by Mima
And now, she wanted Chase. She loved him and knew that he deep down, he cared. And well, that was more than anyone else had to offer in this lonely life. One day he would love her too. She knew it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
It was difficult to be angry at the world when he looked in his children’s eyes. They were so small, so vulnerable and yet, when they cried, their presence became undeniable and strong; a force that erupted like a volcano at the slightest touch. They needed him in a way that no one ever had and possibly, ever would and he was intensely aware of that fact. Always fearing that he would do something wrong, he often wondered if other parents felt the same way.
Yet at the same time, he was isolated from the world. He certainly had no one else to talk to about his concerns. Mothers in the neighborhood weren’t interested in stopping by; they had when Audrey was home alone with the kids. For some reason, a father was different. It was almost as if the world thought that he was destined to do a horrible job, yet no one wanted to help out but rather stand back and watch, almost waiting for him to fail. It was a bit stressful and made him nervous whenever he went out in public with the kids.
Audrey took the children all out at once, he assumed because she loved the attention from other mothers as if she were a saint that should be honored for monitoring them all at the same time. He thought it was kind of ironic and idiotic at the same time. Ironic, since she barely watched them at home, when no one’s interested eyes were on her and idiotic because it was too much to have three young children out by yourself. Why not take turns and allow his mother or Flora to babysit the other two? It also gave focus to one child, making them feel special rather than a part of a herd; and didn’t everyone want to feel special?
He learned that not from a podcast or one of his online gurus that he regularly listened to but from a daytime talk show. Audrey would laugh but he enjoyed his one program in the early afternoon; it was upbeat and fun, the pretty and confident host discussing rather ordinary topics but making them interesting. He could’ve listened to her talking about toothpicks all afternoon and enjoy her. It caused him to wonder what made some people so charismatic and others so bland in comparison. Was he charismatic? Judging by how few people were in his life or even seemed interested in talking to him, he kind of doubted it. But how did you become charismatic?
His favorite television host talked about enjoying life and being bold, living in the moment and appreciating the small things. Although his enthusiasm was strong, it was easier said than done, often more complex when trying to put it into practice. How did you tame all the voices of negativity that lurked in the background; the ones that told him he was stupid, that he fucked up his life, that no one cared?
He tried to create a more positive life in small ways. Helping the Filipino lady at the grocery store when she attempted to balance a baby and groceries while getting in her car. Carefully approaching her, he knew that a lot of people in town referred to her as the lady who ‘married her way into Canada’ and like him, had few friends. Having Leland with him probably made him seem less threatening, although her eyes were full of skepticism at first as he opened the trunk and placed her groceries inside, they were soon replaced with kindness and a compassion that he needed to fill his soul. He merely smiled as he walked away, knowing how it felt to be on the outside looking in, hoping that someone would give him the same compassion in return.
She was the only brown woman in town; unless you counted his mother. He didn’t count his mother. She was part of the indigenous community from a couple hours away, therefore people weren’t surprised by her presence. She wasn’t a ‘foreigner’; something the locals didn’t appreciate in the least. They avoided the Filipino lady as if she had somehow squirmed her way into ‘their’ country as if she were a thief in the night.
It was for that reason that Chase was surprised to meet a young, Cambodian woman a few weeks later. He had woken in the middle of the night when car lights flashed in the living room window, momentarily making him believe that someone was in his own yard. Groggy, he slowly rose from the couch and made his way to the window to see a Jeep parked in Flora’s driveway. After a slight commotion earlier that night, he was concerned that an unwanted visitor was returning again, perhaps in a different vehicle this time? It didn’t make sense, but little does at 4 AM and so, he was hesitant to approach, but at the same time, felt it was necessary.
Shirtless, he stiffly headed out the door wearing only boxers, pulling on a pair of running shoes on the way. He wasn’t sure what moron would be waiting for him but was too tired to care at that point. Having just settled Devin down after a long, explosive crying spell, he wasn’t in the mood for any kind of trouble.
Rather than finding that pathetic little man returning, once again harassing Flora’s niece, he was shocked to discover a young, Cambodian lady in the driver’s seat. With tired eyes, she almost looked as alarmed to see him as he was to see her. Opening her window, she seemed unmoved by his puffed out chest and stern inquiries of who she was and why she was sitting in Flora’s driveway. He was skeptical when she admitted to being ‘the other niece, Vanessa’ and almost as if used to it, she went on to explain that she was adopted and that the young lady he may have met earlier that night was her younger sister.
A ‘city girl’ for sure, she sat up very straight, her makeup and hair not out of place, her long sinewy arm casually stretching from the Jeep, reaching for her rearview mirror, she exchanged smiles with him while hers seemed to be an invitation waiting to be opened, he was hesitant to move. Unsure of what to say, he finally nodded and said, “Okay.”
She was harmless enough, their flirtation seemed to wake him instantly, suddenly self-conscious of being half naked in the yard, Vanessa suggested he get in the Jeep.
“It’s kind of cold out there.” She commented as her window eased up and he climbed into the passenger side. He only meant to talk for a moment before going back inside but one thing quickly led to another and it was difficult to hide his attraction to someone when only wearing boxing shorts.
Her breath was quickly labored as she climbed on his lap, pulling up her skirt, she wasted no time straddling him. She smoothly pulled him inside her and he gasped as she tightened around him, almost making him lose it right away as she leaned back, her hand on the dash. Her eyes closed, Vanessa seemed to be lost while she let out small moans that quickly increased and became more powerful as she moved faster and Chase fought to not come too fast, desire building up so quickly that when she finally showed signs of orgasm, he wasted no time as she suddenly became an uncaged animal of lust, as she bounced roughly as if his dick were some unbreakable dildo unattached to a real person and in fact, when she finally opened her eyes, it was almost as if she had forgotten he was there.
It was weird.
Of course, like everything else in his life, it got weirder the next morning when he had to have coffee with Flora, who was insistent he ‘come over and meet’ her other niece. Of course, he and Vanessa played the role of strangers quite well; not that it was such a stretch considering they were pretty much unfamiliar to one another outside of their sexual encounter. He played along and it was awkward but Flora and her younger niece Natasha didn’t seem to notice. For which, he was relieved.
Not that he had to contend with them long since the girls were gone almost as quickly as they had arrived. Fortunately, before that happened, he did have an opportunity to get to know Natasha a little better, something that he hadn’t expected. Chase wasn’t even sure where his courage came from that day when he saw Vanessa and Flora leave, knowing that the other niece was still in the house. Assuming that she wouldn’t want to talk to him, he almost didn’t go; even after he spotted her sitting outside alone, staring into space.
Something inside him coaxed Chase to go however, his legs felt heavy as they crossed the lawn, her eyes non-judgemental as he approached, he shyly asked to join her and assumed that s
he was just saying yes to be kind, until she offered him a beer which gave him a license to stay a little longer. The two of them ended up talking about everything; he found her surprisedly down to earth and compassionate.
Their talk lasted long into the afternoon until about the time that both Flora and Vanessa arrived home, followed by Audrey, as she flew in his driveway, her anger evident by her hostile driving alone. Seeing him with the beautiful young woman, actually enjoying his afternoon would push her over the edge. He decided to go home and face the music.
The screaming started immediately. They were barely in the door when Audrey pulled on her martyr costume and in front of the curious and frightened children, started to yell at him. Accusations of his infidelity came flowing out.
“I saw you last night.”
She didn’t have to say one more word. Nearby, Leland was watching them both curiously, a thumb stuck in his mouth, something he did when nervous. Chase wanted to rush over and comfort him. Audrey wasn’t having it.
Grabbing his arm, she dug her nails into Chase as she pushed him back, her green eyes glaring as she hissed, “I saw you fucking that brown bitch last night. You fucking pig. Practically in our yard, for the entire neighborhood to see.”
Chase struggled to be released from her grasp, his attention focused on Leland and the twins, who were now crying. Tension crawled through the back of his neck and he struggled to get away, accidentally pushing her at the same time. Falling back, she grabbed onto the couch for support, merely getting her bearings, she sprung ahead and attacked Chase. This time much more viscous than ever before, pure hatred filled her eyes as she pummelled his chest furious, like a caged animal that was released, as the children all screeched around them, he pushed her back and in the process, she almost fell on top of Chet.
“Get a hold of yourself, Audrey,” He yelled, pulling Leland into his arms, the child quickly dug his face into Chase’s neck, his eyes closed as he sobbed uncontrollably. “You’re scaring the kids.”
“Like you give a fuck about the kids!” She screamed, ripping Chet from his seat, fury continued to burn in her eyes and for a moment, he felt locked in fear; would she hurt the children? What was she going to do? His brain raced and something told him he had to stop this insanity. He couldn’t ignore it any longer.
“Audrey, please,” He spoke calmly, as Leland clasped onto him as tightly as possible, his body tense and Chase suddenly felt powerless, unable to fight anymore. A peacefulness filled the room, a light switch seemed to go off in Audrey’s head, as if suddenly aware of what she was doing, tears filled her eyes and she collapsed on the floor with the baby in her arms.
“Audrey, I-
“I want you to leave Chase,” She shook hard as she cried, the first tears he had seen from her in years, if ever. She completely fell apart at the seams and crumbled before his eyes; they all did. The babies were crying, she was crying as he stood helplessly, racking his brain but was unsure of what to say. Finally considering her request, he nodded his head.
“OK,” Chase felt the tension lower in the room. “If that’s what you want-
“It’s what I want,” Audrey spoke calmly, now comforting her children. “This was a mistake. It was a mistake. You and me, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I can’t make you love me and this isn’t…we can’t do this…”
It was the most rational thing she had ever said.
“But the kids,” Chase heard himself saying as the entire room seemed to slowly calm, return to normal.
“I can deal with the kids,” Audrey replied calmly. “I have family. Your mom is always around. I have more people than most mothers do to help me and of course, you too. I just don’t think you should be living here.”
“I’m not saying you should leave right now,” she continued. “But soon as you can figure things out.”
And that was it. Their routine was the same that night and Audrey insisted she had to get out of the house. Preparing a bath, she put on some makeup and after a short visit to Flora’s house announced the two were going out for a late dinner.
The atmosphere changed that night. No longer tense, anger disappeared, a huge weight removed from his chest. Even the children were calmer, sleeping through the night, with not even a cry till the next morning. Everything felt different and although he didn’t know what was next, Chase knew that things were about to change drastically. He was about to get his life back and in fairness, so was Audrey. They were poison together and the agreement to end their marriage seemed to be the antidote. It was as if a light suddenly took over the house, their relationship different, expectations now lost and an unexpected friendship formed. It was chaste and would never lead to another relationship, but it was mutual, respectful, if not unexpected.
It was a few weeks later when he learned about Flora’s niece Natasha. His heart broke with the news. He would always remember her, though; she was the woman that inspired change in his life and yet, she probably had no idea of the impact she had on him. With courage in his heart, his life was about to switch gears and he didn’t even see it coming.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Change can be exciting but it also can be as scary. The unknown is a world that we’re scared to enter, yet it’s not as frightening as monotony. It’s difficult to find the right balance and at that point, Chase would’ve welcomed any stability in his life. Upon the end of his relationship with Audrey, the two of them looking into the easiest and cheapest way to obtain a divorce even though they still resided under the same roof. Jobless, Chase felt as though his options were limited and his anxieties set in, keeping him awake at night while the rest of the house slept soundly.
Jobs were becoming few and far between. The only positive was that the bar scene was picking up as the summer drummed on and Chase found some casual, part-time doorman positions, but for the most part, employment was drying up in the years since he left high school. At the time, overwhelmed with work, especially when most people his age left town in droves, they were now returning with the big city job market tightening up. The economy was the shits and people were grabbing the first jobs they could find, despite their education and goals.
Lucy and ‘Lucky Luke’ were two of those people. The pair returned to town and moved in with Lucy’s parents.
Not that Chase wished her to be unhappy, but it was a nice change of pace to see things come full circle and perhaps it healed an old wound in him. He could finally put his 18-year-old insecurities aside, now recognizing that he probably lucked out when she left him; for Lucy was now doing little more than partying every night and sleeping every day. Hardly a rock star, she attempted to maintain the lifestyle, much of which occurred at Bud’s bar from what the rumor mill (that being Kelsey) told him. It wasn’t an appealing picture, but if she was like most people he used to see at the bar on a daily basis, Lucy was apparently fighting demons that were deeply hidden inside of her. Chase often wondered about her relationship with Bud and in light of the kind of projects he worked on the side, wondered if he managed to recruit her as well? It was a scary thought.
Kelsey was a constant. Having finished high school, she was now babysitting for a few families in town. She seemed like an unexpected choice to look after children but apparently her experience was vast since she was thirteen. Kelsey had a reputation for remaining calm when dealing with kids, always making them laugh and having fun, therefore providing a valuable service to local parents. Even Audrey had been talking about hiring her a few days a week to help out once Chase found a day job.
Chase really hoped to be gone by then. Where he could afford to go was a looming question. Raising three children was hardly cheap and even though Audrey was looking to get her foot in the door with a government job, she still wasn’t quite qualified and found it difficult to study around her work schedule and time with the children. There weren’t enough hours in the day for her and yet, for Chase, there were sometimes too
many.
As the hot summer raged on, Kelsey dropped by the house wearing as few clothes as possible, leaving little to the imagination, she was hardly shy in letting him know that the countdown to her 18th birthday was on. In a few short months, she insisted he would have no more excuses to turn down her advances; something that was getting tempting as the rest of his life started to fall apart. He was much too busy thinking about where he would go and what he would do at that point, to even consider the possibility of fulfilling his promise. However, it was the day that he commented on this out loud that he surprised himself as much as Kelsey.
“I may not even be here by then,” he confessed to her as the children calmly took part in their own separate activities in the living room. The twins played with some blocks while Leland experimented with a toy that made barnyard noises with each touch. Chase was relieved to sit down.
“What do you mean? Where the hell are you going?” Kelsey asked defiantly, unconcerned that children were nearby; not that they hadn’t heard foul language from Audrey many times over. “Can I come?”
“I don’t even know what I’m doing yet, I can’t look after you too,” Chase commented, his eyes scanning the carpet for broken cookies or crackers; they had just dealt with a mouse issue the previous month and he had since become very alert to anything that might invite rodents in.
“You don’t have to look after me,” Kelsey sternly commented, sitting up a little taller. Today she was wearing a tank top, rolled up to show her stomach and a pair of denim shorts that could’ve been a little longer. “I’m an adult woman, despite what you or everyone else thinks. When Saint Maggie was my age, no one ever felt like they had to look after her.”
“Cool your heels,” Chase calmly replied, his hand shooting up to indicate she stop. “I’m not suggesting that you need a babysitter but I would be a bit worried about you, just as I would’ve been with Maggie at the time, believe it or not.” Hesitating for a moment, he continued. “Kelsey, you are very bold sometimes and I’m worried that might get you in trouble in the wrong situation.”