by Amy Brent
Casey, Alice, and I had become inseparable during our teenage years, and there had been one more member of our little group of misfits: Lori Thomas. She hadn’t seemed like one of us at first. She’d grown up incredibly wealthy and in a high-profile, high-society family, but she’d been just as tired and fed up with her life as the rest of us.
Lori had gone on to become a world-famous music photographer, shooting some of the most well-known bands across the country for Vibe magazine. She and Connor used to be an item, but it hadn’t ended well between the two of them.
Connor’s past relationship had caused some problems between him and Alice during the tour, but they’d obviously worked it out. And it was obvious Connor was crazy about Alice, and that she felt the same.
All I had to do was see them in the same room together to see the love they had for each other. I wondered if I would ever feel the same, and an image of Faye flashed into my head. I should have just given it up, but I couldn’t.
She’d haunted me over the past year and half. I had tried more times than I could count to try to get her to give us another chance together. Or any chance at all.
The logical part of my brain knew I should just forget about her and move on. That I was just torturing myself by holding out some hope that anything would happen between us. But I didn’t want to move on.
I had never felt anything like what I felt when I’d been with her. It had been like I’d been asleep my whole life and hadn’t realized it until that moment. Faye had woken me up, had showed me what it felt like to truly be alive.
I didn’t want anyone else. I had tried that. Lord knew I’d tried, but the other girls had all been vapid and shallow. They’d been interested in me because of my band, my guitar, and my rising notoriety and fame after the tour.
I wanted Faye. I had wanted her from the moment I’d met her, and nothing had changed since then—except for Faye’s fucking annoying rule.
Not for the first time, I couldn’t help but wonder what some asshole must have put her through to swear off every single musician. I knew it was a little more complicated with us because Faye was the band’s agent. She would have cut off one of her arms before doing anything she thought might hurt the band.
But I’d also never seen anything stop Faye from going after what she truly wanted. The woman was a steamroller. Whenever a problem had come up over the tour, she had seemed to appear out of nowhere and the problem would just disappear as if it had never even been there in the first place. That was just how she was.
Which made me even more worried by the photograph and its threat. I knew there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, but the fact that it had stopped Faye in her tracks, if even for a moment, meant something.
What that something was, I didn’t have a fucking clue. I shook my head angrily. I knew damn well she wasn’t going to ask for help, from me or anyone. No, that would be too much like admitting defeat, and Faye would never do that either.
I let myself get lost in the music as the final verse and chorus wound their way through the air and into the electrical wires that fed into the sound box.
As always, it was magic when we played together, and the music wrapped around me, a safety net from the rest of the world. It was the only place I’d ever truly felt safe and, if I was honest with myself, loved or valued.
It was part of growing up in a foster system that had moved me from house to house on a whim. I knew that much. But it was still ingrained in me, that niggling doubt that I really was worthless, just an extra mouth to feed when there were already too many.
I drew in the music like a healing balm as I strung the last haunting chord and tried to exhale all the doubts and worries, but some remained despite my best intentions.
I did, though, feel that small smile tugging at my lips again. The music always did that to me: soothed me, filled me with joy.
I glanced over at Alice to share the moment and was shocked to see moisture gleaming in her big gray eyes. She swiped at them angrily.
“Just shut up! Both of you,” Alice said, but there wasn’t much heat behind the words. “It’s the baby. Makes me emotional; that’s all.”
“Oh, of course it is,” I said with a teasing snort as I threw one arm around her. Casey chimed in from behind.
“Nuh-uh. You don’t get to blame the baby. She’s innocent in all of this. You just loooove us.” The drummer drew out the last word, and Alice threw him an annoyed glance.
“I will blame the baby if I want to,” she said, wrapping her arms around her middle. Underneath the baggie sweater she was wearing, I could just see a hint of roundness where the little tyke was growing. “And besides, it’s going to be a boy.”
“Really?” I gasped, ecstatic for her all over again. I had known about the baby since the end of the tour, but it still surprised me how far we had come from those bedraggled misfit kids. “A little boy? You’re going to name him Sam, right?”
“NO! Casey! Name him Casey!”
I rolled my eyes at the drummer. “You hate your name.”
Casey just shrugged, and we all shared a laugh. I still couldn’t believe it. A boy!
“Congrats, Alice. I really am happy for you and Con—” I was interrupted by my phone buzzing in my back pocket. I had silenced it for the recording but could still feel the vibrations.
My eyebrows tried to climb my forehead when I saw who was calling me. Well, wasn’t it just a day for surprises.
Chapter 5
Sam
“Faye?” I said hesitantly, answering the phone. In the past year and a half, Faye had called me so few times, I could have counted them on one hand. Usually, if she had something to say to the band, she had us meet somewhere or talked directly to Alice.
It had a bad feeling settling inside me that she was calling me now.
“Faye, are you there?” I asked again as the other end remained silent. I rolled my eyes. Great. A butt dial. She must have called my number on accident. But just as I was about to hang up, she spoke.
“Sam? Sam, I need… I was about to leave and I… There was this package at my door and…”
She sounded hoarse and broken and there was none of the fiery strength I was used to hearing from her. She sounded downright terrified. I could feel the fear in her voice from across the phone call itself.
“Just…slow down a minute. What happened? Are you okay?”
“I’m all right. I think I am anyway.” Faye let out a bitter laugh that worried me even more. I heard her draw in a deep breath and then exhale again sharply before she went on, and I let her take as much time as she needed to get the words out. “I was on my way to the studio. You guys are starting recording today and I wanted to be there.”
“Hey, it’s all right. There will be plenty more days for you to watch us record. Now, tell me what the hell happened.” I tried to keep the edge out of my voice and failed, but it was enough to get Faye talking again. She even sounded a little bit more like her regular self.
“I’ll tell you what the hell happened, Sam!” She bit off the words, and I let out a small sigh of relief at the sound of strength coming back into her voice, but it was short-lived as she continued. “I opened my door this morning and there was a box waiting for me! Some sicko left a box with a dead bird on my doorstep and another one of those goddamned pictures of me and Archer. That’s what happened!”
“Holy shit, Faye. You’re all right? You’re okay? Did anyone hurt you? Did you call the cops? You have to call the cops this time.”
Panic had me spitting out the questions faster than she could possibly answer them, but I couldn’t seem to stop the stream of words. But oddly, my own frantic panic seemed to have a calming effect on Faye.
“I’m okay, Sam. Really, I am. There wasn’t anyone there, just the box. It’s harmless really.”
“Harmless!”
“And yes, I did call the cops. They should be here any minute. I just…I didn’t wan
t to be here alone with…”
“I’m on my way.”
“No, Sam. You don’t have to come. The police will be here any minute. It was stupid of me, I know, but—”
“Don’t argue with me, Faye. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“You really don’t have to—”
I didn’t hear the rest of her words. I was already busy breaking down my guitar, unplugging wires, and putting the instrument back on the guitar stand in the corner.
“Uh, care to fill us in on what exactly you’re doing there?” Alice asked, watching me put away my stuff before I grabbed my jacket. “We’re supposed to be recording for another four hours.”
“I know,” I said hastily. They hadn’t heard the other end of my conversation with Faye, and I doubted she would have appreciated my telling anyone before she had a chance to put a good spin on it. Although what the good spin of being threatened and sent dead animals was, I had no idea. “It’s an emergency. Just keep recording and I’ll lay down the guitar when I get back.”
“And when will that be?” Alice shouted at my rapidly retreating back. “Sam! When are you going to be back?”
I didn’t have an answer for her, and the truth was that it didn’t matter. None of this mattered, not if Faye was in danger. Not if someone wanted to try to hurt her. I wouldn’t let that happen. No way in hell. Not if I had to guard her day and night.
I knew she would scoff at the idea, but I didn’t care about that either. She would just have to learn to suck it up and deal with it, because at least then I knew she would be safe. Then I wouldn’t have to feel this terrible dread that was eating a hole through my insides.
I hopped into my truck that was parked outside and tore out of the space so fast, I left tire marks behind on the cement. I didn’t care about the squealing sound of my truck protesting the speed.
All I could stay focused on was one thought and only one thought: I had to get to Faye. I had to make sure she was safe. I had to make sure she was all right. It was as if my whole life had boiled down to this one moment, this one single split second of time.
I raced to her apartment as fast I could go. I was pretty sure I broke every speed limit along the way, but I wasn’t about let anything slow me down. This was too important. I didn’t let myself stop and think about why it was so important. I just knew it was.
By the time I slammed my brakes to a stop in front of her apartment building, the police had already been there and were just leaving as I rushed inside. I barely paused to let the two uniformed men walk past me as I barreled into the lobby and waited impatiently for the elevator that would take me up to the penthouse.
It seemed like an eternity as I stood there listening to the bad smooth jazz and staring at my own frantic reflection in the polished metal of the elevator doors. But finally I reached the top floor and the doors slid open. I pushed through them before they were open all the way and didn’t stop until I was pounding just as frantically on Faye’s door.
My whole body was tensed with nerves and grew tenser by the second as the door remained closed.
“Come on, Faye! It’s me. Open up!”
Finally, the door swung open, and I stumbled inside. She looked up at me with a surly expression. “I told you not to come.”
“No, you told me I didn’t have to come. There’s a difference.”
Faye rolled her eyes at me, but there was a fragileness about her that I’d never seen before. I walked in before she decided she really didn’t need me there after all and shoved the door closed in my face.
“I saw the cops leaving on my way up. What did they say?” I asked as I walked inside. Maybe I could distract her enough to forget all about me leaving, because that wasn’t fucking happening.
Faye walked to the long galley kitchen and pulled out a glass and a bottle of whiskey from above the fridge. She poured herself half a glass and then shrugged, filling it up the rest of the way. She didn’t speak again until she was back in the living room with me.
Faye collapsed onto the couch, and I took that as a silent invitation, or at least concession, and took a seat on the cushion next to her.
In a softer voice, I asked again. “What did the cops say?”
Faye drew in a deep, shaky breath and let it out again before answering.
“They said there isn’t anything they can do.” She shrugged, taking a gulp of the amber liquor. “There isn’t any video in the lobby and no one saw anything. I’m the only apartment on this floor, so it’s not like there’s anyone to see anything anyway. It’s just little old me.” Faye took another shot of the alcohol and then stared into the liquid remaining in the glass. “They took the box away, thank god, and made an official report, but the detective said they can’t do anything unless…until something happens to me.”
“Something already did fucking happen! Some psycho left a goddamned dead bird in front of your door. That’s not enough?”
“I guess not.” She gave me a tight-lipped smile, and I could see by the ring of dark mascara under her eyes that she’d been crying. I didn’t know why, but the thought of Faye crying broke my heart. No, it did more than that. She was the strongest, most confident and capable woman—hell, person—I knew. Faye crying rocked my entire world on its axis.
I could see the fear in her beautiful dark eyes even though she tried to hide it, and I hated it. I had to grit my teeth from saying anything else, something that probably wouldn’t help her at all. I just sat closer to her and pulled her into my arms.
I expected her to pull back, to slap me away, but instead she folded into me, sinking against my chest, and I savored the feel of her. I had to fight against my anger at the cops and whoever was doing this to her. All I wanted to do was protect her. It was like an urge buried so deep inside me that I had to fight not to run down to the police station and demand they do something, anything!
I didn’t move, though. I just sat there, holding her as close as she would let me, trying to take some of her fear away, trying to tell her with more than mere words that she could lean on me when things got hard. I wanted to be the one she turned to. I wanted to be the one she always called when she needed help.
I tried to keep my deeper emotions in check, but sitting there with Faye wrapped in my embrace, it was nearly impossible. For a year and half I had dreamed of being with her, just like this. Well, maybe not just like this. In all my fantasies we were both wearing a lot less clothing. But to be here for her, to hold her in my arms, it was all my dreams come true.
“Don’t worry, Faye. You’ll be all right. I’ll keep you safe. You’re not alone. You don’t have to handle this alone. I just need you to know that.” The words came spilling out from somewhere deep inside me, and I didn’t even try to hold them back. I meant every single one. I just hoped she realized that. I meant them and more.
Faye tilted her head up to look at me, and I was instantly lost in the dark ocean of her eyes. So deep and mysterious. I could never see what was going on in her mind. She always kept her emotions shrouded in shadow. But there was one thing I could see burning clear and bright: heat, desire. It was the same need that was always inside me whenever we were near.
I tilted my head down to meet her, drawn by something bigger and deeper than myself. I couldn’t have stopped even if I had wanted to, and damn it, I didn’t want to.
Our lips met, the kiss as soft as a feather before the heat became an inferno. I speared my fingers through her hair, pulling the tidy bun she had it in loose and sending pins flying to the floor. I didn’t care.
But before I could deepen the kiss any more, Faye pulled back. She stared up at me wide-eyed, and the regret in her gaze felt like a punch to the gut.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” I didn’t know what I was going to say. Faye was already getting to her feet, smoothing her navy jacket nervously.
“It’s okay, Sam. I didn’t… You should…should go.”
“Are yo
u sure?”
“Please, Sam. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
But you don’t have to. I kept the thought to myself as I stood as well. There was nothing else to do but turn and leave, the burn of Faye’s kiss still tingling like a brand on my lips.
Chapter 6
Faye
As the haunting melody of the music washed over me, I felt some of the kinks in the back of my neck start to relax. For the first time in two days, I could actually feel some of the stress and the panic melt away. Not all of it, though. There was always that little hard knot of worry lodged inside my chest, but at least now I could breathe without feeling like a hundred-pound lead weight was pressing down on me.
The band was rehearsing a new song they’d been working on, and for the moment, I let myself get lost in the hypnotizing sounds of Alice’s voice and Sam and Casey’s instruments.
The song was more honest, more heartbreaking, and a little softer than any of their earlier songs, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Alice’s impending motherhood had anything to do with the shift in the sound.
Or maybe it was what had happened toward the end of the tour, her relationship with Connor coming to a head and everything that happened with Tyler. I still felt a jolt of anger when I remembered what the asshole had done.
He’d nearly sabotaged the entire tour and undoubtedly would have hurt Alice to keep her from being with anyone else if he couldn’t have had her. Well, the douchebag was locked up, and for the next ten years he wouldn’t be getting anybody.
I still felt a sting of guilt over everything that had happened. I couldn’t help but think if I hadn’t been so caught up in what was happening with Sam, maybe I would have noticed what was going on in Tyler’s mind. Maybe I would have caught him before he’d sent Alice to the hospital. Maybe. So many maybes.