All My Tomorrows

by Karen D. Badger

  "I wasn't trying to hide it, Maggie. It's just not exactly dinner conversation, you know?"

  Maggie crossed her arms in front of her and paced back and forth. She looked apprehensively at Jordan.

  Jordan took several steps toward Maggie, but stopped abruptly when Maggie put her hand up. "Jordan don't, please. I need time to digest this."

  Jordan stepped back. "I'm sorry. Would you like me to pack my things and leave?"

  Maggie walked toward the door then turned to look at Jordan. "Do I want you to leave? No. Not unless you want to."

  Jordan looked down at the floor. "I don't want to," she said softly.

  When she looked up, Maggie was gone.

  * * *

  For the next several weeks, Jordan fell into a routine of chores as well as repairs to fences, outbuildings, and grounds. During that time, Maggie made herself conspicuously absent and communicated with Jordan through notes left on the bunkhouse door or through messages hand carried to her by a very smug Jan.

  Jordan had free access to Maggie's home, but rarely encountered her. When their paths did cross, Maggie always had an excuse about select board meetings to attend or chores to be done and excused herself with little more than a cursory goodbye.

  Jordan spent most evenings standing by the window waiting for the light to come on in Maggie's bedroom so she could catch a glimpse of the redhead. Her heart was heavy with regret. Maggie's revulsion with her condition was something she hadn't anticipated.

  Three weeks after Maggie discovered the implant, she asked that Jordan help with the barn raising. Jordan looked forward to it, as she knew Maggie was deeply involved in the project and would no doubt be a frequent visitor on the jobsite. By the time she joined the crew, the footing had already been poured and the wall frames erected. Jordan arrived on the jobsite with her tool belt in hand and immediately climbed the staging to assist with the rafter assembly.

  From her vantage point in the rafters, Jordan could see Maggie moving around the site, reading blueprints with Dave and assisting in various ways. Unbeknownst to her, Maggie stole every opportunity possible to glance upward when she was certain Jordan wasn't looking. Jordan was working side-by-side with one of the carpenters when one such opportunity arose.

  "Wow, that redhead down there is really hot," the carpenter commented to Jordan.

  Jordan glanced down at Maggie who was talking to Dave several yards below them. "Forget it Don. Somehow, I don't think she'd be interested in you," Jordan chuckled.

  Don looked offended. "And, why not? I'm a good-looking guy. What is she, a dyke or something?"

  Jordan raised her eyebrows at the man. "You do realize she's the boss, right?"

  Don snorted. "I don't care who she is. I answer only to Dave."

  "Whatever," Jordan replied as she drove a spike into the rafter Don was holding level. "Okay, your turn."

  Don retrieved a spike from his tool belt and began to hammer it into the wood. When he realized Maggie was looking up at them again, he took his attention off what he was doing for a brief moment to smile at her and promptly lost his footing.

  "Whoa!" he yelled as he struggled to maintain his position on the beam.

  Jordan tried to reach the man, but in his attempt to catch himself, he released his end of the rafter. It pivoted toward Jordan as it was being held aloft only by the spike she had driven into it moments earlier. Jordan had all she could do to maintain her own balance on the beam as she avoided the swinging rafter, and watched helplessly as Don fell to the floor of the barn.

  Maggie screamed as he narrowly missed landing on her.

  "Don't touch him," Jordan said loudly as she scrambled across the beam toward the ladder. "Please, don't move him."

  Jordan climbed down the ladder as fast as she could. "Call an ambulance, quickly." She fell to her knees beside the fallen man and touched the side of his face gently. Maggie, Dave and several of the crewmembers circled them helplessly.

  "Don? Don, can you hear me?" she asked.

  Don blinked his eyes and tried to nod his head.

  "Don't move your head, Don, okay? Help is on the way. Can you breathe? Blink twice for yes, once for no."

  Don blinked twice.

  "Good." Jordan looked up at Dave and Maggie. "I need something soft to stabilize his neck, towels, pillows, rolled up blankets, anything. Please hurry."

  "I have some blankets and towels in the truck." Dave turned and ran out of the barn.

  Maggie squatted down next to Jordan. "What can I do to help?" she asked anxiously.

  Dave returned carrying a blanket and several towels. He handed them to Jordan. "I'm afraid they're not very clean," he said.

  "I don't think he'll care at this point." Jordan reached up for the blankets and gave one to Maggie. "Cover him up while I stabilize his neck. It will help to prevent shock."

  Maggie and Dave worked together to drape a blanket over Don while Jordan rolled two of the towels and placed them on either side of Don's neck then held them there to prevent him from moving his head back and forth. She then lowered her ear to his mouth to monitor how laboriously he was breathing. Satisfied that his airway was unobstructed, she smiled at the man.

  "Help is on the way, Don. Hang in there, buddy. Are you feeling pain anywhere?"

  Don blinked his eyes twice.

  "Is the pain in your neck?"

  Two blinks.

  "How about your arms and legs?"

  One blink.

  "Can you move your fingers and toes? Do it gently, and don't lift your hand or foot."

  Jordan watched as Don wiggled his fingers and moved his foot. "That's good, Don. Just lay as still as possible. I think I hear the ambulance coming."

  "I'll flag them down," Maggie said as she rose to her feet and ran out of the barn.

  Moments later, two EMTs rushed into the room carrying medical kits. Maggie followed close behind. One EMT took over Jordan's position by Don's head while the other assessed his bodily injuries.

  "What happened?" asked one of the EMTs.

  "He fell from the rafter," Dave replied.

  The EMT looked upward. "Wow. That's at least fifteen feet."

  The EMT who was kneeling beside Don's head looked up. "What's his name?"

  "His name is Don. Don Feldman," Dave answered.

  "Who secured his neck?" he asked.

  "I did," Jordan replied. "I also assessed his respiration, which appears to be even. There doesn't appear to be any radiating pain. Most of the pain is centered in his neck. He is also able to move extremities such as fingers and toes. With any luck, the injury will be isolated to muscle pain and not affect the vertebra beyond C2."

  Maggie's eyes grew wide as she listened to Jordan speak with the emergency personnel.

  The EMT attending at Don's head glanced up at Jordan. "You seem to know a lot about spinal injuries. I take it you're either a doctor, or you've had such an injury yourself?"

  Jordan shrugged. "Something like that," she replied as she met Maggie's gaze.

  "Okay. Jim, we'll need the backboard, neck brace, tape and gurney," the EMT instructed his partner. He then looked down at Don. "We'll have you out of here in a jiff, Don. You're in good hands."

  Over the next ten minutes the EMTs worked to carefully secure Don to the backboard before loading him into the ambulance.

  "I'd better follow them to the hospital," Dave said.

  "Yes, of course," Maggie replied quickly. "Do whatever is necessary. I'll cross my fingers that his injuries are not too extensive."

  Jordan, Maggie, and the remaining carpenters watched as the ambulance drove away. While Maggie dismissed the rest of the crew for the day, Jordan walked away and collected her tools, then headed toward the old farm truck she had driven to the construction site. As she climbed into the driver's seat, Maggie ran toward her.

  "Jordan," she called out.

  Jordan remained in the truck and waited for Maggie to reach her. She sat quietly looking out the windshield.

&
nbsp; Maggie stopped by the driver's door. "Hey," she said.

  Jordan nodded but continued to look straight ahead.

  Maggie shoved her fingertips into the back pockets of her jeans and kicked the dirt around gently with her toe. "Look, Jordan, I know you're angry with me, and I don't blame you, but that was quite a bombshell you dropped on me a few weeks ago."

  Jordan looked at her. "I hoped it wouldn't matter."

  Maggie shrugged. "I don't know if it matters or not. It… it just took me by surprise."

  "Well, for that, I apologize," Jordan replied stoically.

  "Jordan, don't be that way," Maggie exclaimed.

  Jordan's head turned sharply in Maggie's direction. "How the hell do you want me to be?" she asked angrily.

  "Honest, for one," Maggie replied.

  Jordan could feel the anger rising in her chest as she gripped the steering wheel tightly.

  "I have been completely honest with you, Maggie."

  "Not completely. You said yourself there were things you couldn't explain right now."

  Jordan continued to stare straight ahead.

  Maggie sighed deeply. "Look, Jordan, I don't want to argue with you."

  Jordan shook her head. "You just don't understand."

  Maggie put both hands on the window frame and leaned forward. "Then why don't you explain it to me?" she suggested firmly.

  Jordan reached across the bench seat and threw the passenger door open. "Get in."

  * * *

  Jordan and Maggie drove to the western fringe of the property to where the land abruptly fell off to the lake. An uncomfortable silence settled over them as they both stared out at Lake Champlain.

  Maggie turned in her seat to face Jordan. "Tell me about your accident."

  Jordan dropped her hands from the steering wheel and allowed them to fall into her lap. She stared at them for several minutes before she looked at Maggie.

  "Like I said, I was sixteen at the time. I was riding my horse, Sally, who by the way was a mustang. Anyway, I was riding Sally across the field and she stumbled and threw me. I landed pretty hard, and at an angle that broke my back at the L1 vertebrae, just below the small of my back. I was in a hover… ah, I mean, a wheelchair until I was thirty."

  "Oh, my God. How old are you now?" Maggie asked.

  "I'm thirty-two."

  Maggie did a quick calculation in her head. "So, you were in a wheelchair for fourteen years? How awful for you."

  "Awful doesn't even begin to describe it, Maggie. I grew up on this… er, I mean, I grew up on a farm very much like this one, and I felt so incredibly useless stuck in that chair. I spent a significant amount of time after school in the barn with my father. I helped as much as I could with the horses, and we enjoyed small carpentry projects together, but I didn't venture far from the property. I was an only child and my parents were somewhat older than those of other kids, so it was a pretty lonely childhood."

  "Where are your parents now?" Maggie asked.

  "They died in a car accident when I was twenty-six."

  Maggie was crestfallen as she imagined the emotional and physical pain and suffering Jordan must have endured in her life. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly.

  "Thanks," Jordan replied without looking up.

  "So how did you come to have the implant?"

  Jordan lifted her head and pressed it against the headrest. "I volunteered for a spinal implant development project being conducted at the University of Vermont Spinal Institute. They almost didn't accept me because my injury was so old, but I persisted and eventually, they gave in. This is actually the second implant. The first one lasted for two years then failed several months ago. So far, this new one is working well."

  Maggie tilted her head to the side. "So, how does the implant work? I mean, you walk like there is nothing wrong with you."

  "The implant sends alternating electrical pulses to both sides of the injury site and in theory it encourages the nerve endings to begin growing toward one another. Hopefully, some day soon, they will bridge the injury site and grow together. In the meantime, I have restored mobility, and with any luck, at some point, the nerve endings in my skin will wake up and smell the coffee too," Jordan explained.

  "I had no idea that medical science has progressed so far. It's like a miracle," Maggie exclaimed.

  Several more moments of silence passed as Maggie digested the information Jordan had given her. Finally, she touched Jordan's hand. "Jordan, close your eyes," she said softly.

  Jordan turned her head to face Maggie and drew her brow into a frown. "Why?"

  "Humor me, please," Maggie replied.

  Jordan dutifully closed her eyes and waited for Maggie's move.

  "Can you feel this?" Maggie asked as she rubbed Jordan's knee with her hand.

  "No." Jordan's eyelashes fluttered.

  "No, no, no, don't open your eyes. Do you feel this?" Maggie ran her hand along Jordan's thigh.

  Jordan concentrated hard but failed to feel any direct stimuli. "No," she said impatiently.

  Maggie allowed her hand to roam across Jordan's abdomen and into the crevice between her legs. "How about this?"

  Jordan dropped her chin to her chest without opening her eyes. "No. I don't feel anything."

  "Surely, you can feel this," Maggie said as she slipped her hand into Jordan's shirt.

  Jordan stiffened, but kept her eyes closed.

  "Yes, you can feel that. How about this?" Maggie reached far enough inside Jordan's shirt to feel her left breast and capture her nipple between her fingers.

  "Ah," Jordan exclaimed as a sudden bolt of desire shot directly to her core. Her eyes flew open and she pressed her own hand into her abdomen. She looked at Maggie. "Do that again."

  Maggie applied pressure to the hardened nipple. Once more, Jordan nearly doubled over.

  "Damn," Jordan quivered as ripples of pleasure ran through her. She looked at Maggie. Her eyes were wild with wonder and desire. "I can feel that deep within my core. It feels incredible."

  Maggie smiled. "This is your first time, isn't it?" she asked softly.

  Unable to speak, Jordan just nodded. To Jordan's dismay, Maggie retracted her hand from inside her shirt.

  "Well, your first time will not be in the front seat of a beat up old truck. Drive us home."

  CHAPTER 6

  Jordan left a large cloud of dust in her wake as she accelerated the old pickup truck across the plains and nearly brought it to a screeching halt in front of the farmhouse. She jumped out of the driver's side and quickly ran around the front of the truck to open Maggie's door for her. Maggie took her hand as she stepped out of the truck. Together they ascended the porch steps and came to a halt at the top.

  Jan was standing inside the house, just behind the screen door. "Well, well, well. Isn't this interesting," she sneered.

  Jordan took a step toward the door, but was stopped by Maggie who glanced at her and silently communicated that she would handle the situation.

  "Don't start, Jan. Has the hospital called yet?" she asked.

  Jan narrowed her eyes. "Hospital? Why would the hospital call?"

  "One of the carpenters fell out of the rafters directly to the floor of the new barn. We had to call an ambulance to come after him. Jordan stabilized his neck until they got here. I hope he's going to be okay," Maggie explained.

  Jan put her hands on her hips. "No, they haven't called yet."

  Maggie reached for the screen door handle and pulled it open. Jan stepped aside to allow them to enter. Maggie nervously paced back and forth across the room as she spoke.

  "Jan, I need you to go to the hospital to follow up on this for me. This is very important. I'm afraid the carpenter might hold the farm liable, and I need to be sure he's going to be okay. The last thing we need is for a lawsuit, never mind losing the farm in the process."

  "We'll lose the farm over my dead body," Jan exclaimed angrily. "Who was it?"

  Maggie tried to remember the man's name
. "Don something."

  "Feldman," Jordan supplied. "Don Feldman."

  Jan was clearly surprised. "Don Feldman? I know him. Quite the ladies' man, or at least he thinks he is. Which hospital did they take him to?"

  "Well, it was the Shelburne Rescue Squad. I would assume they'd take him to the UVM Medical Center," Maggie replied.

  "Okay, I'll go check it out. I'll be back in a few hours," Jan said.

  "Take the truck. The keys are still in it," Jordan called after her.

  Maggie and Jordan watched as Jan ran down the porch steps and jumped into the truck. Seconds later, all that remained was dust. Maggie closed the house door and leaned her back against it. She reached a hand out to Jordan. Jordan walked toward Maggie and, without touching her, leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on the redhead's lips. She then took one step back and extended her hand, into which Maggie willingly slipped hers. Jordan gently pulled her away from the door and led her toward the bedroom.

  Jordan pushed the bedroom door open and allowed Maggie to pass through before her. She closed the door behind them and pulled Maggie into her arms. They stood there for what seemed an eternity, with Maggie's face pressed close to Jordan's chest. Jordan could feel Maggie tremble in her arms. "You're trembling. Are you okay?" she asked.

  "I'm fine. I just want you so badly, I'm having a problem containing my desire," Maggie explained.

  Jordan released her hold and took Maggie's face between her hands. "You are so beautiful," she whispered as her mouth descended once more.

  She gently teased Maggie's lips, caressing them with her tongue, asking for permission to enter. Maggie was hardly able to breathe as she parted her lips and readily accepted Jordan's tongue into her mouth.

  "I want you," Jordan rasped, barely able to contain her desire.

  Maggie's ardor grew as she pulled Jordan's hair to force her closer. "Make love to me," she insisted breathlessly before plunging her tongue into Jordan's mouth, tasting and caressing in a duel for dominance before breaking for air.

  Jordan's hands wandered freely over Maggie's body. She placed her hands on Maggie's bottom and squeezed. Maggie sighed aloud. A low growl emitted from Jordan as she pulled Maggie's shirttails out of her jeans and ran her hands under the shirt and over the creamy white skin of her back. Maggie arched her back in an effort to press herself into Jordan's touch.