The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister
Page 16
Thursday 22 June [Halifax]
My father & Marian arrived from Market Weighton by the mail & were here by 7. Both looking very well but vulgar. Marian in a light-blue sort of lustre with as long a waist as any my aunt & I saw last year in Paris. Very unbecoming &, as yet, out-Heroding too much for Halifax… In the afternoon at 4½ (my father walked with me), down the old bank to the library. In returning, near Whitley’s, met Mr Jenkinson of the White Lion. To my dismay, my father shook hands with him. Near his ironworks, met Job Brook who, still more to my surprise, accosted my father very familiarly & then clapped him on the back. Shocking! I thought to myself, & will mind how I walk with you again to Halifax… Told my uncle & aunt of my father’s shaking hands, etc, & how I was shocked. They evidently wondered & were shocked, too.
Saturday 24 June [Halifax]
In the evening, went with my aunt & Marian looking for seedling trees in the little field to plant out in the garden.
Sunday 25 June [Halifax]
All went to church except Marian who staid at home on account of her bonnet. Mr Knight preached 28 minutes from St Luke. ch. 19. v. 41… Sat down & put my legs up – slept a little.
Friday 7 July [Halifax]
In the evening (from 7½ to 9½) walked with my aunt to Halifax to see a very good collection of whole length waxwork likenesses of eminent personages by Madame Tussaud, a Swiss who left her country (Berne) 38 years ago & has not been there since. I saw her collection (tho’ a different one from the present) 8 yrs ago in York. Admittance tonight, 1s. each.
Friday 14 July [Halifax]
Gave Marian some old muslin frill, a pair of chamois shoes, my fur cap & the green silk skirt, low waist, & spencer of the same that Mr Charles [C—] bought at Congleton for me in exchange for a much better & [rich?] thing M— made for me. Gave my aunt the pair of brown silk shoes, the stuff for which M— gave me at Lawton & that were made there. Mended my stockings, etc. All the morning till after 3, looking over my things… George got his white livery tonight.
Saturday 15 July [Halifax]
Mrs Rawson (of Stoney Royde) & Mrs Empson called. In about ½ hour came Mrs Greenwood of Cross-hills & her youngest daughter. In a little while, went out with Mrs Rawson & Ellen (without taking leave) to shew them the way home over Bairstow. Stood a minute or two viewing the country from the lane above the Cunnery field, & then met Mrs & Miss Greenwood at Benjamin’s Gate. Was sorry they had left Shibden. Mrs Greenwood said they had made a long visit, & seemed to be in dudgeon. I am glad of it. She is passing vulgar & disagreeable.
Tuesday 25 July [Halifax]
In the afternoon at 4.50, down the old bank to the library, thence to the Saltmarshes’. Mrs Rawson, Mrs Waterhouse, & Mrs Empson there to tea. As I had, on first going, said I meant to stay tea, there was no retracting tho’ I soon felt sorry for myself & as if I was in the way. Ellen rather boisterously talkative & she & Mrs Waterhouse had all the conversation, which they turned rather towards double entendre. Emma or I scarcely uttered during tea &, what made it worse, she observed a little too gravely that, indeed, we could not get a word in. Mrs Waterhouse asked me afterwards if I had read Don Juan. I would not own it. Emma said nothing, not a word on the subject. I thought Ellen quite vulgar. Well might Mr Bilton think her rather a romp if these be her manners. At coming away, Emma came to the door. ‘When,’ said she, ‘will you come again after this specimen?’ I am sure she guessed what I think… Came away early. Met George (going for me) in the town. Got home at 8.50… Talking to my uncle & aunt about Ellen’s vulgarity.
Friday 11 August [Halifax]
In the afternoon, at 5¼, all set off over the top of Bairstow & Becon [sic] Hill to walk to Stoney Royde to drink tea. Got there in 43 minutes. Spent a tolerably pleasant evening. Ellen wondered I had not been again to breakfast, or to spend a day & feared something or other had happened which had offended me. I said I had been very busy. They were at Manchester on Tuesday & Wednesday. Went over to Mr Falconer – the dentist, said to be one of the best out of London. He told them nothing was so good for the toothache as rubbing behind the ear on the side affected, till the skin was off, a mixture composed of equal parts of hartshorn, opium & sweet oil, & that the very best sort of toothpowder was powdered charcoal sifted thro’ muslin. Get it in the stick & bruise it yourself. This will entirely correct the effect of any acid you may have taken. Got home in 38 minutes, along Church Lane & up the old bank, the typhus fever being very bad by the waterside about Bailey Hall.
Monday 14 August [Halifax]
Looking over & settling my accounts. I am minus one shilling & twopence, which has possibly arisen from some transaction with Whitley when he could not make up change & which I have forgotten, or perhaps the velvet brush I got the other day for George’s breeches I have not been paid for. I am, at this moment, worth sixty-one pounds, thirteen shillings & tenpence farthing.
Wednesday 30 August [Halifax]
Very affectionate letter from M—… She seems to consider my last letter as containing a promise on my part. Now this I certainly did not mean & she ought not to take it so far. I still feel myself as much at liberty as ever. But I have kept a copy of what was in crypt hand on this subject.
Thursday 31 August [Halifax]
Wrote [to M—]… of all the crypt hand kept a copy, disclaiming very gently having given her a promise & bidding her send me back my letters & be careful, for a discover [sic] would be ruin to us both. Said nothing could excuse our present connection in our own eyes but a reference to former circumstances. Otherwise our intercourse might bear an epithet that would alarm us both. But wrote very kindly. I wonder what she will say? I know she loves me & I am attached to her. After all, perhaps we shall get together at last.
Sunday 3 September [Halifax]
From two till four, trying things on – my old pelisse, a spencer & waist. Studying how to improve my chest by stuffing, etc.
Wednesday 6 September [Halifax]
Letter from M— (Lawton). An account of her stay at Buxton. Mrs Siddons,6 (whom she met at Stoke, nr Matlock) not at all what she expected. ‘There is none of that grace & ease of manner which I expected would shine forth so conspicuously; & what certainly surprised me infinitely at dinner, she ate everything with her knife… her daughter has neither grace nor manner, she has a fine complexion with black hair & brown eyes & would be handsome were it not for her mouth which is wide, thick & unfeminine. Her figure, too, is little & her size about the bosom, most immense. I do think I never saw anyone so large.’
Thursday 14 September [Halifax]
To Well-head at 4¾. Staid tea. Mr Samuel Waterhouse came in for a little while just afterwards. Came away at 8.35 & got home at 9. They were very civil & Mrs Waterhouse made a great deal of me, but she looked as if something had been the matter. I do not think Mr Waterhouse appears well & this seemed to have made him a little crossly, or peevishly inclined in his manner to her. After all, he is vulgar & tho’ very attentive to me, I have no enjoyment in such society & I had better go & sit with her now & then in the afternoon & come home to dinner than stay there a meal. I will not do this soon again, not of six months to come.
Friday 15 September [Halifax]
Dressed & dined at 6 (having waited ½ hour). All went to Hipperholme to drink tea at Mr Hudson’s. Asked to meet the party from Crownest & Cliff-hill, & found the room full of people. A vulgar clergyman & his wife of the name of Wasney, staying in the house & Mr & Mrs Wm Moore, of Northowram & their visitor, a vulgar young man, a Mr Smith from Liverpool. Mr Watson there & Mrs W. of Crownest & the 2 ladies & Mrs E.P. of Cliff-hill, & Mrs W. Priestley. Talked a good deal to the latter & fixed to sit an hour with her on Tuesday afternoon. She said something about having given up asking me to dinner as it was ridiculous. She might, thought I, give me cold meat at six. I do not quite understand her… Spent a disagreeable afternoon. Told Mrs Priestley I was in dudgeon at being so taken in with the party & in these cases seldom subjected myself to the thing a second time.
Talking about Isabella, my aunt said a good deal about her being no companion for them, being stupid when I was not downstairs, about her pulling my face, etc., & being so unmindful of these things before my uncle & herself & my father, & indeed, James – such a lad as James – a servant! Indeed, she never felt so little in her life. Wondered Miss Norcliffe should let herself down so. I said what I could. Laid it on the manners of the world. My aunt said I did not understand her. In fact, I would not seem to understand. Tib was too fond, I know, tho’ I cannot well choose to appear to know. She observed how different M— was. Said I, ‘They are such different characters they cannot be compared, but M— says she has just as much regard for me as Tib.’ My aunt seemed to doubt I believed she had just as much or more, however diffident her manner of shewing it. My aunt seemed still incredulous. I wonder if she smokes Tib? Surely she has not nous enough, tho’ Tib is, indeed, shockingly barefaced. I must manage things better in future.
Friday 22 September [Halifax]
They took 2 men last night at Stoney Royde, stealing the fruit in the garden & sent them to the black hole7 to stay till tomorrow morning. ‘There is nothing to be done,’ says Mr Jeremiah Rawson, who is constable, ‘but making them pay the value of the fruit they have got & a penalty of 5s., unless you prosecute & put them in danger of transportation.’
On Wednesday 27 September, Anne travelled to York where she stayed with the Duffins for a few days and then went on to pay an extended winter visit to the Norcliffes at Langton Hall.
Wednesday 27 September [York]
Off… in the Highflier coach to York… Arrived here at the Duffins’ (Micklegate) to tea about 7. Very glad to see me yet, tho’ I said I had not dined, Mr Duffin mentioned cold meat only slightly & I had the bread loaf brought in… Heard at Leeds that the Leeds London Union coach in coming over the wooden bridge over the Trent at Newark, about one last night, or rather this morning, lost the coachman. He had driven too near the side of the bridge. Perhaps the side gave way a little, but the guard was thrown off on one hand & the coachman on the other, into [the river] where he was seen, by the moonlight, to float on his back perhaps 3 minutes & then, his clothes being full of water, sank & was drowned, leaving a wife & 5 children.
Wednesday 4 October [York]
During dinner, marrying happening to be mentioned, I declared my determination against it & Mr Duffin understood. ‘I fear it,’ said he, ‘& more the shame.’ ‘Shame,’ said I. ‘I see no shame in consulting your own happiness,’ & the subject was soon ended. Both Mr Duffin & Miss Marsh would very evidently have had it otherwise but I care not & they must see their efforts are vain. They were beginning to joke a little about it this morning but my grave silence stopped them. Mr Duffin walked over the bridge with me. Staid a little too long at Miss Gledhill’s &, tired of waiting in the street, he walked home in a hough [sic] & when I got back at four, he shewed his temper pretty plainly. I thought it right & best to conciliate but I don’t relish this sort of enduring & never leave this house with much regret, or stay in it with any great pleasure. But it is convenient to be here &, at any rate, I am less selfish than Mr Duffin & Miss Marsh, who take care to make me pay for the convenience by reading & dancing attendance… Went to the Belcombes’ & got home at 10½, luckily just before Mr Duffin. Rather agreeablizing to Eli who looked pretty. I think Anne observed my doing so with rather jealous eyes. She thinks me making up to Eli. Am certainly attentive to her but cautiously, without any impropriety that could be laid hold of. Yet my manners are certainly peculiar, not all masculine but rather softly gentleman-like. I know how to please girls.
On Thursday 5 October, Anne left York to pay her visit to Langton Hall. The Norcliffes were still in a period of mourning following the death of Mr Norcliffe. The visit, therefore, was of a rather subdued character. The company was made up of Mrs Norcliffe, Isabella and Charlotte Norcliffe, Miss Vallance8 from Sittingbourne, Kent, and Anne. Later, they were visited for short periods by Anne Belcombe and her married sister Harriet Milne.
Thursday 5 October [Langton]
Before breakfast, packed up my things. Had my hair cut… Mr Duffin went off shooting. Took leave of Mrs Duffin… Paid 2 or 3 bills. Went to the Belcombes’ & staid with them till 1, then to Fisher’s, took leave there of Miss Marsh & set off for Langton at 1¼. Arrived at 4. Found them all in good spirits & looking very well. Dinner at 5. Miss Vallance gave us a little music in the evening.
As the weeks wore on, the routine began to pall on Anne. Apart from walking on the wold, going to church on Sundays and an occasional jaunt to Malton in the gig with Isabella, there was very little else in the way of distraction. Inevitably, the atmosphere between the women became a little strained. Small jealousies and bickerings grew up, particularly when the Belcombe sisters (Anne & Mrs Milne) joined the party.
Sunday 5 November [Langton]
A quantity of treacle with Hasty pudding at dinner yesterday gave me a little pain in the stomach & I went to ‘my uncle’ twice… Service at church in the afternoon, but a slight complaint in my bowels kept me at home tho’, independent of this, the badness of the weather would have been enough. Rainy, stormy, windy day. Came upstairs at 10.25. ¼ hour with Miss Vallance, then wrote the above of today. Felt a bad cold coming on towards evening. Sat up getting my things ready for the wash.
Tuesday 7 November [Langton]
Walked near 1½ hour with Miss Vallance in the garden & low garden. At 1½, Isabella & I set off in the gig to call at the George Stricklands’… tho’ they were fortunately not at home to us & we did not get out, it was after 5 before we got back, so bad were the roads. No regular road to the house. Obliged to drive over the green sward, a very solitary looking place – in a hollow among the high wolds, but a few thousand might make it well enough. In the evening, Charlotte began to do a little Latin with me & I made my 2nd attempt at a little Italian with her.
Friday 10 November [Langton]
Did nothing all the evening. Should have given the world to read. Tired of hearing or saying nothing worth a straw. Having such company is a desperately bad lounge & I am heartily sick of it. Gave Charlotte ½ hour’s Latin lesson.
Saturday 11 November [Langton]
At 12¼, Isabella & I set off in the gig… to Housham, to see a woman having a patent for a particular sort of straw-hat manufacture whom, together with eight young women Mrs Cholmley has just sent down from London to settle at Housham & teach her business to the children of the village, about 30 of whom she has taken under her hand. The hats are not sewn but platted [sic] all of a piece & very light. Will wash with soap & water & bear crushing. The straw is from North America & from its length & appearance might be split from some sort of reed. A round hat with a deep brim that would fit me was 24s. A children’s ditto, 12 or 15s. The patenter, a plain, elderly woman, speaking low London.
Friday 17 November [Langton]
Not long with Miss Vallance but long enough to say, in brief, that Tib & I… had had a rowe [sic]… about drinking so much wine. Tib was very violent after she came into bed at night. We renewed the conversation & she was a good deal more violent than before… I stood by the fire, talking very calmly, I daresay an hour, while she was in bed, repeating what I had said before. She still swore by all that is sacred she never took more than five glasses a day; one at luncheon, one at supper, one at dinner & two at tea. I repeated that I could, if I chose, mention a time (alluding to when she was last at Shibden) when, for several days she not only took more than five but more than six or seven glasses. She called God & all the angels of heaven to witness it was a lie & wished herself at the devil if it was not false. I still quietly persisted that I knew the thing to be fact. She declared it an infamous lie, that I would not mention the time & place where, because I could not… I told her a great many home truths. When the converse ceased, I began to curl & get into bed. She was soon snoring & we never spoke after my getting into bed.
Saturday 1
8 November [Langton]
Lay so long in bed talking seriously to Tib above an hour. She was quiet & calm this morning & would attend to what I said more than I expected. I again gave her to understand that her taking so much wine was generally known & lamented by all her friends… Miss Vallance said the servants here began to talk of Tib’s taking so much wine. I told Tib she did not know the injury she did herself. She was now twenty years older in constitution than she was ten years ago &, in fact, much more an old woman than she ought to be at her age. I saw that this made an impresssion… She was afraid I must be tired of her & could never like to be with her. She had rather do anything than cease to be loved & desirable to me.
Tuesday 5 December [Langton]
Just before dinner, Tib very kindly told me I was beginning to be too pointed in my attention to Miss Vallance: that observations might be made & I had better take care. Indeed, Charlotte joked & told me, a while before, she supposed the cronyism had now got to such a pitch I could not live without the sight of Miss Vallance. Consequently, went to Anne’s room after dinner & Charlotte came & we staid an hour. In the evening did nothing but read the 1st 14pp., vol. 2, Blackwall. Rainy day, came upstairs at 11. Only a few minutes with Miss Vallance & then went to Anne, a little before twelve & staid two hours. At first, rather lover-like, reminding her of former days. I believe I could have her again in spite of all she says, if I chose to take the trouble. She will not, because it would be wrong, but owns she loves me & perhaps she has feelings as well as I. She let me kiss her breasts but neither she nor her room seemed very sweet to my nose. I could not help contrasting her with Miss Vallance, & felt no real desire to succeed with her. At last she said, ‘Now you are doing all this & perhaps mean nothing at all.’ Of course I fought off, bidding her only try me, but I felt a little remorse-struck.