by Mima
“As long as no one knows it’s me, I’m okay with it.”
Bud started to shake his head no, but Betsy quickly cut in.
“His hand shook a little bit there.”
“I think that’s okay, it seems more real, less overly produced like that.”
She nodded in agreement. Chase said nothing.
“I’ll send you this to your phone,” Bud said and gestured toward the iPhone that Chase had in his hand. “It’s nice to have a copy for yourself.
“Next time, I want to be on top and have him record it on his back. It’s my best angle,” She continued to comment, almost as if Chase wasn’t in the room at all. “I can alternate between fast and slow, but you,” She suddenly acknowledged him in an accusing angle, “When I say ‘shoot’ I mean shoot then. Not before, you got it. You could barely keep it together tonight, honey.”
“You were sucking my dick, what did you expect?” Chase replied in defense. “This isn’t exactly my profession.”
“Settle down, guys,” Bud replied in a calm voice, giving them both a warning glance. “In fairness, Bets, it was his first time and I didn’t exactly give him time to think about it, but,” He returned his gaze to Chase. “If you were to do another movie, you gotta have amazing control. Some guys take something, whatever helps you, but that’s totally up to you. I’m not sure if you’re gonna want to do it again.”
“I don’t know…”
“I think if this film does well, we could make more together,” ‘Betsy’ replied in a matter of fact voice, as she ran her fingers through her long, dark hair. “He’s not an asshole and his dick isn’t too big, so it’s easier to work with.”
Chase sat in stunned disbelief. Ironically, he felt this whole conversation was starting to feel a lot less arousing and somewhat degrading instead. He let them continue to talk as if he wasn’t there and secretly wondered what else Bud had going on behind the scenes. Something told him it was much more than a few skin flicks.
He was sort of relieved when the night was over and for once, he went home after work, rather than camp out on the couch. He felt weird about what had taken place in the back room of the bar. On the drive, he considered telling Maggie but changed his mind. This was unbelievable. What would she think? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea that she get a job at the bar.
However, it was too late. The next day, Maggie sent him a message that she had met with Bud and he had offered to pay for the appropriate training in order to work at the bar. She was over the moon.
“You might want to rethink it,” He felt reluctant to explain himself further, even though he knew she would want to know why the sudden change of mind. “There’s some…sketchy things going on there and it mightn’t look good for an RCMP candidate.”
“I’m not sure I’m a candidate just yet and what do you mean?” Maggie asked with hesitation in her voice. “You really wanted me to work at the bar last week.”
“I know, but I’ve kind of…saw things that make me think it mightn’t be a good environment for you,” He replied cautiously.
“I’m not a child, Chase, I can take care of myself.”
“I know, but it’s just some of the backdoor stuff is sketchy.”
“Hookers? Right?”
“Well, not exactly.”
“Chase, tell me!”
“It’s probably better I don’t,” He assured her. “Look, maybe the mall-
“I don’t want to work at the mall,” She sounded determined. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
When it seemed unlikely that she was going to budge, he sent Bud a quick text messaging, asking that he leave Maggie out of this ‘side business’. His reply was quick and professional.
You have my assurance that I only want her on the bar. We don’t use locals.
He wasn’t sure if that made him very reassured, especially when he was local and clearly, in one of the movies.
He continued to worry that it would get out there and someone would recognize him. Bud insisted that the industry was littered with so many gonzo films, that was highly unlikely and really, he could deny it. There were no clear indications that it was even recorded in Canada, let alone that town and office.
That made sense.
Moving forward, he reminded himself that the extra money would come in handy. Audrey was off work on maternity leave and although she wanted to return soon, his two minor jobs weren’t contributing much to the growing bills that came along with having a child. Everything was so expensive; diapers, formula, baby this and that. He felt like he was forever handing money over to Audrey and while Leland kept her pretty preoccupied, she still managed to find the time to think about and plan the wedding and of course, a baptism.
“I wonder if there is a way we can do both on the same day,” She wondered to him one day, while he held the baby and she made a list of people to invite to one or both the events.
He didn’t reply.
“Well, what do you think?”
“I don’t care about baptisms and you know how I feel about getting married.” He spoke bluntly and his comments seemed to be a slap in her face, but her reaction quickly returned to hostility. He ignored her glare and looked down at the baby in his arms. It was amazing that he could love anyone at this point, but he definitely loved this tiny child, manifesting something from a place in his heart he honestly didn’t know existed. “I don’t love you and I never will.”
“You love your baby, don’t you?” Her voice became very low, her eyes were small and concentrated on his face. “You want what is best for your baby, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do,” Chase replied hastily. “You know that’s true, but I don’t think marrying you is what’s best for him.”
“It makes his mother happy, shouldn’t that matter? To know that his mother isn’t just another one of daddy’s whores that accidentally got pregnant?” Her voice rose and tension filled up every corner of the room. The baby started to cry.
“Audrey, just let it go,” Chase felt anger sliding through his body, taking over his arms, his legs as his heart rate increased, he felt his skin tighten, almost as if it were contracting to hold in all the rage simmering beneath the surface. He hadn’t seen it at first, but she was just like his mother; the passive-aggressive that turned herself into the victim, always wanting to seem helpless and alone and yet, never taking responsibility for anything. It was a scene that replayed in his mind again and again, except that his mother insisting that he was a neglectful son who pushed a knife in her heart. She had done it again and again, always trying to prove that she was the innocent one, while he was evil and unappreciative.
“I can’t let it go. I know you’re fucking other women, I know it in my heart. I can smell it off you every time you walk in the door,” She continued to yell over the baby’s cries, her eyes filled with angry tears and Chase briefly felt a twinge of guilt. Her breathing was heavy, as her sobs took over like tremors. “I’m not good enough for you? I’m not some skinny little thing, like Maggie.
“I’m not having sex with Maggie!” He insisted. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Yeah, only cause she won’t let you,” She snapped and rushed over, ripping the baby out of his arms so fast, that Chase felt panic fill his heart. Did she hurt Leland? His cries were becoming louder and louder, but looking into her eyes, it was clear she didn’t care. He immediately jumped from his chair.
“You’re fucking hurting him!” He screamed over the baby, who was hysterical, his face was red, his screams filling up the house. “What is wrong with you?”
“He’s fine!” Audrey howled, but she continued to squeeze him hard and Chase felt his heart pounding furiously as fear grasped his chest, tears were in the back of his eyes. He wanted to grab the baby from her arms but was scared of her reaction. He felt a calmness take over him, his mind going int
o the same mode as it did at work when tension increased and fights broke out, a time when he had to remain balanced in order to have others do the same.
“Audrey, you have to relax,” He instructed her with a soft voice, cautious of what she might do next and more scared than he had ever been in his life, Chase felt like he had to do anything to prevent her from hurting the baby. “It’s going to be fine.”
“No, it’s not!” She wept and shook her head, as the baby continued to cry, his eyes on Chase. He felt as though his son was silently pleading for his help. “You don’t love me, you hate me! You won’t touch me, you don’t even want to talk to me. You weren’t even there when Leland was born, he means nothing to you!”
“That’s not true,” Chase assured her. “I fell asleep and didn’t hear my phone, that’s the only reason why I wasn’t there. You know I love him.”
“But you don’t love me.”
He couldn’t respond and as if on cue, she pulled the baby close, once again squeezing him tightly in her arms, causing the child to wail.
“I do! I do!” He desperately insisted, moving forward, ready to grab the baby from her arms. He had to do something before she hurt him if she hadn’t already.
“I don’t believe you,” She said, desperation filling her face. “You think I’m disgusting. You won’t even sleep in the same bed.”
“I will start.”
“You will not,” She challenged and for a split second, he could’ve sworn he saw a look of glory in her eyes.
“I will, please, will you-
A knock at the door interrupted the fight. Audrey abruptly pushed the baby in his arms and rushed to the door. Relief filled his body as he attempted to comfort Leland, feeling physically drained after an adrenaline high, he wanted to collapse on the floor in tears himself, but only had time to comfort the confused child in his arms. He quickly inspected him to see if he was okay, but still feared he might be missing something. Who could he ask? Who could he tell this to?
Wiping her face, Audrey suddenly seemed absolutely fine when she answered the door. Their neighbor and his former high school teacher, Flora Johnson stood on the other side, a concerned expression on her face. The older lady was recently divorced and about to retire, so clearly had too much time on her hands. Chase was seeing way more of her than he wished.
“Hi, I’m sorry to drop by, but I heard the baby crying from my house and was a little worried that everything was okay?” She glanced toward Chase, with a combination of worry and skepticism in her eyes. She thought he was hurting the baby. He could see it immediately.
“Yes,” Audrey replied with her usual, bubbly voice, the one always reserved for company or his mother. She pointed in Chase’s direction, a huge smile on her face. “Leland took a little topple and I was scared out of my mind that he got hurt, but thankfully Chase calmed me down.”
“Oh, well, that’s gonna happen,” Flora gave a knowing smile in his direction and nodded. “Children are a lot stronger than we think. I’m sure he’s fine. Do you want me to take a look?” She automatically rushed in, as if they had said yes. Chase exchanged cold glances with Audrey, something that Flora didn’t seem to notice, her concentration solely on the baby as she pulled him into her arms.
Leland instantly calmed down as Flora talked to him, while simultaneously checking him out. He had to wonder if she was checking him out because of Audrey’s bullshit story or because she thought he had done something to hurt his child. He had mixed emotions and felt his stomach lurch at the thought. He would never hurt his baby. He would kill anyone that ever hurt his baby.
After Flora seemed content that everything was fine, she made an excuse to leave, her eyes seemed to be surveying the house on her way out, while Audrey gave her a sheepish smile and told her to stop by anytime.
After the door was closed, he felt his heart grow cold. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
She stared and him and didn’t blink.
“If you ever hurt Leland, so fucking help me-
“Babies have accidents every day,” She calmly replied and Chase held the baby protectively close “I can’t watch him every second of the day and you’re never here…”
Her words drifted off and Chase felt his body turn cold. He attempted to hide the fear that grasped his throat, causing him to not to be able to speak, but she knew. Chase could see it in her eyes. Audrey knew exactly what she was doing.
Later that night, while he lay in bed with her for the first time since the night Leland was conceived, he closed his eyes as she grunted and groaned as she straddled him and he pretended the pleasure he was feeling was from a sexy little porn star named Betsy. Then he thought of Maggie, and that’s when he came.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Summer seemed to creep up on Hennessey; the weather went from unusually cool in the beginning to humid and suffocating. It was too hot and sticky to do anything that didn’t involve air conditioning and fortunately, there was none in Jacobs household because it discouraged Audrey from ‘seducing’ him. It was an odd way to describe it, causing him to laugh bitterly every time she said it, but then again, ever since their lackluster wedding day, her interest in fucking had generally decreased.
It was ironic and sometimes he couldn’t help but laugh at the fucked up mess his life had become. He went with the flow now and didn’t think about the future and on the rare occasion when Chase thought of the past, his heart filled with sadness when comparing the problems he experienced back then to the ones in his present life. Sometimes he wanted to go back in time and remind himself that it could be a hell of a lot worse and that his constant whining about missing Lucy would be the least of his problems. Suck it up and move on.
On the rare occasion that Lucy was in the area, she looked at him with a different set of eyes; they were full of compassion and caring, something he hadn’t expected. The two didn’t talk much and when they did, it was as if they were strangers, people who knew each other long ago. It literally, felt like years since his whole life had spun out of control and rapidly circled into another century. He didn’t even know the man he used to be and sometimes when Lucy was talking to him, her large eyes looked at him as if he were a stranger, just some random guy she knew by name only.
Maggie had a cordial relationship with Lucy, but the two weren’t friends. They were very adult about it when Lucy stopped by the bar but behind closed doors, Maggie would roll her eyes as a way to hide her lingering hurt. She tried to play tough but in fact, was quite sensitive. Chase saw that first hand when he finally confessed to her what was going on at home. She appeared sickened by Audrey’s indirect threats and suggested he go to the cops.
“Right and she will do the damsel in distress role and they’ll believe her,” Chase replied with a shrug. “I have to accept that she won and I got to do what I can to make sure my son is safe. That’s all I live for anymore.”
Maggie didn’t say anything but a flash of anger shot through her eyes and she sucked in her lips as if to hold back from saying something she might regret. The beauty of his relationship with her was that they could look into each other’s eyes and silently communicated things that neither of them could say out loud. Words didn’t seem to have as much meaning when expressed, so why cheapen them?
He was in love with Maggie. It wasn’t something he could share with her, but it was there. Everyone else saw it; even Bud within a few days of the two working together in his bar. His keen eye picked up on it and when the two of them were later in his office discussing the porn results and the plans for the next movie, he didn’t hesitate to bring it up.
“So what’s going on with that little girl out there?” He gestured toward the door, leaning against one arm, curiously gazing at Chase. “And don’t tell me you’re just friends and all that bullshit, this is Bud here you’re talking to and I know what I see.”
Chase didn’t respond at first,
simply shrugging. “We’re just friends. Can’t be any other way.”
“Why would you say that?” Bud asked and raised an eyebrow, mischief crossed his face. “I’m pretty sure a guy like you can have his pick of any girl and you guys are apparently already close. It don’t make sense to me.”
“First of all, she’s a lesbian,” He replied with a short laugh, noting Bud’s intrigued reaction. “Second of all, I’m unfortunately married and third…you know what? I don’t have a third.”
“The lesbian one is probably the biggest barrier in this here situation,” Bud replied, leaning back in the chair, his lips scrunched up in an expressive reaction. He reached for his coffee and took a long swig. “Lesbian not bi? Are you sure about that, boy?”
“That’s what she tells me,” Chase said with a shrug. “I could never try anything, it might ruin our friendship.”
“Do you want to?”
“Fuck yeah,” Chase said with a quick laugh and Bud joined him. “What am I gonna do? She likes girls.”
“Ok, so what about this wife of yours?” Bud asked, rubbing both hands over his face.
“What about her?”
“So, you went and married her over the baby? Why couldn’t you just share custody with her? I know you said she wouldn’t let ya, but I don’t get how she has a choice in the matter?”
“She’s crazy, that’s how she has a choice in the matter,” Chase replied quietly, a sudden silence in the bar as the music changed seemed to put emphasize on his words. “Bat shit crazy. I’m afraid she might hurt the baby if I don’t go along with her wishes.”
“She’s threatened?”
“More or less.”
“I hate to tell you this, kid,” Bud responded while shaking his head. “But that can happen even if you jump through every hoop she provides.”