by Ian Kumar
Trap Dance
It was a day in summer with temperatures soaring to the other side of the nineties when people in the city of New York are always so oomph about the sizzling day with just one thought in mind—to run to the beach in their most outrageously skimpy beachwear. The most common pleasantries exchanged between strangers in New York on such a summer day would be, ‘what a beautiful day’ or ‘I love this weather’.
Justin, on the other hand, never liked summers. He had had his fill of summer in India where such hot weather runs through the better part of the year, from March to September. He remembered when he was young, and his mobility was limited to walking or riding a public transport bus, he would scan the landscape to find shades under awnings or trees on the side walk to protect his skin from being scorched by the blazing sun.
On this scorcher, Justin stood in front of the vending machine at Herald Square subway station of Manhattan to buy the metro card before boarding a train for Jackson Heights in Queens where he lived. These underground subway stations become steamy hot during the summers. The crowd, on this particular Herald Square subway station, was a mix of people attired in office suits who were now retiring from their offices and the shoppers in their ‘casual’ casuals carrying tote bags loaded with their dream merchandise, handpicked by them from the string of mega stores that line up at the street level.
Swiping his metro card at the turnstile and briskly walking towards the ‘R’ train platform, he heard the sound of tap-dancing coming from the nearby ‘Busking spot’ created by the New York City to promote Busker and Street Performers. Justin, drawn by the rhythmic sound, came upon a big crowd which was cheerfully watching the young performers from some local dance company, doing the tap dance. The energy generated by the performers was so captivating that Justin slowed his pace and ultimately stopped to watch the performers. Tap dancing on their heels and then alternating with taps from their toes, the performers created an awesome rhythm without any musical instrument. They would occasionally step on the rectangular wooden board to create a variant in the sound and back again on the floor. The acoustic effect as produced in these underground subway stations was amazing, even Justin who did not have a single dancing bone one in his body, started to tap his feet to the rhythm.
However, his pleasure was short lived, for that very morning, he had read a verse from the bible, which said:
‘….Does a trap spring unless something sets it off?’ (Amos 3: 5)
With his mind jumping from ‘tap’ to ‘trap’, his tapping of the feet came to an abrupt halt. Standing amongst the cheering crowd, his heart again filled with remorse that took over the better of him. He squeezed shut his eyes to stop himself from drifting into this mental setup that otherwise haunted him all the time. How he always wished for an opportunity to go back in time and rectify his mistakes.
He saw the proverbial ‘trap’ of the Bible dancing for him. The trap that was set off by him and his own actions in the prime of his life had now ensnared him viciously. Dancing, indeed, it was because Justin, a man of God, was caught up in it. Dancing, because ‘the trap’ knew Justin, who got completely embroiled in a covetous relationship with one of the creations of God, would not be able to extricate himself before it was too late.
Justin’s mind was always full of thoughts—thoughts that were not very pleasant, thoughts about his financial situation—which were a constant source of drain on his energy. For the past so many years, all he was doing was work, work and work. Still, he did not see any respite from his labor. Coupled with this was his grief that saddened his heart all the time of not being a good father to his sons, particularly to Armaan.
Justin always regretted the fact that neither he had any direct input in the life of his son during his teenage years nor he was at hand for him when he entered adulthood. Such thoughts always depressed him. Life is a one-time affair and Justin had squandered the opportunity to achieve anything worth mention. His heart always pained to remember that he did not carry out his responsibilities towards his younger son, whom he fathered and literally forsook at the tender age of twelve leaving him to lead his life with nothing but a single parent—his mother.
In almost a decade, Justin had not set eyes on his son Armaan. Justin observed that whenever he called Armaan over the phone, though he genuinely sounded very respectful, he lacked the element of enthusiasm. He noticed that Armaan never took the initiative to call him or even answer his emails. The saying is that love grows with distance, but in their case, protracted distance was killing the love.
The pent-up passions for Armaan were like volcanoes that spewed smoke every now and then waiting for the time when all the churning emotions inside Justin would get the better of him, explode, and make him go extinct. He had lost everything that he once valued. Spiritually, socially and financially, he was bankrupt. How he wished someone in future would inscribe on his tombstone one word—LOSER.
Earned the Wages
Jackson heights is a place in the borough of Queens that is monopolised by South Asians. The streets are lined-up with varied configuration of stores selling wares brought from the countries of India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. This is a place where people from all the three countries live with perfect harmony, though the statement does not hold water about the relationship between the countries that are situated in the Indian subcontinent.
The market has a fair sprinkle of jewelry stores. Window-shopping there, sometimes Justin would be amused by the jewelry displayed for married women. The size of many of the displayed jewelry pieces were so huge and heavy, that it would make one wonder what damsel can be strong enough to carry such weight upon her person with elegance.
The peculiar aroma of South Asian food serving Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi cuisines—the famous chicken curry, chicken tikka, and samosas—would tempt one to splurge. Not to be outdone were a few restaurants serving Chinese noodles the South Asian way.
Then there were small kiosks usually at the entrance of bigger stores, where the vendor would sell Paan made with Beatle leaf. This delicacy, unfortunately after being chewed repeatedly, would leave one’s mouth painted red on the inside and would further prompt the savourer to quietly and stealthily spit out the residue on some street corner, a disgusting habit by all standards.
On a pleasant spring evening, when the place was bustling with shoppers of all kinds, Justin parked his car at the parking meter, bought Bhel-Puri from one of the Indian restaurants and sat inside his car to eat. While he was savouring the delicacy, he noticed a traffic cop holding a hand held scanner intently looking at various stickers on the windshield of his car. Justin did not pay much attention knowing that he had paid at the parking ‘Muni’ meter and displayed the receipt on the dashboard. After a few minutes into his activity of savouring the Bhel-Puri, Justin noticed that the cop was gone and there was a traffic ticket stuck to the wiper of his car. Bewildered, he jumped out of the car and looked at the description of the ticket that was made out for $35. For a few moments, he could not comprehend the ticket as he had paid the parking money at the meter but on scrutiny, he realised that the ticket was written for the registration of the car that had expired the night before. Justin dumped the Bhel-Puri in the nearest trash can and hastily drove for the nearest DMV office for the renewal of his car registration that day itself, as that would save him from the penalty. Thirty-five dollars would not have been such a big deal but who wants to be ticketed? In local language they say, ‘parking tickets suck’.
Traffic cops with hand held scanners in New York City is swift and merciless justice meted out on the spot.
Many a times, the punishment for sin is not swift and ‘man’, the mortal being, feels that justice would not be served. God, in his merciful nature, delays the punishment giving a chance to the sinner to repent and be saved. Justin had been treading this path of lustful pursuance outside his marriage for years together. Had he received a ticket from God, he would have taken note of his sinful activity and its c
onsequences. However, this was neither a lapse on the part of God nor did He change the principle given in His word that says,
‘Wages of sin is death’ (Romans 6: 23)
When Justin was working in the bank, his monthly wages got deposited in his savings account. Any amount of the salary that remained in the account with the bank earned interest.
Justin the preacher of the Word had constantly ignored these daily facts of life. He thought since he is able to preach the Word of God, God is okay with whatever he was doing in his life. As God’s justice to him was not swift, he slowly overlooked the fact that whatever he was doing was sinful and thus would reap wages. In spite of having a deep knowledge of the Word, he ignored the fact that a delay in chastisement would come with an added tag of accumulated interest.
When Justin decided to come to America, he thought God was guiding him to this new opening. When the church in Oklahoma sponsored him, he became so presumptuous as to think that God was on his side and was making a way for him, all the while ignoring the fact that he had left ‘Him’ for the sake of Sushmita.
‘…for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity?’ (2 Corinthians 6: 14)
God has no fellowship with iniquity and naturally neither with the doer of iniquity. For many days, the melody of the song ‘God will make a way for me, God will make a way’, was stuck in Justin’s head. He would regularly read the Bible and pray fervently with thanksgiving.
‘He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination’. (Proverbs 28: 9)
Justin’s thanksgiving and prayer were in fact an abomination to God that He not only utterly rejected, but also despised.
However, all those who want to follow the dictates of their own hearts always try to twist the Word of God to their own advantage. Justin, doing what he was doing, never agreed that, that was what he was doing. Satan had blinded him so completely that he never thought that the above happenings in his life which he presumed were for his betterment, were not from God. In pursuit of his own desires, he started to willfully ignore the above biblical verses and many more that were in fact a warning to sinners like him.
‘And even as they refused to have God in their knowledge, God gave them up unto a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not fitting’. (Romans1: 28)
The Word of God is unchanging; however, sometimes man understands it only when the harsher side of it comes to pass upon him.
Now after so many years in America, still being the best country in the world to pursue dreams, Justin found himself wanting in everything. Hit hard by the ongoing financial crises, left alone in this big world, not able to see his sons, not able to pursue his passion to preach the Word of God, and instead having to ferry people from one place to another, another verse from the Bible struck hard at Justin.
‘He will surely wind thee round and round, and toss thee like a ball into a large country; there shalt thou die…’. (Isaiah 22: 18)
To his dismay, now he understood clearly that it was not he who planned and executed the strategies to come to America to fulfill his desires, but it was in fact God who brought him here to twist and toss him around like a ball in this large country.
Strong hands are required to twist a ball. Then, when this twisted ball is thrown with force, it would not fall and bounce according to the laws of physics but would have a very erratic path and weird bounce. That is exactly what was happening with Justin; the unpredictability of his life now confused and scared him all the time.
‘There shalt thou die’ did not literally happen with him but Justin saw himself die every day for everything. When on Sundays he would attend some church, his heart would bleed from inside for not being able to preach. Whenever and wherever he would see some young child, his heart would double up with pain at the thought of his younger son. Whenever he would be in need of support of some strong hands, he would miss his elder son. Did Justin have a spirit of ‘whoredom’? As mentioned in the book of Hosea:
‘I know Ephraim, and Israel is not hidden from me; for now, O Ephraim, you commit harlotry; Israel is defiled.’ (Hosea 5: 3)
Ephraim, the younger son of Joseph, was blessed out of turn instead of Manasseh, the elder one. In a very similar fashion, God blessed Justin out of turn on many occasions during his lifetime. Whether in personal life, professional life, in the bank, or as a pastor in the church, God seemed to bless him out of turn in spite of many other deserving people. However, like Ephraim, Justin gave precedence to his lustful desires over his love for God. On many occasions, God cautioned him through his prophets, pastors, elders, even by his wife Pearl, but Justin would not pay heed to the advice of any and at last, declared to leave God, showing a clear preference for one of God’s own creations—Sushmita—over the Creator Himself.
The scripture is clear about the one who indulges in adultery:
‘…Lest you give your honor to others and yours years to the cruel one. Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. And you mourn at last, when your flesh and your body are consumed, and say, how I have hated instruction, and my heart despised correction!’ (Proverbs 5: 9–12)
Justin labored a lot; however, his creditors snatched up the fruits of his labor. It seemed as if he had sold himself into the hands of such, and now he was just working for them and did not have any rights on the fruits of his labor. He could imagine himself as if he was living in the days of Gideon, when out of fear of the Midianites; Gideon was threshing wheat hiding behind rocks. Justin’s position was even worse; at least Gideon screened himself behind a rock, but here Justin did not have the cover to hid himself or his labor behind anything. Everything that he did went to the creditors with a handful of sustenance left for him. God has promised to make the righteous the ‘head’ and not the ‘tail’, Justin had lost that privilege and had become the ‘tail’.
Woe to the Au Revoir of that September night, when he was at the Delhi airport departing to the so-called ‘new’ start in life. That Au Revoir would ultimately play havoc in the life of everyone related to Justin; that Au Revoir which promised so many dreams that day would in the end, shatter all the dreams of his life. Everything that came his way after that Au Revoir, admittance to America, getting an opening with the church in Oklahoma, his R1 visa, etc., made him think was the ‘good’ coming out of it. He thought that his Au Revoir was acceptable to God. Alas, only now, he realised that the Au Revoir was in fact a vehicle to all the misery, grief and pain in the life that was to follow. He could have said Au Revoir to his sinful life and instantly gained God’s mercy and all the goodness with it, but he bid Au Revoir to God himself.
Now he woefully felt that he was getting wasted and his body being consumed by the harsh labor day in and day out. Sitting alone in his car, many a times he would let out a loud sigh of anguish and say to himself, ‘How different it would have been had he chosen the path of righteousness?’