by JD Nixon
“Come on, Recruit Tilly. It’s time to get up. You don’t want to waste a moment of this beautiful day the Lord has given us.” Well, that just showed what she knew, because I would have been quite happy to waste most of the day sleeping.
But I wasn’t given the opportunity, being forced out of bed. I staggered blearily to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. I decided I needed a shower and went back to get a fresh shift from the pile given to me by the Head Farmer. I opened my little cupboard and noticed immediately that someone had looked through my belongings. It had been done subtly, but things hadn’t been put back exactly the same way.
“I’ve taken your iPod, tablet and makeup into safe keeping if you’re concerned about where they are,” I heard the Head Farmer’s voice right behind me. I jumped and turned around quickly. “Those items aren’t allowed here. I’d like you to hand over your phone as well, please Recruit Tilly.”
“No,” I flatly refused. There might be a hill or somewhere on the property where I could find some reception.
“Recruits are not permitted to disobey orders. Especially from me. There is disciplinary action for such misbehaviour.”
“I’m not a recruit,” I reminded her in an angry, low voice.
“I have to treat you like one or the others will become suspicious,” she shot back in an equally low voice. “Now, please hand over your phone.”
“No. I need it.”
“Recruit Tilly, do as you are instructed or there will be consequences.” Her voice grew louder and other Farmers looked over at us, eyes wide with interest. “All Farmers must learn obedience to the Head Farmer.”
She started patting down my body with her large hands, touching me intimately.
“Get your hands off me!” I snapped, shoving her away. The onlookers gasped with shock. I guess people didn’t talk back to the Head Farmer very often.
She leaned in closer and whispered furiously, “You’re causing a scene. Hand over the phone and I’ll give it back to you later. All right? Don’t undermine my authority here.”
Reluctantly, I handed my phone over to her. She snatched it from my hands.
“Jye!” she yelled out. He came running over immediately, like a faithful pet. “Recruit Tilly’s been disobedient and she needs to be punished. Two hours in the hot box.”
She strode away.
There was a general murmur of horror around the room, and Jye stepped forward to clutch me around the upper arm. He nodded to another burly man who took my other arm, and together they frogmarched me from the dormitory. I struggled against them violently, but together they were too strong for me.
They dragged me to a small shed made entirely of corrugated iron. Jye opened the door and they pushed me inside, closing and locking the door behind them. The shed comprised a tiny empty room, one metre by one metre, no windows or other ventilation, constructed on a bare concrete slab. With the door shut it was completely dark and disorienting. There was barely any room inside, and I could touch all four walls without moving. I felt along all the walls and pushed against them, but there was no escape.
The shed was out in the open, strategically positioned so that it received full sunlight all day. With no shade around to soften the harsh rays and with the iron absorbing the heat, I soon understood why it was called the ‘hot box’. After thirty minutes, I was already drenched in sweat, feeling as though I was suffocating, and the sun wasn’t even close to reaching full strength yet. I didn’t bother banging on the walls as my instincts shouted at me to do. I wasn’t going to give that bitch the satisfaction of seeing me panicked, although I began to feel claustrophobic.
I heard a brief scuffle outside, voices raised and the lock clattered against the door, but then it fell silent again. I managed to sit on the floor by pulling my knees up around my ears and wrapping my arms around my legs. I stayed in that position for the rest of my time in the hot box, zoning out by leaning against a wall and catching up on some of the sleep I’d missed out on last night.
I fell into an uneasy sleep and dreamt that I was on a beach with Heller, complaining about how hot it was that day and that maybe we should go back home. He held my hand and smiled at me as we walked back to his Mercedes and I urged him to walk faster because it was so hot and I really needed to get into the air conditioning. He promised to buy me an ice cream and a cold icy drink with lots of ice cubes. I awoke then, groggy with sleep and heat, feeling cramped and shaky. The sweat poured from me, and my mouth was so dry I could barely swallow. How long does it take to dehydrate? The heat and darkness played tricks on my brain and I began hallucinating, seeing vivid fireworks in the dark. What if they forgot about me in here? I panicked. I would surely be dead by the end of the day.
The lock rattled and the door slowly opened. The Head Farmer and Jye peered in at me. I slowly stood up, stretching my jellied muscles, trying not to gulp in the fresh air. Although weak and disoriented, it was a matter of pride for me to stalk past them without a word, even if I wasn’t sure my legs would hold me up.
I went directly to the dormitory and fetched fresh clothes from my cupboard. In the bathroom, I gulped down litres of water straight from the tap. I stepped into a cold shower, washing off the sweat and enjoying the cool water on my skin. As I showered, I decided that I was leaving. I didn’t care if Heller lost money on this assignment, I wasn’t staying here another second. I no longer felt safe.
I quickly changed into my own clothes and stepped out of the shower cubicle. The Head Farmer was waiting for me in the bathroom, her beefy arms crossed against her massive boobs.
“Take those clothes off and put your shift back on, Recruit Tilly.”
“No. I’m leaving.”
“Do not disobey me again!” she screamed at me.
“Drop dead, bitch.”
I tried to push past her, but she grabbed my upper arms, her fingers biting into me painfully.
“Recruits must learn obedience.”
“I’m not a recruit!” I shouted back at her. “Let me go! I’m leaving. You can sort out your own problems. You’re all a bunch of weirdos.”
“Jye!”
And he came running in as if he’d been waiting at the door. He and the other man took hold of me again and though weakened, I struggled valiantly against them. But it was futile and they dragged me back to the hot box and threw me in, slamming the door shut.
Tears sprang to my eyes and I instantly suppressed them, not wanting to waste a precious drop of my internal water reserves. I settled back down on the floor, wishing that I had changed into another shift and not into my jeans, which were already heavy and clammy. I dozed and woke, dozed and woke, not sure how long I’d been in the hot box, my brain bleary and dazed. When the door opened again I wasn’t capable of standing up on my own, my muscles too weak. I crawled out of the hot box on my hands and knees, immediately throwing up the meagre watery contents of my stomach. I collapsed onto the ground, gasping in the fresh air, blinking in the bright light.
I managed to push myself up on to my hands and knees again and slowly crawled towards the dormitory, my arms and legs shaking uncontrollably. Simon and a kind-faced older woman rushed forward to prop themselves under me and together we somehow made it to the bathroom, where they helped me drink some water. I gulped it down greedily, but then threw it back up. After spluttering and choking, I tried again, taking slower sips despite my raging thirst, and this time I managed to keep it down.
They walked me into a shower cubicle and I stood under it fully clothed. Simon fetched a clean shift for me, while the lady assisted me in drying and dressing myself. Simon then helped me to my bed where I fell gratefully onto the scratchy blanket.
He thanked the lady for her help and sat on my bed, holding my hand. “Tilly, please stop disobeying the Head Farmer. It makes her very angry. I know what she’s capable of when she’s angry. I’ve borne the brunt a few times myself, so I speak from experience.”
“I’m leaving, Simon,” I croaked out.
“Perhaps that’s for the best. This life of obedience doesn’t seem to suit you.” His eyes were sad.
“I’m not here as a recruit. The Head Farmer hired me as security because of the threatening letters you’ve been receiving. I work for a business called Heller’s Security & Surveillance in the city and the Head Farmer is paying me to be here. So she has no right to be punishing me for anything. My being a recruit was merely a cover story not to disturb the rest of the Farmers.”
“Oh.” He took all this in, then looked around warily. Everyone was currently giving me a wide berth and we were alone in the dormitory. “I don’t want you to go, Tilly. Can I tell you something? Now that I know you don’t want to join us.” I nodded and he looked cautiously around again. “There’s something going on here. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve had suspicions for a while. Ever since she took over as Head Farmer, this place has changed. She seems to be more interested in making money than pursuing our religious beliefs. When I’ve been out in the fields, I’ve noticed strange cars and motor bikes in the compound a few times. I think Jye and her have made some business arrangement that’s gone sour and that’s why we’re getting the threatening letters. But I don’t know any details. It’s only my suspicions.”
I sat up, immediately revived. “You haven’t said anything to her about this, have you?”
“I tried to bring up what I’ve witnessed a few times, and she brushed me off. But I’ve noticed that she treats me differently now. I’m not included in decision-making anymore, even though I’m a Senior Farmer and should be. I’ve become a pariah with her and Jye. They don’t trust me. Do you think you could stay a bit longer, and help me find out what’s going on here? A fresh set of eyes might notice something that I haven’t.”
I was torn. I really wanted to escape as soon as possible, but I didn’t want to leave Simon at the mercy of that woman. I tightened my grip on his hand.
“Okay Simon, I’ll stay to see if we can get to the bottom of this, but I really need to contact my boss. What are my options here? She’s taken my phone and my tablet, not that they were any use.”
“There’s a landline in her office, but I’m pretty sure she’s code-locked it so that no one else can use it. There’s also a laptop in the office, but it’s always locked away in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. I saw her put it away hastily when I walked in on her unannounced one day.”
“What? Jye told me The Farm didn’t allow computers. What a lying bastard.”
He shrugged apologetically. “They have dial-up, I think. Whatever’s going on here, I think it’s connected to the top fields. I haven’t been allowed to farm up there for a couple of years now, even though it’s some of our best ground.”
“We need to have a look up there to find out what’s going on.” I pulled a face. “I’m going to have to grovel to her and pretend I’ve learned my lesson. But I’m really starting to wonder why they wanted me here in the first place. I have to try to contact my boss. I need his advice.”
“Why don’t you offer to become a field worker when you talk to the Head Farmer? I supervise the field workers and that would give us plenty of opportunity to talk together. And maybe explore the top fields.”
“Good thinking.”
We both stopped talking and let go of each other’s hands when the Head Farmer walked into the dormitory and came over to my bed, looking down at me scathingly.
“Have you had time to rethink your behaviour?” she demanded.
“Yes,” I lied, keeping my eyes downcast in what I hoped appeared to be total submission.
“Are you going to cause me any more trouble?”
“No, Head Farmer.”
An exultant smile broke across her face. “Excellent. I didn’t enjoy punishing you, Tilly, but I must maintain order and discipline at The Farm. What have you and Farmer Simon been discussing?”
“He was telling me about the crops and explaining the duties of a field worker. I think I’d be interested in trying that for my assignment. If that’s okay with you of course, Head Farmer.”
She regarded Simon with dislike. “I guess. I wanted you to work with me in the office, but it would be good for you to try the field first.” She took my hand and leaned down, kissing me on the lips. I forced myself not to shudder in revulsion. “I’m so glad that we’ve come to an understanding. It saddened me to see you in such agony, Tilly. Let’s make sure it never happens again, hmm?”
She stroked my cheek with the back of her index finger, her touch repulsive to me. She glared once more at Simon before leaving us alone again.
“Yuck! I feel sick!” I spat, scrubbing at my mouth vigorously.
Simon was angry. “She should keep her hands off you. She’s disgusting. There’s no purity in her heart.”
“Careful. She might hear you and this is your home. You have to stay here, I don’t. I would hate to think of you being put in the hot box.” I took his hand again.
“I tried to get you out, but they overpowered me.” I nodded, remembering the rattling of the lock and the loud voices I’d heard while in there. “It’s a horrible experience, isn’t it? I’ve had a few stints in there over the last few years.”
“Simon. I can’t bear to think of them hurting you.”
I stayed in bed for the rest of the day, Simon keeping me company. When we had the chance between the constant bustle of people coming in and out of the dorm, we discussed his suspicions about the Head Farmer and Jye. However, our musings were cut short by everyone trooping in to clean up for dinner.
Simon helped me to the dining hall, where we were served Indeterminate Stew and hard bread again. I hadn’t eaten all day, but was surprisingly not hungry. I wanted to keep up my strength though and choked down as much of the meal as I could manage without throwing up. Simon spent the meal talking on a safe topic, filling me in on the role of the field worker and what his role as supervisor meant.
I went straight to bed after dinner, exhausted from the awful day I’d had. And before sleep claimed me for the night, my only thought was to wonder sadly if anyone missed me back at the Warehouse.
The next day, Simon gave me only light tasks to do in the fields, as I was still recovering from my hot box ordeal. The modern farming equipment the Farmers owned surprised me, having imagined myself hoeing all day. I was impressed with the scale of the operation. This wasn’t just some self-sustaining hippy commune, but a serious, small-scale agricultural business. Simon told me that they sold their surplus produce at the local farmers’ markets and had developed quite a reputation for the quality of their goods. He went on to explain, with quiet pride, that their stall was now even attracting some of the local chefs on a regular basis.
I spent the day sorting apples. It wasn’t an overly strenuous task, but it was monotonous. It gave me plenty of time to think, which I’m not sure was such a great thing as my mind kept turning to my communication dilemma. How in God’s name was I going to contact Heller? He would be frantic if he couldn’t get in contact with me, although considering how we’d parted, perhaps he wouldn’t care much at all. The frustrating thing was just not knowing. I realised then how much I hated not being able to talk to him. I missed him. A lot.
We stopped for a lunch break and Simon and I sat under one of the apple trees, munching on some bread and cheese, with an apple fresh from the tree afterwards. It was very tranquil and I closed my eyes and napped. He did the same, holding my hand, and it reminded me of our breaks at university where we would lounge on the lawn in between classes. I felt a nostalgic pang for those innocent days when we were eighteen and desperately in love with each other. Life had seemed so much simpler then.
When I opened my eyes, Simon was leaning over me. We smiled at each other and there was no ignoring the affection in his eyes. He gently pressed his lips on mine. It was a sweet kiss.
“I still have a lot of feelings for you, Tilly,” he admitted, softly stroking my hair.
“They never go away, do
they?” I smiled at him.
“No, they just stay buried until one day they all emerge at once and overwhelm you with their intensity,” he laughed quietly. “I’m wondering if maybe a celibacy vow isn’t the right way for me to revere God any more. Especially when He sent you into my life again.”
The voices of the other workers drifted over to us, and we both sat up quickly, brushing the grass from our hair. We grinned at each other at our guilty reactions, even though we hadn’t been doing anything.
The rest of the week passed in a similar way. I worked in the fields during the day and tried to avoid the Head Farmer. I was no longer sure what I was supposed to be doing for her to earn the exorbitant amount of money she’d paid Heller for my services, but she gave me no instructions, so I kept working for Simon.
He and I found more and more secluded places to spend some time together after the workday was done. Simon found a perfect copse, sheltered and private and we lay on the grass after work, drinking some of The Farm’s homemade strawberry wine, which he’d nicked from the pantry. It didn’t taste too bad and delivered quite a kick, and we both ended up pleasantly plonked. Just like being at university again.
It was my second last day on field duty, so we took the opportunity while we could to be together. We’d spent every lunchtime exploring the top fields, but hadn’t discovered anything out of the ordinary yet. We’d agreed to spend the entire afternoon searching tomorrow, my last field day, but now we happily lazed together in the late afternoon sun.
Simon light-heartedly touched my lips with his, but when I returned the kiss, stroking his back, his kiss grew more demanding and urgent. Our tongues met and passion ignited. I slipped my hands under his homespun shirt and caressed his wiry body while he ran his hands over my breasts. Memories flooded back to me of us shagging in his car, at my parents’ house when they were out, on the beach, in the park at night. Anywhere and everywhere we could.