Jackie stood there, arms at her sides and pinned between the door and Suzanne’s body. It was nearly pitch black in the corridor of the suite and eerily silent until her breath quieted for just a moment, long enough to hear the soft jazz music playing. Her voice had betrayed her, there was not one single word she could think of to say.
“Hmmm, why are you shaking my dear? No need to be nervous, we are not strangers here,” Suzanne whispered, placing her soft wet lips onto Jackie’s jaw.
It was true, they certainly weren’t strangers…but tonight was different in what it signified to Jackie. It wasn’t one-sided love anymore, she wouldn’t have to be in love alone again. This time the one she loved would love her back, she’d said so! Jackie didn’t have any expectations of the night, not after what happened before she went to that dreadful ‘lesbo coming out’ dinner party. Yes she was confused, guilt-ridden and ashamed that she was so weak not to be able to resist the charms of the southern beauty who was passionately tearing at her with fervor. Jackie was ready to push her seductress aside, they needed to talk this out…if she was going all in AGAIN, she needed to know, she needed the reassurance this was not going to be another colossal mistake. But as if Suzanne read her thoughts, she slowed her pace and stared into Jackie’s eyes.
“I want you, Jackie. I want you now and forever.” Suzanne’s gaze returned to Jackie’s face, seeing the fear, apprehension and hurt in her eyes. “I’m so sorry I hurt you Love. I promise to never for one minute let it happen again. I love you, so much!”
The water fell freely from Jackie’s eyes after hearing Suzanne’s proclamation and a small smile lightened her face. She searched Suzanne’s eyes, seeing a truthfulness. “Finally,” she whispered. Jackie finally felt like Suzanne loved her, really loved her as she had always hoped she would. This wasn’t just a leap of faith on her part, this was the love of her life…the woman of her dreams, her soul mate. She didn’t have to worry about climbing that hill again without a pail, because the pail was already up there…Suzanne was her destiny.
Jackie’s breath hitched when she felt Suzanne’s hand snake its way into her jeans. The gleam in Suzanne’s eyes was intense and the wicked smile painted on her face was obliterating her very core. It would be so easy for her to throw her head back and submit to Suzanne’s will, but too many times in the past this is how it was with Suzanne taking control.
“Not this time,” Jackie said, her voice low and sultry.
The surprise on Suzanne’s face was priceless when Jackie pushed off the door and turned the tables in half a second. Since Suzanne wasn’t wearing much more than silk pajamas, Jackie was able to yank the bottoms completely to the floor with the help of her foot. The matching top to Suzanne’s Victoria Secret PJs became Jackie’s next victim when she gripped the fabric and ripped it open to expose Suzanne’s bare chest. But Jackie didn’t gaze at the nearly naked beauty, her eyes held the stare of the woman whose face bore a look of almost innocence which brought a wicked grin to the surface.
Jackie held Suzanne’s gaze as she raked her fingertips over her lover’s soft flesh leaving goosebumps behind. Her hands grazed over Suzanne’s back, down the cheeks of her ass, to the thighs, up the abdomen, gently brushing over the nipples until her fingers came to rest on her neck. Now it was Suzanne’s turn to tremble. Jackie’s left hand tangled itself into Suzanne’s locks while she pressed a kiss to her lips and simultaneously slid her right hand down to the short curls.
“Um…something seems a bit unbalanced,” Suzanne said shakingly after their lips parted. “You are still fully dressed.”
“I know,” Jackie’s lips turned into a wide grin against the side of Suzanne’s neck. Suddenly an image of Jill and that garish purple mark appeared in the forefront of her mind, causing her to pause momentarily before pushing it into the recesses of her head. A slight wonder of ‘why’ that annoying and uppity woman popped into her head, before it was quickly shaken away with the sound of Suzanne’s moan when Jackie’s fingers slid into the hot and silken flesh. She was not surprised the woman was wet as she pushed three fingers inside of Suzanne in one quick thrust causing a gasp to fall from her throat.
Jackie wasn’t sure why she felt an urgency to take Suzanne right there. She did enjoy the power shift, leaving Suzanne breathless, wanting more and powerless. She wanted that tart out of her head, Jill had no business taking up residence in Jackie’s thoughts right now while she was fucking the love of her life. And in the effort to free her mind of those caramel eyes and that purple hickie, Jackie pushed into Suzanne with deep, hard and fast thrusts while her teeth bit down into the nape of the woman’s neck. She wanted Suzanne to submit to her, to surrender and come with abandon; gone were the days of Suzanne ruling the bedroom.
Jackie heard of the squirting phenomenon but never experienced it with anyone, never had it done to her and didn’t really understand it. Wasn’t it just coming? She’d heard about it in some circles and had Googled it, but really never bought the whole squirting thing. So internet sources indicated its occurrences seemed higher in women in their late thirties and older, but she was thirty-four and Suzanne was thirty-nine…so she thought if it was going to happen to them, then it would have already. It had to be something different than what she read…after all she knew many things were not true or were exaggerated on the Internet. Then when the even toned groans from Suzanne’s throat intensified to utter shrieks, a sound she’d never heard come from the woman…ever; and what she heard and read about was now becoming a reality as a deluge of fluids erupted from Suzanne’s body streaming down her bare legs, shooting up Jackie’s arm soaking the front of her shirt and jeans and the amount of hot fluid which pooled in the palm of her hand was astounding.
Now a believer, Jackie was in absolute amazement. She couldn’t believe that she made her girlfriend come that hard and the smile that spread across her face full of so much pride and joy she knew this time in her heart…this love was forever.
“Holy fucking shit! What did you just do to me?” Suzanne was shaking and out of breath.
Jackie smiled at her lover covering her mouth in a passionate kiss. She wanted to say ‘I’ll bet those other girls never did that to you’, but changed her mind for a few reasons, one being the removal of her achievement if Suzanne said otherwise. But there was no time to think about those other bitches…this was a clean slate. Jackie and Suzanne, together without baggage, without limitations and without shadows.
“What are you doing?” Suzanne asked watching Jackie’s head disappear from her sight as she knelt down.
“I’m finishing you off.” If it was one thing Jackie knew, it was what Suzanne liked in bed, or at least what she told her she liked. And she always liked a clit orgasm after being fucked. So when Jackie pushed her legs further apart and took the very swollen bud into her mouth, she knew it wouldn’t take much to push her off the cliff again.
“I don’t think I can stand up for this,” Suzanne’s words pushed out in a labored breath.
“Yes you can…don't move,” Jackie said quickly before returning to the deed at hand.
An hour later, both women naked, sated and stretched out in bed under a thin blanket snuggled closer.
“And here I thought we were just going to talk,”
“Initially I did too, but I think we said everything loud and clear,” Jackie giggled, “Was there something else you wanted to talk about?” Jackie’s face pressed into Suzanne’s head smelling the sweet scent of her hair.
“Well, us I guess. I was hoping you’d made a decision about, um…you know giving me another chance,” her voice trailed off to an uncertain whisper.
“I have,” Jackie said as a huge smile took over her face.
After a few moments of silence, Suzanne looked up into Jackie’s face. “Well don’t keep me in suspense.”
“Why not…I am enjoying it.”
Suzanne pushed herself into a seated position and looked down at a very smug and cocky face. Eyes full of confidence, li
ps pursed up in arrogance. “Seems I’ve created a monster.”
“What…you didn’t enjoy all that?”
A wicked grin turned up the corners of Suzanne’s mouth, “Oh Sugar, you know I did.”
“Well then good.”
“So?”
“So….what?” Jackie grinned as she was enjoying this shift in power.
“Your decision….you said you made one.”
“I did,” Jackie couldn’t help but to tease her and make her suffer for it…after all she deserved a little uncertainty…maybe it would keep her on her toes. But when Jackie didn’t answer, she saw the content and amused look on Suzanne’s face begin to fade.
“Oh come on, don’t be a big baby. I’m only messing with you. It’s you…it’s always been you, Suzanne. I love you.”
Suzanne pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and wiped at the tears starting to fall from her eyes, “You don’t know how happy that makes me.”
“I just need to tell Casey.”
“I feel bad for her…but so happy it’s not me you’re breaking up with.” Suzanne kissed her lover’s lips, “Can I be your girlfriend again?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely!!!”
It was Saturday morning andJackie went home to drop Joni’s car off and pick up her bike, and to her relief, Joni was still in bed. She was sure her aura beamed and she didn’t want Joni fishing for information she wasn’t ready to give. It would happen soon enough and she feared to think what her sister was going to say to her when she delivered the news of her and Suzanne’s reconciliation. She was sure it wouldn’t be congratulatory, but she hoped Joni would not be entirely against it and provide some support especially since Suzanne was moving there and more than likely they would be looking for a place and living together in the very near future.
She blew off work today…her cases could wait until tomorrow. Today was going to be a gorgeous summer day in Manhattan and she wanted to spend it with Suzanne. They already had the day planned, a bike ride through Central Park and then a picnic by The Lake. She couldn’t wait to pick up that gorgeous southern belle and proudly show her off as they rode through the streets of New York City.
Casey was dog sitting again while Jill was working at the shelter. Once Jackie put all the pieces to the puzzle together with Jill Warner and Jillian Abbott being one in the same…it all started to make sense to her. Whatever little crush Jill might have had on her when they were at dinner was certainly ruined when the truth about Suzanne was known; not that she wanted that woman’s attention anymore but she did have to continue to work with her which she concluded would be even more difficult once she dumps Casey and not Suzanne. It wasn’t her business, but Casey was her friend and Jackie didn’t help the situation by convincing her to withhold the information. Hopefully, Jill was mature enough to keep their working relationship and whatever she thought of her separate. Jackie didn’t care if Jill liked her or not, but they would have to work together.
Jackie was on the Harley on her way over to Jill’s place to have the talk with Casey. Since not getting much sleep the night before, she was dead tired but didn’t want to delay the inevitable any longer. It was unfair to Casey and as much as she didn’t want to hurt her, it was exactly what she was going to do.
When she parked her bike a terrible feeling of dread washed over her and with it nausea. Jackie shook her head, “Since when did I become such a pansy?” She was good at the casual relationship breakups or at least she used to be. Most of the time her relationships, if you could even call them that, had been a few dates or a few weeks and hardly ever exclusive. When she was a player, it was either school, or studying for the Bar, or her job with the firm that kept her too busy for a girlfriend and she certainly didn’t want to hear about how she was never home or worked too much. It was just easier just to call up the girl you met the night before at the bar if you wanted a dinner date, meet for a drink, or just a blatant hook-up. She had more women in her apartment, when she had owned one, than she could shake a stick at. One neighbor even told her to install a revolving door. “That’s a good idea,” she would say. But her reputation certainly proceeded itself and it wasn’t long before women argued about who would get to go home with Jackie because she didn’t do threesomes.
When she arrived at Jill’s door she texted Casey, ‘I’m here’ and not more than two seconds later the door opened with a very curious and excited dog pushing her way to the front. When she saw that her visitor was Jackie, her tail wagged and she barked loudly. “Okay girl,” Jackie said with a smile on her face as she crouched down to scratch the dog’s head receiving kisses in response. She was going to miss this dog.
“So your text said we need to talk.” Casey’s voice was cold as she closed the door and walked into the kitchen. “Here ya go Molly.” Casey gave the dog a rawhide chew bone to keep her occupied.
As Jackie stood up ready to give Casey a hug, she thought better of it after seeing the look on the face of her soon to be ex-girlfriend. “Um, yeah. I wanted to talk about last night.” Last night? Jackie hung her head in shame. Just tell her you coward.
“What about last night?” Casey sat on the sofa and eyed Jackie suspiciously.
“Ah…I guess it’s not just about last night. It’s a…”
Casey let out a cocky laugh and shook her head, “Just say what you came here to say.” Her tone brash and her eyes narrowed.
Jackie took a seat in a chair to the right of Casey, she could not make eye contact and with the woman in her peripheral vision, it would be easier for her to say the words. But Casey wasn’t buying any of Jackie’s lame chicken-shit tactics when she pulled her legs up onto the sofa and sat cross-legged staring directly into the pale face of her girlfriend.
“You could at least look at me,” Casey’s voice cracked.
Jackie winced, she hated that she was already hurting such a wonderful girl, and it wasn’t even her fault although Jackie was sure she would probably think it was. She wasn’t sure if disclosing Suzanne’s involvement would help or hurt her more. But when Jackie looked over at Casey, her face drooping and her eyes glassy with tears, she felt like the biggest asshole ever. What was she going to say? How was she going to start this train wreck? I’m sorry. How would that be a good lead in? Of course you’re sorry…douche bag.
The more she argued with herself, the more time elapsed into a very uncomfortable silence.
“Dammit Jackie, just say it.”
Jackie’s eyes were everywhere but looking at the face she was about to crush. Why was this so hard? It’s only been a few months, they weren’t in love…it was just casual.
“Um…” Um what, it’s over…I don’t want to see you anymore…nice knowing ya. Jackie closed her eyes, disgusted with herself. “I’m sorry.” She couldn’t believe she went with such a lame opening.
“You’re sorry?” Casey ran her hands through her short hair. “Sorry for what?”
“Sorry for doing this, for…um….breaking up with you,” Jackie said in a whisper as she glanced at the very fidgety and teary-eyed woman on the sofa.
“Why? And don’t use that fucking bullshit ‘it’s not you…it’s me.’ I want a reason.” Her chin started to quiver. “Is it because of last night?” Casey was losing the battle with her emotions and she did not want to give in and go all blubbery like some lame high-school kid.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Then why…why are you just dumping me out of nowhere? Is it because I’m at Jill’s too much?”
Jackie knew she had to tell her the reason…she would rather see Casey pissed off than this hurt. “Suzanne’s been in town and at first I thought she was just here for some conference and I wouldn’t see her after we…” Jackie hesitated, what word could she use which would not imply sex.
“I think the word you’re looking for is hooked-up.” Casey started seeing the all telling look on Jackie’s face.
Jackie didn’t confirm or deny the allegation, she just continued. “
She told me she missed me…that she loves me, and she wants me back.”
“And you’re buying that load of bullshit. Is that what she baited you with to get you into bed with her?”
Jackie sighed loudly as her eyes skittered to everything in the room but the piercing stare of her soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. “It’s not bullshit. I believe her.”
“Really, you believe her?” Casey threw up her hands in disbelief. “I can’t believe after what she did to you…after what you told me she did to you. You told me she wrecked you. You told me that hell would have to freeze over for you to ever lay eyes on her again. So you’re telling me that not only did you fuck her, but you believed the whole I love you and I want you back spiel? What she wants back is her puppet, the little puppy dog who will follow her around, give her love whenever she wants it…but be kicked aside when she doesn’t want to be bothered. I cannot believe you are falling for it, you fell right into that bitch’s trap.”
“You weren’t there, you didn’t see her sobbing…begging me. You didn’t see the genuineness in her eyes. I believe her. She came back for me, she’s staying in New York for me,” Jackie was beginning to get perturbed by having to defend herself.
“You know for an intelligent person and an accomplished attorney you are being really stupid right now.”
Jackie pulled her hands through her blonde hair in frustration. This was getting ridiculous with her having to defend herself and explain her actions. This was a break-up, she really didn’t need to provide a reason, much less the details. And the fact of the matter was…she was still in love with Suzanne. Maybe she should have been stronger to withstand Suzanne’s charms, maybe she shouldn’t have answered the text, or maybe she should have had a lobotomy…but all the maybes are just the ‘possibilities’ of what to do or not to do. And it didn’t matter anyway because she did it, she’s giving Suzanne a second chance.
“I feel like I have to give this another chance. Casey, I’m so sorry…I don’t want to hurt you, but I know that’s all I’m doing. I still love her.”
Without A Pail Page 17