by Shane Dunphy
‘Your mammy didn’t want to believe it. She never told you, you just thought he’d gone away. And when he didn’t arrive home, you started to play a game where he did come back.’
‘No! It was real,’ Micky shouted, really scared now. His small fists were bunched up and he hit me as hard as he could on the arm. ‘We sees him, so we do. He calls to me.’
‘I bet he does, Micky. In your heart he calls all the time. But he’s gone, and won’t be returning. I’m sorry, I really am, but that’s the truth.’
‘But we sees him,’ Bobby said, breaking free of my hold and running a few steps away from me. ‘He’s not dead. He’s our daddy and he’s not gone ’way.’
They were both crying hysterically, wandering in purposeless circles here and there on the path, their grief seemingly unquenchable now that it had finally been granted release.
I sat on the edge of the vast grave and allowed them to vent. Then, when the crying had eased slightly, I went to them and scooped them both up in my arms and held them, rocking them on my knees as the sobs reduced to hiccoughs and sniffles.
‘Why di’n’t she tell us?’ Bobby said bitterly. ‘Why haven’t we seen this place ’fore?’
‘Your mammy thought she was doing the right thing,’ I said to them as we sat in the quiet. ‘You were very little and she didn’t think you’d be able to understand. The problem was: you never got the chance to say goodbye. How could he be gone when he never told you goodbye?’
‘He never said ’bye to us,’ Micky said. ‘He was just goned.’
‘We never said ’bye t’ him either,’ Bobby said.
‘You can say goodbye now,’ I said gently. ‘This is where he’s buried. Right where we’re sitting. So if you want to say anything to him, you can.’
‘Will he hear us?’ Bobby said, his voice muffled by my shoulder.
‘Yeah, I think he will. It’s not like before, where you thought he was answering back. Real life isn’t like that. But he can hear you. You can tell him what you think and what you feel.’
The two brothers pushed themselves up, their eyes red and cheeks flushed from crying, and, hand in hand, turned to the grave. They looked so small and dejected, but I was filled with pride for them. This was a hugely difficult thing they were doing. I couldn’t help – they had to do it alone.
‘Daddy,’ Bobby said haltingly. ‘Daddy, we didn’t know you was dead.’
‘We weren’t ’lowed come when they put ya in the box and down in the ground,’ Micky said. ‘That’s why we never said bye-bye.’
‘But our friend Shane brunged us here, so’s we could see you,’ Bobby said. ‘An’ we’d like to come see ya ’gain. Maybe Mammy could bring us sometime. I think she misses you a lot. We misses you.’
‘I love you, Daddy,’ Micky said.
‘I love you, Dad,’ Bobby said.
And I fancied that I heard a sigh, then, as something was released – a ghost finally laid to rest.
Benjamin Tyrrell and I stood in a small complex of duplexes as Sylvie unpacked her few belongings from the boot of Ben’s old jeep. A woman in her late fifties with grey hair tied back into a ponytail, wearing sombre colours, was helping her. She was Bernadette, a nun with the Sisters of Perpetual Solace. One of her colleagues held Gloria while they worked.
‘I don’t like this, Ben. Not one little bit,’ I said out of the corner of my mouth.
‘That’s your prejudices talking,’ Ben said. ‘I’ve known Bernie for years, and she is a woman of the utmost integrity. I don’t agree with her religious beliefs, and she doesn’t agree with my politics, but I am telling you that Sylvie will be safe and extremely well supported here. I would not have suggested it if I didn’t think she and the little one would be okay.’
‘I’ll be keeping a very close eye on things.’
‘That’s up to you. But trust me, will you? This is the best possible solution. She gets to keep Gloria, have her own place, and be given all the help she needs. There’s proper security, so if her father does come back and finds her, he won’t be able to gain access. Her movements will be closely monitored, so the temptation of going back onto the streets is considerably lessened. This is as good as it gets, Shane.’
Sylvie and Gloria had a two-bedroom upstairs flat. A family support worker would visit daily, and one of the sisters would be on call round the clock. Childcare was available, and Sylvie would be returning to school in September. I helped her put her things away while Ben went for coffee with Bernadette. When we had finished and the place was a little more like home, she made us a pot of tea.
‘Well, this is nice, isn’t it?’ I asked.
She nodded, looking bothered.
‘What’s up?’
‘It’s … I dunno, it’s nearly too good. Stuff like this, it doesn’t happen to me. I mean, I’ve got my own place, someone’s going to come in to help me every day, they’re sending me back to school and paying for the childcare. Shit, Shane, it’s like every dream I’ve had over the past few years has all come true. The last time that happened, it all got fucked up real fast, y’know what I’m sayin’?’
‘Yeah, I know. But this is different. Ben knows these people, and he swears they’re genuine. I’m going to be stopping by a lot, and if there’s any problems, you let me know. I think you’ve fallen on your feet here, babe.’
She smiled and took my hand in hers. Gloria was jabbering away contentedly on the floor, playing with a set of coloured blocks Ben had brought for her.
‘You made this happen.’
‘Ben made it happen.’
‘No, you found me again. You came back and you got me. My minder.’
I smiled, feeling a sudden tug deep inside. ‘You haven’t called me that in a long time.’
‘I know. I remembered you, when you came that first night by the docks. I just didn’t say, ’cause I thought you were there for … for something bad. But I remembered. You used to read me Cinderella. I’d ask you about fairy godmothers.’
‘I told you I hoped they were real.’
‘All I wanted, back then, was to have my daddy come and get me. I used to imagine what he was like, and all the things we’d do together when he came for me. I was so stupid.’
‘No, you weren’t stupid. Every child in care has those dreams.’
‘I stopped dreaming, you know, for a while. It hurt too much, and I kind of stopped caring about me. I wasn’t worth it. But then Gloria came, and I started to dream again, for her. I began to wish for that fairy godmother you used to read to me about, that she’d appear in a puff of smoke and make all the bad things go away so that we could have a life. And then you came back. After all those years, you came back. And I had more than dreams. I had hope.’
‘There’s always hope. Even that fairy godmothers might be real.’
‘I think, maybe, they are, but they come in two types: fairy godmothers and fairy godfathers.’
‘D’you reckon?’
‘Yeah. I know which kind I’ve got.’
I never got to testify on behalf of Larry and Francey. I was ready: I had rehearsed carefully what I was going to say. The lawyer for the Health Executive had gone over all the possible questions I would be asked, examining the revelations made by the children from every conceivable angle. On the day of the trial, I dressed in a linen suit, combed my hair and drove to the courthouse, feeling positive. There was no way Malachi and Vera Byrne could walk away from this.
I was met at the door of the main building by Marcus, the Health Executive’s lawyer. He was a blond-haired, tanned young man, muscular and a little over six feet tall. He affected a slacker, surfer patois that seemed at odds with his chosen profession.
‘You might as well have stayed at home, bro,’ he said, leading me to a bench just inside the lobby. ‘It’s over already.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Mr Byrne has pleaded guilty to the whole shooting match. All that’s left is the sentencing, which won’t happen today. You can go hom
e.’
‘Hang on, Marcus, slow down a second. Malachi Byrne has admitted to it all?’
‘Everything that was on the table, man. Dude signed a statement last night. He’s already been taken into custody.’
I was bowled over. It didn’t make sense. Why would he have done such a thing? Logic suggested that he may have wanted to prevent the children any further pain by stopping the case from going to trial, but I knew him better than that. Mercy was not a part of his make-up. Then, in a flash of understanding, I knew.
‘You say Malachi signed a statement. What about Vera?’
‘She’s in the clear. He’s admitted to coercing her, taken the fall for everything. She walks.’
For a second, I thought I was going to faint. I felt a great chasm open up beneath me. She had double-crossed us all. Malachi Byrne was cruel and vicious and spiteful, but he verged on having an intellectual disability. Vera was the head of the serpent. It was she who was the really guilty one, who had done the coercing. And she had got away with all of it.
‘You okay, dude? You look like you’re about to hurl.’
I stood up, walked as fast as I could to the door and threw my breakfast up all over a potted plant.
Bríd sat at her desk, looking tired. Even her Afro seemed half-hearted.
‘Yes, I got the news this morning, probably while you were on your way to court. I don’t know what to say, Shane. I agree that this is a far from ideal outcome. But at least one of them will see the inside of a prison.’
‘That’s hardly the point. Vera Byrne was the real abuser. She masterminded the whole fucking thing, was behind every torture they experienced. Malachi was a blunt instrument she used – nothing more. How are the twins going to feel when they hear? It’s another insult, one more example of how worthless they are.’ I suddenly realized I was shouting, and stopped, feeling embarrassed.
‘What do you want me to say? I wish I could make it different.’
‘She’s dangerous, Bríd. She wants them, and she’ll stop at nothing until she has them. She must never get them back.’
‘I know.’
I nodded. ‘Good.’
Larry, Francey and Olwyn were sitting on the grass in front of the house, looking at a book. I went out to them, slinging my jacket over my shoulder.
‘Hey,’ Olwyn said.
I sat down.
‘I need to talk to you, kids,’ I said. ‘It’s important.’
They put down the book and turned to face me.
‘I was down at the courthouse just now. Do you know what a court is?’
‘ ’Swhere they puts bad peoples in jail,’ Francey said, then laughed. ‘They puttin’ you in jail?’
‘No. I was supposed to be talking to the judge about your mum and dad.’
‘Oh,’ Larry said. ‘Yeah, they telled us they was goin’ t’ be puttin’ Mam an’ Dad away, a’righ’.’
‘Well, they have put your father in prison. But see, he told the judge everything that happened was his fault, and because of that, your mum maybe won’t be going to jail.’
The children looked at one another.
‘She made Daddy say dat,’ Francey said solemnly. ‘He always does what’n’ever she says.’
‘I knewed she wasn’ goin’ in no jail,’ Larry said, sighing. Neither of them seemed surprised by this turn of events. It was almost as if they had always expected this was how it would go. ‘Even if they putted her in, she wouldn’ stay. She’d ’scape.’
‘I don’t know about that, Larry, but anyway, she’s not going to jail. I just wanted you to know.’
‘When can we see her?’ Francey asked.
I was taken aback by the question.
‘Do you want to see her?’
‘I kinda miss ’er.’
‘Me too,’ Larry said.
I looked at Olwyn, who had an expression of horror on her face.
‘Um, I’ll talk to Bríd about setting up some access visits, I suppose,’ I said.
The bond of blood: it never ceases to amaze me. No matter how abhorrent the abuse, it abides. Vera Byrne, for all her sadism and menace, was still their mother.
She answered the door to me before I even knocked.
‘I knew you’d come,’ she said. ‘I’d guess we’ll be seein’ a lot more of one another now.’
‘What are you up to, Vera?’
‘I’m the innocent victim of years of harsh treatment. You should feel sorry for me.’
‘Cut the crap. You’ve managed to swing this, but don’t think you’ve achieved a damn thing. I am going to make it my personal mission to see you behind bars, one way or another. The police already have my report. I’ll talk to your neighbours in Oldtown, go to the hall of records and find out about your relatives, and speak to them. Every single thing the twins say when I’m with them, I’ll write down. I will have you.’
‘Oh, careful, now. Statements like that can come back to haunt you.’
‘I don’t know what you mean, Vera. It’s just you and me here. Do you have a tape recorder?’
She smirked. ‘Not this time. But there’ll be others. Just be careful, is all I’m saying. I’m giving you fair warning.’
‘Your children want me to arrange access visits. It’s their right, and, seeing as you’ve been cleared of all guilt, there’s nothing I can do to prevent it. But listen carefully. If they become even the slightest bit upset before, during or after a visit, I will pull the plug.’
Before I could move, her clawed hand shot out and grabbed the front of my shirt. I felt her nails scratching and cutting the skin on my chest, and then she was nose to nose with me. Fire danced in her eyes and her hot, rancid breath blasted me full in the face.
‘You don’t know what you’re messin’ with, boy. You will not keep me from seein’ my twins, and you will not stop me from gettin’ ’em back, either. It won’t be long now, ’cause the threat is gone, all safely locked up. And I can play real nice. I bet you think I’m so ugly and frightful, no one would ever trust me, but guess what? This afternoon, I’m off into town to buy a lovely dress. Then I’m going to get a facial, and I might just organize a visit to the dentist. I have a medical card and a modest little pension now my man’s behind bars. I can afford to treat meself.’
I pulled away from her, but she was stronger than she looked and I had to wrestle her hand off me, cutting myself even worse in the process. She put the bloodied fingers into her mouth, sucking them loudly.
‘When I show up to see Larry and Francey, I’ll look like a new woman. No longer under the influence of that brute I married. I can start to rebuild my relationship with them, and we can put all this unpleasantness behind us.’
I backed away from her.
‘I’m not the only one who knows what you are, Vera,’ I said. ‘You can’t keep the act up for ever. You’ll slip, and when you do, I’ll be there.’
‘Ah, don’t be such a spoilsport. Don’t we all deserve a second chance?’ she said, and laughing heartily, closed the door.
‘How do I look?’ Mina asked me for the tenth time.
‘You look great.’
‘You’re a man. You’d say that anyway.’
‘Why do you keep asking me, then?’
‘I want to look really lovely. They wouldn’t let him come into the hospital. He hasn’t seen me in three weeks.’
She pulled down the sun visor on the passenger side, which had a mirror set into it, and teased a piece of hair.
‘Mina, please believe me, you look stunning. He is a very lucky young man.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
I turned onto Garibaldi Street and parked outside the Henrys’ house.
‘Now,’ I said, shutting off the engine. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘I feel brilliant.’
‘No dizziness or sickness?’
‘None. I haven’t had any in a week, Shane. Stop fussing.’
‘Okay. Well, let’s go.’
She
reached over and hugged me tight for a moment, giving me a kiss on the cheek, then opened the door and got out.
Standing at the front door of the house was Molly. Beside her, wearing a fluorescent green suit with an electric-red shirt and a pink bowtie, and clutching the biggest bunch of flowers he could physically carry, was Jacob. Mina ran to him, laughing and crying all at the same time, and planted a huge kiss on his forehead. He was grinning from ear to ear and flushed with pride and embarrassment. Arm in arm, they walked away together, up the street.
Molly had a handkerchief out and was dabbing at the tears running down her cheeks. Dirk was noticeable for his absence.
‘You’re doing the right thing,’ I said, coming to stand with her.
‘Will they be all right?’ she asked. ‘They have so much stacked against them.’
‘They’re not moving to Alaska. Mina’s not moving out at all. What they’re doing is being a couple, out in the open and without shame. I’ve had a long talk with Jacob, given him a sense of what happened to her and told him to treat her gently for a while. She might tell him about it herself, or she may not. It’s up to her. Where’s your husband?’
‘Dirk has found this very hard.’
‘She needs you both. Don’t let this tear you apart as a family.’
‘We won’t. He’s a good man. He’s just proud. He loves her so very much.’
‘I know. But he should be showing her, now more than ever. And he has to let her have some freedom.’
‘I think she is free. Perhaps for the first time.’
We stood in the sunshine and watched the two of them disappear around the corner.
‘Do you think they’ll make it?’ Molly asked me.
‘They already have,’ I said.
Benjamin Tyrrell was sitting in my chair when I got back to the office that evening, his feet up on my desk.
‘Your probationary period is up,’ he said.
‘I know. School starts back next week. I was wondering when you’d bring it up.’
‘Well,’ he said, putting his hands behind his head, ‘I think you did pretty well, despite a few hiccoughs. The Walshes are in good shape. The Henrys are on the road to recovery. The Byrne case is likely to remain open for some time longer, but that was out of anyone’s control, and you advanced our understanding of it considerably. Your own little project, Sylvie, was concluded satisfactorily, even if I do say so myself. All in all, a fine couple of months’ work.’