“You could rule Hell with Alice,” he says. “I’m sure she’d agree to accompany you.”
“Now you’re just making me mad. I’m not dragging Alice to Hell and you’re a bastard for dangling her in front of me.”
“It was just a passing thought.”
“I bet spiders were a passing thought too and look how that turned out.”
Mr. Muninn doesn’t say anything. He knows there’s no excuse for spiders.
I turn and look at him hard.
“Are you even here or am I talking to myself?”
He taps his cane again.
“I suppose that’s for you to decide,” he says. “But if you’re going to kill Mr. Howard, you ought to get to it.”
“I thought you’d be more on my side. If I take him out, it’s one more fuck-you to the rebel angels.”
“I am grateful,” he says. “But I think you’re making things harder on yourself deliberately.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You had a moment’s weakness and agreed to work for Wormwood. Now you’re punishing yourself for it.”
“Shouldn’t someone?”
He stands and the neon light from across the street flashes in his eyes.
“Deciding punishment and mercy is, traditionally, my job.”
I wave a hand at him.
“You’re not even here. I’m just talking to myself.”
“If that’s what you wish. Good night, James.”
“Good night, bus shelter. Good night, moon.”
Another car goes by, but there’s nothing to light up this time. I’m in the shelter alone.
I knew it.
There’s something on my leg.
It’s his cane. Anyway, it’s a cane. I probably found it or traded someone magic beans for it. However I got it, it’s good to have. I can’t stand up straight, so it helps me get to my feet.
I’m heading for a shadow on the corner when, I swear, a meteor crashes into me. I drop the cane and go down hard on my back.
I might have blacked out for a second because the next thing I’m aware of is an alien looking down at me. A pretty one too.
“Are you all right?” she says. “That skateboard asshole almost knocked you into the street.”
Her antennae bounce around amusingly as the alien helps me to my feet.
She squints at me.
“Oh shit. It’s you.”
“Who’s me?”
“You’re going to buy all the donuts in Donut Universe if you live through the weekend, remember?”
I smile up at her.
“I remember you. You’re not an alien at all.”
She helps me to my feet. Gets a good look at my purple and blue face.
“Oh my god. You look horrible. Did somebody beat you up? You need to go to the hospital.”
I pull away from her.
“No hospitals. I don’t have time.”
“You look like you’re ready to die,” she says sternly.
“I’m fine.”
I look at her, wanting to remember her face.
“What’s your name?”
“Janet.”
“Thanks, Janet, for the donuts and the help.”
“You should really see a doctor.”
I give her a wave.
“Thanks for the help.”
“You helped me once,” she says.
Under normal circumstances I’d ask what the fuck she’s talking about, but this is now and the cane is the only thing keeping me on my feet. I stumble away from her into a shadow.
EVERYONE LOOKS UP when I get back to Vidocq’s. I hold my coat closed so they don’t see the new blood.
“How did it go?” says Candy.
“Great. By now, one of them is under arrest, the other is in a coma, and, with luck, Thomas Abbot is taking everyone else in.”
“That’s it then, you’re finished. You can relax while Vidocq, Ray, and Brigitte find a cure.”
I look at Kasabian.
“Could I have some of that whiskey I gave you earlier?”
He gets the bottle and pours me a tall glass. I drain it in one gulp.
He says, “I thought you said that was sipping whiskey.”
“Sipping is for people with time to kill.”
“Nice cane,” says Allegra.
“Yeah. It was a birthday present.”
“It’s not your birthday,” says Candy.
“I fibbed.”
Allegra says, “Why don’t you come over here?”
I lean against the wall.
“I’m fine where I am.”
“You can’t walk over here, can you? Not without the cane.”
“I’m fine. I’m just really fond of this wall.”
Vidocq crosses to me with a bottle of blue amber. He gives me the once-over. Opens my coat and closes it again.
“Listen to me. You can’t keep going like this.”
“I’m almost done. Just one thing left.”
“Leave it. Let me put you in the Winter Garden.”
The garden is a kind of hoodoo coma. It slows everything in your body, even death.
I shake my head.
“You haven’t found anything yet, have you?”
“I believe we are very close.”
“You thought you were close before. You put me in the garden and I could be there for years. I’ve already been on ice lately. I’m not doing it again.”
“At least let Allegra help you.”
“In a minute. I have something to do first.”
I get out the black blade and cup it in my hand so it’s out of sight, then push past Vidocq and hobble over to Howard.
He’s sitting in a chair by himself near the window and looks up when I get there.
“How are Eva and Barron?” he says.
“They’re not riding to the rescue. I can guarantee you that.”
He sits back.
“I know you didn’t kill them because that’s impossible. What did you do?”
“Not all that much really. When it came down to it, Eva shot Barron. He’s not dead, but he’s got a bullet in his brain. His eternity is going to be fun. After that, I left Eva for the faction to find. The rest of the faction is running wild in the streets, so if you think there’s someplace you can escape to, there isn’t.”
He looks out the window.
“You’re here to kill me, aren’t you?”
“You’re the last connection to the rebel angels.”
He takes a deep breath. His nostrils open wide, like he’s taking one last sniff of the world.
“You know about that,” he says.
“Eva and Barron gave you up. It was a nice deal. But it’s over.”
“And you really think you can kill me?”
“I’ve killed plenty of angels. You can’t be any harder than that.”
I get the knife ready. Howard sees it. He tries not to show fear, but his pupils expand to the size of basketballs.
“I’ll do it,” he says.
“Do what?”
He cups his hands in his lap.
“I’ll do Ludovico’s Ellicit. But there are certain conditions.”
“What?”
“We can’t perform the ritual here. It has to be somewhere special, a location only I know.”
“That’s not the condition.”
“I don’t trust your friends,” Howard says. “Especially the alchemist. He could hurt me. Therefore, the ritual will take place with just the two of us. If you’ll agree to that and let me go afterward, I’ll do the Ellicit.”
“Don’t listen to him,” says Candy. She’s right behind me. “It’s a trick.”
I tap the black blade against my leg.
“Why would you do it now when you wouldn’t before?”
“Look at you,” Howard says. “Before, I could have performed the ritual and you could have killed me immediately afterward. But now? Even after I perform the Ellicit, it will be hours before you pose a threat
.”
“You’re so sure of that?”
“Quite.”
“Why’s that?”
He glances at the floor.
“You’ve dropped your knife.”
I look down. The bastard is right. Sometime while we were talking, the blade slipped from my hand. It’s sticking straight up in the floor. Candy pulls it out and hands it to me.
She’s beside me now.
“Thanks,” I say.
“Stay here,” she says. “Go into the garden like Vidocq said.”
“No. There’s no guarantee I’d ever come out again. With Howard, I stand a chance.”
Ray and Brigitte are over by the big book.
“Thanks for trying. I won’t forget it.”
“What are you doing, Jimmy?”
“Going with a sure thing.”
I look at Vidocq.
“Is it all right if he takes some samples?”
He throws up his hands in disgust.
“Take it all,” he says. “It’s nothing but junk. With all of it, I can’t figure out how to save my friend.”
Howard is already pulling bottles and herbs out of Vidocq’s stores. He stuffs it all in his jacket pockets.
“That’s everything I need,” he says.
Candy is holding on to my arm.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me again.”
“That’s the whole point. I’m doing this so I don’t have to leave. I’ll see you soon.”
I lean over and kiss her on the cheek and whisper, “No matter what happens, I’m killing this guy. But I have to take this chance first.”
She loosens her grip for just a second.
I grab Howard and we’re gone.
WE’RE ON THE street by the converted industrial building where Vidocq lives.
“What now?” I say.
Howard looks up and down the street.
“We’re going to need a car. I hear you have a knack for stealing them.”
I walk past a few until I find an older-model Mercedes convertible. Jam the black blade into the door handle. It opens without setting off the alarm. I slip the blade into the ignition and it starts without a hiccup.
I sit in the driver’s seat for a minute as the street tilts one way and then the other.
“Maybe I should drive,” says Howard.
“Maybe you should.”
I have to use the cane to get out and walk around to the passenger side.
When we’re both in I say, “Put the top down. I want to feel the wind.”
“I didn’t think you’d be feeling much of anything at this point,” he says.
“I’m just being optimistic.”
He looks at me.
“I suppose if I’m driving, you can’t slit my throat or kick me out. All right.”
He plays around with the dashboard buttons until he finds one that retracts the roof.
“Seat belt, please,” says Howard, slipping into his. I do the same. Actually, it feels better this way. Strapped in like this, I’m less likely to slide onto the floor. I’m feeling weak right now. Even with the cane, I’m not sure I could stand.
I say, “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see. It’s not far. Depending on traffic, we should be there in thirty minutes.”
Even belted in, I slide down some in the seat. I did a piss-poor job with the duct tape. My stomach is still bleeding. I hope whoever details this car knows how to get blood out of leather.
Howard steers us to the 405. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open.
My vision is going funny again. The city is one big blur.
This isn’t the first time I’ve come this close to death. A little over a year ago, when High Plains Drifters were all over the city, one of the bastards bit me. I started dying then too, on my way to being a full-blown flesh-eating zombie piece of shit. The funny thing that happened was that as my mortal half died, my angel half started taking over. And it was a real bastard. Half cold-blooded killer and half Dudley Do-Right. Running around doing good deeds. Ruining my reputation. But he’s not here now. I was hoping he’d show up. He was strong and might be able to keep us going or, at least, think things through in ways I can’t. I should have known he wasn’t going to this time. As my body dies, so does he. I wish I could feel him now. It’s kind of lonely here. No angel. No Candy. No friends. No smokes or whiskey or donuts. Just me and a clown I’m only counting on to keep his word to prove he’s stronger and smarter than me. It’s okay. I’ll take whatever I can at this point.
I’m glad I made Howard put the top down. I can feel a little bit of the breeze and smell the freeway exhaust fumes. It’s very soothing. L.A. aromatherapy.
I wonder where Eva and Barron are right now. Does the Golden Vigil have them, or Abbot and his people? It’s nice to know they’re fucked no matter what.
I look over at Howard. His face smears like the city lights and I’m afraid for a second that I’m going to black out. But I pull it together and push myself back into a better sitting position where I can feel the wind.
I say, “Howard.”
“What?”
“What are you going to do with immortality? I always wanted to know how you plan out something like that. What are you going to do with yourself? Learn to play the piano? Then what? Learn to paint? Then what? Learn to sail? Go skydiving? Wrestle gators in Florida for tourists? How do you spend forever?”
He smiles, delighted by the question.
“All of those things and more,” he says. “You see, you and your friends are bound by time. You’re linear thinkers. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. I’m not bound by time. I can let my imagination roam freely. The first thing I’ll do is put Wormwood back together again, bigger and better than before. I’ll pursue my study of magic. Can you imagine what that will be like? A magician with all the time in the world and all the resources of Wormwood at his disposal. In a hundred years, I’ll be running this whole bloody planet. After that? Who knows?”
I watch the stars streak by.
“At least you’ve kept your modesty,” I say. “It’s your best quality.”
“That’s just the thing. I don’t need to think in ordinary ways anymore. Modesty. Ego. Benevolence. Malevolence. All the old definitions and mores fall away when your future is infinite. I’ll have to invent a whole new way of being.”
“It’s going to get lonely, don’t you think?”
He considers that for a minute.
“I’ll allow for a few more of my type. Just a few carefully selected individuals who can grasp the enormity of this gift.”
My eyes are getting better. I can focus again. The wind is really helping me feel alive again. I look around at the buildings and the nearby cars.
“Hey, Superman,” I say. “Have you checked the traffic lately?”
“It’s not too heavy. We’re making good time.”
“That’s not what I mean, shithead. I mean have you looked at what’s around us?”
He checks the mirrors and looks side to side.
“Cars. Trucks. Vans. What are you getting at?”
I look around again. Twist around so I can see the rearview.
“There are two unmarked vans on either side of us and at least one behind us.”
He glances at me.
“What does that mean?”
“It means the faction found us.”
He looks around again.
“How?”
“How the fuck do I know? Spy satellites? Facial recognition pigeons on the freeway signs? Ballerinas with Uzis? What does it matter? Just hit the fucking accelerator.”
“But I don’t drive. Not often. I have a chauffeur.”
“Of course you do,” I sigh. “If you can’t drive, then get off the freeway. Maybe we can lose them in the streets.”
“Will they let me?” he says. There’s real fear in his voice.
“They’re not going to kill a bunch of civilians with witnesses around. They’ll let us off
. How much farther to where we’re going?”
“Just a few minutes.”
“Okay. Take this next exit and let me think.”
Howard jerks the wheel and we scream across three lanes of traffic, almost flipping as he turns onto the exit.
“Good plan. Kill us before they can,” I tell him. “You’re doing great.”
There’s a red light at the bottom of the exit.
“What now?” he says.
“Keep driving.”
“Don’t stop?”
“Keep going!”
He does it and we almost get T-boned by a semi.
“I said go through the light. I didn’t say ‘Don’t look where you’re going.’”
“Sorry.”
There’s a puddle of something at the bottom of the off ramp. As the Vigil van hits it, I bark some Hellion hoodoo.
The puddle expands and deepens. The van hits it easily going sixty. It spins out, does a complete three-sixty, and clips the side of the van coming down right behind it.
The first van is stuck, but the second one stays on us.
Best of all, doing that hoodoo didn’t just weaken me, it goddamn well hurt. That can’t be a good sign.
I push up my sleeve and cut myself again. Luckily, Howard’s eyes are plastered to the road and he doesn’t see me. This time when I do some hoodoo, I just whisper it.
A car from each side of the street flips into the air and explodes. When they come down, they block both lanes of the two-lane road.
“What was that noise?” says Howard.
He glances in the rearview mirror.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. Keep going. And slow down.”
“All right.”
Behind us, the second van slams into the burning cars. It skids and flips onto its side.
He looks in the rearview.
“Was that you?” he asks. “Are we all right now?”
“No. There’s at least one more van. Get back on the freeway. Head south, toward LAX.”
“LAX? Where are we going?” he says suspiciously.
“Richard Branson is taking us to Narnia in his laser blimp. Just get on the fucking freeway.”
He steers us onto the 405 and heads south. I can’t see the third van, but I know it’s behind us.
My head swims. I hope Howard gets us there soon. I don’t want to let him know how bad I am, but I can’t help groaning.
“What’s wrong?” he says.
I bend my arms up and down.
Hollywood Dead Page 25