The words still frightened me, but I said them. “I love him.”
She grasped my hand. “I know.”
“I need him to wake up so I can tell him.”
She shifted closer. “He will.” She hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry you went through all that alone. And I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t talk to me.” She wiped her eyes. “I struggle at times with all the changes too.”
“You do?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I told Aiden how much I missed you. I missed seeing you every day and being able to walk down the hall and talk to you. He wanted to go and buy a big house and have you come live with us. He said he couldn’t stand for me to be unhappy.”
I peered over her shoulder at Aiden. He was awake, watching us silently. It didn’t upset me that he had heard our conversation, especially since I knew Cami would tell him anyway. “That is sweet, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think it’s normal we both have to adjust.” I threw a wink his way. “You don’t need an old woman in your space. You’re newlyweds. I’m fine on my own.”
Aiden met my eyes and patted his chest. I knew what he was saying, and I loved him for it. He was there and always would be.
Cami sighed. “Maybe you won’t be on your own soon.”
“First, Maddox needs to awaken and forgive me. Then we’ll see what the future holds.”
I glanced at the clock and stood. “Aiden should take you home. You have school tomorrow and it’s late.”
“Always worried about me.”
I dropped a kiss on her head. “That is never going to change.”
She smiled at me. “Good.”
It happened when I least expected it. Bentley was at the end of Maddox’s bed, texting on his phone. I was rubbing some cream into Maddox’s skin, while Aiden worked his other arm in a slow, steady circle.
“He’s slid down a little, Aiden. Can you lift him a bit while I adjust his pillows?”
“Yep.” He bent down, carefully sliding his arms under Maddox. I shifted and plumped the pillows, and Aiden settled him back on the bed.
Maddox’s eyes were open and staring.
Aiden froze, still holding him. “Mad Dog?”
My breath caught. Bentley looked up, his phone forgotten. He leaned on the bed, his voice anxious. “Mad? Buddy?”
Maddox blinked, his gaze flying around the room. His hand clenched, and I slid my fingers between his, squeezing it.
“Maddox?” I whispered, the sound of my voice causing him to turn his head in my direction. I lifted his hand to my chest, cradling it close.
He blinked again, swallowed, looked at Aiden, and spoke. His voice was low, raspy, and it sounded painful.
“What the hell are you doing in my room, Aiden? And why are you holding me?”
Aiden’s face broke into a wide grin. “Giving you your biggest fantasy, Mad Dog.”
Bentley made an odd noise in the back of his throat. Maddox’s gaze flew to him. “Bent?”
“I’m here, Maddox.”
Maddox’s heart monitor began to climb, his breathing increasing. I leaned over, cupping his face. “It’s okay, Maddox. Calm down. Everything is fine.”
“I-I don’t understand . . .” He began to panic. “Where am I?” He frowned. “Why are you here?” He directed his question at me.
My heart ached at his words. Aiden pressed the button for the nurse. I stroked his head, trying not to react. “Everything is okay,” I soothed. “I promise.”
His heart rate monitor continued to rise. Beads of sweat covered his brow.
The door opened, and Dr. Sampson strode in, followed by a nurse. “Clear the room.” His voice left no space to argue.
Bentley tugged me away. The doctor took my place, leaning over Maddox. “Welcome back, Mr. Riley.”
The last thing I saw was Maddox’s eyes staring at me as the door shut.
In the hall, I looked at Bentley. He squeezed my shoulder. “He’s awake. He knew us. This is all good.”
“He wasn’t happy to see me.”
He shook his head. “He was confused. I would be if I woke up and saw Aiden standing over me, in a strange place.”
“Hey,” Aiden interjected.
Bentley ignored him.
“They’ll help him settle. He’ll be fine.”
I glanced at the closed door, desperate to be on the other side of it. Panic seized me, and I began breathing fast.
Aiden wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pushing me into a chair. He tilted my head down. “Relax, Dee. Breathe, okay. Just breathe.”
I struggled to get in the air. Gradually, the pressure in my chest eased and much-needed oxygen filled my lungs. Slowly I raised my head, meeting two sets of worried eyes.
“I’m okay.”
“Good. Maddox is going to be fine. We’ll figure it out, okay?”
Aiden sat next to me, letting me lean against his arm. “Bent is right. One step at a time.”
I shut my eyes. “Okay.”
They allowed us to return after what seemed like an eternity. Maddox was awake, the bed slightly elevated. His nose cannulas were gone, the indent from the tubes still lingering on his skin. He had the blanket I had brought from my apartment draped over him. I noticed the way he had his hand wrapped around the edge, as if he were afraid to let go.
I let Bentley and Aiden approach him, standing at the bottom of the bed.
“Hey,” he muttered.
They both smiled. “Mad Dog,” Aiden said, patting his leg. “Good to see you.”
Maddox sighed. “Good to be back.”
Bentley sat in the chair. “Do you need anything?”
Maddox’s eyes flickered to me briefly, then he shook his head. “The ice chips are stellar.”
Aiden chuckled. “That’s why we chose this hospital. Stellar ice.”
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
Maddox hesitated, then spoke. “No. I’m not sure what I feel. I still don’t really understand everything that has happened.”
“Give it a little time, Maddox,” Bentley urged. “You just woke up.”
Maddox nodded, then grimaced.
I moved without thought, pushing past Aiden. I cupped Maddox’s face. “Do you need pain meds?”
He stilled at my touch. “The nurse is bringing me some.”
“Okay. What can I get you?”
“Um, more ice?”
I grabbed the cup, sliding a cube into his mouth. He shut his eyes. “Good.”
I reached into my pocket and found the Chapstick. I ran it over his lips, freezing when his eyes flew open.
“So they don’t crack,” I explained.
He closed his eyes again. “I know this sounds weird since, apparently, I’ve been out for over a week, but I’m tired.”
“Understandable.” Bentley stood. “We’ll go get something to eat and let you rest.”
“Thanks,” Maddox mumbled.
“Dee, you coming?”
I shook my head. “No.”
Maddox spoke, his voice low. “I would rather you did.”
My heart shifted, breaking a little at his words. “All right, then.”
I stepped back, retrieved my purse, and let Aiden guide me out of the room.
It felt as if I were leaving a piece of me behind.
“It was Jill, wasn’t it?”
Maddox’s voice startled me. Since he had woken, he had barely addressed me. He had accepted hugs and kisses from Sandy, Emmy, and Cami when they came in the room; spoken quietly with Aiden and Bentley; accepted a fist bump from Reid. Even spoke to Richard on the phone.
But to me, he remained silent and distant. If I asked him a question, his answer was short and to the point. I was at a loss about what to do, but I knew I had to let him make the first move.
I glanced over from my spot in the chair beside his bed. He hadn’t told me to leave when the others departed for the night. He hadn’t asked me to stay either. When I picked up his book that had been on his nightstand, I asked him if he wou
ld like me to read it to him.
His terse, “Fine,” was the reply I received. In the hours that we had been alone, he’d only spoken that one word until now.
I closed the book slowly and drew in a breath.
“Yes, it was Jill.”
His fingers played with the blanket. “Where is she?”
“In jail.”
“Good,” he grunted. “That’s all I want to know.”
“Okay.”
Again, there was silence.
“Why do I have this blanket?”
“I knew you liked it. It was softer than the hospital ones, and I thought you would prefer it.”
He made another noise. Shifted a little. He pushed at his glasses. They were new—as close as I could get to the other frames I knew he liked. “Did you have these replaced?”
“Yes. I know they need adjusting, but that has to wait until you can get around. Your optician was very helpful getting a replacement pair.”
“Yeah, they’re fine.”
“Would you like something? Some ginger ale or a juice? A sandwich?”
“I’d prefer a whiskey.”
I had to chuckle. I could use one myself. “I don’t think that’s a choice.”
“Figured. Maybe a ginger ale.”
“Okay, I’ll go get you one.”
“Are you leaving?”
I paused at the door. “No.”
He repeated his question from earlier. “Why are you here?”
“Because you are.”
Our eyes met in the diffused light. His were unreadable, the emotions once again hidden in the depths of blue. Then he sighed and spoke. “I’m angry with you.”
My heart ached again, but I nodded because I understood. “I know. I deserve your anger, but I’m not leaving.”
“What if I tell you to go?”
“Then I guess I’ll be in the waiting room. I’m not leaving this hospital until you come home, no matter how often you send me away.”
“Still stubborn.”
I shrugged.
“I didn’t send you away earlier to make you feel bad. You looked exhausted, and I wanted you to eat,” he said quietly. “I knew if you went with Bent and Aiden, they would make sure you did.”
“Oh.” I cleared my throat. “Anything besides that ginger ale?” He hadn’t eaten much earlier, barely picking at the light dinner they brought him.
“No thanks.”
I knew his throat was sore from the tubes. He swallowed a lot and had been sucking on lozenges. Suddenly, I remembered the box I had seen in the freezer of the small kitchen the nurses allowed us to use.
“How about a popsicle?”
“A popsicle?”
“It would help your throat.”
He contemplated it, then nodded. “Orange.”
“Okay, one orange popsicle.”
I leaned against the wall once I was out of his room. It would take time. My head knew that, even while my heart wished for something different. I wanted him to tell me he still loved me, but sadly, I knew he wasn’t ready to say it.
I wasn’t sure he even felt it anymore.
I dashed away a stray tear. He had once shown me great patience. I had to do the same for him.
In the meantime, he wanted a popsicle. That much I could do for him.
The next day, they removed all the medical equipment. Maddox passed the cognitive tests, and although his short-term memory wasn’t as sharp as it had been before the accident, Dr. Sampson was confident it would return. Maddox was surprisingly unsteady on his feet, and his ribs hurt a great deal. He relaxed a bit when the doctor explained how much bruising there had been from the accident, plus the surgery.
“It’s to be expected, Maddox. You need time to heal completely.” Dr. Sampson snapped his chart closed. “I want to keep you another day or two, just to be safe. And you’ll need some help when you get home. You shouldn’t be alone.”
“He won’t be,” I said, resolute. “I’ll be there.”
Dr. Sampson grinned. “Your guardian angel.”
Maddox simply stared at me. I looked away, hating the expressive look in his eyes. Uncertainty, doubt, and pain. That was all I could see.
“Can I have a shower?”
Dr. Sampson nodded. “I’ll get a nurse to assist you.”
“No. Dee,” Maddox insisted.
My heart rate increased. He wanted me to help him? Dr. Sampson glanced at me, and I nodded. “Of course.”
A nurse helped me get Maddox to the walk-in shower. The simple act of getting there exhausted him. He sat down heavily on the shower bench, hung his head, and dropped his shoulders. I left on my underwear, working efficiently so he didn’t get cold. He was silent as the warm water rained down his body, lifting his head as I stood behind him so I could shampoo his hair.
“I heard you,” he said, his eyes shut.
“What?”
“When I was coming out of the coma, I heard your voice. I felt you touching me.”
“Oh.”
He frowned as I rinsed away the soap. “I knew when it was someone else touching me. I didn’t like it.”
“I did everything they would allow me to do.”
“I know.”
I lathered up my hands, massaging the suds into his skin.
He was silent for a moment. “I heard you cry.”
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I got overwhelmed.”
His eyes opened, and he focused on me. “You said you loved me. I heard you say that.”
I swallowed, frozen in his fierce glance. “I did.”
“Because you thought I was dying? You felt guilty?”
“No, because I realized how stupid I was being.”
“What are you talking about?”
I inhaled and told him the same thing I had told Cami. He didn’t interrupt me. He let me talk and wash him, standing to rinse off, holding the wall for support.
“Lori made me see what a coward I was being.” I finished and shut off the water. I wrapped a towel around his waist and helped him sit down again. I toweled-dried his hair briskly. “I know you’re angry with me, Maddox. I’m angry with myself and trying to come to terms with the guilt.”
“Why are you guilty?”
I lifted his face, stroking his scruff with my fingers. “Because I hurt you. Because my words put you on that street and she got the chance to get her revenge. Because of me, you’re here.”
He wrapped his hand around my wrist. “Is that why you’re looking after me, Dee? Because you feel responsible?”
“No.”
“Tell me why.”
A tremor went through me. “Because . . . I love you, Maddox Riley. There is no place else I can be.”
Our eyes locked. I refused to look away, needing him to see the truth behind my words.
“I’m tired of denying it. I love you, and even if you don’t love me anymore, I want you to know it.”
He broke our gaze and sighed. “I need to go to bed.”
Disappointment tore through me; the subtle rejection stung. I helped him to his feet and into a set of loose pants and a T-shirt Aiden had brought then settled him into his bed.
“Do you need anything?”
“I’d like a popsicle.”
“Okay.”
He spoke as I headed for the door. “She was going to come after me no matter what, Dee. The one thing I’m grateful for is she didn’t hurt you.”
I looked at him.
His gaze focused on me. “I would go through it again, and worse, if it meant you were safe.”
He shut his eyes.
He watched me all day. I felt his gaze even when others were in the room. When I left to have coffee with Cami and Emmy, so he could have some private time with Aiden and Bentley, he looked anxious.
Unable to help myself, I crossed the room and ran my hand over his head. “I’ll bring you a popsicle.”
He tugged me close. “Just you. Promise you’ll come back.”
I felt the well of tears but fought them back. “Yes.”
He lay back, satisfied. “Okay.”
Later, when we were alone once more, I sat beside his bed in one of the large chairs, my legs curled under me. The room was dim since bright lights still gave him a headache. The silence between us tonight was different. Lighter. I was surprised when he stretched out his hand in invitation, letting me curl mine inside it. He drew circles on my skin.
“Your thumb is a mess.”
“I know.”
“You need to stop that.”
“I’m not sure it’s ever going to happen. I’ve done it all my life.”
He harrumphed, then he carefully shifted, lying on his side.
“Bentley told me.”
“Told you what?”
“That it was you who alerted the police about Jill.”
Sighing, I tucked my legs closer. I hated even hearing her name.
“Yes.”
He stared at our hands, his voice becoming softer. “And about the blood donation. You saved my life.”
“No, the surgeon did. I just gave him one of the tools he needed.”
“I’m sure the blood bank would have worked.”
“I didn’t want to wait. Besides, I wanted to give it to you. Be the one to help.”
“I like knowing I have some of you inside me.” His lips curled at the corner. “Usually, it’s the other way around.”
I felt the familiar heat only he could cause bubble under my skin at his provocative words. I looked down at his fingers caressing my hand and shut my eyes, as unbidden, a memory stirred.
I pushed open the closet door, shivering a bit in the morning air. I reached for a blouse, when Maddox stepped behind me. His hard chest pressed to my back, his damp skin warm. His long fingers trailed over my arm, wrapping around my hand.
“I like that blouse,” he murmured close to my ear. “But I really prefer it on the floor.”
“Maddox,” I whispered. “Stop it. I have to get ready for work.”
“You look so . . . tempting.” He ran his finger over the lace strap on my shoulder. “So pretty in pink.”
His finger drifted lower. “Where are your sexy little panties, Deirdre? Are you planning on going bare today?”
My answer came out more breathless than I expected. “No, I have to get them. I was chilly, and I thought I’d put on my blouse first.”
Maddox ~ Melanie Moreland Page 22