But now, with Connor and Nadine so sweet on each other, and Jenna and Larry as well as Melisa and Rob clearly exuding love and romance, it was easy to see that he and Cait were lacking in that department.
The fact that Connor was having the first Hart grandchild wasn’t lost on their parents either. The elder Mr. Hart went around the firehouse bragging on his someday grandson, and his mother-in-law, Kimberly, floated on clouds while crocheting afghans and making quilts for her desired granddaughter.
Brian started his car and pulled away from the curb. An ache sat low in his belly, and it wasn’t because of Grady’s fist.
Cait wanted the kind of love and romance her sisters had with their fiancés, and even though she hadn’t said anything to him, she deserved it with someone else.
Maybe it was time to let her go so she could find it. He’d split the house with her, because that was only fair. After twelve years of marriage, it was plainly obvious he could never be the kind of man she wanted.
He didn’t have normal emotions. He didn’t feel pain or happiness the way others did. He was a robot pretending to be a person. He had an invisible wall around him that no one could penetrate.
Almost no one, because the only person who understood him was Alana, and Alana was dead.
Chapter Eight
Driving down the highway, Brian stared blankly through the windshield, mesmerized by the windshield wipers, back and forth, back and forth. They seemed to be giving him a message, although he had no clue what. He and Cait went back and forth, back and forth, always in the same rhythm, side by side, covering the same space, but never touching.
It should have been comforting, the steady swish and drag of the two parallel wipers, but Brian couldn’t shake the image of Grady and the woman he thought was Cait twisted together in the throes of passion.
How could kissing be that interesting? How could he get the asymmetric groping and rubbing out of his mind? It was grotesque, but he couldn’t turn away from it.
Especially since he’d thought it was Cait.
Why would she want that kind of madness and obsession? Did she go to the cabin to try and make him crazy? Because that wasn’t the way he was wired.
He had sex only in their bed, and only in certain positions, and only on the agreed upon days. He dictated the schedule around his work: three twenty-four hour shifts on and four twenty-four hour shifts off.
This week, his off days were Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. He’d had sex with her Friday and they weren’t due until Monday. She’d agreed to leave him alone Saturday and Sunday and let him go to the cabin to clear his mind.
So why had she invaded his space?
All because Connor said she was lonely at the lighting festival? Didn’t make sense, because she was never lonely before.
Two hours and twenty minutes after leaving his house, Brian turned his car onto the gravel driveway. Cait’s Toyota already occupied the carport, so he parked in front of the porch.
He shut off the headlamps and sat, staring at the dark cabin as if it were a foreboding monster. His skin prickled, and every hair on his head sizzled with a creepy sensation.
Logic told him things weren’t right with her. She should never have come to his sanctuary. But if he drove her away, she would make life difficult for him back home—especially where he was outnumbered by Harts.
Taking a deep breath, he fortified himself. He had to be brave and strong and logical. She’d listen to his reason and agree with him. It was time to end the farce, since she yearned for the kind of romance he could never give her.
Not that he didn’t like her. He cared a great deal about her, and he admired her, but he wasn’t the lovey-dovey type, and he wasn’t even sure if he knew the definition of love.
Brian exited the car and shut the door lightly. Taking careful steps, he eased his way onto the porch which creaked. The rain had abated into a light sprinkle, and it was well after midnight.
The living room was cool when he stepped in, and he noticed the fire had burned itself out. The bedroom door was closed, which meant she was in there, likely sleeping, since she didn’t come out to greet him.
Brian opened the bedroom door a crack and his pulse ratcheted higher. Two people snored in the room amidst sounds of intermittent grunting.
Was this a trap? Was Connor in on it? If so, they’d set him up to catch her in the act.
He flicked on the light and glared at the shapes sleeping in the bed before his eyes popped wide with surprise.
Two large black dogs shook their heads as they woke and Cait groaned and rubbed her eyes. She sat up on the bed and blinked. “Brian? You came back.”
“What are you doing here?” The words were out of his mouth before he could filter them. “I drove all the way back home to find you, and Connor said you came here. What are you doing with Alana’s dogs?”
He’d know those dogs anywhere. They were blue chows, a dilute shade of black. The larger one was Sierra, whose coat was a silvery-bluish color, and the smaller, more compact one was Melia, who was so dark, she was almost black, except for her gray snout. Brian wasn’t sure why these little factoids would take prominence in his brain when he should have been confronting his wife.
It was just another part of being weird.
“You know these dogs?” Cait crept to the edge of the bed and slipped her feet into a pair of fluffy slippers.
“I know these dogs,” Brian said. “They’re Alana’s.”
“Who’s Alana?”
“Mrs. Thornton. How did they get here?”
Cait got off the bed and approached him, which made him draw back, even though logically, he knew he should give her a hug.
“They showed up at the door when I got here,” Cait said. “You were on a first name basis with Mrs. Thornton?”
She touched his arm, and he jumped almost out of his skin. Her question sounded like an interrogation. Like he was somehow wrong in speaking Alana’s name out loud.
“That’s her first name,” Brian said. “I don’t know her anymore because she’s passed away.”
“I’m sorry.” Cait slid her hand from his arm to his hand and grasped it.
It felt good, but also strange at the same time, so he didn’t squeeze her back. It wasn’t their night for what she called lovemaking.
The dogs also jumped off the bed and hovered around him, wagging their fluffy tails, so he petted them. “This is Sierra. She’s the older one, and the black one is Melia. They were supposedly lost after the accident.”
“They feel scrawny under all that matted fur,” Cait said. “We should take them to the vet and get them checked out. Do you think Thornton is looking for them?”
“They’re not his dogs.” Brian felt his throat tighten at the mention of the senator. “Alana, er, Mrs. Thornton got them for their son, Glen. He has trouble relating to people.”
“Oh, then we need to make sure Glen gets his dogs back.” Cait rubbed Sierra’s head like she was good friends with her. “Let’s get some sleep, and tomorrow we’ll go to town and get on the internet.”
“Right,” Brian agreed. “We sleep. I’ll take the couch.”
Cait’s idea was brilliant. The dogs would lead him back to Glen. All they had to do the next day would be to contact the senator and let him know they might have found Sierra and Melia, but they wouldn’t turn over the dogs to anyone except for Glen.
“Brian.” Cait tugged his arm. “The bed’s big enough for all of us.”
“No, tonight’s not the night.” He shrugged her off. “I said I’ll take the couch.”
Her mouth turned down in a frown and she huffed. “Be that way, but at least give your wife a hug. Aren’t you glad to see me?”
He dutifully followed her instructions. It was easier to give her a hug and say he was glad to see her than to endure more talk and discussion.
“I’ll see you in the morning.” He hazarded a kiss on her forehead. “You can have the dogs to keep you company.”
&
nbsp; See? He was making progress. He even gave her a concession.
Mrs. Thornton would be proud of him for improving his social skills. So proud, she’d give him a reward by taking off her clothes and letting him touch.
He always did like to please Mrs. Thornton, and he was the best student she ever had.
Chapter Nine
Cait didn’t want the dogs for company. She wanted her husband, but one look at the determined set in his jaw, and she knew better than to push.
Brian was odd, and even though Cait was a grade ahead of him in school, she’d heard teachers and parents talk about him. Being a redheaded boy meant being bullied, and in Brian’s case, it made him withdraw even further into his shell. He had always taken things too seriously and too literally, so if someone called him a name, he’d overreact and fly into a rage. He didn’t get jokes, but then again, most of the jokes had been at his expense.
It wasn’t until high school that he came out of his shell—not all the way, but in a small way. He’d made the baseball team and joined Mrs. Thornton’s debate team. Soon, he was elected class president, and even though he was never popular, his sharp memory and attention to detail meant he never lost a debate. Personality wise, he was still a zero, although a few girls had crushes on him once he became captain of the baseball team where he played first base.
He was never in Connor’s social circle, and when he and Cait came back from their city hall wedding, her entire family was shocked. Who was this Brian Wonder? What did his parents do? Where had his family come from? Who were his people?
No one really knew, because Brian never talked about his parents or his past. It was as if he and his family sprang fully formed from a cabbage patch one fine morning, and after his parents died, no other relatives circled around to comfort the one remaining son.
Cait and her sisters used to speculate. Witness protection program? Former spies? Escapees from an asylum? Traveling circus performers?
Of course, after she married him, she stopped speculating. From combing through their few photo albums, tax records, and leftover things, she’d pieced together a quiet, solitary existence. They were both loners who somehow ended up together. Perhaps theirs had also been a marriage of convenience.
It seemed to have worked, and they had Brian, and the little family stuck together until tragedy overtook them. There was no backup plan, no grandparent, no aunt or relative for Brian, so they’d concocted the terms of their will to ensure he wouldn’t be lonely.
“Fine, I’ll see you in the morning.” Cait gave Brian a hug as he stood stiffly, and retreated to the bedroom. The two dogs sniffed at him and since he didn’t respond, they followed Cait.
He was still standing in the exact same location staring at his feet when Cait shut the door behind her. Her heart sank heavily into her gut as she climbed into the bed with Sierra and Melia.
He was a lonely man, even when he was surrounded by his firefighting brothers. Sure, he drove the truck, and he was second in command to Connor, but there was always something distant about him. It was Cait’s failure that she hadn’t dug deep enough to find out why.
Instead, she’d been too involved with her own brothers and sisters, and she’d neglected Brian—which was probably to his liking. A restless feeling stirred her heart, and as she rested her head on the pillow and closed her eyes, she made a vow to start putting Brian first.
“I’ve got the hot water on.” Brian peeked into the bedroom early in the morning. “Sorry about last night.”
Cait sat up and rubbed her eyes, yawning. “Did you sleep well?”
“No, the couch was lumpy.” He shrugged and gave her a self-deprecating grin. “I should have kicked out these two lazy pooches.”
Cait knew him well enough to know he wasn’t flirting. It was a matter of fact statement that he’d found the couch uncomfortable and regretted not taking the bed, even with her in it.
“They probably need to go outside.” Cait climbed out of the bed and stretched. “Thanks for turning on the hot water.”
Brian stood there awkwardly, not taking a step toward her nor backing away.
“What?” Cait blinked and glanced at herself. She was wearing thermal underwear, and she was sure she didn’t have a boob hanging out or a rip in her seat.
“Nothing. We can switch to tonight, if you want.”
He was referring to their sleeping-together schedule.
“I want what you want.” Cait tapped his chest. “And please, don’t act like you have to make an appointment.”
“That’s what we agreed to when we got married.”
“Actually, you wanted it that way. You like things to be predictable and you hate surprises. It’s probably why you were pissed last night at me coming here and surprising you.”
“No, I wasn’t upset. I was tired.” He flapped his hands as if he wanted to give her a hug, but was afraid of rejection.
As if she’d ever rejected him.
“Come here, Brian Bear.” She dragged him into her arms. “You know I like you. I’m surprised you went back home looking for me.”
“Connor says you were lonely at the Christmas Lights Festival.”
“And you were concerned about me?” She allowed herself to snuggle a bit before letting go.
“I didn’t want you to be lonely.”
“No, you didn’t, and I’m just fine. I even have two doggies keeping me company.” She always let him off too easily, because she didn’t know where she stood with him. Sometimes, he was warm and affectionate, like now, and other times, he closed up.
He hugged her a little too tight, then let go. “Let me take these two outside.”
She wanted to ask him if he liked her, too, but he wasn’t the type to give verbal reassurances, and she got the distinct impression it made him uncomfortable, so she let it go.
It was a better morning than she’d expected. The sun shone through the lacy curtains, and the scent of fresh brewed coffee and frying bacon wafted from the kitchen.
Brian always knew how to take care of her, and even though he never expressed it, his thoughtfulness showed he cared about her. But then again, he could just be a nice guy, and he’d turn on the hot water for anyone.
“Bye.” She gave him a finger wave and a smile.
He nodded and opened the door for the dogs. Flirtation was lost on Brian, went right over his head. But he returned her smile the same way a reluctant child cheesed for the camera. It was the best he could do, or was she again making excuses for him?
Cait waited for Brian to shepherd the two chow dogs from the bedroom before picking up a towel and heading to the bathroom. A nice hot shower would fortify her for her new getting-to-know Brian project.
Chapter Ten
By the time Brian returned with the dogs, Cait was showered and dressed.
He squinted and looked at her sideways. Was he mistaken or had she put on a fresh layer of makeup?
She was vibrant enough without makeup, what with her auburn hair with red highlights and her pretty eyes. But when she tried too hard to attract him, he’d get a squishy feeling inside him and his chest would grow tight.
Somehow, he had to get up the guts to tell it to her straight. Their marriage was over. No one was going to take the house from them, and he no longer wanted to put on an act for her large family. He didn’t fit in with the Harts, and now that all of Cait’s sisters were getting married, they would compare Larry and Rob with him and he’d come up short.
Heck, even Connor knew how to treat a wife better than he did, and the fact that Connor had to tell him to pay attention to Cait meant he, Brian, was no good at this game called marriage.
“Aren’t you going to tell me I look lovely this morning?” Cait gave him a wink as she sipped coffee at the kitchen table.
“You look lovely this morning.” He walked by her and put fresh water into the water bowls for the dogs.
“You’re not even looking at me.” Her voice followed after him. “What color sweate
r am I wearing?”
That one was easy. While he might not pick up on emotions and expressions very well, he did have a photographic memory.
“A cream colored turtleneck, and you’re wearing brown corduroy pants.” He patted the dogs, rubbing their shoulders, without looking over at her.
“Wow, so you did look at me. Did you like what you saw?” She always had this teasing quality in her voice, and it bothered him, because he wasn’t sure if she was joking or laughing at him.
“Yes.” He mostly told the truth because it was simpler. “The cream sweater goes well with your auburn hair.”
“I like what you’re wearing, too,” Cait said. “Navy blue looks good on you. Blue and orange are opposite colors on the color wheel, and I like how dark navy contrasts with your carrot top hair.”
“I do look nice, don’t I?” A swelling sensation warmed his insides, because no matter how much of a bozo he was called back in school, Cait and Alana always said he looked handsome.
“You do, and this coffee’s to die for.” She took another sip.
A surge of panic slammed Brian’s chest. Had he poisoned the coffee somehow? His hands shaking, he took the mug from her. “Don’t drink it.”
She stared at him, drew back and then shrugged. “I was done with it anyhow.”
“I didn’t want you to die, or anything.”
It was lame, because his logical mind, the one that stood outside of himself and judged his actions realized she was joking about dying. It was something people did. They exaggerated or said things they didn’t mean. Alana had told him not to take things literally, to turn the words around and look at them from different angles before reacting. Except it made no sense why people wanted to be so dramatic all the time. Which was why he was only in Mrs. Thornton’s debate club and skipped her drama club, the one Cait had participated in.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She patted his hand.
Blue Chow Christmas: The Hart Family (Have A Hart Book 4) Page 4