He was a decent husband to her and treated her like a good friend. It was what they’d agreed to—a friendship, a partnership, sharing a bed and having marital relations, but neither she nor he had ever declared loving or romantic feelings.
At this point, Cait wasn’t even sure she knew what romantic love felt like. But judging by the way her sisters behaved with their fiancés, and how twitterpated Connor was over Nadine, it was special, addicting, and possibly the best feeling this side of Heaven.
“All locked up.” Brian dragged a garbage bag and set it out near the curb. He returned to her side, with his hands tucked in his jacket and the wind tousling his flaming red hair.
Cait couldn’t help smiling. No matter what others thought, he was always handsome in her eyes. She was also a redhead, although with darker hair, and society was more tolerant of ginger women than men.
She held out her arms and he hugged her. For a moment, it was as if they were back before she knew of his involvement with Mrs. Thornton.
“Drive safely,” he said, leaning into a kiss.
“I will, and you, too.” She smiled while she kissed him.
“I’m not used to your banana tires, but if I can drive a fire truck, your Toyota should be no problem.” He grinned and tapped her nose. “Do you want me to follow you down the hill?”
“No, you go ahead,” Cait said. “No sense waiting for me, since I have to find Linx first. If I can’t find her, I might have to come back here.”
“Don’t wait too late.” Brian glanced at the darkening clouds. “Even though the Subaru has all-wheel drive, it’s still slippery when the rain’s pelting down on you.”
“I’ll be fine.” Cait was heartened by his concern. She stared into his light blue eyes and saw her own feelings reflected in them. “I love you, Brian. No matter what.”
He blinked and swallowed hard. “I, you know …”
“Say it. Say how you feel about me. It won’t kill you.”
“I’m not like everyone else. I can’t lie, and I don’t know how to feel these things. Sometimes, I think it’s just a word people throw around, but you know I’d do anything for you. Even leave, if you find someone who can be all those things for you.” The despair in his expression twisted his face into a grotesque mask. “I’m not normal.”
“You are just right for me.” Cait patted his chest. “I know why I married you. It’s not what you think.”
“What is it then?” The twisted look was replaced by a disbelieving one as he raised his eyebrows.
“Because I’ve always liked you from a distance, and I think it’s love.”
“You think?” He averted his gaze and pursed his lips. “Then you don’t know, and you’re only saying things because it’s socially acceptable to say you married for love.”
“You said the word ‘love.’ That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Brian’s feet shuffled, and he tugged at the back of his collar. “I’m still trying to figure it out, but I want you to be happy.”
“I want the same for you. I want you to feel loved.” Cait let herself melt into his hug. She rested her face against his chest and they stood there, silent for a few moments.
She didn’t know why it was so important to get the words out. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t going to see him when they got home.
But everything changed today when she found out Brian allegedly had a son—one he obviously loved, despite him claiming he didn’t know that emotion.
Finding out about Mrs. Thornton abusing him brought out even more mixed emotions. She wanted to rip that woman to pieces and let the senator know exactly what his wife had done. But most of all, she wanted to protect Brian from any more hurts and pains. She wanted to cherish him and let him know that love wasn’t painful, and that he could count on her, instead of clinging to the memory of that horrible Alana and the attention she’d paid to him—so wrong.
“I need the definition of love,” Brian said, his blue eyes earnest on her. “To know how it feels. I want you to feel whatever it is, too.”
He pressed her to him and breathed into her hair, rubbing his fuzzy beard against her. She could tell he was trying to feel it, but maybe having Asperger’s syndrome meant he couldn’t.
Cait blinked back tears and closed her eyes, relishing the warmth of her husband’s arms. He was trying to make her feel loved. To the best of his ability, he tried, and maybe she could convince herself that was enough.
Maybe not. Most likely not. He thought logically, and their marriage was tit for tat, an exchange of services.
The dogs barked from the open window, and Cait let go. She felt a lump deep in her throat.
Would Brian choose Glen over her?
Especially since he claimed to know why she really married him?
Could he keep what he thought he knew a secret? Because if it got out, she would have to run away and never face her disappointed family again.
“Hey, don’t look so tragic.” Brian tapped the tip of her nose. “I’ll see you when you get home.”
She waved at him while he got into her tin can Toyota and watched until the car disappeared behind the screen of trees.
Raising her face to the sky, she whispered to the wind blowing over the treetops. “Even though I married you to cover something up, I stayed married to you because I love you.”
Sierra and Melia bounded up the steps to the wraparound porch of the Mountain Dogs Rescue Center, setting off a volley of barks from the chain-linked kennel.
“Cait Hart, how good of you to come visit.” Linx’s brown eyes crinkled with a hearty smile. “What’s going on? Did your man find what he needed?”
“I’m hoping you have room to board these two dogs,” Cait said. “I’ll pay for it, but I can’t take them home because my mother lives with us and she’s allergic to dogs.”
“Oh, your poor mom.” Linx petted Sierra while Melia nosed around her legs trying to get attention.
“She loves dogs, too, but I’m in a bind.”
“Sure, I don’t have room here at the rescue, but I can take them home. How long will you be gone?”
“Not too long. Brian’s going to take care of some business and he has to work his shift, but once we figure things out, we can come back and get them.” Cait pulled out her checkbook. “Should I leave a deposit for their food and supplies?”
“None needed,” Linx said. “Cedar would love to share what she has, and it’ll be fun for her. I have a large yard. Just leave me your phone number and we’ll text each other.”
“Cool.” Cait couldn’t believe how warm and friendly this stranger was. She was an attractive woman, but she was also down to earth.
“Come on, you little cuties,” Linx said, taking their leashes. “Your new mommy will be back in no time.”
“I’d better get going then.” Cait looked at the darkening clouds. “Storm’s coming in.”
Cait bent down and hugged both dogs. Even though she’d only met them, she could see why they’d be good for an autistic child. They were calm, and brushing their fur was therapeutic.
The rain got steadily heavier as Cait descended the switchbacks. She could barely see, but a large SUV tailed her too close.
Gulping, she swallowed and squinted at the headlights blinding her through the rearview mirror. She was already going as fast as she could, but even with the all-wheel drive, she shouldn’t take the curves too fast.
A hairpin turn was ahead, so she tapped on the brakes, but the brakes felt spongy, and the car pulled toward one side. She was able to slow down enough to make the turn, but the cars behind her blared their horns, complaining that she was going too slow.
The road widened into two lanes, and she gratefully pulled into the right lane to let a few cars by. However the SUV stayed on her tail, and when the lanes closed to one, he was still glued to her rear bumper.
Her heart beating through her throat, she gripped the steering wheel and coasted down another series of curves. Dead Man’s Gulch was a
head, and when she looked at the speedometer, she realized she was going too fast.
This time, the brakes didn’t respond. She floored them and swung the wheel, trying to stay on the road. Panic surged through her veins as she pumped the brakes for dear life and downshifted the transmission.
A deep horn blared as she crossed the center line. She overcorrected and spun into a skid toward the guardrail.
The sickening sound of metal crushing metal punched her eardrums as she felt the steering wheel being torn from her. She turned and turned, spinning upside down, feeling each bounce. Someone screamed loud and long. The airbags exploded, punching her in the face, and then she was hurtling through space toward a tunnel of light.
Chapter Sixteen
Brian squinted through the windshield of Cait’s Toyota and cursed her wiper blades. They were well past the point of needing to be replaced, and he could barely see through the smears and streaks as he made his way down the mountainous road.
Was this car even safe to drive? He tested the brakes and even though the tires felt slippery, the car was controllable.
Good thing Cait was behind the wheel of his Outback with the all-wheel drive. He kept it maintained and had just gotten new brakes and tires, and everything was aligned.
Cait, meanwhile, never paid attention to her car. She claimed she didn’t have to because it was a Toyota, and she only went short distances in the city, so why bother?
The tires were probably bald by now, and who knew whether they were inflated to the correct pressure or not.
Unlike most couples, he and Cait did everything separate. She had her own checking account which he deposited money into for household expenses and spending money for her, and she took care of her own car payments and maintenance.
In return, he never bugged her to make his dentist appointments or run errands for him. She did her thing. He did his.
Now that Connor was married to Nadine, he could tell his buddy thought he was strange, living with Cait as if they were roommates.
Maybe part of being in love was taking care of her things as if they were his own. He would have to make a note of this new thought and go through the Toyota from headlamp to taillight and make sure it was safe for his wife to drive.
Brian checked the time as he got onto the interstate. By now, Cait should have delivered the dogs and would be on her way home. He should have asked her to text him when she was finished, which was another new thought.
He made a note to himself. Being in love meant reporting in so as not to cause worry.
No more separate lives like ships passing in the night. For whatever reason, Cait wanted to give him a chance to be her lover, and even though he had not the slightest clue how to make her happy, he could copy her brother Connor and his buddies, Larry and Rob.
Monkey see, monkey do.
That was what Alana always told him when he couldn’t figure out a social situation. Watch what others do and do likewise, and no one would know the difference.
Which meant he owed Cait flowers. Maybe he should have coffee with her and give her the flowers.
Or surprise her with a box of chocolates.
Brian twisted the ideas around in his mind, trying to visualize Cait’s happy response.
Her eyes would light up first and she’d gasp, putting her hand over her chest. She’d blink at him and a smile would brighten her face. She would even blush if she thought he was staring at her, and then she’d bounce on her toes as she realized the flowers were for her, and not something to pass on to one of her sisters.
That happened too many times to count. Cait was always answering the door to flower delivery men only to place all sorts of flower arrangements on the dining table for either Jenna or Melisa. She would say that she was a married woman and no longer in the market, and Brian would take it as meaning he didn’t have to do anything.
Whenever he asked, she’d tell him she didn’t need flowers. So he took her at her word and did nothing.
Except if he did nothing for her, she would not feel loved. And logically, if she didn’t feel loved, she might find another man to give her those feelings. He slapped his forehead and sighed, wondering why women like Cait needed to be loved.
Love wasn’t logical, and as far as he could tell, it was undefined. It meant whatever a person wanted it to mean. People said and did a lot of things in the name of love. They, other than himself, searched for love, but always complained they couldn’t find it—which made them unhappy.
Cait was unhappy.
And if Brian wanted Cait to be happy and not wrap herself around another man, he’d better figure it out quickly.
Flowers? Candlelight dinner? Dancing? What would Cait like? Problem was, he had no clue. She was always surrounded by her family and in the middle of all their events. She never told him she needed anything.
Brian thought on these things as he drove. He was almost back to San Francisco when he realized he should go for the obvious. Flowers. Monkey see. Monkey do.
She’d be so surprised when she walked into their house and spotted the huge bouquet, thinking they were for Jenna, Melisa, or her mother.
She’d pretend not to stare at them, hang up her coat and walk by them as if they were nothing, and make sly remarks about secret admirers or in the case of her sisters, fiancés planning a surprise.
He’d saunter into the dining room and pretend to be shocked at the flowers—how large they were and how expensive they were, and ask Cait who they were for.
Cait would pick either Jenna or Melisa, and he’d make a bet with her that she was wrong. She’d bet on Melisa, because everyone knew Rob was loaded and he could afford huge flower arrangements, and then when Melisa came home, she’d take the card off the holder and open it …
Brian would be ready to sweep Cait into his arms and bend her backwards like they did in the movies and kiss her in front of her family. She’d kick one foot up in the air and giggle and blush, and then her family would know that he loved her. Connor would stop worrying, and Cait would feel happy again.
Brian swished the wiper blades faster and spotted an off ramp. He would never text and drive, so he pulled into a strip mall and asked his phone to direct him to a florist.
Love Me Flowers was nearby.
After a few minutes, he pulled the Toyota into the small parking area and stepped through the door. The cooler was stocked with a panoply of colorful arrangements, reminding him of the variety of ice cream cakes at the ice cream store. There were long golden boxes, Christmassy centerpieces, buckets of fresh flowers, and bouquets tied together with ribbons.
“What kind of flowers do most women like?” he asked the florist, a heavy-set woman with platinum blond hair. She wore a leather vest and a bandanna around her neck, and if he wasn’t mistaken, the patches on her vest signified she belonged to a motorcycle club.
“Depends on what you’ve done.” She cracked her knuckles on her red chapped hands and swaggered to the cooler.
“I haven’t done anything,” Brian said. “I just want to surprise my wife.”
The blonde turned around slowly like she was a hot rod car on a turntable at an auto show. A smirk the size of St. Louis twisted her attractive face as she crossed her arms. “Surprise your wife, my foot. No man comes in here wanting to surprise his wife unless he’s in the doghouse. What’s it this time? Working late? Caught with lipstick on the collar? Busted by the credit card statement? Or you forgot her birthday.”
“I never forget her birthday or our anniversary,” Brian answered the easy question. “Birthday and our anniversary are both March 17, St. Patrick’s Day.”
“Not bad. Not bad,” the buxom woman said. “There aren’t a lot of men so quick with dates. How many years have you been married?”
“Twelve. I’ve also got a photographic memory, and I don’t forget details.”
“A rare breed indeed,” the florist said. She stuck her hand out to shake. “Name’s Terri Slade. What’s yours?”
&nbs
p; “Brian. Brian Wonder.” Brian shook Terri’s hand, surprised at her firm grip.
“Ahh … the Wonderman.” Terri narrowed her pale blue eyes and twirled her long hair. “You wouldn’t happen to play Realm of Rogues, would you?”
A flush of sweat heated the back of Brian’s neck. He hated being recognized outside of the realm. It felt like an intrusion, like two worlds that should not cross.
Yet, he’d already started the mixing up process by contacting TrickyGlen online and giving him clues that pointed to his in-law’s cabin.
Would he get in trouble if this Terri Slade were to identify him to the authorities?
Even though he wasn’t a natural liar, he knew that this was a situation Alana had described—one of omitting information rather than twisting it.
“I haven’t been playing games,” he said, counting the number of tiles across the floor of the small shop. If each tile were eight inches across, then three-by-three squares would equal four square feet, and …”
“That’s what they all say, mister,” Terri opened the door of the nearest cooler. “Since you won’t tell me why you need the flowers, I’ll use my super-duper Priestess power and peg you as a guy who ignores your wife.”
Brian averted his gaze and swept his eyes across the room to the curtained area just over Terri’s left shoulder. Instead of letting him go, like any normal person would, the pushy florist moved her head so her piercing blue eyes were square in line with his.
Every time he tried to avoid her eyes, she’d move and stick her face in direct line of sight.
“Huh, huh?” she taunted him. “I knew it. You not making eye contact with me says you don’t look at her either. When was the last time you gazed deep into her eyes and told her you loved her?”
Try never?
Brian bit his tongue and stuck his hands deep into his pockets. “Can I just buy the flowers? I don’t have much time.”
“Avoidance. I bet that’s her peeve. You’re never there when she needs you, and whenever she tries to corner you, you slither away like a snake in a wormhole. Which surprises me, since Wonderman’s an Archer, and archers are supposed to be straight shooters. You sure, you’re not a shapeshifter?”
Blue Chow Christmas: The Hart Family (Have A Hart Book 4) Page 7