“For her apartment, Stef. She didn’t have anything but clothes and a few other things when she moved out of the Brownstone.”
She really knows how to make me feel like a dick. “How is she?” I asked, regretting it instantly.
“She’s….better.” Keira’s voice broke..
“What does that mean?”
“Stefan, I’ve avoided telling you what that day looked like when you left, but you broke her. She wouldn’t eat the entire first week. She barely spoke. Then one morning Tristen told me she just started running.”
Her words caused this aching pain to form in my chest.
“She goes there every morning. The same time every day.”
“Where?”
“The Brooklyn Bridge. She says seeing the sunrise is the only thing that makes her feel better. I don’t really know what she’s talking about.”
When she said it, I instantly knew. She wouldn’t come find me, but she was searching for me in the sunrise. Like a drug, I cut all access she had to me off. My sweet Sophia, what are you doing? She’s going to my favorite place in the city. My memory of her wrapped in my arms, her loose hair blowing in the wind. I take in a deep breath, feeling my jaw clench, as my anger toward myself rose. What have I done to her?
She sighed, “Stef, she went on a date with Tristen.” She blurted out.
I took in what she said and carefully chose my words because I knew they were true, “She still loves me.” I said firmly.
“How do you know?”
“She’s searching for me in the sunrise.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you sound as crazy as she does, but you didn’t see her when she went back to the house. I’ve never seen her like that.”
“I have.” I whispered.
“I don’t know, this was different.”
“Do not tell me what I’ve gone through with Sophia. I’ve been there for her when she needed me at her worst.” I snapped.
She was quiet for a moment, “But you’re not now.”
It hit me out of nowhere. Keira, my Mum like friend, always telling me the truth. But I couldn’t be there for Sophia anymore. I couldn’t.
“She doesn’t need me now.”
“You don’t have to need someone to love them. She’s fine on her own, you’re right. But sometimes just because someone doesn’t need you doesn’t mean you don’t belong in their life.”
“I don’t agree.”
She huffed, “You’re afraid.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re afraid that you could be happy. You’re afraid that she can make you happy. Once she makes you happy, you’re afraid it can be taken from you, just like everything else has been your entire life. But news flash! Your father and brother are going to jail for a very long time. Stop being stupid.”
“You’re bitchy this morning.” My response was a defense. I didn’t want to hear her tell me the same shit that Jess has been telling me for the past week.
Jess sat back down across from me, “Who are you on the phone with?”
“Stef,” Keira sounded panicked, “Who are you with?”
“No one.” I shot Jess a shut the hell up look.
“Don’t you dare lie to me, Stefan Edwards.” Keira snapped.
I huffed, “Jess is here.”
“What the hell, Stefan!” She yelled into the phone. “What is wrong with you? Have you gone completely mad?”
“It’s not like that.” I snapped. “She came here to help me.”
“Help you do what? Service your dick? This is a new low.”
“Keira will you shut up and listen to me? She’s been trying to convince me for the past week to come back to the States for Sophia. Which is something she is going to fail miserably at, but she won’t leave until I agree.”
“Oh…” The line was silent for a few seconds. “Has she been staying with you?”
“No.” I said with annoyance.
“Why is she trying to get you to come back for Sophia?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not going to work.”
“Hmm maybe she isn’t as snarky as I thought.”
“She’s not. Now can you let me go? I’m having lunch with her right now.”
“Fine, but this conversation isn't over.”
“Goodbye, Keira.”
“Bye.” She said quickly and the line went dead.
Jess laughed as she took an exaggerated bite of her salad, “Well she sounded pleasant.”
“She might have just had a meltdown.” I picked up my sandwich.
“She’s always been uptight.”
I eyed her, “That’s like calling the kettle black. You’re the queen of uptight.”
She shimmied her shoulders, “I know that’s why I can say it.”
“You women will drive me insane one of these days.”
Sophia
Another week had passed and Tristen had come over to my house to drink wine. Since the night at the club, he had been pretty close to perfect and normal. Tristen had a kind heart, but it was clear that he only showed that in the shadows. I still didn’t know how to feel about him.
Stefan never called, not even a text or smoke signal. The small light of hope that was still barely flickering was almost out, and it pained me when I thought about it at night. I guess that’s why I was ok with Tristen spending so much time at my apartment, because when I was alone, my thoughts would always go back to Stefan. They always did. It’s been two and a half months since I saw him. I started to believe he was never coming back.
Trsiten walked around the counter, sipping his wine, “I think you should move the sofa facing the window. I mean come on, look at that view.”
I set my glass down, “You might have bought the furniture, but I live here. I make the choices.”
“Fine. It’s your fault that your feng shui is off.”
I walked over to sit next to him as we stared out at the city, “I always imagine the windows with lights on as stars that have fallen to earth.”
He looked over at me, trying not to laugh, “Have you had too much wine?”
I leaned my head back on the back of the sofa, “No. I’m just telling you what goes on in my head.”
“Could you imagine if they were candles and we still lived in the Medieval Times?” He said, resting his head next to mine.
“That’d be a lot of wax.” I turned my head to face him.
“And a lot of matches.”
I laughed, “You think that there would be matches in the Medieval Times?”
He turned his head to face me, “Yeah, totally.”
Our eyes locked in on each other. I could feel the level of nerves rise between us. That impending feeling of what was going to happen next scared the hell out of me. He sat up setting his glass down, and then took mine from me setting it next to his.
“What are you doing?” I sat up.
He turned to look at me, our bodies still as close as before, “What if I said I wanted to kiss you?” He placed his hand on top of mine, which was resting on my thigh.
I searched his eyes, he was kind and gosh he was handsome, is this the Band-Aid, my heart was pounding, I was so nervous and full of emotions, “I...I think I’d say that was ok.”
A small smile formed on his face, he took my hand in his, moving closer to me, his lips hovered mine. And then he kissed me. I didn’t feel electricity, my body didn’t ignite, and fireworks weren’t going off in my ears. Was I broken? Could I not feel anymore?
He released, looking into my eyes, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”
I smiled in return, not knowing what to say.
“I want to ask you something.” His fingers danced with mine.
“Ok.”
“I have this function to go to in about a week. Would you be my date?”
I bit my bottom lip, “I don’t know.”
“Come on, you can’t leave me dateless.”
I e
yed him, “I’m sure you can find another date. It’s not like the girls don’t flock to you.”
“But I don’t want anyone else. I want you as my date.”
Is this part of moving on? Going through the motions of getting to know someone new, but not feeling anything? Tristen wants my heart, but I don’t even think I have it back yet. I deserve to try to be happy though. Whether I have my heart or not.
I smiled, “Ok, I will go with you.”
Trsiten kissed my cheek, “Ok good. Do you have a dress? It’s black tie.”
I laughed, plopping back into the sofa, “What functions do any of you go to that isn’t black tie?”
He shrugged his shoulders, “I guess that’s true.”
“I’ll borrow one from Keira. Don’t worry.”
I laid in bed that night long after Tristen had gone home staring at the ceiling as I always did. My mind finding its way back to Stefan. I wanted to tell him that I was moving on. I wanted him to know how much he had hurt me by leaving. He wasn’t here to get me through the landslide that his family left. He wasn’t here to hold me at night. I touched my cheek as a lone tear fell to my pillow. I closed my eyes from the heartache that found its way back to me. He loved me once, but that’s the point. Loved is past tense and time keeps moving forward.
Chapter Twenty Nine
Stefan
The people rushing about in the airport were stressing me out. I don’t know how I ended up here. It only took a few weeks for Jess to annoy me enough to agree to come home. She played the guilt trip of leaving my Mum alone after my family’s arrest. In all honesty I did feel bad for abandoning her, but she had caused as much trouble as they did. She just didn’t do anything illegal.
Jess and I were waiting on our flight to board. She hopped up on the stool next to me, “So this is the plan. On Saturday we’re going to Lady Gladberry’s Charity dinner. A good source told me that Sophia will be there. Once you’re there, you’ll be all on your own.”
“What are you rambling on about?”
She sipped her soda, “Look I can’t do everything for you. You’ll have to talk to Sophia yourself that night. At least get some form of closure to get you out of this boring depressing funk you’re in.”
“I’m not going.”
“If she shoots you down, then you’ll be able to move on, and start your rotating girls of the week again. If not, then great.” She shrugged her shoulders.
I turned to face her, “One I’m not going and two I’m fucking not going back to a new girl every week. So please spare me from your weird matchmaking thing you’re doing right now. You’re my ex and it doesn’t make any sense.”
She laughed, “I am your ex but your balls are in Sophia’s hands.”
I huffed, facing away from her again. “Jess, can you politely fuck off?”
“Nope. I have an eight hour flight to piss you off even more.”
The plane landed. Tim was waiting to pick me up. Jess had a car waiting for her as well, which was parked behind Tim. We walked towards the cars; Jess stopped me before I walked away. Tim grabbed my bag.
Jess stared at me, her face as serious as she can be, “This part is important, Stef. Do not tell Keira that you’re here. Sophia won’t come to the dinner if she knows you’ll be there.”
“Look for the last time, I’m not going. I’m here to see my Mum.”
She smirked, “Your Mom is going to the dinner.”
I rolled my eyes, “Doesn’t mean I have too.”
“I’ll pick you up at 6 on Saturday. Wear the tux with the white jacket. You look good in that one.”
I glared at her, “I’m leaving. Have a good night Jess.”
She laughed as she walked to her car. One thing I don’t miss about dating Jess was how relentless she is when she has a mission she is trying to accomplish. I didn’t understand her weird obsession with Sophia all of a sudden. Ever since the night of my father’s arrest, when she told Sophia the code, Jess has been different.
I leaned into the back seat, “Tim, can you take me somewhere before you take me home?”
“Of course. Where to?”
“Tristen Van Doren’s building.”
“Sir?”
“Just drive.”
We arrived at the tall silver building. It was later in the night. I didn’t know why I wanted him to take me here. I could go up, knock on her door, and pull her into my arms. It sounds so easy, but it’s not. Sophia and I have never been easy. I stared at the rotating front door, a couple walked out. My heart almost stopped. I thought it was her, but my mind was playing tricks on me.
I clenched my jaw, “Take me to my Mum’s, Tim.” The car started up moments later, and the building drifted off behind us.
When I stepped off of the lift, my Mum was seated on one of the white sofas reading a book. She took her glasses off, as I dropped my bag on the floor.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” Her voice was warm. She stood to hug me.
“You sent Jess to annoy the crap out of me until I did.”
She smiled, “That girl does have a way of a way of accomplishing things.”
I squeezed her tighter, “I’m sorry I left like that.”
She walked over picking up her glasses and book not responding.
I touched her arm, making her look at me, “Mum, I’m sorry.”
“It was a difficult time for all of us. I understand why you left. I just don’t want you to hate me for my involvement in your father and brother’s arrest.”
“How could I hate you? He did all of this to himself. I was there too. I gave them information too.”
She touched my cheek, “My sweet boy, I am sorry about Sophia’s Mother. I’m sorry for what Thomas did.”
I stared at her, “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Are you going to see her while you’re here?”
I sighed, “You sound like Jess.”
“It’s a valid question. You wouldn’t come back to New York just for me.”
“Well I did.”
“I still don’t know if I approve of her, because I don’t trust anyone, but I won’t stop you. No one is going to stop you this time.”
“I’m going to sleep.” I picked my bag up. “I will see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Stefan.”
I smiled at her, “Night, Mum.”
The guest bed was as uncomfortable as I remembered. I was lying on top of the duvet, fully dressed. The city was quiet, well as quiet as the city can get at night. My mind was restless. There was a reason I went to London, I was so close to Sophia, I felt this agonizing draw to go to her. I guess I thought being on another continent would dull out the need for her.
I made a cup of tea, and sat down at the dining table, staring out at the city. Jess told me I couldn’t tell Keira I was here, which means I can’t call Leo. I could call Cam, but his loyalty is with Sophia. He’d probably tell me to fuck off back to London.
An hour later I found myself walking down the street toward the subway, which I took 30 blocks to my Brownstone. I knew it was empty, but I thought I was going to go crazy sitting at the penthouse.
I unlocked the door, entering into the empty bones of my old home. Honestly it was still my home, but I don’t know that I would ever move back in here. I fell in love with her here. I stared down at my phone; I can’t surprise her at the dinner. It needs to be more personal than that. I found myself sitting on the window seat in my empty room.
“Wait? What am I even talking about? I’m not fucking going.” I gripped my phone tighter. I leaned back against the window. “Why am I talking to myself? I’ve officially lost my damn mind.”
Fuck it, I’m calling Leo.
Sophia
My legs were crossed under me; I had one of the throw pillows on my lap. Keira was bringing out dress after dress out of her and Leo’s closet. Their home was decorated with emerald green accents, the same color of the pillow that I was holding.
“What
about this one?” She held up a lilac dress.
“It’s pretty.”
She threw the dress over her arm, “What’s wrong?”
I shrugged my shoulders, “Tristen kissed me the other night.”
Her eyes went wide, she sat down next to me, “He did what?”
I sighed, “Yeah.”
“And now you’re going to this dinner with him? What does that mean?”
“Nothing. It means nothing.”
“Why?”
“Keira, I felt nothing when he kissed me. No sparks, no butterflies. That’s supposed to happen right?”
She gave me a flat smile, “Not all love is the same.”
“Tristen is pretty close to perfect, but I don’t think he’s perfect for me.”
“Then why are you going?”
“Because what if I’m wrong? I was wrong about Stefan, what if I’m wrong about Tristen?”
“Can I be brutally honest?”
“Sure.”
“I don’t think Tristen is right for you.”
I laughed, “Why do you say that? Does he have a dark secret that I don’t know about?”
“Stefan.”
I gave her a confused look, “Why would you say that?”
“Why do you go to the Brooklyn Bridge when you run?”
I tossed the pillow to the side, standing from the bed, “To clear my head, I’ve told you that.”
She eyed me, “I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”
“Well if I wanted to tell you the whole truth I would have.”
“Soph, don’t get mad. I’m just being honest.”
I huffed, “Don’t get mad? He hasn’t reached out once, not once. I’m trying to keep it together these days, and I’m getting better at it every day. But every time I hear his name, I fall three steps backwards.”
She twisted her mouth to the side, “I know.”
“Then drop the Stefan topic indefinitely, because I can’t bear to talk about him anymore.”
“Ok, I’m sorry.”
“I like the lilac one.” I sat back down next to her. “I didn’t mean to snap like that.”
She smiled, “You’ll look good in it.”
“You and Leo will be there right?”
Until Him: Book 3 - Until Then Series Page 19