Keep Her

by Faith Andrews

  “Nice right?” Fallon asked, nudging me with his elbow.

  “Really nice. She’s made quite a name for herself.” I smiled, and Fallon clapped his hands in front of his mouth, clearly proud of his friend. “Her desk is over there to the right. This client is making her skin crawl, so when you sneak up on her I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

  I nodded as I started walking in her direction. “Thanks, Fallon. Wanna join us for lunch?” I hoped he’d say no, but I thought it was the right thing to do. He and Riley were inseparable at work and I didn’t want to infringe on their afternoon plans.

  “Awww, sweetie. More points, but no thank you. You two need your alone time. Her fingers are starting to blister from all that texting.” He winked, making me think he knew more than he should about those private conversations. Damn girls and their gossip.

  When I reached her desk, I crept up slowly, listening to her conversation.

  “Ginny, the shipments are off because of the holiday. I know we promised it would be done this week, but they’ll be in first thing Monday. I’ll even hand deliver them to you myself.” She sounded stressed and I could hear the voice on the other end growing louder and louder.

  “I’m sorry you feel what way, but—” She spun around in her chair, fisting a chunk of her short hair and the look in her eyes when she spotted me brought a huge smile to my face. “Ginny, I have to go. You can yell at me later.”

  She hung up and jumped out of her white leather chair. “Oh my god. What are you doing here?”

  For a quick second I felt awkward, not knowing how to greet her. This was the first time we’d seen each other since I left her house Saturday morning. Did I kiss her on the cheek? On the lips? I wanted to do what came naturally, but I didn’t want to make it weirder than it had to be.

  Thankfully, she made the decision for me and wrapped her arms around me, landing a sweet peck on my clean shaven face. “This is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?” She backed up from our embrace, grasping my hands in hers and looked into my eyes.

  “I was in the neighborhood and I thought we could grab some lunch.”

  “You buying?” she asked, tilting her head.

  “Well, from the looks of things around here I might make you my sugar mama, but lunch is definitely my treat.”

  She giggled, brushing a strand of dark hair out of her eyes. “Sometimes these pains in the ass aren’t worth the money they pay me. They’re all pretentious and impatient and driving me insane. Wherever you take me must have cocktails. I need a drink.”

  “You’re on,” I laughed, taking in how put together she looked in her long summer dress. “You ready to go now or do you need a few minutes?”

  She grabbed her cell phone and plopped it into an oversized purse, swinging it over her bare shoulder. “I was ready for a drink at nine a.m. Let’s go.”

  I turned to Fallon and asked if he wanted us to bring anything back for him, but he simply shook his head and winked at me. I’d have to ask Riley exactly how much she’d told him about us.

  “An extra large mojito for me, please,” she ordered, still holding the menu in front of her face.

  “And I’ll take a Stella,” I said to the waiter, placing my menu down on the table. I couldn’t help but admire Riley as her stunning blue eyes perused the menu, deciding on a selection. Was she a salad girl? A burger girl? It occurred to me that as well as I knew her from hanging around with Marcus all these years, there was still so much I didn’t know. And getting to know her was the fun part. It seemed I learned something new every day.

  Sensing my eyes on her, she looked up from the food choices and smiled. “What?”

  “Nothing,” I shrugged, smiling back. “You just… you look pretty today.” I didn’t know why I said it; I just felt the need to. It was like that with Riley, honesty just poured out of me without regret.

  “Thank you,” she said, gazing down and biting her lip. After the initial bashfulness passed, she tapped the lid of my cap. “You look pretty adorable yourself.”

  “Adorable?” I pouted.

  “Yes, totes adorbs,” she giggled.

  “You know what I think is pretty adorable?” I leaned closer to her, pulling one of her hands over the table in mine.

  “What?” she asked, staring down at our joined hands.

  The restaurant was noisy and busy with their workday lunch crowd. I leaned forward for a little privacy, looking into her blue eyes. “The way you’re all kinky and uninhibited in your texts and then shy and modest when I tell you how pretty you are.” God, I liked looking at this woman. Did she have any idea how gorgeous she was? Crazy how I was just realizing it now myself.

  “B, you’re sweet. But… I’m the worst at taking compliments. Sorry. Girl thing.”

  “You’ve known me forever, Riles. You don’t need to be shy with me.”

  “That’s exactly why I feel so shy around you. This is kind of crazy, no? Us sitting here,” she looked down at our hands again, “holding hands, on a surprise lunch date. It’s almost easier to hide behind the flirty texts and the sex… the attraction is easy to explain. It’s everything else that’s so… weird.”

  It was weird, but not necessarily bad weird. Just different weird. “I like our weird. It’s fun.”

  She leaned closer, whispering, “Me too.” Then slanting back in her chair, she blew out a huff of air, causing her feathery bangs to fly up and out of her eyes. “Shit. This weekend is going to be hard.”

  “I know. Wanna ditch it?” Now, that was actually a clever idea.

  “We can’t. I promised Marcus I’d help him out. Plus a few of our mutual friends will be there—and then there’s the whole Marcus/Tessa thing.” She rolled her eyes and it was obvious to see that her brother and Tessa being together didn’t exactly make her happy.

  Before I could ask her why, the waiter was there with our drinks and to take our orders. Riley ordered a soup and salad combo and I ordered a BLT with fries.

  When he’d left, jotting everything down on his pad, I clinked my bottle to her glass and brought her attention back to the topic of our friends. “So, why are you so against Marcus and Tessa being together?”

  “Oh, not you too?” She tilted her head and took a sip of her mojito. “First those two, then Fallon, and now you? Is everyone fucking blind, deaf, and dumb?” She was clearly agitated, her hand gestures becoming more and more animated as she spoke. “They’re a disaster waiting to happen, Beck. He’s a man-whore with commitment issues and she’s a single mother with more baggage than an airport conveyer belt.”

  “Nice way to talk about your brother and your best friend.” I laughed, pulling back on my beer.

  “Hey,” she tsked. “You know I don’t mean it like that. I love them both. I only worry because I care. I don’t want either of them to get hurt.”

  “Well—” I had to think about how to say this, because here we were teetering on the same slippery slope ourselves. “What if they’re just having fun… like us? No expectations, no worries about the future. Just enjoying the way they make each other feel.” There. That summed it up.

  She sighed, fluffing her hair up with her fingers. “You’re right. Everyone’s right. I shouldn’t care and I should just lighten up, but… I don’t know, B. As much as I worry about Tessa, I’m actually more concerned for Marcus. He’s never done this before. You’re different. You’ve… been in love.” She struggled getting that part out, but I admired her grace in explaining herself. “My dad is useless when it comes to advice. Mom was always the shoulder to cry on, our cheerleader. I feel like I owe it to my mother to take her place when it comes to these big, momentous things in his life. Marcus is so damn pigheaded and now he’s a grown man, for God’s sake. I don’t expect him to come to his big sister for advice about girls.”

  “That’s what he has a strapping, experienced, genius of a best friend for.” I pointed my thumbs at my chest, winking.

  “That’s true,” she laughed. “And thank God yo
u’re pretty sensible and responsible, but… I can’t help worrying about him. We’re getting older and even though he’s like ten times the size of me, he’s my baby brother and I’ll always want the best for him.”

  Voices and laughter from the other tables surrounded us, but looking at her, sharing this with her—it was just the two of us. I stared into her eyes, getting another look into the surprising things I was learning about this girl I’d known my whole life. “I hope he knows how lucky he is, sweet thing. You are one amazing big sister.”

  “Yeah, fat chance of getting him to see it that way. He just thinks I’m a pain in the ass nag.”

  “Well, yes,” I admitted; Marcus did see Riley as overbearing at times. “But he also loves you very much. On more than one occasion he’s told me how much he values the special friendship you have and how, even though you guys are five years apart, you still hang out together all the time. He appreciates how you stepped up to the plate with your dad when your mom died… and for him too, Riles.

  “You’ve been more than just a sister to him for as long as I can remember. So don’t be hard on yourself, and cut him some slack too. I know he’s got a thick skull and he’s still got a hell of a long way to go, but he’s different when it comes to Tessa. I think she could be good for him. She’s a lot like you. He needs more women like that in his life.”

  She seemed to think about what I said as she bobbed the straw up and down in her drink. When her eyes finally met mine again she smiled shyly, but I could see a sadness wash over her soft features. “I hope you’re right, because quite honestly—” She let out a huff of air that seemed to deflate her whole body as she released it, eliminating a world of stress “—I’m so freaking tired of worrying about everyone else.

  “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t really like to talk about her because it’s still so hard sometimes, but…” She sipped her mojito through the straw, staining it with her lipstick. “Since Mom’s gone, I feel like I do everything as if she’s watching me. As if she’s in the background nodding in approval or pointing her finger to warn me before I do something I’ll regret. It sounds crazy because that wasn’t her and it’s not how she would’ve wanted me to live my life.

  “Not to boast, but she knew I’d always land on my feet and that I could take care of myself. She even told me not to worry too much about Dad and Marcus, but I took it upon myself to meddle in their lives only because it’s my way of holding on to her. Without my nagging daily reminders or my attempt at keeping the traditions of Sunday dinners and holidays alive, I feel like she’ll just disappear for good.

  “But it goes beyond that and it’s something I just need to get over on my own. I can’t replace her for them and I can’t be her, as hard as I try. She always had the right thing to say and the most sensible way to solve a problem. Marcus was putty in her hands, for whatever reason.”

  “Riles, you’re doing an amazing job of everything. She’d be so fucking proud of you. For keeping an eye on Marcus, for loving your dad the way you do, for accomplishing so much.” I took her hand again, staring deeply into her eyes. The tears were welling up, but she held them back. The server showed up to check our drinks, but I waved her away until Riley could compose herself. I needed to lighten the subject before this impromptu lunch turned into something way too serious for her.

  “I nearly shit myself when I saw your office today, babe. You’re an interior design rock-star. You even got me hard thinking about adding some sconces and wainscoting to my place.”

  She laughed at my joke, and the sadness slowly faded. I lifted my beer, motioning for her to do the same with the rest of her mojito. “A toast.”

  “To what?” she asked, confused.

  “To lightening up and having a good fucking time.”

  “Are you saying I have a stick up my ass?” She squinted and pouted, withholding her drink from my toast.

  “No, you definitely do not have a stick up your ass, but… I can certainly give you one,” I winked.

  Finally clinking her glass to my bottle, she bit her lip and smiled. “I’ll drink to that! Now, let’s hope the food comes quick so you can deliver on that promise before I have to get back to work.”

  Thank God he lightened the mood and changed the topic. I definitely was not about to take it in the back door my first time as some quickie on the way back from lunch, but I’d risk risqué sexual banter over a near emotional breakdown any day.

  I was way too close to telling him about all my fears. All the things I was afraid of doing without my mom. All the reasons I missed her so much. Confessing secrets and talking freely with Beck just came so naturally. I guess it was that we’d known each other so long, but since hooking up and getting to know each other more intimately—I don’t know. I felt like I’d grown so much closer to him in this last week. I could let my guard down with him. I liked that. I was pretty sure he did too.

  And there were those feelings coming into play again. Confiding in him as a friend was one thing, but getting comfortable enough to actually think he cared about what I was telling him… that was dangerous ground I probably shouldn’t tread on.

  After lunch, we walked back to my office where I offered to have him come in and hang out for a bit. He sweetly declined, saying he had errands to run, giving me a soft goodbye kiss on the mouth. That kiss said something the previous ones we shared hadn’t. While our kisses on Saturday night were empowered by pure lust and desire, our “see ya later” kiss meant so much more.

  It meant we’d reached a comfortable place in whatever this was. One where we didn’t have to think about who we were to each other, just what we felt for each other. That simple kiss spoke volumes about the little time we’d spent together. And even though it wasn’t much, I already knew that I liked spending time with him. A lot.

  Something unexplainable was tugging at me and I wasn’t sure how to analyze it. Yeah, that’s right. My internal rational, mother-hen of a subconscious reminded me. Keep overthinking, you freak! You’ve been alone with him all of two times, and one of those times you were completely intoxicated and mauling each other. This is Beck we’re talking about. Stop making it more than it is.

  Was I making it more than it was? It didn’t seem that way at lunch when we were laughing and sharing confidences effortlessly. I didn’t want to cross a line and ask Beck where he saw this going because he kept mentioning that we were just having fun. He was fresh out of a two-year relationship with Marissa. Maybe he was just occupying his time with me until she wanted him back.

  These were all questions I wanted answers to, but there was no way I’d ask them. I wasn’t about to fuck up this good feeling I had when I was with Beck. I wanted to just let it be without putting too much weight into it, even if there was this unexplainable warmth and giddiness every time I thought about him. It was probably just the idea of something new, the idea of being wanted by someone. But, was I crazy to think we could be more than some friend-turned-fling situation? I mean, look at Marcus and Tessa. They were trying to make it work and that seemed pretty absurd to me.

  Either way, it was all too much to think about with the kind of weekend we had ahead of us. Sitting at my desk and scrolling through my to-do list without really paying attention, I thought about how everything would play out at the lake house.

  We’d have to be super discreet in front of Marcus. For one thing, he would think I was playing tit-for-tat by hooking up with his friend since I told him not to hook up with mine. And secondly, I didn’t want to justify myself to him. Right now, my feelings were all over the place. Explaining to my brother that I was enjoying meaningless sex with his best friend would not go over well. And describing it as meaningless sex wasn’t fully true—on my end at least.

  I had a lot to think about before I went and said anything I’d regret to anyone. Most of all, Beck. I’d have to feel him out before I made a fool out of myself by asking him a million questions about our situation, or lack thereof.

 
“Hey, boo. Have a second?” Fallon broke me of the internal struggle between my brain and my heart.

  “Sure, what’s up?” I didn’t bother to look up from my desk, because Fallon would be sure to read right through me and see I’d been overthinking all things Beck since the moment I sat back down.

  “We got a call from a new client today. I wanted to go over your calendar with you so that we could schedule—Ah! Who the fuck am I kidding? I want to know about your lunch date with the young, hot fireman.”

  I turned around to face him, arching an eyebrow incredulously. “Smooth one, Fal. But there’s nothing to tell. It went great, he’s a sweetheart, and somehow I’ll screw this whole thing up because I already feel that I like him more than I should.”

  He plopped into the chair next to my desk, pulling it as close to me as humanly possible. “Yeah. Okay… nothing to tell, wench. That’s quite a mouth full. Oh and speaking of mouthfuls, is he one?”

  “Fallon! Can’t you be serious for one damn second, you perv?”

  “I’m sorry, but my mind was wandering the whole time you were at lunch. Did he really take you to eat or did you go, you know, act out some of those schmexy-ass texts in person?”

  “Okay, that’s enough. Back to work.”

  I usually didn’t mind sharing all the gory details with Fallon, but today my mind was racing with too many warring emotions to hash it all out in a timely fashion. I had shit to get done if I wanted to have a decent Fourth of July weekend dodging my brother and Tessa’s make-out sessions and trying to hide my feelings toward Beck from everyone, including him. This was going to be fun. I could hardly wait.

  That night, when I’d finally left the lonely office around nine thirty, picked up a fast food salad from a late-night drive thru, and settled in on the couch to catch up on my recorded shows, my cell phone chirped with an incoming text and my hopes immediately soared.