“You need to go. You have a fiancée to get back to and a wedding waiting to happen. I helped you; that’s what you wanted. It’s done.”
She turned her back on him, unable to watch him walk out of her life. When she heard the door shut, she fell to her knees and cried, feeling the loss of losing Sam a second time and the love that never went away.
179
SECOND RATE CHANCES
CHAPTER 26
Sam was on autopilot as he drove through the Village back toward the City. He didn’t want to go back to his condo; he wanted to be at the cottage with Lil. But if Sam knew one thing about Lil, it was that she needed space. He laughed to himself thinking that’s what ended it all for them to begin with. Him giving her space. This time it would be different. This time, Sam would come back. He’d give her some time to cool off, some time to allow him to prepare for what he needed to do. Then he’d come back. He would come back this time around.
Being that it was Christmas and he had already ruined it for one person, going to visit Kane and Abe was out of the question. He wouldn’t burden them with this on today of all days.
As he drove through the downtown streets with high rise after high rise on either side of the road, Sam slowed as he turned into the parking garage of his building. He wasn’t sure if Cosmo would be working tonight. People needed time off to spend with their families, not open doors for the rich and spoiled who couldn’t pull the handle themselves. Besides, he wasn’t in the mood to make small talk with anyone.
His phone vibrated in his pocket as the waited for the elevator to reach him. He pulled it out and looked at the screen, seeing the missed call from Chloe and a new voice mail. He’d have to talk to her sooner than later, so he hit the button to retrieve her message.
“Hey Sam,” she said. “I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I don’t know how you’re spending the day, but I hope whatever it is, you’re enjoying yourself. Call me when you get a chance. I’ve missed the sound of your voice.” She laughed lightly into the receiver. “Even if you don’t remember me yet, I remember you. I love you, Sam.”
Sam hit ‘end’ and took the elevator up to his floor. He shed his jacket, not bothering to hang it up. Instead he threw it down on the decorative chair no one ever sat in.
Why did he have this chair if no one used it? He looked around the condo that was furnished, not by him, and wondered why he had agreed to any of it. He hated neutral colors. He liked color in his belongings, vibrancy. He liked things that shined and gave off radiance. That stuff he liked? They made him think of Lil and he instantly felt a pain in his chest.
He had hurt her, he knew that. He should have told her sooner, the moment he had woken up. Maybe he was wrong to want the day to be perfect. Maybe he wanted to feel alive again. He was selfish; there was no denying that. But Lil? She hadn’t even given him the chance to explain anything to her. He wanted to tell her everything he remembered from their past. He wanted to make right, all the wrongs he had done.
Sam had to face the inevitable. He had to call Chloe and tell her the news. The longer he put it off, the harder it would be.
He picked his cell phone up from the coffee table. He sat back on the couch and hit redial, listening to the rings, waiting for her to answer.
“Sam,” she breathlessly said when she answered. “I wondered if you would call.”
“Merry Christmas,” he said.
He could hear the smile in her voice as she said, “Merry Christmas. Did you have a good day?”
He wanted to say, yes. I spent it with the greatest woman in the world. But it was also a no, because he had broken her heart, for a second time.
Instead he avoided her question and dove right into the reason behind his call. “I remember, Chloe.”
The squeal of her delight could probably be heard from three states over. She screamed her excitement into his ear causing him to pull the phone way, where he could still hear her like she was in the same room as him.
“Oh, Sam!” she gushed. “That’s the best news ever! When?” she asked. “Was it hearing my voice on your voicemail? Did that trigger your memories?”
What could he tell her? No, it was actually this morning after waking up with Lil in my arms. “This morning,” he replied.
“Oh,” her voice dropped. “Why didn’t you call...never mind. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you remember. I’m coming home, Sam. I’m coming home and you and I are going to be married.”
“Chloe,” he said but it fell on deaf ears.
“Oh shit,” she cursed. “I forgot Daddy’s pilot is off today. The earliest I can leave is in the morning. Unless…” he could hear the peck of her manicured nails against a keyboard. “Crap. No flights out tonight, either.”
“Chloe,” Sam said again. “It’s okay.” It was more than okay. For the first time he could remember, he was thanking her father for something and meaning it. Sam wanted a night alone to process his next move. What he was going to say, how he was going to move forward.
“It’s not okay, Sam!” she cried. “It’s been nearly two and a half weeks since I’ve seen you. I miss you,” her voice dropped. “I want to see you, baby.”
Sam ran his hand through his hair, realizing he did it out of frustration. She could have easily stuck around instead of jet setting off.
“Chloe, just relax. Get some sleep and fly out tomorrow. I’ll be here at the condo. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her exuberance at his confession of waiting for her to arrive caused another squeal. Unfortunately, Sam didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Sam was going to be waiting for her because he wanted answers. He wanted the night alone to formulate everything he needed to ask. As Sam stared at his reflection in the window, all he saw was the type of man he loathed. In one fell swoop he went from a man that everyone loved and laughed with to a man who was taught to only care about what someone’s daddy wanted.
~~~~
Sam didn’t sleep. He couldn’t. Not after having the joy of Lil in his arms. This bed? It wasn’t his. It was something Chloe had chosen. The mattress was too firm and the style too contemporary – the tall headboard with its clean lines and the streamlined look of no footboard. Lil’s bed, their bed, was comfy with all of its pillows and soft, pillow top mattress. The curved woodwork made it feel homey.
Instead of sleeping, he dug through every inch of his home, looking for anything and everything that might let him see a glimpse of the man he once was. He had gone through his closet, the cabinets in his kitchen, even his dresser. Everything he once knew, all the old jeans with holes in them from normal wear and tear – the concert t-shirts he had collected all through college – all of it had been replaced by designer denim that was distressed by a machine and starched button down shirts and ties. It wasn’t until he was searching through the bottom drawer that held his gym shorts, did he find what he realized he had been searching for all along.
Tucked in the very back, Sam’s hand ran across a small box. Slowly, afraid that it might disappear once he laid his eyes on it, he pulled it out and stared at the black box, his heart beating ninety to nothing. The hinges creaked as he opened it. He swallowed past a lump in his throat as the diamonds sparkled, reflecting off the light in his bedroom.
He had bought Lil an engagement ring. The same day he had bought the infinity bracelet for her. He had loved the design; he felt like the meaning signified exactly what their relationship meant. His love, no matter what, would go on and on. And it had.
He slipped the ring out of its slit and held it up, turning it around to inspect all sides. It was platinum, he remembered the salesman telling him. The band crisscrossed, like a figure eight, forming the infinity symbol. Inside they were studded with tiny diamonds covering the band in its entirety. The round diamond in the center with a row of smaller diamonds, mimicking those on the band, surrounding it. Sam loved the timeless setting. He had imagined it on her finger when they were old and gray, holding hands as they rocked side
by side in their rockers on the porch.
Even after the news of the baby and then finding out they had lost their first child, Sam still had every intention of asking Lil to marry him. But she pushed and he didn’t push back. He allowed her to shut the door in his face, turn her back on him and effectively shut him out. When Sam left he told himself he was coming back. He was going to marry her because he loved her more than anything.
So why was the ring still in its box? Sam understood now how he and Lil had gotten to that place, but he wasn’t going to let it happen again.
No, this time Sam was prepared to fight for her.
~~~~
Sam thought of Lil all the next morning. When he showered, she was at the forefront of his mind. As he dressed, he thought of how she looked when he took off her clothes. He didn’t know how many times he had picked up the phone to call her between last night and this morning, but he always stopped himself. He wanted to hear her voice; he was just afraid of what she’d say.
At eleven that morning, Sam was in his kitchen, mixing a protein shake. His nerves knowing Chloe would be on her way had him unable to eat solid foods. Instead, he drank the nutrition he needed. He had run through the list of things he wanted to talk about in his head. By the time their reunion was over with, it could go one of two ways.
The door opened, and Sam heard the loud clank of high heels across his bamboo floors. He braced himself by holding on to the counter and counting to five. He got to three before she wrapped her arms around him from behind.
He held her hands and turned himself around, holding her far enough back so that she wouldn’t assault his face, leaving traces of her red lipstick behind.
It took a moment for her huge grin to slowly turn downward into a frown. She looked at their adjoined hands, kept a space apart, and cocked her head to the side.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“We need to talk,” Sam said. He took her hand and led her into the living room, depositing her on the couch. He opted to stand with his feet apart and his arms cross over his chest.
His finger tapped his chin and he thought of where he should begin.
He started with, “Why don’t we go to my dad’s for Christmas?”
Chloe gave him an incredulous look. “What do you mean? We go over there. We stop by every year with a bottle of champagne.”
Sam shook his head, silently asking her not to patronize him. “We stay for about five minutes. For the past two years we’ve stayed for five minutes,” he stressed by holding up his hand with five fingers at attention.
Chloe scoffed. “Sam, we have other things to do. My dad, he throws a huge party on Christmas Eve. Your dad’s party interferes.” She shrugged letting him know just what he had concluded. “We make sure to show our faces and then we leave. Daddy expects us.”
“What is it about my family that bothers you?” he asked her. “Is it that my dad isn’t a CEO of some big company? Is it because we don’t live in a penthouse or a sprawling estate?”
“Where is this coming from?” she asked, standing from the couch, and closing the distance between her and Sam. “We’re supposed to have a happy reunion. I’ve missed you.” Her voice dropped and she batted her eyes at him. Sam had to fight not to roll his.
“Answer the question, Chloe,” he demanded.
She huffed her annoyance. “Nothing is wrong with your family, Sam. It’s just that they aren’t like us. You and me,” she said motioning between the two of them, “we’re destined for big things. Bigger than Fair Haven can give us. Your dad, he’s nice, he really is, but he isn’t chasing after the big picture.”
“He’s a retired plumber for Christ sakes!” Sam yelled. “The big dream for him is enjoying life now. No work, no annoying customers, just him fishing or hunting or going on trips. That’s his big picture.”
Sam had to take several calming breaths before he continued. He could feel his blood pressure rising with every word he said.
“Chloe?” She looked up at him, her face worried. She had every right to worry about what was going to come out of his mouth next.
“Why don’t I have my own friends? Why does it seem like your friends are my friends?”
Chloe threw her hands up in the air, clearly frustrated. “What the hell does that mean? They are our friends, Sam. I don’t just hang out with Todd and JoAnn or Billy and Mischa on my own. We do things as a couple, making them our friends.”
“No,” he said. “They were your friends before; they turned into our friends because we did things with them. What about Kane and Abe?”
Her brow furrowed and then like a light being turned on, her eyes widened. “You mean the boyfriends in the gaming department? Two of your employees?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, those two. Did you know they were my best friends in college and somehow I got too big for my britches and tossed them aside?”
“What does it matter? You were promoted. You couldn’t keep hanging out with the testers in the basement. Besides,” she said, inspecting her nails, “They would have probably tried to sabotage your rise to the top. I know people like them. They see an in and they take it. You were their in. They would have ruined you.”
Sam had never felt such anger in all of his life. It felt like at any moment the lid to the boiling pot was going to flip off, burning everything in its wake. How could she say all of this? He had to respect her honesty. He didn’t like it, but he had to give her credit for not telling him what he wanted to hear.
“I need some time,” he said after several beats of silence passed between them.
“Time?” she repeated. He nodded. “And what are you going to do with this time?” The word came out like a sneer from her painted lips.
“I’m going to think about my future, Chloe. Our future.”
“Does this have anything to do with Lil?” Everything, he wanted to say but he refrained. When he didn’t answer, Chloe laughed, even though there was no humor behind it.
“Okay,” she said. “You take your time to figure out whatever it is that you think you need to figure out about your future. I know mine, Sam. I don’t need you figuring anything out for me.”
She picked up her purse that lay on the table next to the couch and threw it over her shoulder. “Take the rest of the week if you want, I don’t care. I have a wedding to push forward. But Sam, if you want to be with me, you make damn sure she’s out of your system before Saturday. If that means fucking her until your blue in the face and you’ll no longer wonder what one more time would be like, then be my guest. But know this.” She pointed her long fingernail at him. “If you show up to that church on Saturday, you better be prepared to spend the rest of your life wanting me and not thinking about her.”
Chloe left, her footsteps heavy across the floor. The door slammed in her wake as he watched her walk away.
Sam knew what he had to do. He knew before Chloe had shown up. Now, it was up to him to make sure it happened. And before it did, he had a few phone calls to make.
187
SECOND RATE CHANCES
CHAPTER 27
Lil lay across the sofa in Dr. Kingston’s office. For today’s visit she opted not to sit in one of the straight back chairs. She would have thought for all the lying around she had done since she had told Sam to leave the night of Christmas that she’d be tired of lying horizontal. Turned out, she wasn’t.
Dr. Kingston was quiet as Lil closed her eyes and practiced her deep breathing exercises.
“Lil,” Dr. Kingston said. “Tell me what’s going on.”
With one final deep cleansing breath, Lil said, “Sam remembers.” She turned her face to Dr. Kingston’s desk, opening one eye to see her reaction. It was still as calm and cool as ever.
“You knew this would come,” she replied.
Lil moaned. “I know. I just…”
“You had hoped that things would be how they were? I’m guessing you and Sam grew close while you were help
ing him?”
Lil snorted. They had grown close all right. So close that before he dropped his bombshell on her she was thinking of asking him to move some stuff in. Talk about going overboard. Lil was thankful the words never had a chance to leave her mouth.
“What happened?” Dr. Kingston asked.
Lil started from the beginning. She told Dr. Kingston everything, from reuniting him with Kane and Abe and bridging her own relationship with the two. To telling him about Toby and the fight they had about it. Sam coming back to her, decorating the tree, telling him about the baby and miscarriage and then how everything fell apart. She then moved to their date with the old gang, to feeling like a part of the family again when she went with him to his dad’s Christmas party.
Then there was the night he consumed her, the morning she seduced him, lunch at Ellie’s and then…then the biggest heartache of all. Her telling him to leave and him not putting up a fight.
When she was finished, Dr. Kingston kept quiet, probably allowing Lil to adjust to saying everything that had happened to her and Sam in the week leading up to him regaining his memories.
“And how do you feel now?” she asked.
“God.” Lil groaned. “I hate that question.” Sighing, she answered anyway. “I feel used, cheated out of something I’ve wanted for a longtime. Mad at him for remembering and walking out of the door.”
“Did you expect him to stay and fight for you?”
Lil honestly didn’t know. What would have happened had she not told him to leave? Would he have stayed and tried to work things out? Lil began to start second-guessing herself. Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt. He was only doing what she asked; leaving her was all he knew to do when the tough got going.
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