“Okay, then. I’m heading out to the porch to be with Jonah. If you need anything, just give a holler.” Elaine went out the back door, closing it behind her so Grandma wouldn’t hear her conversation with Jonah. She dreaded telling him what was on her mind, but it had to be said before she lost her nerve.
“Here you go.” Elaine handed Jonah the plate, then placed the tray with two cups of tea on the small table between their chairs.
They sat in silence for a while as they ate. “The pie was delicious,” Elaine said after she’d finished eating. “Your sister’s a good cook.”
“Jah, Jean’s always been an excellent baker. Our mamm taught her well.”
Elaine handed Jonah his cup of tea. It was all she could do not to burst into tears as she reflected on all the other times she and Jonah had sat on this porch together. A year ago, who would have thought things would be so different now?
“Is something wrong?” he questioned. “You look umgerennt.”
“I am upset,” she admitted.
“What’s wrong? Are you still worried about your grandma’s health?”
“Jah, and things are even worse now.”
“In what way?”
“Yesterday, Grandma went shopping by herself, and she forgot to take her medicine along. Since she was gone longer than she’d planned, she decided to get some lunch while she was in town.”
Jonah sat quietly as Elaine told him how Grandma had blacked out and been taken to the hospital and kept overnight.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said. “Is she doing better now?”
“They managed to get her blood sugar stabilized with the proper dose of medicine, but since she’d hit her head, the doctor wanted her to be kept overnight for observation and more tests.” Elaine paused, struggling not to break down. “At the hospital last night, one of the doctors took me aside and gave me some very distressing news.”
“What was it?”
“Grandma has dementia.”
Jonah’s head jerked back. “What made them reach that conclusion?”
“They ran several tests, including an oral cognitive.” Elaine’s fingers curled around her cup of tea. “The results helped them determine that she has dementia.”
“But a loss of memory can be typical for a person her age,” Jonah said. “Some folks much younger than Edna become forgetful. Even I forget certain things—especially when I get busy or am under too much stress. That’s pretty normal, don’t you think?”
“It’s more than that, Jonah,” Elaine explained. “The results of Grandma’s tests showed that she does have dementia, and sorry to say, it’s only going to get worse in the years ahead.”
Jonah sat several seconds, head down, as though studying something on the porch floor. Slowly raising his head, he reached for Elaine’s hand and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “I know how upset you must be by this news, but I want you to know that I’ll be here to help you through it.”
Elaine moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, barely able to make eye contact with Jonah. “I appreciate that, but Grandma’s my responsibility, and—”
“And you’re going to need all the support you can get.”
Elaine couldn’t argue with that, but it wasn’t going to come from Jonah. She had to make him understand. “I’m not free to marry you, Jonah.”
“Why not?”
“I just told you. I need to take care of Grandma.”
“I can help you with that.”
“You have enough to do with your buggy business.”
“My business is important, but I would still take time to help out where Edna’s concerned.”
Elaine shook her head forcefully. Apparently, Jonah did not understand. “If we were to get married, I’d want to be a full-time wife, and since I’ll be acting as grandma’s caregiver, for what could be several more years, I need to concentrate fully on that.”
Jonah slipped his fingers under Elaine’s chin and tilted her face so she was looking directly into his eyes. “I’m in love with you, Elaine.”
She swallowed hard and lowered her gaze, unable to look at him. “It’s not meant for us to be together, Jonah. You need to move on with your life because there is no future for us. Oh, and please don’t say anything about this to Grandma. I haven’t told her yet that she has dementia.” Before Jonah could offer a response, Elaine rushed into the house. Leaning her full weight on the back of the door, she let the tears flow. It was all she could do not to run back outside and tell Jonah she’d changed her mind and would marry him, despite all the hardships they would endure. But as Elaine grappled with her emotions, she heard Jonah’s horse and buggy pull away. Jonah was hurt, but the decision she’d made was final. For Jonah’s sake, as well as Grandma’s, it had to be.
CHAPTER 22
Two weeks had passed since Elaine told Jonah she couldn’t marry him, but to Jonah the pain was as intense as the moment she’d given him her reasons. Thinking about it gave Jonah a headache and made it difficult to concentrate on his work.
There has to be something I can say or do to make Elaine change her mind, he thought, reaching for a piece of upholstery that would cover the seat of the buggy he was working on. Maybe after some time goes by, Elaine will reconsider. She’s most likely overwhelmed by all that happened with Edna.
Jonah stopped for a minute, hearing a squirrel chattering in the elm tree outside his shop. “I wonder what’s got that critter so worked up,” he muttered, walking to the open door.
“Could be most anything, I guess,” Timothy called from across the room. “I can hear him carrying on clean over here.”
Jonah stood by the doorway and watched as the squirrel clung to the side of the tree, repeatedly shaking its tail. Then Jonah saw another movement, on a branch higher up. It was partially concealed by all the leaves, but he could see there was a hawk sitting quietly, watching the squirrel as if it was just waiting for the right opportunity to have a meal. The squirrel kept climbing, closer and closer to the hawk. Jonah thought if the squirrel moved any closer to the bird of prey, it would be a goner. At one point, the bushy-tailed critter got on the same branch as the hawk, and they sat watching each other. The whole time, the squirrel never relented and seemed to bark out warnings of the hawk’s trespassing. Soon after that, a bunch of crows flew in, giving the hawk a piece of their minds. The crows’ scolding, plus the squirrel’s chattering, went on for several minutes. Quick as a wink, the squirrel hopped to another branch. The hawk flew away, with the crows following close behind.
That’s one lucky squirrel, Jonah thought, watching the tree limbs bob as the squirrel jumped from branch to branch. Guess even God’s creatures have their own frustrations, same as me.
Jonah hadn’t told anyone, not even Jean, that Elaine wouldn’t marry him. Since he was hopeful that he could get Elaine to change her mind, he’d decided not to say anything about it, unless he was put on the spot.
He needed to think about something else before he gave in to self-pity, so Jonah decided to check for mail. “I’ll be right back,” he called to Timothy, who was busy sanding some wood for another buggy. A week ago, Jonah had started on Adam Beachy’s new rig, and it was progressing nicely.
The boy gave a nod. “Okay. I’ll just keep workin’ on this while you’re gone.”
As Jonah headed down the driveway to the mailbox, he thought about how grateful he was that he’d hired Timothy as his apprentice. There was little doubt that the boy would keep working while he was gone. At the age of sixteen, Timothy was already a responsible young man.
When Jonah opened the mailbox, he was pleased to find a letter from his folks. Grabbing it, along with the rest of his mail, he stepped into the phone shanty and took a seat. This would be a good place to read Mom and Dad’s letter in quiet and without any interruptions. Jonah needed to relax a bit before he went back to work, so he settled into the fold-up chair and kept the door open to let in some fresh air.
Tearing open the letter,
Jonah was pleased to learn that Mom and Dad were both doing well and were anxious to come for a visit soon. It seemed like forever since he’d last seen his folks, and it would sure be good to see them again. Jean would be pleased with this news, too, and he figured she’d probably gotten a letter from their folks as well.
As Jonah read on, he was surprised to learn that Luke and Meredith were expecting another baby. He was happy for them, of course, but it made him long all the more for a wife and children. As much as Jonah hated to admit it, maybe that was not meant to be.
That morning when Elaine went out to the phone shanty to check for messages, she discovered one from Priscilla, suggesting that she, Elaine, and Leah get together soon for a girl’s day out. Priscilla said she figured Elaine probably needed some time away to do something just for fun, and that her mother had agreed to stay with Elaine’s grandma while they were gone.
Elaine stared at the answering machine. Should I take Priscilla up on that offer? It would be nice to spend some time with my two best friends. We haven’t done anything together for quite some time.
With no further hesitation, Elaine picked up the phone and dialed Priscilla’s number. When she left the phone shanty a few minutes later, there was a new spring to her step. She looked forward to spending a few hours with her friends and felt confident that Grandma would be in good company with Priscilla’s mother, Iva.
“It’s good to see you,” Sara said when Jean Mast stopped by shortly before noon. “It’s been awhile since we’ve had a visit. Can you stay for lunch?”
“That would be nice. Nathan’s mamm volunteered to watch the kinner for me today so I could run some errands, and since she said I could take all day if I needed to, I have plenty of time to stay for lunch.” Jean smiled and bent to ruffle Mark’s hair. He’d been sitting on the throw rug in front of the kitchen sink, playing with some of Sara’s pots and pans while she was making sandwiches. “He’s sure growing, and such nice thick hair.”
“It’s like his daadi’s,” Sara said.
Jean smiled. “Is there anything I can do to help with lunch?”
“The sandwiches are almost finished, but you can pour some iced tea for us if you don’t mind.” Sara gestured to the refrigerator. “I made sun tea yesterday and it should be nice and cold.”
“No problem. I’ll get the tea and glasses.”
While Sara put the finishing touches on the roast beef sandwiches and Jean poured the tea, Sara told her how she’d fallen asleep a few weeks ago and Mark had wandered off. “I was ever so grateful that your brother spotted Mark in the field near my property,” she said. “It was right before a storm hit, and I’m thankful that no harm came to my boy.”
“I heard about that from Jonah.” Jean placed their glasses on the table. “You must have been really scared when you woke up and discovered that Mark had wandered off.”
“I really was. Thankfully, God was watching over my boy. And when I saw him with Jonah, I knew that my prayers had been answered. Jonah got us back to the house in the nick of time, before the rain let loose.” Sara picked Mark up and put him in the high chair. “I was surprised that Mark took to Jonah right away. Even though my little guy doesn’t know Jonah very well, he didn’t cry or seem to be afraid at all.”
“Jonah has a way with children,” Jean said, taking a seat at the table. “All three of my kinner adore their uncle Jonah.”
“If he’s as kind and gentle with them as he was with Mark, I can understand why.”
“Jonah will make a good daed someday,” Jean commented. “He plans to marry Elaine, and I hope it will be soon, because I want my brother to be happy, and I’m anxious to become an aunt.”
“When will they be getting married?” Sara had known Jonah and Elaine were courting but hadn’t heard there was a wedding in their future. Of course, she should have assumed that would be the case. Couples who’d been courting awhile usually ended up getting married.
“It probably won’t be until Elaine is sure her grandma can live on her own,” Jean replied. “Edna was recently diagnosed with diabetes, so between that and losing Lloyd, I’m sure it’s been quite an adjustment.”
Sara nodded in understanding. “I’ve never had a serious illness, but losing Harley and facing all the responsibilities of raising our son, plus everything there is to do around here, has been a difficult adjustment for me. Some days I think I can do it. Other days, I don’t know how I will manage.”
“I understand. After I lost my first husband, Silas, I felt as if my whole world had fallen apart. With two small kinner to raise, I was sure I’d never make it. But then Nathan came along, and my life took on new meaning. He’s such a kind, loving man, and a wonderful stepfather to my two older children. I’m grateful that God has given me a second chance at love.” Jean touched Sara’s arm. “Perhaps someday you’ll have the opportunity to fall in love and marry again, too.”
“I doubt that, because I’m not looking for love. Besides, my heart belonged to Harley, and no one will ever take his place.”
“I felt the same way about Silas. But eventually I came to realize that I could love again. Even though I will never forget what Silas and I had, my love for Nathan is strong.”
Sara smiled. “I’ll keep an open mind and trust God with the future. In the meantime, though, I think we ought to pray so we can eat. Heavenly Father, she silently prayed, thank You for good friends like Jean, and if it’s Your will for me to ever marry again, please give me wisdom in choosing the right man.
CHAPTER 23
Elaine took a sip of iced tea as she opened the book she’d picked up at the library the other day. She’d received some information from the doctor on dementia, but this book was more detailed and provided a lot of information about the disease, as well as things that caregivers could do. Elaine felt better knowing all the facts. Understanding the disease was important, but so was knowing what she could do to help Grandma through the agonizing process that lay ahead. Elaine would have to be strong. She was committed to taking care of Grandma the best way she could, and since that meant making some sacrifices, she wouldn’t have a lot of free time to spend with her friends.
But I don’t have to worry about that today, she thought with anticipation. Grandma is still doing well enough for me to leave her awhile. Besides, Priscilla’s mamm will be with Grandma while I go to lunch and do some shopping with Leah and Priscilla, and I’m sure we’ll all enjoy the day.
Elaine’s thoughts turned to Jonah. He had dropped by again yesterday to see how she and Grandma were doing. Elaine appreciated that but hoped he wouldn’t come over on a regular basis. It was difficult seeing him and knowing they couldn’t get married. She was also concerned that if they saw each other too often, Jonah might try to pressure her into accepting his proposal. She couldn’t marry him now, and she wouldn’t ask him to wait.
If it becomes necessary, I may ask him not to come around anymore, Elaine decided. Oh, how she dreaded having to tell him that. She would miss Jonah so much.
Elaine had cried herself to sleep so many nights recently, and it had only made her more miserable, knowing her dreams of a life with Jonah were no longer possible. She was exhausted, holding her emotions in throughout the day and then letting them loose after she’d gone to bed. Crying was good; Grandma had often said that when Elaine was a girl, but Elaine couldn’t allow herself to give in to tears too often, for it would do no good. She needed to pull herself together and take one day at a time.
A squirrel chattered from a tree nearby, as if to scold Elaine. “I know…I know,” she said. “I need to perk up.”
It was a beautiful morning—the kind of day that made a person feel energetic. Elaine had always been appreciative of the simple things, but life’s challenges had overwhelmed her, and she wondered if she’d ever be truly happy again.
She glanced over at the stump where the old maple tree once stood. The yard looked almost bare without it, even though a few other trees stood nearby. It just added t
o the emptiness that consumed Elaine. She truly needed to be with her friends today, and maybe, if only for a little while, some of that emptiness she felt would be replaced.
“What are you doing out here?” Grandma asked a bit harshly, stepping out the back door. “I thought you were going to clean Millie’s cage.”
“I did that yesterday, Grandma.” Taken aback, Elaine quickly closed her book. It wasn’t like Grandma to speak to her in such a severe tone. Elaine took a deep breath, allowing her heartbeat to slow to a normal rate again. “I’ve been sitting out here waiting for Leah and Priscilla to arrive.”
“Oh, are they coming to visit?” Grandma’s tone softened as she took a seat beside Elaine, folding her hands in her lap.
Elaine had told Grandma during breakfast that her friends would be coming by to pick her up shortly before noon, but apparently she’d forgotten about that. “I’m going out to lunch with Priscilla and Leah,” Elaine said patiently. “Priscilla’s mamm will stay here with you to visit.”
Grandma smiled. “Oh, that’ll be nice. I haven’t seen Iva Herschberger for a long time.”
“We just saw her on Sunday, Grandma,” Elaine reminded. It had only been three days, yet Grandma couldn’t remember? Is she one of those dementia patients I read about in the book who goes downhill quickly? Oh, I hope not.
Grandma looked out into the yard and pointed. “Would you look at those pretty birds drinking from the birdbath? I wish Millie could join them.” She sighed. “But then, I guess if we brought her cage out here and let her out, she’d probably fly away and we might never get her back.”
“You’re right,” Elaine agreed. “Even if we bring her cage outdoors for some fresh air, we must never open the latch on her door.”
“When Iva gets here, I’ll see if I can get Millie to talk for her.” Grandma snickered. “I like it when she says, ‘Pretty bird…pretty bird.’”
“It’s fun to listen to your parakeet mimic the things she hears.” Elaine was glad Grandma had a pet. The little bird gave her such pleasure and, quite often, a good laugh.
The Decision Page 15