled with drinks, stronger beverages of a kind she preferred to have late at night. However, when she saw a glass of sherry and a tumbler of whiskey perched on a silver tray, she felt a pang of irritation. She did not drink sherry and the footmen knew it. “With the duke’s compliments, Captain. My lady.”
Sally took perverse delight in taking the whiskey, leaving Felix to claim the sherry, which she remembered he had once confessed to disliking.
It was strange that she could recall so much of his preferences when she could not say the same about the man she was to marry.
“To your happy future,” Felix toasted and then downed the sherry, only to grimace at the sweet aftertaste.
Lady Duckworth strolled across the room, her eyes narrowed on Felix. “I have never seen a navy man willingly consume sherry. You must indeed be as fierce a swordsman as rumor claims.”
Sally groaned. She did not need her friend involving herself in this affair. Not that she was having an affair with the captain. One kiss did not make a tryst. She knew exactly how this would end anyway.
“Needs must,” he replied with an easy shrug, crossing his long legs and reclining somewhat in his seat. He spread his arm along the back of the chaise as if he owned it. “A humble captain takes what’s on offer and makes do.”
Arianna inserted herself between them on the chaise and turned slightly to give him her full attention. “Then I insist you visit Lofton Downs and take full advantage of your country holiday.”
Hastings withdrew his arm and sat up properly. “I have never heard of the estate. Is it close?”
“Never heard of it?” Arianna laughed and glanced around to see who was paying attention. She skimmed her low-cut bodice with her fingertips. “Oh my word. Lofton Downs is my husband’s ancestral home, though he is seldom there. Less than a mile away, in fact. A place of beauty said to rival Newberry Park’s grand vistas.”
Sally’s mother bustled over and plopped down in her seat. “Now, where were we?”
“Lady Duckworth has extended an invitation to visit Lofton Downs.” Felix leaned toward Sally’s mother. “Should I believe her claim and give Lofton Downs the same distinction as this great estate?”
The countess patted his hand as if they were the best of friends and laughed. “As in everything, a gentleman must make up his own mind about whom to flatter and the timing of it.”
Sally’s stomach turned at the idea that Felix would offer false flattery.
He shifted again to look at Lady Duckworth. “I have my doubts a better place exists or the wisdom in agreeing to such a thing without confirmation. But I must warn you after so many years with hardwood boards beneath my feet and the roiling seas pitching me about, Newberry Park is heaven on earth to me.”
Sally was impressed he had managed to flatter Newberry without slighting Lofton Downs. Clearly he had learned something in the past six years.
“I will convince you that heaven can be found anywhere a man cares to set down his cap,” Arianna purred in a lower tone that Sally could only describe as an attempt to be seductive.
It took all her strength of will not to reveal her dismay and she darted a glance at her mother to see if she had misheard. Her mother nodded and smiled as she glanced between the pair as if seeing a match in the making. Sally was over the disappointment of Felix, but how could Arianna flirt with the man she had almost married right in front of her? And in front of her mother too!
Lord Cameron strolled over. “Do excuse the interruption, Lady Duckworth, but my mother wishes to take her leave and retire to Braden Park. Are you ready to come with us?”
“Yes, indeed.” Arianna held out her hand to Felix. “Until next time, Captain.”
“I look forward to it, Lady Duckworth,” he murmured as he stood and then helped her rise. He dropped her hand immediately.
Arianna turned to Sally. Her eyes were alight with feverish excitement. “Do not be a stranger, and if you have time before the wedding, bring this handsome devil along with you.”
Dread filled Sally at the open mention of her impending marriage before Felix. Although Felix knew she had promised her hand to Ellicott, she was uncomfortable hearing the matter discussed before him. Especially after she had allowed him to kiss her.
She buried her embarrassment again as she said her good-byes to Arianna. “I doubt there will be time.”
“Make time,” Arianna whispered. “Remember what we discussed.”
With a flirtatious wave of her fingers, Arianna swept from the room on Lord Cameron’s arm. Only then did Sally remember that Arianna wanted to punish Felix for breaking her heart. Did Arianna intend to tempt him and then turn away from him? Oh, she hoped not.
Felix relaxed, stretching out his arm along the chaise once more, and drew in a deep breath. “She is not how I recall you describing her,” he said so quietly her mother could not hear the remark. An impressive feat.
“She is married now.”
“So I gathered.” Felix shook his head. “And bored of being so, I suspect.”
There was disapproval in his tone, and Sally straightened, noticing belatedly that she had not consumed one drop of the whiskey that should have been his. No matter what Arianna had in mind for Felix, Sally was no good at holding a grudge. She would take her friend aside and insist she leave the captain alone.
“Take it,” she whispered as she passed him the glass. “I recall you prefer it.”
“And so do you, which is why I suffered the sherry,” Felix remarked dryly, keeping his hands in his lap. “I never could deny you anything you wanted, though I think you should return the glass to your lap. Our conversation has caught the attention of a certain older lady across the room.”
Sally slowly scanned the room and met Lady Ellicott’s hard gaze. Her heart thudded at the woman’s obvious disapproval of her talking with Felix. “Oh dear.”
“Trouble?”
“Hopefully not.” Sally licked her lips. “Lady Ellicott has opinions.”
“And so do you,” Felix said. “I have always been of the opinion you should not have to change to please the ones you love.”
When they had first met, they had been at a small dinner and he had caught her sneaking sips from her father’s whiskey glass. He had smiled and said nothing. When he had begun to aid her by passing her his untouched glass the following nights, she had fallen a little bit in love with him each time. Together they had skirted the boundaries of propriety in public and laughed about it afterward whenever they could snatch a private moment. She had had so little time to know Felix, but those innocent days had not lasted. Their interest in each other had quickly strayed into passion.
“You certainly did not.” Sally sucked in a breath at how quickly resentment flared in her. Felix was a dangerous man. Ambitious and charming, he made her forget the way she should behave. She should not be sitting next to him unless she had no choice. He had used her to feather his own nest. “You should leave.”
“I think you are correct.” A few moments later, Felix excused himself from her mother an
d retired for the night without looking back.
Chapter Fourteen
“My word, that man has a presence,” her mother gushed as she collapsed at Sally’s side in quite a state. “I know you still think meanly toward the captain, but I think he would do for one of your cousins, or perhaps for Louisa. He has aged very well indeed. Can you imagine how handsome his children would be?”
Sally had imagined that many times, but the thought of Felix as a potential suitor or husband to any of her female relations was appalling. She glanced sharply at her mother. “Mother, I do not think you should play matchmaker.”
Lady Ellicott joined them, her eyes fixed on Sally. Her lips pressed together in a tight, disapproving line.
“Well, I know I should not play matchmaker, but,” Mama continued, oblivious to Lady Ellicott’s growing scowl, “when we dined together last night, I could swear that man is terribly lonely. No family but a brother. I suspect there is bad blood between them. No home but his wretched ship. If Victoria or Audrey can cheer him, then who am I to stand in the way of a second betrothal for him?”
“Felix knows how to look after himself perfectly well.” Sally bit her lip at her use of his first name. If she wanted to hide her past from Lady Ellicott, she had to stop thinking of him in such informal terms.
The countess frowned. “Felix?”
Sally floundered a moment, but her mother spoke up before she could. “Captain Hastings, of course. He has had such a long acquaintance with our family and was once engaged to be married to someone I knew well. Such a dear man, and so polite to me. I would have him happy once more.”
Lady Ellicott’s eyes lit up as she scented a scandal worth hearing. “Was it his profession that turned the connection sour?”
Her mother smiled. “In a way, although I think an outside influence had more to do with the break than anything.”
“Mother, we should not talk about his past,” Sally whispered, frantic that her past betrothal to Felix not be revealed to Lady Ellicott.