Neither Kane nor Abe looked at Sam as he asked for their forgiveness. He was about to take his beer back to the bar to visit with Rusty when Kane’s words stopped him.
“You’re forgiven,” he said.
Sam’s eyes widened. “Really?” He looked at Abe for reassurance that he felt the same way.
“Yes really,” Abe said. “We can’t fault you for something you don’t remember. But I will say this.” Sam pulled up his height and sat back a fraction of an inch. Abe was kind of scary when he meant business.
“When you do remember, don’t go back to being the jackass we’ve come to know. I’ll kick your scrawny ass.” He looked Sam thoroughly over. Even going as far as leaning over the edge of the table to check him up and down. He arched one eye higher than the other and said, “Well, I’ll kick your finely-toned skinny ass if you do.”
Sam laughed softly and nodded his head. “You got it. So, either of you want to tell me what I did?”
“You haven’t talked to Lil?” Kane asked. “I’d assumed she'd have told you.”
“Told me what? I haven’t talked to Lil since I left the house Saturday morning.”
Kane raised a questioning eye in Sam’s direction, and then looked at his boyfriend, a smile playing at his lips.
“Saturday morning? Oh, Miss Lil didn’t mention she’d seen you on Saturday morning.”
It felt good to have Kane teasing him about Lil. He had seen the way he cut his eyes at him when he’d ran into them at Titan after he came home from the accident. Kane’s look was out to kill and Sam was his target.
Sam looked sheepish. “It was nothing,” he tried to tell them. “I stopped by and she let me stay the night.”
Sam looked up when he heard Abe gasp and cover his mouth with both hands. His eyes were round, as were Kane’s, with the jawdropping news.
“Seriously guys,” Sam said laughing. “I slept on the couch. We talked. That was it. Wait.” Sam stopped. The news of them talking to Lil had finally hit him. “You talked to Lil?” he asked.
Kane rolled his eyes. “Don’t play coy with us, Sam. You know we talked to her.”
“No,” Sam said. “I didn’t.” At Kane’s expression that said, don’t bullshit me, Sam explained. “I mean, I knew she wanted to talk to you two. She had told me she was going to help me by finding out what happened between us. I never asked her to, I swear it.
“But c’mon guys!” Sam exclaimed. “It was Lil’s idea of helping me and I wasn’t about to turn her away. I want her help. Hell, I need her help. Besides, she told me she’s lost contact with you two as well. I thought it would be just as good for her to talk to you just as much as finding out what went down with us.”
“Fair enough,” Kane said a sigh. He then dived into the story he had told Lil about the man Sam had turned into and how it had broken their friendship apart. When he was done, Sam leaned back in his chair, shocked to learn the kind of person he had become. What kind of friend turned his back on his two oldest friends? Who put work ahead of fixing his battered relationship with his girlfriend – the love of his life?
“Well, that would explain the meeting I had with Mr. Miles today,” Sam said.
“What?” Abe asked, flabbergasted. “You went to see him?”
“Not on my own free will, believe me. I was summoned.”
“About what?” Kane inquired.
“He wanted to make sure I was putting one hundred and ten percent into my therapy. That I don’t hurt his beloved daughter. Oh, and if I do, I can kiss my job and my condo goodbye.”
Abe and Kane both winced at Sam’s words. “Ouch,” Abe said. “That’s brutal.”
“I have paid time off, which is great, but I’m to the point where I’m ready to say, fuck Titan. Fuck Mr. Miles and fuck wearing a suit every day. Fuck my office. Why would I leave gaming, something I’ve loved for as long as I can remember, for number crunching? Why would I give up wearing whatever I want for three piece suits and shiny shoes?” he said, holding up his hands. “You wouldn’t believe the shoes in my closet. I was there today doing laundry because apparently in all this new found money I have, I haven’t hired a maid. Anyway, I have rows and rows of brown and black patent leather shoes.”
“Oh,” Kane said, with bitterness in his tone. “I know the kinds of shoes you wear, brother. I have to watch you walk into the basement every day with those things on.”
“Kane hates you for that,” Abe said. “What?” He looked at Kane who’s own expression was appalled he had said that he hated Sam. “You do! You mumble to yourself when he walks by about how those shoes should be on your feet. That you know how to wear them properly.”
Sam let out a gut wrenching laugh. “Buddy, you can have them. All of them.”
Kane looked at Sam. His eyes lit up like a warm fire on a cold night. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Sam nodded, still laughing.
Kane looked at Abe like he had just won a monumental battle. His condescending smile had Sam doubled over in tears.
When the laughter died down, Sam took the conversation in a more serious direction. Lil hadn’t given him any insight as to what happened to them. Now that he knew how he had abandoned his friends, his next task was working to fix what he had broken with Lil.
“I still don’t know what broke Lil and I apart.”
Kane and Abe looked down at their drinks, unable to meet Sam’s eyes.
“Guys? What did I do?” he pleaded.
Kane shook his head from side to side. “It’s not our place,” he whispered. When he looked at Sam, he saw the sadness reflected in his eyes. “Lil has to be the one to tell you.” Sam opened his mouth to argue that they could tell him just as well, when Kane held up his hand to silence him.
“Sam, Lil knows you want to know and she will tell you, but it has to be on her terms. It’s one thing for Abe and I to sit here and tell you what you did to us, it’s a whole other thing to talk about you and Lil.”
“For her,” Abe said, downing the rest of his beer. “It’s reopening an old wound. There’s still that risk that if she opens up and tells you everything, she’s breaking her heart all over again.”
“I don’t understand,” Sam said quietly.
Kane exhaled a long breath. “She has to relive the nightmare a second time. In telling you what happened, she has to think about it all over again, with no chance of hearing your side of the story. There won’t be a chance for you to explain why you left the way you did, because you don’t remember ever leaving her to begin with.
“Give her time. She will tell you and when she does, she’s going to need you. Don’t walk away from her like you did the first time. I know none of this makes sense to you now, but just know that it’s going to be really hard for her.”
Sam couldn’t imagine what he could have done that would hurt Lil a second time to talk about it. Not to mention, never explaining to her why he left. They weren’t the kind of couple that hid things from each other. They talked things through, they worked them out. It was why they had been together for so long. Nothing got between them, only something major had.
As the night wore on, the three of them sat at the table, rehashing old stories and laughing like the past three years hadn’t separated them. In the back of Sam’s mind all he could think about was how he had apparently broken Lil’s heart. What scared him was the fear of it happening again.
97
SECOND RATE CHANCES
CHAPTER 14
Lil decided that for tree picking one had to have on a practical outfit. Proper walking shoes, a heavy coat, perhaps even a hat to keep the chill off of her head. As she turned and looked at the mess of clothes that lay on her bed, she wondered why she had just about every article she owned off its hanger and thrown on her bed. It didn't matter what she wore. She was helping Sam pick out a Christmas tree as part of his therapy, and possibly even hers.
So why, she wondered, was her cable knit sweater dress and thigh high boots amongst the clutter? Why
was the low cut red top that she only wore when Ellie forced her to wear it also mixed in? What she needed was a baggy sweater, her UGGS, and just a simple hat. It shouldn't be that hard. But it was.
Sam had called that morning, asking if he could pick her up at seven o’clock. It was far from a date, but the butterflies in her stomach and the jitters made it feel like one.
A knock on the door resounded as Lil rushed to throw on her snow boots.
She walked to the door, smoothing down her hair which meant tucking stray strands behind each of her ears. With a deep breath, she opened the door to find Sam on the other side, a smug smile on his face. It really was a crime to be so pretty, she thought. He was dressed in a black sweater she could see from the opening of his gray pea coat. His jeans were dark denim distressed, not from all of the wear but because he had no doubt bought them that way. This wasn't the Sam she had known and seeing him dressed like this helped her keep that thought in her head. This was Chloe's Sam with all of his expensive, designer duds. When her gaze drifted to his feet, she silently cursed. Of course he couldn't pair a Banana Republic outfit with the right pair of shoes. That would be too much for the Sam she no longer knew. No, this Sam, the small part of the Sam she had known, was rocking his ratty Chuck Taylor’s.
“Hey,” she greeted him, tucking her hair behind her ears.
“Hey.” He smiled and she almost melted at his feet. He reached around his back and produced a small bouquet of lilies. How appropriate, she thought with a smile. Sam had always brought her lilies. “These are for you.”
“Thanks.” She motioned for him to enter. “Come on in. Just let me put these in some water and grab my hat and gloves and we can leave.”
She rested the flowers she had placed in a mason jar on her cabinet, adding a little bit of life to her country kitchen. Her hat and gloves were on the end table, so she picked those up and put them on, then grabbed her coat and keys. Sam allowed her to lead the way and when they were both outside in the frigid night air, she locked the house up. When she turned around, the sight of his car parked in her driveway made her snort.
“You're kidding, right?” she asked.
“What?”
“Sam.” She sighed. “You don't honestly think that we're going to take your car to get a tree, do you? Where do you think we're going to put it? In the trunk? I'm sure you don’t want to strap it to the roof and risk ruining that expensive paint job.”
“Oh,” he said. “I hadn't thought of that.”
“Let's take my car.” Lil lead him to the detached garage at the side of the house.
When she opened the doors, she headed for the driver’s side. And so did Sam. She wasn't sure what his excuse was. They bumped into each other awkwardly and both reached for the door handle, their fingers intertwining in the process. Lil decided she wasn't going to be the first to let go. Instead, she looked up at him, her expression saying, move your hand.
“Sorry,” Sam mumbled. He stepped away and walked around the Tahoe to the passenger side.
Lil started the car and let it idle for a moment while the warm air swirled around them. Once satisfied with the toasty nature of the car, she pulled out of her driveway and drove to the lot on the outskirts of town. Grayson's Farm was on the other side of the village leading to the gated neighborhoods and deserted farmlands.
Lil didn’t know what to say to keep the discomfort out of the air. She realized she hadn’t talked to him since she had met with Kane and Abe, so she decided to broach that subject first.
“I saw the boys on Sunday.”
She could feel Sam turn to look at her as she kept her eyes on the road.
“I heard.” There was a hint of a smile in his voice.
“You did?” she asked puzzled. “How?”
“I happened to run into them too,” he said. Lil took her eyes off the road for a brief second to give him a questioning glare. “I had a bad day Monday so I went to Rusty’s to unwind. Kane and Abe were there and we ended up talking all night.”
“Wow,” Lil said. The words a breath of a whisper leaving her lips. “How did that go?”
“Once we got past how big of a dick I turned into, pretty good actually.”
“That’s great, Sam! So you three have mended fences?” she asked, hopeful for Sam to have his two best friends back in his life.
“We have, to a degree.”
Sam laughed at Lil’s twisted face. She had scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brow.
“They threatened me with bodily harm if I ignored them when and if my memory returns. Well, actually, Abe did.”
Lil had to laugh. “Sounds about right.”
Grayson’s was just past the last stop light in town. It was a large lot with rows and rows of different types of trees. Lil pulled into the make shift dirt parking lot noting that it looked just like she had remembered.
Lil jumped out of the car and toward the lighted sign that read, Grayson’s Farm, her gloved hands rubbing together. She needed something for them to do. The urge to reach out and grab Sam's was almost too good to pass up. The atmosphere, the lights, the smells, everything about this place started to come back to her.
Even the last time she had been here.
Lil stopped short of the gates and breathed deeply. A sudden warmth started to spread throughout her body as if she were standing next to an open fire pit.
“You all right?” Sam asked. The warmth was his arm around her shoulder, rubbing her forearm as if to ward off the cold.
“Yeah. Just been a while since I've been here. That's all.”
Lil didn't say anything when Sam kept his arm around her shoulder. They stepped under the lighted gates of Grayson's, the smell of hot chocolate burned deep into Lil's senses. She sighed happily and closed her eyes to fully appreciate the aromas surrounding her. Sam's hand squeezed her shoulder and she had to wonder if he did it out of habit or to reassure her that everything was going to be okay.
“Are my eyes deceiving me?” the old man asked, leaving his post behind the table of yummy goodness. When he stepped around, the image of the graying man that had been imbedded in Lil's brain didn't falter. He looked exactly the same. White hair on top of his wrinkly round head, he was a short man with a stomach that could have rivaled Santa Claus’. Lil had always thought that maybe Mr. Grayson was the man himself. Add a beard to him and he could have easily sat in the oversized chair that was in town square the entire holiday season.
“You still look as young as ever,” Lil said sweetly as she stepped away from Sam's hold to embrace Mr. Grayson with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“You know how to make an old man blush. Sam,” He redirected his attention to the man at her side. “Longtime no see.” The two men reached out their hands and shook them. “Actually, longtime no see to the both of you. Lil, what's this I hear about you buying an artificial tree a few years back?” Lil looked at him with wide eyes. Mr. Grayson chuckled. “Nothing gets past me, missy. I know every family in town who thinks that pre-lit plastic trees are better than my real, nature-fed ones.”
“I'm trying to get her to see the error of her ways,” Sam joked.
“Speaking of errors,” Mr. Grayson narrowed his eyes at Sam. “You see yours yet?”
Lil had to hold back a laugh. Mr. Grayson, as most people, was not aware of why Sam and Lil were no longer together. Still, she enjoyed watching Sam squirm under the elder man’s stare.
Sam fumbled for the right words to say. “Actually, Mr. Grayson, Sam's had an accident.” Lil explained. “He's lost his memory and I happen to be the last thing he remembers.”
“Son,” he said, clapping Sam on the back in a fatherly fashion. “If it's one last memory to have, it's a good one. I always loved you two together. Never understood what happened. I always thought you two would be like my Martha and me. Together till the end. Oh well,” he said as if it was no big deal. “Maybe this is the second chance you both need.”
“Actually,” Lil started but Mr. Grayson h
eld up a hand to stop her from speaking.
“No, don't say anything. Two of my favorite people just waltzed back in here and I want to keep the illusion alive in my mind that you'll pick out a tree and go home and solve all of your problems. Let an old man dream,” he added with a wink in Lil's direction. She nodded and gave him a small smile in return.
Lil and Sam stood, toes facing, but heads turned to the rows of different breeds of trees in front of them.
“You start at the Douglas Fir,” Sam said.
“And you start at the Scotch pine,” Lil replied automatically.
Together they both said, “And we'll meet at Noble Fir.” Sharing a laugh, their bodies lined up, and like so many times before, they leaned into to one another for that parting kiss. Lil could feel the crackle of the electricity that ignited between them. It would have been so easy to close the space between them and let her lips graze his like they had done so many times before.
Catching herself before she acted on impulse, Lil added, “Good luck.” Sam nodded and turned his back and walked to the stiff, dark green needles of the Scotch pine.
The Douglas Fir trees weren't far from where they had been standing. Lil looked each side over, letting her hand graze across the needles as they brushed against her gloves. She was almost down the first row when a familiar face rounded the corner from the opposite end.
He was dressed in the same kind of flannel that he always wore. His traditional earflap hat sat upon his head and the same sinister eyes she had long forgotten drank her in. She had hoped and prayed that maybe he had found another job. No such luck. She had come face to face three years later with the reason for her emotional break down the last time she had returned to Grayson's farm. The only man she had been with since Sam. The night she regretted more than the night Sam had left. Toby Grayson. And from the look on his face, he was more than pleased to see her.
Second Rate Chances Page 10