by Linda Ford
She needed his comfort even though she knew anyone seeing them would judge, but apart from a sleeping baby, there was no one else in the house.
“If that happens here, I will fight side by side with you to save the children. I will marry you, and not simply to protect the children.”
She forced herself to take a step back and avoid looking directly at him. “That’s not possible.”
He caught her chin and tipped her head, but she kept her eyes lowered. “Agnes, what secret are you keeping? Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad. Tell me. Let me help you.”
Her gaze went to his. She could lose herself in the warmth of his eyes. He faced her with his heart wide open. But she feared what the truth would do to her if he saw her as Truman had portrayed her.
“I wish I could tell you, but it would destroy both of us.” People would shun her if they learned she was divorced. She wondered if they would even be allowed to marry.
He kept his fingers on her chin, making it impossible for her to walk away. That and the longing that almost consumed her. This was the sort of man she wanted to share her life with. “If only I’d met you when I was seventeen.” But instead, she was alone with no means of supporting herself. Truman had been fifteen years her senior, with a child she already loved. She’d hoped she would find love and belonging and stability with him. All the things she’d lost when her parents died.
“What happened when you were seventeen?” Nels’s voice was soft, beguiling her into forgetting to guard her speech.
“I married Truman.”
Nels stroked his thumb across her chin. “I wish I had been there. But it’s not too late.”
“I’m afraid it is.”
“Agnes, tell me. Trust me.”
She shook her head. “I pray you will never learn my secret.” What would happen to her and the girls if he ever did? It wasn’t a question she wanted to answer.
10
Nels had no choice but to leave his question unanswered. If only she would tell him what was wrong, he was certain he could fix it or deal with or undo it, whatever the secret required. But Agnes had closed her heart to him, just as firmly as she’d closed her eyes
He returned to plowing, but every step behind the plow was heavy with the weight of his longing. She had as much as admitted she would marry him except for the secret she kept locked up. What would it take to remove the barrier between them?
Over the passing days, they settled into a routine that was comfortable yet frustrating. They ate together, played with the children, even laughed together. But it wasn’t enough.
Tex rode up to the farm every second day or so to let Nels know how the cows were doing. Once Agnes discovered the routine, she prepared a sack of food for the man. Tex never refused.
“She’s one fine lady,” he said to Nels each time he rode away.
They attended church. He on horseback, Agnes and the girls in the rented wagon. Both of them were careful to pretend the other didn’t exist when in public. All the while, Nels wanted nothing so much as to lead her in on his arm, the baby in his other arm, and the two girls at his heels.
What he’d wanted all his life was within reach yet as far removed as Inga across the ocean.
He chuckled. He hadn’t thought of Inga in days. He’d been truly fond of her, but his feelings had been shallow compared to how he felt for Agnes. He could do nothing but pray she would tell him what kept them apart and in the meantime, do his best to protect her from gossip.
He plowed more than he planned to simply for something to keep him busy, away from the yard and yet close enough to see the house.
He looked up from his plowing to see Agnes running toward him. He dropped the reins and hurried toward her. It wasn’t mealtime and lately, she had been sending the girls to call him.
“What’s wrong?”
Out of breath, she pointed toward the barn. A Hereford cow trotted past headed for the road.
He looked back to see if Tex rode after it.
“He hasn’t been here for three days,” Agnes said. “Something’s wrong.”
“She seems to be the only one running away. I’ll take her back.” He unhitched the draft horses and took them to the barn, saddled up Midnight, and led him from the barn.
Agnes waited outside. She grabbed his arm. “I’m worried.”
“She might have slipped by him unnoticed.” He squeezed her hand. It was the first time she’d touched him since admitting she had a secret she wasn’t willing to share. “I’ll make sure he’s okay.”
“Be careful.”
He looked at her, knowing his longings poured from his eyes. “Agnes, I will come back. You can count on me.”
“If it depended only on you, I would find comfort in those words. But things happen that we have no control over.”
“Granted, but God isn’t absent, even in those situations.”
“I wish I could see that.”
He caught her hands. “Let’s pray.”
She nodded.
“Heavenly Father, You say you are always with us but honestly, I’m like Agnes, I don’t always see it. Nevertheless, I confess that without You we would flounder in a bottomless pit. So I am choosing to trust You.” He paused, wanting to say more, but afraid his words might offend Agnes, or drive her further away. “I ask You to give Agnes the courage to face whatever is in her past and deal with it. Now help me get that ornery old cow back to the others.”
He looked into Agnes’s eyes. Saw hope and fear mingled. Saw love and regret too.
“Go find Tex,” she said.
He rode down the road, turned the cow back, and herded her past the barn where Agnes watched. She hadn’t objected to his prayer. Could it be she was considering telling him her secret?
She’d said she thought it would destroy what they had. He couldn’t see how that was possible.
The cow trotted over the hill. The other cows came into view, scattered across the landscape. They were farther afield than Tex normally let them go. Nels counted them. All present. So perhaps Tex was giving them a little space to see how far they would roam. Nels scanned the view. Where was the man?
The cowboy camped down by the river, so Nels rode that direction. He saw Tex’s horse standing, the reins hanging down. He glanced toward the river, half expecting to see Tex getting water. But he wasn’t there.
“Tex,” he called.
“Over here.” The call was weak as if the man was a great distance away.
Nels followed the sound to the trees. He swung off his horse to make his way through the brush and discovered Tex on the ground, his right leg bent at an unnatural angle.
He squatted beside the man. “How long have you been here?”
“Since last night.” No wonder his voice was weak.
“What happened?”
“I’m a crazy old man, that’s what. I thought it would be fun to ride the bull. The sort of thing I would do twenty years ago and never give it a thought. So I jumped on him. He went crashing into the trees and dumped me off. And here I am. All busted up. Serves me right, don’t it?”
Nels couldn’t help but smile despite the seriousness of the situation. “Guess you’ll have to start taking your age into consideration.”
“I already decided that. Been thinking how I would get back to the farm. I think you’ll have to splint my leg and put me on my horse.”
Nels shuddered at the thought. “Tex, old boy, that would hurt something awful. How ’bout I go back and get the wagon?”
Tex sighed. “Don’t suppose you got some good strong whiskey with you. Or anything to numb the pain.”
“I might have some laudanum at the farm. Should I splint the leg now or when I get back?” He didn’t care much for doing the job at any time but it had to be done.
“Do it now and drag me out of the trees. I don’t care to be covered with ants.”
Nels cut straight, sturdy saplings. All he had for binding them to Tex’s leg was rope. It would have to
do until they got home.
When he got back, Tex looked him straight in the eye. “Do whatcha gotta do.” He put a stick between his teeth, bit down hard, and closed his eyes.
Nels knelt with his feet toward Tex’s head. “God, please help me.” He grabbed the bent leg and pulled hard.
Tex groaned and then his head lulled to one side. He’d passed out, which was a mercy.
Nels bound the leg in place as best he could then dragged the man from the trees. He filled a canteen and left it where Tex could reach it. “I sure do hate to leave you, old man.” But the sooner he rode away, the sooner he could return. He swung into the saddle and galloped flat out all the way home. He swung from the saddle before Midnight even stopped.
Agnes had been watching for him and rushed to his side.
“I have to take the wagon to get Tex. He broke a leg.” He led the horses forward as he talked and hitched them to the wagon. “Can you take care of my horse? Cool him down and water him.”
“Of course. You’ll need something to hold Tex still on the journey. Do you have oats in sacks?”
“Good idea. I’ll tend to that. If you look in the top right hand cupboard in the kitchen, you’ll find a box of medical supplies. I think there’s a bottle of laudanum.”
She was gone before he could ask her to get it.
Nels carried four sacks of grain to the wagon. By then Agnes was back. The two little girls stood nearby, wide-eyed and holding hands. He paused to squat before them. “Tex will be okay, but I need to get him home where he can rest properly.”
“I’ll prepare a room for him,” Agnes called as Nels rattled away. The wagon bounced over the rough prairie. The trip home would be torture for Tex.
Tex was awake when Nels arrived. “’Fraid you’re gonna have to help me get into that thing,” he said, his voice thin with pain.
“I’ve got laudanum.” He let the man have a swallow. Gave it a moment to start working then helped Tex stand. His face drained of color and Nels hung on to him for fear he would pass out again. Tex hopped the three steps to the wagon and with Nels’s helped managed to climb aboard. Nels positioned the bags of grain to hold him steady.
“Even so, this trip is going to hurt.”
“I’ll take another shot of that laudanum.”
Nels handed him the bottle then they were on their way. He drove slowly, doing his best to find smooth areas.
At each bump, he looked over his shoulder to check on Tex. The man was white as a sheet, lines gouging into his face.
They rolled down the last hill toward the house. Agnes waited, her hands twisting in worry. She ran to the wagon as they approached and looked in the back.
“Good to see you’re still alive,” she said.
Tex moaned. “Being alive don’t feel so good right now.”
“We’ll soon have you settled in a comfortable bed.”
“One that doesn’t toss me about, I hope.”
“I think I can safely say it will not move.”
“Couldn’t ask for much more,” Tex ground out. “Except enough brains not to do stupid things. And Nels was thinking his cows needed more brains.”
“I’m just glad you’re in one piece.”
Nels backed the wagon as close to the door as he could. “I wish there was another way,” he murmured to Agnes.
“Jest get me inside,” Tex said.
With Agnes on one side of the old man and Nels on the other, they made their way across the kitchen to the bedroom she had prepared.
Tex took one look at the bed. “Can’t lie there.”
“Why not?” Agnes sounded a tad offended.
“It’s too clean. Take off those white sheets.”
“Tex, it’s okay. They wash.”
“No. Take ’em off.”
Nels and Agnes looked at each other. He shrugged. “Even battered and broken he’s a stubborn man. Best do what he says.”
Tex clung to Nels as Agnes pulled off the clean bedding.
“That gray blanket will do.” Tex nodded toward a blanket on the nearby chair.
Agnes spread it over the mattress. “You satisfied?”
Tex chuckled. “I’d prefer to sleep outside but don’t suppose it’s worth fighting about.”
They helped him into bed. “Now go get me the doctor.”
Nels and Agnes left the room.
“You’ll be okay while I ride to town?” Nels asked. “He might be a bit cantankerous.”
She smiled. “I think he’ll do what’s best for him.”
He chuckled at the gleam in her eye. “Hear that, Tex? She says you’ll do what’s best, but I think she means you’ll do what she tells you.”
Tex groaned. “What have I gotten myself into?”
Agnes didn’t even wait for Nels to ride from the yard before she took a basin of warm water into the bedroom. “Nothing like a good wash to make a man feel better.”
He gave her a squinty-eyed look. “You saying I’m dirty?”
“Would you like me to get you a mirror?” She kept her voice sweet and gentle despite her worry about the man.
“Never mind. But you ain’t doing it for me. I’m old enough to wash my own face.”
She put the basin of water on a chair where he could reach it and left the room. His trousers would have to come off but she’d leave that for the doc and Nels. A few minutes later, she returned. “Would you like something to eat or drink?”
“Wouldn’t mind a cup of fresh coffee and maybe some of those cookies you make.”
“Would you like a sandwich too?”
“One with syrup?”
“Coming right up.” She made fresh coffee and took him a cupful along with a sandwich and a plate of cookies.
The girls hovered near the door.
“You hurt yourself?” Hettie asked.
“Kind of did, but I’ll live. Would you like one of my cookies?”
The girls looked to Agnes for her permission. When she nodded, they went into the room and each took a cookie then stood looking at the man.
“Girls, he needs to rest.” Mostly, he probably didn’t care to have children staring at him.
“Don’t you look so worried. I’m okay,” he told them.
“You don’t look okay,” Lila said. “You look hurt.”
“Just my leg. The rest of me is good as new.”
Hettie studied him hard.
Agnes wondered what was going on in that pretty little head. She didn’t have to wait long to find out.
“You don’t look new. You looks old.”
Tex’s laugh ended on a groan. “Can’t fool you, can I?”
“Come on, girls. Tex needs to rest.” Agnes guided the girls out of the bedroom. Merry woke and needed to be fed. When she was done, Agnes checked on Tex. He slept. It was the best thing for him.
Doc and Nels returned an hour later.
“I’ve been wondering how you’re doing with the girls,” Doc said. “Nels says everyone is doing well. Good to hear.”
Agnes glanced at Nels. Her cheeks warmed at the look of approval in his eyes.
“Now where’s my patient?” Doc asked.
Agnes led him to the bedroom and left them alone.
A little later they emerged.
Seeing coffee and cookies waiting, Doc sat at the table. “It appears to be a clean break. I expect he will heal okay given enough time. He’ll need to rest a few days and then he can get up so long as he doesn’t put any weight on that leg.”
“I’ll make him crutches,” Nels said.
“The man couldn’t have found a better place to recover than right here.” Doc looked around. “Nice house you have.” He spied the cradle. “How is the baby?”
“Growing like a weed,” Agnes said. Merry was awake so she got her.
Doc examined the baby. “She’s getting plump. That’s good. Far too often, babies orphaned at birth don’t survive, but she’s doing well. Again, she couldn’t have found a better person to look after her than
Miss Agnes.” He patted his pockets as if looking for something. Well, lookee here. I have two mints I’d forgotten about. Maybe you’d like them.” He offered them to Hettie and Lila, who took them and thanked him.
“Now I best be on my way.” He patted Agnes on the shoulder. “Don’t be letting that old man order you about now.”
“I heard that,” Tex called. “I ain’t never been one to be bossy.”
“I believe I can handle him,” Agnes said.
“I have no doubt you can. You were the best helper I ever had. Wish you were still in town, but what you have here is far more important.”
Nels escorted him to his horse then returned to the house. “He certainly thinks highly of you.”
“Are you surprised?” Doc’s praise had gone a long ways to restoring her equilibrium.
Nels laughed. “Not in the least. But perhaps it will help you see that you don’t need to fear that people will be eager to form a bad opinion of you.”
“I wish it was that simple.” Not wishing to argue about something he couldn’t understand, she turned to clean the kitchen.
Nels stood a few minutes as if hoping she would discuss the matter with him, but she knew there wasn’t any point. With a sound of exasperation, he left the house.
The day was almost gone. She turned her attention toward making supper.
But having Tex in the bedroom calling out orders from time to time was exactly what Agnes needed to make her realize that she had value that people could not take away.
Two days later, Agnes went to the garden to get carrots for supper. She glanced toward the fields that Nels plowed. He said something about finishing in a few days. She groaned as three cows trotted down the hill. Would they never learn their boundaries?
She left the garden and hurried toward Nels. He glanced her way and she pointed.
He looked. She couldn’t hear him groan but knew he did. He tied the reins and ran to the barn for his horse. She watched as he chased the cows back to where they belonged.
Once he was out of sight, she went to get the carrots. She would make a stew and biscuits for supper. Tex really liked fresh biscuits.
“I get used to them hard and dry,” he had explained. “They fed my stomach but these—” He had lifted one of her fresh biscuits. “They feed a man’s soul.”