The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  It would be good to see Grandma’s older sister, Margaret, and her two brothers, Irvin and Caleb, who all lived in Iowa, where Grandma had been born. Grandma would probably be living there still if she hadn’t met Grandpa at a friend’s wedding when they were teenagers. In addition to Elaine’s great-aunt and great-uncles, some of their children and grandchildren would also be visiting to celebrate Grandma’s birthday. Elaine hoped the festivities not only would be a fun time for all, but also would give Grandma a chance to reconnect with her family before she lost her memory of them forever.

  Elaine had the house almost cleaned, and she’d made plans to cook Grandma’s favorite meal—baked chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, and creamed corn. For dessert she’d baked a chocolate cake for everyone else, and a sugar-free apple pie for Grandma; although she would make sure that Grandma didn’t eat too big of a piece, since the pie did have some natural sugar in the apples, as well as in the apple juice concentrate that was added for flavor and sweetening.

  Elaine went to the sink to get a glass of water and glanced out the window as she raised the cup to her lips. She stopped abruptly, her hand in midair. “Now when did she go outside?” Elaine watched as Grandma walked through the backyard and over toward the swing, hanging from the big maple tree in their yard. Her first thought was to go out there and bring Grandma back inside, but something compelled her to remain where she was and watch.

  Grandma sat down on the swing and started moving it slowly back and forth, then a few minutes later, she got it going a little bit higher.

  Seeing the contented look on Grandma’s face took Elaine back in time. Grandma appeared to be so happy, and it made Elaine want to cry. How long had it been since she’d seen that peaceful expression on her beloved grandma’s face? Oh, how Elaine could relate to that carefree feeling of swooping down, then up again, over and over. She could almost feel the butterflies and the tickly feeling that being on a swing could bring.

  Grandma’s face turned almost childlike as she continued swinging back and forth. Elaine had to restrain herself from joining her. Grandma wasn’t going too high and wasn’t likely to fall off, so Elaine just kept on watching.

  Before Grandpa died, Elaine had gone out to that old swing many times. Sometimes, just to be outside, especially after the days they’d hosted dinners. Other times, swinging helped her think more clearly about life or make plans for her future. It didn’t happen often anymore, but a few times when Grandma was napping, Elaine had gone out to that old swing just for the pure joy of it and to reclaim how it felt during those untroubled years as a young child when she’d had no real worries to drag her down. Elaine longed for that feeling again.

  Everything was happening too fast. With Grandma going downhill quickly, then hearing about Jonah courting again so soon, Elaine didn’t know how much more she could take. But she couldn’t run away from the problems or the fact that Jonah was moving on with his life. She was the one who had prompted their breakup, and if Jonah and Sara ended up getting married, she’d have to face it, no matter how difficult it might be.

  One thing at a time, Elaine told herself, upending her thoughts and hoping once more that tonight would be special for Grandma.

  She closed her eyes and whispered a prayer. “Dear Lord, please help everything to go well this evening and make this one of Grandma’s best birthdays ever.”

  “Look who’s here, Grandma!” Elaine gestured to her great-uncles, Irvin and Caleb, who’d just entered the house.

  Grandma tipped her head and stared at the men a few seconds. Then she turned and shook her finger at Elaine. “Why didn’t you tell me the tourists were coming here tonight? We don’t even have our dinner started yet.”

  “Oh no, Grandma. We’re not hosting a dinner for tourists. Some of our family has come to celebrate your birthday.”

  Grandma stared at her brothers a bit longer, looking as though she was seeing them for the very first time. She looked over at Elaine and said, “Is today really my birthday?”

  Elaine nodded. “Yes, it is, and your brothers, Irvin and Caleb, have come to help you celebrate it.”

  “How old am I?”

  “You’re seventy-six,” Irvin answered, pulling his fingers through the ends of his mostly gray beard.

  Grandma moved a little closer to the men, squinting as she looked first at Irvin, then at Caleb. “You sure don’t look like my brieder.”

  “We are your brothers,” Uncle Caleb said with a decisive nod. The poor man looked quite flustered. “It’s been a few years since we’ve seen you, Edna, and we’re all getting older, so maybe that’s why you don’t recognize us.”

  Grandma bobbed her head, but Elaine wasn’t sure she ‘d identified the men even yet.

  “Ich ab mic him busch verlore,” Grandma said, moving closer to Irvin.

  His bushy gray eyebrows lifted. “You got lost in the woods? When did that happen?”

  Grandma shrugged in response.

  “I think she may be referring to a time when she wandered off our property and couldn’t find her way home,” Elaine quietly explained. She didn’t bother to go into all the details, figuring it was best not to discuss this right now. Maybe later, after Grandma went to bed, she would talk about the situation with Grandma’s brothers and the rest of the family. For now, Elaine just wanted to try to make this day as pleasant as she could.

  A short time later, Great-Aunt Margaret showed up with her daughter and son-in-law. Margaret was in her eighties and used a cane to walk, but after talking to her just a few minutes, Elaine knew her aunt was sharp as a tack.

  “How are things going?” Aunt Margaret whispered, giving Elaine a hug after she’d first greeted her sister, Edna. “Are you getting by all right?”

  “Some days are more difficult than others,” Elaine admitted, “but Grandma and I are getting by the best we can.”

  Aunt Margaret clasped Elaine’s hands and gave them a little squeeze. “What about that young man you’ve been seeing? I’ll bet he’s a big help to you right now.”

  Elaine grimaced. She disliked having to tell her aunt that she and Jonah had broken up but figured it was best just to get it said. “Jonah and I aren’t seeing each other anymore. We broke up some time ago.”

  “Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that. I never got the chance to meet him, but from the things Edna said in her letters, he seemed like a nice man.”

  “He is, but with the way things are with Grandma right now, I thought it best if Jonah and I went our separate ways.” Elaine lifted her hands and let them fall to her sides. “Anyhow, I’m not sure what we felt for each other was strong enough to continue with our relationship.”

  “That’s a shame, but I’m sure you’ll find someone else when the time is right.”

  Elaine made no comment because there really was no point in talking about this anymore. Besides, she wanted to get Grandma’s sister and brothers’ things taken upstairs to their rooms so they could get settled in.

  Soon other family members from Iowa arrived, including Grandma’s niece, Doris, and her six-year-old twins, Mary and Melinda. Grandma said she had no memory of the girls at all, but then, she’d only seen them once, a few weeks after they were born.

  After everyone greeted Grandma, they gathered in the living room, where Grandma proceeded to open her gifts. While she did that, Melinda took out a tablet and began drawing Grandma’s picture.

  Grandma had just opened her sister’s gift, a small bird feeder, when she stopped what she was doing, looked at Melinda, and said, “Are you cooking me?”

  “Cooking you?” The girl’s eyes widened. “What are you talkin’ about, Aunt Edna?”

  Embarrassed for Grandma, Elaine quickly said, “Melinda is drawing your picture, Grandma.”

  Grandma glanced around, as though expecting something to happen, or maybe someone to say something. Then she grinned at Elaine and said, “I can explain more when they get here. They said they weren’t ready?”

  “Who else is coming
, and what is it they’re not ready for, Edna?” Aunt Margaret asked.

  Grandma snickered. Then she leaned back against the sofa cushions and closed her eyes. “I’m tired.”

  Oh dear, Elaine thought. If this is how the evening is going to be, I wish I’d never invited any of these people.

  CHAPTER 37

  By the time Elaine went to her room to get ready for bed, she was exhausted. Not only did they have a house full of relatives sleeping in the bedrooms upstairs, but she’d had a hard time getting Grandma settled into her room downstairs. While it had been good for Grandma to connect with her family from Iowa, Elaine had spent most of the evening reminding Grandma who everyone was or trying to make light of the strange things Grandma said. One minute she’d be talking to her sister, Margaret, about old times, and the next minute she’d confuse her with someone else.

  At one point, Grandma thought she was at Aunt Margaret’s house and had even complimented her sister on how nice everything was. She’d asked Aunt Margaret to show her around the place, until Elaine stepped in and said, “Maybe later.”

  Poor Aunt Margaret had teared up more than once. Grandma’s brothers hadn’t shown quite so much emotion, but it had been obvious from their furrowed brows and exchanged glances that they were concerned about their sister’s declining memory.

  To make the evening more tense, Grandma had taken not one, but two pieces of chocolate cake when Elaine wasn’t looking, in addition to a piece of no-sugar apple pie. It was so difficult to stabilize Grandma’s blood sugar when she kept sneaking sweets, and that, too, caused Elaine to worry about the days ahead and how she would manage Grandma’s declining health on her own. At times, Elaine couldn’t help wondering, Would it really hurt if once in a while I let Grandma enjoy some sweets? Why not let her take pleasure in what little time she has left doing something as simple as eating a piece of cake?

  Elaine stood at her bedroom window staring out at the bright, full moon. She didn’t know what was more difficult: watching Grandma’s condition deteriorate, or seeing others react when they tried to communicate with her.

  A knot formed in Elaine’s stomach. I never expected something like this would happen to my dear, sweet grandma. Growing up, I could always count on her. Now, she needs me, even if she doesn’t realize it.

  Focusing again on the October moon, Elaine marveled at how it was so bright that it lit everything up, casting shadows on the ground. She glanced toward the barn and caught sight of something moving across the yard. After watching a few seconds, she realized that a raccoon was heading to the area where a bird feeder hung. She assumed the raccoon was looking for sunflower seeds that had dropped to the ground from the birds feeding all day. Slowly, it searched the grass, picking its way as it went along. What a treat it was to observe something so ordinary and simple.

  Moving away from the window, Elaine removed her head covering and loosened her hair. After brushing it thoroughly, she undressed and slipped into her nightgown. Then, turning off the gas lamp, she slipped into bed. The freshly laundered sheets smelled clean and felt cool against her skin. Soon she’d be adding another blanket to the bed as cold weather swept across their state.

  She closed her eyes and conjured up a mental picture of Grandma tucking her in, just as she’d done when Elaine was a girl. “Snug as a bug in a rug,” Grandma would say. Oh, those were such special days.

  Elaine smiled, remembering fondly how it had felt to be secure and warm in her bed and to be loved that much by her grandparents. Oh Grandpa, I miss you so much, but I’m glad you’re not here to see Grandma the way she is now. It would have been especially hard on Grandpa, seeing Grandma struggling with dementia and not being able to do anything to stop it.

  Tears seeped out from under Elaine’s lashes and dribbled down her cheeks. She loved Grandma so much and would do anything for her, but at times she resented the sacrifices she’d been forced to make in order to act as Grandma’s caregiver. Some days, she felt depleted, physically and mentally. Guilt consumed her whenever bitterness crept in. She often had to remind herself of all the sacrifices Grandma and Grandpa had made for her over the years.

  As she readjusted her covers and plumped up her pillow, Elaine’s thoughts turned to Jonah. If not for Grandma’s diagnosis of dementia, she and Jonah might be married by now—or at least planning a spring wedding. He would have been at Grandma’s birthday party tonight, too, and everything would have seemed normal and right.

  At awkward moments, like tonight when Aunt Margaret had asked if Elaine was still seeing Jonah, she wondered if her decision to break things off with him had been the right thing to do. Aunt Margaret brought the subject up again later, and Elaine was surprised that her aunt thought she’d been a little hasty in making such a decision.

  In hindsight, Elaine couldn’t deny that it would be comforting to have Jonah’s support through all of this, but taking care of Grandma was Elaine’s duty, not his. If they were married, they’d most likely have children, and that would have stretched Elaine’s responsibilities even further. No, Jonah deserved to be happy with someone else, and Elaine loved him enough to make that sacrifice and give Jonah his freedom—although guilt still plagued her for lying about her feelings for him. It was wrong to be deceitful, but she simply saw no other way. If she had admitted to Jonah that she loved him, he’d probably still be coming around and may have insisted they get married so he could share in the responsibility of Grandma’s care.

  Maybe I should have considered it; God does intend for couples to see each other through the tough times. And when you get married, you never know what the future holds. Elaine clutched the edge of her quilt. Lord, did I mess up? If I did, well, it’s too late now. Jonah’s moved on with his life, and I have responsibilities.

  But the fact that Jonah and Sara might get more serious was difficult to accept. What if they did get married? How would Elaine be able to face them at church or anywhere else she might see them? She would have to put on a happy face and pretend everything was okay and as it should be.

  “I’ll never get married,” Elaine whispered, turning her head into the pillow as more tears came, “but I’ll always love Jonah.”

  Sara’s throat constricted as she stood at the foot of Mark’s crib, watching her son suck his thumb as he slept contently, with slow, even breathing. In his other hand, he clutched the wooden horse Jonah had crafted.

  The moon shone into the bedroom, illuminating the crib and Sara’s precious son. He looked so angelic and peaceful. If only the light could protect my boy. Of course, only God can do that.

  Sara had prayed often throughout this day, hoping for clear direction on whether she should move home with her folks or stay in Arthur, close to Harley’s family—and to Jonah. Her parents, as well as Harley’s, still had children living at home, and neither couple needed the burden of caring for her and Mark. Yet Sara didn’t see how she could manage on her own if her MS symptoms increased. It was a no-win situation, and she dreaded having to tell her family.

  Moving slowly across the room toward her own bed, Sara decided not to say anything just yet. She needed more time to pray about things and wrap her mind around the whole situation. Until a clear answer came, she would leave things as they were. And while waiting for God’s will to be revealed to her, she would make a concentrated effort to do all the things the doctor had mentioned and hope that her symptoms improved.

  A pounding on her bedroom door roused Elaine from a deep sleep. It was dark in her room, and except for the moon’s brightness, no other light shone in from the window. Rolling over, she fumbled for her flashlight, switched it on, and shined it at the clock on her nightstand. It was two o’clock, and that meant whoever was at her door must have an urgent need.

  “I’m coming,” she called, crawling out of bed and slipping into her robe.

  When Elaine opened the door, she was surprised to see Grandma standing in the hall, fully dressed and holding a flashlight.

  “It’s time to go, and
my driver’s not here.” Grandma’s shrill voice was a bit too loud.

  Elaine put her finger to her lips. “Time to go where?” she whispered, hoping Grandma’s knocking hadn’t wakened anyone upstairs.

  “I have an appointment with the doctor, and if I don’t leave now, I’m gonna be late.”

  Elaine shook her head. “No, Grandma. It’s two o’clock in the morning, and you don’t have a doctor’s appointment till next week.” She slipped her arm around Grandma’s waist. “I’ll walk you back to your room so you can get undressed and back into bed.”

  Grandma folded her arms and refused to budge. “I am not going to bed, and you can’t make me!”

  With a sigh of exasperation, Elaine motioned Grandma into her own room. The last thing she needed was for Grandma to wake everyone upstairs and perhaps create a scene.

  Grandma balked at first, but then she finally relented and stepped into Elaine’s bedroom. “If my driver isn’t here in the next five minutes, I’m gonna hitch up my horse and buggy and go see the doctor myself.”

  Please, Lord, Elaine prayed. Help me get through to her.

  Talking softly in an effort to calm Grandma, Elaine shined her flashlight on the clock near her bed. “See, there? It’s only two o’clock, so it’s way too early to be up. And just look out the window. It’s still dark outside.”

  Grandma tapped her foot as she stared at the clock and then toward the window, as though trying to decide if Elaine was telling the truth. “What about the doctor? Won’t he be waiting? Looks like daylight out there to me.”

  “No, Grandma. It’s only the full moon making it look so bright. Your appointment isn’t until next week, and it’s in the afternoon, not the middle of the night.”