by Leigh James
“Do you feel better?”
“I don’t know. I think so? My anxiety has been…” Situational. I refused to say it out loud. Wesley and I still hadn’t had sex, and that was starting to cause me anxiety. “Minimal.”
Lauren didn’t look fooled. “Go to the follow-up appointments.”
“Yes, ma’am. I already put them in my calendar. But enough about that—where are we with my proposed plan for Li Na?”
Lauren hadn’t mentioned it, and I’d been dying to know her thoughts.
She smiled, a gleam lighting up her eyes. “I had an idea.”
“For…?”
The smile widened into a grin. “A prototype we can upload to Paragon’s server—something to tempt Li Na with. I’ve been secretly working on this technology for months, and it’s shiny and glittery and full of promise, but it doesn’t work yet. It has a flaw.”
I leaned forward. “Is the flaw so tiny only my brilliant CEO-scientist sister would be able to notice it?”
“That’s right.” Lauren looked pleased with herself. “Li Na’s a wannabe—she would never flag this design defect until it’s too late. At least, I think she wouldn’t. I still need to work on how to present the specs, but the thoughts have been coming fast and fierce.”
I clapped my hands together. “Yes! I want to hear all the details.” My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it—a text from Fiona.
I’ve decided to go ahead with the agreement with Jiàn…and the plan.
Excellent. I’m in a meeting. Call you later to talk.
I did a double fist-pump. “This is totally turning into my day.”
“What was that?” Lauren asked.
“Fiona wants to go ahead with what we discussed. She wants to exclusively license her technology to Li Na, and then have Dave and Leo infect it with the code they reverse-engineered.”
My sister’s eyebrow arched. “Li Na’s going to go ballistic with all this new technology. My new prototype actually dovetails with Fiona’s—she’s not going to be able to resist either one of them. She’s going to be excited. You know what this means, don’t you?”
“We’re getting rid of Li Na once and for all? We might actually make her cry?” The idea made me giddy.
“No. It means that if we don’t take her down for good this time, we’re screwed.” She raised her gaze to meet mine. “All of us.”
I swallowed over a sudden lump in my throat. “Well, we know what we’re doing.” I hoped. “And the time is now—after killing Jim, and everything else that she’s done, we have to stop her. We can’t keep living like this.”
Lauren nodded. “I know. It’s crazy that we all have round-the-clock security. And trust me, I want to make her pay for what she’s done.”
“We all do.” I went quiet for a second, wondering how to broach the next topic. “I actually had another idea.”
“I’m listening.”
“What if we—and I should preface this by saying that not only have I not thought this all the way through, you aren’t going to approve, but—what if we hire someone at Jiàn Innovations to work for us? It would be helpful if we had someone on the inside to keep us updated so we’re not sitting over here, holding our collective breath while we wait to find out if and when Li Na’s plans are going to implode.”
“How do you propose we do that?”
I shrugged. “Li Na had Clive Warren working for her.”
Clive Warren had been a board member at Paragon, but he’d been lured to the dark side and had worked with Li Na to try to steal the company from my sister.
Unfortunately for Clive, the only place his allegiance had got him was jail, where he was murdered.
Lauren looked unconvinced. “Li Na threatened Clive Warren—that was the only reason he worked for her. That, and because she probably made him all sorts of wild promises in the beginning.”
I shrugged again.
“Hannah! We are not getting involved in that sort of criminal activity!”
“But we need someone to let us know if Li Na’s working on the specs you plant and what the status is with the Protocol technology. We need an informant. I’m not suggesting we stab them.”
Lauren crossed her arms. “Then what are you suggesting?”
I took a deep breath. “We could always just threaten them, a little…”
She shook her head. “I’m willing to entertain all possibilities, but this is moving in a questionable direction awfully fast. Listen, it’s Friday. I want you to take the weekend off.”
“Since when did we take weekends off?”
Lauren planted her hands on her hips. “You take weekends off when I order you to—last time I checked, I’m still your boss. You’re going full throttle, but you just got back on your feet. I want you to take a couple of days.”
I sprang out of my chair. “You’re saying that as my big sister, not as my boss, and we both know it.”
“That may be true”—her face softened—“but that doesn’t mean I’m taking it back.”
“Fine. But we need to move on this. I’m done waiting for Li Na to terrorize us again.”
Lauren sighed. “I want you to think this whole thing through and then come back on Monday morning with a clear line.”
“What kind of line?”
Lauren’s blue eyes, so much like my own, bore into me. “The kind you aren’t willing to cross. We’ll go from there. Now, go away with Wesley and have fun. Be young. Be carefree.”
At the mention of Wes, I frowned, playing with the pages of my notebook.
My sister, who missed nothing, frowned back. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s about Wes. He said he was buying a new house—he’s letting Ellis have the old one.”
“Okay. So why do you look like you might cry?”
“Because what if he buys a new house?”
Lauren twisted a lock of hair, looking stymied. “Then he’ll…have a new house?”
“And what? I’ll still be with you guys? I’ll buy my own house?”
“You can stay with us forever,” Lauren soothed, clearly misunderstanding me. She thought I was afraid of being alone.
“I don’t want to stay with you forever, and I don’t want to buy my own house.” I bit my lip.
“So, what do you want?”
“I want to be with Wes. I don’t want to just be young and carefree and have a fun weekend or only be living with him because it’s safer that way.”
Lauren’s face softened. “I’m glad you’re bringing this up, because I want to talk to you. But I don’t want you to get mad at me.”
“Okay…”
“Bear with me, it’s a little circuitous.”
I laughed. “Lauren, I’m used to the crazy-brilliant way you think.”
She sighed. “Li Na’s responsible for a lot. She hurt you, and she hurt me, and she hurt Wes. And Jim… She’s done terrible things.”
“I’m aware of them,” I said, still wary.
“I just don’t want you to…react to her.”
“I had a panic attack the other night, and I’m considering blackmailing one of her employees into working for us, remember? I think I’ve already failed.”
“You didn’t fail, but I’m worried. Ugh, I don’t know how to say this.”
“So, it’s personal—whatever it is you need to say.”
Personal was difficult for Lauren, even with me.
She bit her lip.
“Just spit it out.”
“I think it’s nice that you have Wesley, especially during this difficult time. It’s great.”
I arched an eyebrow. “But?”
“But, I don’t…I don’t want you to feel like you have to be so serious with him, just because he got shot for you.”
I almost fell out of my chair. “You think that’s why I’m with him? Because he took a bullet for me and almost died?”
“No. But it would certainly be understandable.”
I shook my head. “That’s not why
we’re together.”
Lauren looked miserable. “But you haven’t exactly ever been serious about a guy before. This all seems very sudden. You went from casually dating to both being traumatized, and now you’re about to lose it because he’s buying a new house?”
I scoffed. “I’ve never been serious about a guy before because I hadn’t met the right one. Wesley is the right one.” Now that I said it out loud, I knew it was true.
“I care about Wes, too, but I don’t want you to make him a promise because you feel like you should.”
I stood to go. “I’m not—I wouldn’t hurt him like that. And yes, I think I will take the weekend off. Think about what I said about Li Na’s employee. It’s about time you started taking me seriously.”
Chapter 17
Wes
“I can’t do that again.”
I looked up at Ashley, miserable.
She squatted down near me and tucked a dreadlock behind her ear. “You’ve been out of your wheelchair for over a week. Over a whole week and you didn’t even tell me. And you didn’t have permission. So now that you have permission, and you’ve been semi back at the office and out to dinner and doing God only knows what else, you bet your sweet ass that you can do it again.”
She sprang back up. “Now move.”
I grabbed the resistance bands and stood up. “If I die, it’s on your conscience.”
She arched an eyebrow at me. “I’ll blame you. At your gravesite. Now like I said, get moving!”
I cursed, adjusted the bands, and got moving.
Later, as the driver took me to my therapy appointment, my cell phone rang. My arms were so sore, I could barely lift the phone to my ear.
“I need you to get Hannah out of here for the weekend,” Lauren said by way of a greeting. “She’s been working too much, and with everything that’s happened, I think she needs a break.”
“Are you sure she’ll be okay with that?”
Lauren sighed. “I told her to stay out of the office until Monday—the only way she’ll unplug is if you keep her busy.”
“I’ll do what I can.”
“I really appreciate it. I know I’m interfering.”
I chuckled. “What else is new?”
“Wes, I need to say something. I’m sorry about what I said, about the couples’ therapy.”
She caught me by surprise. “Oh?”
“I didn’t mean to minimize your relationship with Hannah. I know how much she cares for you. It’s serious.”
Lauren struggled to get the words out—talking about personal stuff was not her style.
“She does? It is?” I asked.
I couldn’t help it—the words got out before I could play it cool.
“She really does. Do you…are you…is it…reciprocal?”
Big sister, ever protective, was looking out for Hannah.
Luckily, Lauren and I were on the same team. “Yes, it is. Completely.”
She sighed in relief. “Okay, good. Great.”
We hung up, and I looked out the window at the traffic, grinning. I liked Lauren’s proposal, but I didn’t know if Hannah would want to take a quick getaway—for a number of reasons. She wouldn’t want to leave Paragon with everything that was going on. Also, she might not want the pressure of being alone with me in a sexy hotel room. I hoped that wasn’t true, but it might be. I needed to give her space until she was ready.
Still, I sighed, thinking about having her all to myself for the weekend. Especially if she feels the way I do. My body throbbed selfishly until we pulled up in front of the doctor’s office, and then all thoughts of sexy hotel rooms promptly fled, replaced by dread.
“Hannah was here earlier this morning, you know,” Karen told me as I lowered myself onto her rumpled love seat. My thighs screamed, and inwardly I cursed Ashley.
I sat uncomfortably, wishing I could flee. “Yeah, I know. How’d it go?”
The doctor adjusted her lavender glasses. “I think it went very well. She’s coming back early next week to repeat the therapy, and I believe that after another few sessions, her anxiety will have significantly abated.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“It really is. You two still haven’t been intimate, correct?”
I sighed. “Correct.”
“What do you think about that?”
Guess I wasn’t getting around this topic today.
“I think…we need to wait until Hannah’s ready. Her sister just called me—she wants me to take Hannah out of town for the weekend. She’s been working nonstop, and Lauren wants her to take a break. But I don’t know if that’s too much pressure, you know—taking her away to some fancy hotel.”
Karen tilted her chin, inspecting me. “What about you? Is that too much pressure on you?”
“I’m ready.”
The doctor watched me closely, and I groaned.
“I mean, I want to, but I don’t want to.” I clenched and unclenched my fists. I couldn’t believe I was talking to this stranger, a middle-aged woman wearing some smock-like dress, about my nonexistent sex life. “Do we really have to talk about this?”
Karen didn’t even blink. “Do you really want to avoid talking about it and hope it just blows over?”
I scratched my head. “Is it bad if I say yes?”
“No, it’s not. But you have to recognize that you won’t be as prepared as you could be, and that won’t be the best thing for Hannah.”
I grimaced as she struck the nerve she’d been looking for. “Do you recognize that you’re being very manipulative by putting it to me that way?”
She grinned at me. “Yes, I do. And for the record, I’d just like to say how perfect I think you and Hannah are for each other.”
“Okay…”
Karen gently smiled. “I know it’s manipulative of me to tell you to consider Hannah—still, you have to consider her. And I know that’s why you’re here. You want to get better for her.”
“I don’t need to get better—I’m fine.” I waited for her to object, but she said nothing, so after I minute I asked, “Unless you disagree?”
She watched me, not saying anything.
“Is this the part where you sit and wait for me to spill my guts and make an ass out of myself?”
She arched an eyebrow. “No, but I’m sure that’d be amusing. Please proceed.”
I coughed. “I don’t feel messed up. I was angry, and I’m still angry about what happened to her and to my coworkers that night. And about the fact that I couldn’t protect her, that I wasn’t there, that I was injured, that I’m still not better yet…”
Karen nodded.
“Are you agreeing with me?” My voice came out sharper than I intended.
“No. I was just signifying that I was listening.”
“Oh.” I looked at my lap, unsure of what I felt or what, if anything, I should say.
Jesus, get me out of here. Therapy might be as bad as tofu. It might be worse.
She sat there, waiting for me to continue.
“I don’t like feeling helpless,” I said eventually.
“Of course you don’t.” Karen’s voice was soothing. “You’re a marine, and you’ve been on your own for a long time. You’re not the type of person who sits back and watches others get hurt—you’re the guy who protects people.”
“I didn’t protect her. I didn’t protect the other agents.”
“They shot you. They incapacitated you.”
I clenched my hands into fists. “Then they took her from me…and you know what they did.”
“But she’s okay. She’s going to be fine. And Wes, what happened to her wasn’t your fault.”
“You’re wrong about that.” I shook my head. “We were joking around. I was supposed to be guarding her, but we were in her kitchen joking around. The other guys were outside, and I never even heard what happened to them—because I wasn’t paying attention. I was in the kitchen. I was joking around. I wasn’t paying attention.”
>
“Even if that’s true, you aren’t responsible for what happened to the other men—”
“The hell I’m not!”
“It’s not any different from the service,” Karen continued. “Everyone knows what they’re signing up for. The work you do is dangerous work. The men who died that night aren’t any different from the other peers you’ve lost over the years—and you haven’t told me much, but I know you’ve lost people.”
I didn’t look up. “Not only did they die that night, but Hannah got kidnapped. That is on me.”
Karen nodded. “Okay.”
“Now you’re agreeing with me?”
“Now I’m agreeing with you.”
I shot up, then realized that the sudden movement made my legs scream in pain again. Motherf-ing physical therapy. “I think I’m done here.”
“I can’t stop you physically, or by asking you to reconsider, but I think it would be in your best interest if you sat back down. Your best interest. And Hannah’s.”
“Really? The Hannah card again?” But I flopped back down.
“I know you want to move forward. As a first step, you might want to stop beating yourself up.” She motioned to my legs. “I think you’ve been pushing yourself too hard, too fast. I’m not sure what the rush is.”
“The rush is that the woman who did all this is still out there, and she’s killed another innocent person. The rush is that the next time someone threatens people I care about, I am not going to fuck it up.”
“You were shot. You were hurt. Bad people did something terrible to you and you couldn’t protect yourself. Don’t forget about yourself!”
“That’s not the point—”
“It is absolutely the point. As much as you’ve focused on everything you didn’t do, who you couldn’t save, you’ve only been punishing yourself, and you were wounded, Wesley. You almost died. You’re twenty-seven, and you almost died. And you haven’t even been kind enough to let yourself heal. You’ve been pushing hard.”
“That’s what I needed to do, though.” I scrubbed a hand across my face. “That’s the only thing that makes me feel sane.”
Karen switched gears. “So…what’s your plan for being intimate with Hannah?”
“I don’t know yet.” I felt dizzy from her zigzagging across topics. “I want it to be special, really special.”