by Faith Hogan
Too often now, Iris found herself wandering back to that time in her mind. The last thing she wanted was to be standing there, where their lives, such as they were, had unfolded all those years earlier. Sometimes she caught herself up as she noticed Archie watching her. He knew she was still back there, every bit as much as he was. Neither of them could let it all go. Still, she was glad it was doing well; pleased Kate seemed happy, thankful she was near.
17
Kate
Some might say it was a good thing that Todd walked into the bathhouse that day. It certainly got things out in the open. Of course, she believed, leaving London, that she was ready to leave him behind, that she was finally getting over him. Even then, the idea of having to face him would have thrown her. Now that she had done it, spoken to him face to face and actually held her nerve, well, she was free. More than free. She had a feeling that the ten years she spent dealing with her feelings for him had paid off, while he had just run away from that time and never stopped to take stock.
She looked out into the waves and thought about what he had said in the bathhouse, it had played on her mind for days. It had thrummed away while she drove to and from the hospital to visit Archie and it had been like a constant soundtrack in her mind when she lay exhausted in her bed at night. Could it be that he really was sorry. Could it be that he actually understood what he had done to her? She doubted that. Todd did not have the capacity to truly empathize, or at least the Todd she knew in London didn’t.
What had made her fall in love with him all those years ago? She asked herself that question many times since. She knew, straight off, he was selfish. Had she believed that he loved her enough to make an exception in the way he treated her? She fell for him hard, from the start, but her only consolation was she believed he felt the same way. They were together two years when he proposed. It was out of the blue, one of those crazy acts that he was good at and she loved him for. She was hardly blind to his faults. She had to admit that. She was too smart not to see beyond the shallow facade that he thought fooled the world. In the end, she knew what made her say yes was not his success, but rather his weakness. He needed her; she truly believed that. He needed her as no one had ever needed her before. He needed a home that was stable and safe. He needed people that were grounded and normal. He needed an adult in his life who was grown-up, and could keep him on an even keel. Mostly he needed to be loved for what he was, a vulnerable man in a world that was moving too fast around him not to have an anchor. That was another lifetime, she reminded herself, and people change. Perhaps, Todd didn’t need anyone anymore.
There was something else too, something that lurked between them. It sat, stubbornly and silently, between their words and the shy exchanges. There was still a connection there. It was something oblique and tenuous that time and pain had not managed to sever. Something – she wouldn’t call it love, the wounds were too deep for that. But there was no denying that something unexplained was simmering under the surface for her and she could see it in Todd too, when she let herself admit it. That was stupid, wasn’t it? Todd couldn’t have feelings for her after all this time? Was it wishful thinking? He was dating a model and not just any model. He was dating Claudia Dey, the biggest name to come out of London in a decade. She was beautiful, cool, glamorous and famous.
Todd only ever wanted what he couldn’t have and no conversion on the road to Damascus or in Atlantic City was going to change that. She learned the hard way what it was to fall head over heels for Todd Riggs. She could see how it could easily happen again if she wasn’t careful. Kate Hunt was careful though. She was so careful, that she had not let herself fall for anyone since Todd, not anyone of her own time anyway. The first thing to come close to filling his place in her heart was Ballytokeep and the bathhouse that she had made her home.
She was still sitting in wonderful silence when Rita arrived. She had a large shopping bag filled with what looked like green metal-topped files, which she plonked on the counter with the brutality of someone who’s taken the weight of it personally.
‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Has Robert finally come back and asked you to marry him, or split the profits on this place?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ Kate laughed. ‘So, come on, what’s in the bag? Have you chopped up Duncan so we can make soup out of him?’
‘No, he’d be far too gristly for soup,’ Rita said and she tittered as though it might be worth entertaining the notion further. ‘No, these, my dear, are for you.’ Satisfaction coated her words. ‘It’s everything I could find that you asked me to. Deeds of the house, loans Duncan had for the business, it’s all there.’ They had drawn up a list of what she needed together.
‘That was fast,’ Kate moved towards them, eager to get started on the task ahead. Duncan Delaney was going to get his comeuppance sooner and starker than he expected. She looked into the bag. It was stuffed full of folders bulging with deeds and business documents. ‘Hang on, does he know you have these?’ Kate hadn’t expected Rita to be so thorough, although she was glad for it.
‘No, he’s gone to a meeting in “Galway”,’ Rita wiggled her fingers in the air around his destination. ‘In other words, he’s taken his fancy piece off for a few days. Don’t ask me where, but you don’t need your passport to go to the next county.’
‘Right, perfect. We’ll have them back before he knows they’re gone so.’ Kate was going to enjoy this. Duncan Delaney was the kind of first-class cheating rat that made her want to exact the most excruciating payment and Kate wasn’t talking about chewed shoes or allergies.
*
It was a day or two later that Kate heard news of Todd Riggs.
Colin arrived in to the bathhouse, his hair wet and sand tracing along his tanned arms. ‘Seems there’s trouble up in the Castle these days,’ he said casually as they sat out on the rock sipping white wine he’d brought down from the cottage.
‘Oh, why do you say that?’ Kate tried hard not to seem interested.
‘Well, it looks that way; Todd Riggs booked into the Hartleys Hotel this afternoon. He booked the room indefinitely.’ Colin stole a sideward glance at Kate. ‘Problems with some of the work, apparently. It seems a shame though, because he’s only just moved in.’
‘He’s always lived in hotels. When I knew him, in London, all those years ago, he was living in a hotel. That’s rock stars for you, I suppose.’ She tried to sound nonchalant.
‘There’s another rumour doing the rounds too. It’s in some of the papers; they’re saying Claudia Dey has left him.’ Colin sipped his drink. Kate suspected that the rumour wasn’t new and the Ballytokeep gossip turbine was in overdrive.
‘Well, you’re asking the wrong one about that too. Todd Riggs’s love life has nothing to do with me these days,’ she smiled easily; it was, after all, true.
‘Well, that’s good news, isn’t it?’
‘Is it?’
‘I know he hurt you, all those years ago, I’m just looking out for you.’
‘I appreciate that, Colin, but like you said, it was a long time ago.’
‘I wonder if he thinks so.’ Colin was convinced Todd watched them some nights as they sat outside the bathhouse. Kate knew it was ridiculous; after all, from Rock Castle, the views across land and sea had to be awesome, he’d hardly be bothered watching them.
*
‘Morning,’ Todd was standing at the door of the bathhouse, early before any customers had even realized they were hungry. ‘I don’t ever remember you mentioning Archie and Iris?’ He came to sit at the table across from her.
‘I didn’t.’ She didn’t actually know them back then, she knew of them, but it was long before she met them. Then, they were just shadows in her grandmother’s past.
‘So you heard I’ve had to move out of the tower? And there I am staying in your aunt and uncle’s hotel and I hadn’t a clue. Honestly, I felt like a total fool. They’re lovely, really lovely.’ He smiled at her now. They were Todd’s kind o
f people too, for all he lived the rock star life, he had always preferred ordinary and warm people like Denny and Meg.
‘They are lovely, I’m very lucky. So, they’re looking after you?’
‘And then some. They’re an amazing couple, Kate.’
‘Did they tell you that they’re sixty years married this year, and look at them, they’re still madly in love.’
‘No, but I got a feeling that she’s not so keen on me, so maybe she wasn’t up for telling me too much. I like them though, they’re…’
‘They’re quite protective.’ Kate smiled, ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll charm Iris given half a chance. Coffee?’
‘Okay,’ he said smiling. He reached his hands out before the stove, as though to warm them, although it was not cold outside. ‘These are great, aren’t they? Another benefit to living where you can have a real chimney. Where do you buy your turf?’
‘I don’t buy it,’ the thought had never occurred to Kate, did people actually buy and sell the stuff. ‘Colin brought down a load of it when I started doing the place up.’
‘Ah, Colin?’ he said thoughtfully. ‘How long have you two known each other?’
‘Excuse me.’ Kate placed a mug on the table before him, might have offered him a scone, but since she was already feeding Colin Lyons, she wasn’t sure she wanted every hungry bachelor in the town on her doorstep.
‘You and the sheep farmer? Did you know him before or…’
‘You’re asking me did I drop my life in London to move here for Colin.’ She knew he was asking a lot more than that, but he nodded, so she played it cool. ‘No, we met when I came to look at the bathhouse.’ She placed a finger at the side of her nose. She was not going to satisfy his curiosity any more. After all, he had Claudia Dey still hanging off his arm, unless the papers had it right. ‘What about you and Claudia?’ She did not want too much information; just enough to stop the silence or maybe make sure that nothing passed between them that couldn’t be taken back.
‘Claudia and me?’
‘Yes, did you meet in London or some far-flung exotic place?’
‘She picked me up off the floor at a party in Mayfair, or so she says. I was smashed, of course. It was probably one of her minders who lifted me out of her way. What can I say, obviously, she was smitten.’ They laughed, still sharing the same sense of humour at Todd’s feigned bloated ego.
‘Yes, I can see how she would be bowled over by a middle-aged, whiskey-drinking commitment-phobic!’
‘Apparently,’ Todd lowered his voice, ‘I was quite the catch.’
‘Well, you certainly make the celebrity couple.’ Kate smiled, but her mouth was dry. She spent too many days trying to avoid Todd and Claudia on the pages of newspapers and magazines.
‘It’s not everything, is it?’ Todd said and Kate wondered if he had seen her discomfort.
‘I’m sure it helps, when you’re selling records and modelling.’
‘It does that,’ Todd said sadly. ‘You know, that whole scene, it’s…’ he sighed. ‘Well, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’
‘Anyway, you’re here now.’ Kate changed the subject.
‘Speaking of which, you heard about the small hiccup in the tower?’ Todd smiled. ‘We have to put in a new top floor.’
‘Oh, no. That’s a big job.’
‘Well, it is, but I suppose we were really lucky. I mean, there have been so many people in and out of the place, scaffolding and machinery and all sorts. We’re lucky no one was hurt, the engineer said it could have come down at any moment.’
‘When will it be finished?’
‘This week, hopefully. I’ll be moving back in on Friday, not that it’ll be the Ritz or anything, but…’
‘Better than the squat?’
‘Only just, to be honest,’ he smiled, perhaps thinking back to those early days. ‘It’ll just be a shell, with the basics, kitchen, bathroom, bed.’ He smiled at her, ‘You should come and see it, once I move in.’
‘Oh, I…’
‘Only fair, we’re going to be neighbours.’
‘When you’re here.’ She laughed at him, she could no more see Todd spending the rest of his days in Ballytokeep than she could imagine a Sunday in Ballytokeep with no mass.
‘What’s that supposed to mean.’ He laughed.
‘Well, you have commitments. In London? The band and Claudia, and Denny, too; I can’t imagine you not having Denny and Meg close at hand.’
‘You had commitments in London too.’ His voice was low. He was leading her somewhere she did not want to go.
‘That was different.’
‘How was it different? I don’t see too many divorce courts in Ballytokeep. You just up and got yourself a new life, I don’t see what’s so unreasonable about me doing the same.’ It was a question, but it was one that Kate wasn’t sure she could answer.
‘Well, maybe. I suppose.’ She sipped her coffee. ‘If it’s what you want.’
‘That’s the thing, Kate,’ Todd sighed, his eyes filled with an emotion she was not sure she could pin down. ‘I’m not sure what I want anymore, but I know that I’ve never felt more content than I do now.’
‘It must be a lot to take in,’ her words were brittle. ‘Having a heart attack, you know, makes you see life differently, I’m sure.’
‘You know, no one else is getting that.’ Todd rubbed his eyes and Kate couldn’t be sure if he wiped away tears. ‘They think that it’s just a phase, that I can go back to how things were, you know, with the band and living at the Embassy Rooms and…’
‘I’d say, for now, you need to take each day as it comes. You’re still getting back on your feet, Todd, and think of it, when did you last take a holiday?
‘Never,’ he shook his head, ‘not unless you count going home for my mum’s funeral.’ He shrugged.
‘No, we won’t count that, Todd. You need to take it easy for a while, get yourself sorted and listen to the waves.’
‘Enjoy the view?’ He smiled. ‘Will you drop by and see the castle? When it’s done?’ His eyes held the expectancy of a child, light and blue and hopeful in that too familiar face; it was impossible to say no.
‘Of course I will. I might even bring you a present,’ she said, making a mental note to ask Colin about organizing a couple of bags of turf for Todd.
18
Todd
‘So, you’re happy with it? Like this?’ the builder looked a little sceptical.
‘More than happy, mate, this is like Buckingham Palace compared to some of the places I stayed when we were starting out. Don’t worry; you’ve done a good job.’
‘I could get someone to come and look at the place, you know, designer, or someone to…’
‘Nah, you’re all right. I’ll get it sorted in a few weeks; the bareness suits me for now. Do you know what I do need though?’ There were bills to be paid. The contractor had asked for half his payment in cash so he could sort out some of the men who had worked to clean and tidy up. He also had to close the account with the building suppliers – a cheque would do, but it needed to be settled up. ‘I need a car to get to the bank and sort out what I owe you.’ He looked down towards the bathhouse. He would ask Kate, any excuse to go back to the tearoom it seemed.
*
‘Sure I’ll bring you in the car. Remind me, are we buying a car today or are we just paying bills?’ Kate laughed and Todd thought she was actually more beautiful now than she had been all those years ago. Age suited her; she would be thirty-six now; it sounded young compared to his forty two.
‘Well, I’ll need a car, that’s for sure. I can’t keep getting taxis or depending on the goodwill of neighbours.’ He smiled, he was glad she was driving him. ‘Nice car, by the way.’ It was an old Peugeot. A woman’s car. It was not what he would have imagined Kate buying in a million years back in London.
‘It’s Iris’s. She hasn’t driven it in ages, so she told me to take it and I can bring them about occasionally. They neve
r want to go far, but still, it’s nice to drive out into the country, she and Archie are excellent tour guides.’ They drove on in silence for a minute. ‘What about you? I don’t remember you driving in London?’
‘No, never needed to. I guess I’ll have to get a licence and do the whole L plate thing, here.’ He laughed when he thought about it. He drove years ago, but never legally. Then there came a time when there was no point, he preferred to hop on the tube even though the record label always had a limo waiting on his word.
‘You might be grounded for a while so; I think getting a licence here is a bit of a headache, all that European legislation, it’s all proper lessons and tough tests.’
‘Maybe I’ll content myself with a bicycle so?’
‘With a basket, for your grocery shopping?’ Kate shrieked with laughter at this.
They made their way into the next town and picked up some groceries after he had been to the bank and the hardware merchants. ‘Well, you have enough to get started, all the essentials, at least,’ she said, ‘and you know, I will be popping across again next Monday to the cash and carry, so if you want…’
‘Thanks, Kate. I’d offer to buy you dinner, but I know you want to get back,’ he tried to make his voice sound light, not a proposition, just a meal.
‘Tell the truth, Todd – you just want to get back to that castle and get settled in!’ she laughed again. ‘Anyway, it’s okay, you’re off the hook. Colin is bringing down a nice merlot tonight and I fully intend to watch the sun set and devour a large slice of Rita’s lasagne when I get back to the bathhouse.’
‘Lasagne sounds better than anything we’ve passed along the way; you’re probably getting the better bargain.’
‘You know they say that rock stars are the tightest blokes going, so maybe I should make you buy me dinner.’ She was just joking, but she stopped there. Todd knew she was afraid. There was an unspoken line and he had a feeling that Kate had no intention of crossing it. ‘Anyway, we’re almost home now,’ she said the words softly. He knew that, like him, she was not used to feeling as if she’d quite come home yet and the novelty felt good as she said it.