Endless

by Kaylene Winter

  “Will you stay in Seattle?” I wrinkled my brow.

  “Well, it depends.” She stared at the ceiling, lost in thought.

  I sat down on the bed and took her hand. “Huh. Um. Well, I’ve got to hit the gym.”

  “Okay, well I’ll call a Lyft.” Zoey sat back up.

  “No, stay. I won’t be long. We can go get you some clothes from your place when I get back.” I gave her a quick smile but the weird feeling from earlier reared up again at the latest line of conversation. Crap, I was disappointed that she might be leaving Seattle. It wasn’t her fault that I was going full speed ahead in my mind, but I was eager to make up for lost time, and it didn’t feel like she was on the same page as me.

  “It might be easier if I go home now and you come to get me later.” Zoey’s expression was unreadable.

  “I told you, I plan on keeping you here all weekend.”

  “I don’t want to interfere with your schedule, Ty. You already had other plans.”

  “You’re not interfering, I just forgot about Eric’s workout.”

  “I—I just don’t want you to have to be on a timeline for me,” Zoey tried to explain. “I want to be here with you, but if you have something else to do . . . I’m just trying to be practical.”

  “I’m not on a timeline for you, it’s just an hour or two tops.” I was being unreasonable, but I didn’t want to let her go home. “Why is this a thing?”

  “I’m not sure if I feel comfortable here without you.” Zoey crinkled her brow.

  “Fuck, Zoey. Fine. I’m late. If you don’t feel comfortable here, go.”

  “Ty—” I heard her call after me as I shut the door and headed outside for my workout, but I kept going without responding. I was pissed at myself for acting out at her, but I was also terrified of being hurt again.

  Especially, if she was just going to leave me again.

  Chapter 15

  ZOEY

  Staring at the door as it basically slammed in my face, my first reaction was utter shock. Twelve hours ago, I was nervously getting ready to go to the show, and the thought that Ty and I would potentially be back together romantically was ludicrous. Since then, he’d serenaded me with a new song declaring his love, my lips were tender from the hundreds of kisses we’d shared, his hands had explored every inch of my body, and his fingers, lips, and cock had made me come more times last night than I had in years.

  Oh, and we had two dreadful misunderstandings, when we had never even had a disagreement before.

  I started gathering my things to go home because, clearly, this wasn’t going to work. Part of me was absolutely devastated. Until my stupid comments after our erotic shower, I was beginning to believe we had a chance to repair things. We had talked through some tough subjects; the sex was off the chain. I loved him with all my heart. I wanted it to be perfect. Not just perfect but meant-to-be perfect.

  As strong and confident as Ty had come across these past several months, evidently, he had not gotten past our history. Maybe I hadn’t either. It made things crunchy when it had been so easy before. Honestly, the images of Ty with so many other women weighed on me, and my flippant remark cut Ty to the core. My own insecurities could very well be at fault for destroying anything beautiful we were building again.

  But he was also behaving erratically, and it bugged me too.

  Needing some backup, I picked up my phone and texted SOS to Alex.

  “Hey, red alert,” I said, answering the phone when she called.

  “Okay, start at the top,” Alex encouraged.

  After explaining what had happened over the past twelve hours, including Ty leaving to go to the gym, I was met with silence for a minute.

  “Okay, Zoey I’m going to give you some tough love,” Alex warned. “Two things, and this is not meant to shame you in any way, but what in the fuck did you expect when you brought up other women after you had what sounds like the hottest sex I’ve ever heard of?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “No. Stop it,” Alex demanded. “I love you, Z, but I am so fucking sick of the drama.”

  “What are you talking about?” I was stunned.

  Alex gave it to me hard. “It’s like you both bring it on yourself, this angst. Make all the excuses you want, but that man has never thought of anyone else but you. He has wanted you, and only you, since he was twenty-one years old.

  “But Carter—”

  “No!” Alex said sharply. “Look, I get it, but it was you who didn’t even talk to him, give him a chance. Maybe it would have worked, maybe it wouldn’t have, but you’ll never know, will you?”

  “Ohmygod.” My heart fell to the floor. She was right.

  “Zoey, you need to think long and hard about what you want. Do not play with this man’s heart again. You’re a grown woman, a fucking amazing lawyer, and the smartest person I know—but if you want him—fight for him, show him you won’t leave him again.”

  “He doesn’t want me here, Alex. He told me to leave.”

  Alex’s voice softened. “Of course he wants you there. It’s all he’s ever wanted.”

  “I’m so scared, I don’t know what I’m doing, Alex.” I hyperventilated just a bit. “I’m completely over my head.”

  “No one does. Just stop getting in your own way.”

  “How do I get all of these women out of my head without making him feel bad? I’m scared that he’s built me up into something I’m not, and when he finds out he’ll realize he’s wasted so much time pining over a girl who only knows how to bury my nose in books.”

  “I’ve never heard you talk this way, snap the fuck out of it. Ty has never stopped loving you for exactly who you are. He fucked around to forget you,” Alex lectured. “But you dumped him. You’re not allowed to judge him, you need to support him. And if it means anything, Jace says that it wasn’t remotely as bad as the press made it seem.”

  “C’mon spill. Are you, um, with Jace?” It seemed like every conversation I had with Alex lately involved Jace in some way.

  Alex deflected. “We’re not talking about me. Now, buckaroo, you’re going to give it your all and see where the chips fall. Because whether you end up together or you don’t, make sure that you have given everything you have to him. Then you will never have any more regrets.

  “Okay. I will, I love him so much, Alex. I knew there was a reason you were my best friend.” I sighed into the phone. “I’m petrified, but I’ll do it.”

  “Duh! Get your shit together, I’m hanging up.”

  Exhausted from the emotional torrent of the past couple hours and the lack of sleep from our activities last night, I crawled back into Ty’s bed, pulled up the covers, and read for a while. After a couple of hours, Ty wasn’t home, so I texted him.

  Zoey: I’m so sorry for everything, Ty. I’m here waiting for U whenever U get back.

  An hour went by with no reply.

  Zoey: I’m worried about you, are you coming back?

  Nothing. A half-hour later I tried again, now anxious.

  Zoey: Ty, I’m freaking out that something has happened 2U. Please, if U get this, just let me know ur ok.

  Nothing. After another fifteen minutes I got up and started pacing. If something had happened to him before I made it right, I’d never get over it. Taking a few deep breaths to try to calm down, I willed myself not to go there in my head. Just as I was about to send another message, I saw a text from Ty coming through.

  Ty: I’m ok U should go.

  Zoey: I don’t want to go, I miss you. Where did U go?

  Ty: I had to take care of a few things, I’m at Jace’s house.

  Zoey: I’ll wait.

  Ty: It’s ok, Z. Just go.

  His dismissive text made me angry, and frantically I gathered my things to leave. Then I reconsidered. To calm down, I let out big breaths and tried to regulate my breathing, so I could think straight.

  All I could hear was Alex’s voice that said I needed to fight for him this
time and show him that I wouldn’t leave him again. So what if he was testing me? It was time for me to be an adult and face the past and hopefully put it behind us. I knew one thing. I wasn’t going anywhere, if for nothing else but to prove it to Ty. Moving to the living room, I snuggled under a blanket and turned on Bravo to a marathon of Southern Charm.

  I texted Ty again.

  I’m not leaving.

  Then I waited.

  Chapter 16

  TYSON

  Throughout my grueling Saturday workout, my mind continued to whirl, and I found myself second-guessing all things Zoey. Every word, every kiss, and every gesture. When I finished punishing myself on the treadmill and weight bench, I was nowhere near right in the head to go home to an empty house after I told her to leave.

  The only person who would give it to me straight was Jace. Despite my declarations that we would figure things out on our own, I found myself at his downtown high-rise condo, where he buzzed me up. Jace answered the door shirtless and rumpled but still invited me in. It was clear that he had someone there. I could hear her faintly in his bedroom, probably on the phone.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt you, my brother, I’ll leave.” I gestured to the voice.

  “Nah, it’s cool. What’s up?” He went to the Sub-Zero fridge and grabbed a water, offering me one too.

  “I’m fucked,” I said, gratefully taking the water and drinking it down in one gulp.

  “But did you get fucked?” Jace waggled his eyebrows.

  I gave him a dirty look, “Uh, well. Yeah. But we fought, and I told her to leave. Goddammit. I’m fucking still in love with her and I told her to leave.”

  “Hmm.” He looked at me strangely, but I noticed he not so inconspicuously glanced at his bedroom door. The voice had stopped.

  “Who’s here?” I nodded to the door.

  “No one,” Jace said out loud then mouthed, “Alex.”

  “Holy shit!”

  Jace just shrugged and continued, “After all this time and all the drama, I’m not surprised you fought. Your past shit had to boil up at some point, better earlier than later.”

  “I guess. I told her to leave because she’s probably taking a job in some other city.” I sank down in a chair.

  “Well, we’re taking a year off, you could just go with her.” Jace leaned against the wall.

  I hadn’t even thought of that, but still. “I didn’t hear an invite.”

  “Fucking hell, Ty. Stop being such a dramatic baby-man.” Jace wrinkled his face in disgust. “You guys are your own worst fucking enemies.”

  Just then a text from Zoey came in, and I glanced at the phone and held it up. “I guess she didn’t leave, she’s still at my place.”

  “Then why the fuck are you here, you dickwad?”

  “I’ve wanted this for so long.” I winced.

  “Duh. You’ve got to stop with all of this, dude. Sort your shit out with her and live happily ever after or move the fuck on.” Jace shook his head at me.

  I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “I’m just not sure.”

  “Um, Ty. Brother to brother, I’m kicking you out for your own good.” Jace got up and opened his front door, gesturing at me to get out. “She’s at your place. Go talk to her. I’m not sure why she still wants you when you act ridiculous like this, but she clearly does so will you go and make up with her and put us all out of your misery for once and for all?”

  “Fine.” I stepped outside the door and turned around. “But—”

  Jace slammed the door on me, his grin wide.

  Chapter 17

  ZOEY

  The sound of the deadlock and the front door opening woke me up, and I heard Ty’s footsteps stop by the entryway and resume when he crossed the room over to where I was on the couch. Sitting down next to me, still in his gym clothes, Ty clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees, staring at the ground and not at me. Sighing heavily, he finally looked up, his eyes tired. “Why are you still here, Zoey?”

  “I told you I wasn’t leaving, and I didn’t leave.”

  “I can’t do this.” He gestured between us. “I don’t think this thing between us is going to work.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, his words stabbing me deep in my heart.

  “Call it self-preservation. In the light of today, I can’t go through this with you again. Because when you leave, and you will eventually, I won’t survive it this time.” Ty looked back down.

  “But I’m not leaving. I told you that. Even when you told me to go, I stayed.”

  “Ah, but you will leave. Either my past will come back and fuck you up or you’ll take a new job far away from me,” Ty spat out before stalking back to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a small bottle of orange juice.

  “That is not fair, Ty.” I was pissed and followed him into the kitchen. “In your past while you saw the world, hobnobbed with the rich and famous, romanced a bunch of women, and became successful in your career, I was buried in books. And, I was all alone.”

  “You gave me no fucking choice.”

  Our past coming to a head was inevitable. Last night had been so sexually charged after Ty had declared his intentions toward me, we’d both obviously glossed over his deep resentment in order to get naked. Once we had released the tension, so to speak, I guess it left room for Ty’s true feelings to spill out. I knew we were at a critical juncture, and I decided then and there that Ty deserved to express himself. If we were going to have a chance, I wanted to be his safe place.

  “I’ve tried to apologize, Ty. I’ll never forgive myself for not talking to you before I left that morning or for ignoring you afterward,” I said softly. “You didn’t deserve that, and I was too immature to understand the consequences of my actions. You don’t need to answer to me for anything you did while we were broken up. Truly, you don’t.”

  “I know I shouldn’t have to.” Ty’s anger was tinged with sadness. “Fuck! This is too much.”

  “So, we finally find our way back to each other, and you want to give up after one day because it’s hard to work through eight years of emotions?”

  “No, I don’t want to give up” Ty’s face was almost ashen. “I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. I don’t want to talk about this stuff, I just want us to be happy.”

  “We have to talk, babe.” I tentatively reached for his hand. “If we don’t, you’ll never believe in us again.”

  “I fucking love you so much, Zoey.” Ty reached over and took my index finger in his. “You’re still my very favorite person, I don’t want you to leave again.”

  “I fucking love you too, Ty.” I squeezed our fingers together. “Oh God, is that what triggered this? Me talking about taking a new job?”

  Ty shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I thought I’d sweep you off your feet and we’d be together.”

  “I want that.” I sighed, hoping to explain. “I also want you to understand why I finished undergrad and law school in five flippin’ years, immediately took a job as an associate in a super-competitive law firm, and I have been grinding for three years. I’ve worked hard to be in demand so I can find my dream job.”

  “I thought you wanted to make partner.”

  “After helping you with the foundation, I’ve set my sights higher.”

  Ty seemed frustrated, but I knew that if our relationship stood a chance my career needed to have equal consideration. “Okay, do you care to fill me in?”

  “I want to be an executive at a non-profit and get out of law-firm life altogether.” I said proudly. “Those are the jobs my headhunter is looking for.”

  Ty’s entire demeanor softened. “Wow. That’s really cool.”

  “I’m passionate about this work, Ty.” I relaxed slightly. “But it’s you I want. If you decide you can’t be with me, fine. If you want to take back everything you said last night, fine. If you never want to make love to me again, fine. But just because I want to have my own career that means s
omething, doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. Get that through your thick skull.” I grasped his hand tightly over the island.

  Ty sighed and leaned forward, dropping his head on our clasped hands on the counter. “Fuck.”

  “I’m not the same person, Ty. I’ve grown up too. I know what I want, and I want you. You’re it for me and I won’t let you or anyone ever talk me out of it again.”

  “I didn’t think you’d be here when I got back.” He looked back up, his gorgeous face finally calm.

  “But here I am.”

  Ty stood to his full height, his square jaw dusted with five o’clock shadow, his blue eyes considering me carefully as he expressed my greatest fear. “My plan was to ease into this. Maybe go out for dinner, try to start completely over. But when I saw you after the show, I got caught up in all of it. I wanted you so bad the next thing I knew we were here and fucking and fucking some more, and it felt like we were connected on such a deep level.”

  “We are, we always have been.” I couldn’t stop myself from walking around the island and hugging him.

  “I’m acting so crazy. I want you back so much Z.” Ty drew me close and whispered in my hair, “Today sucked. Well, the wake-up blowie was good. The shower was epic.”

  I stepped back but kept my hand on his hip to keep contact. “I want you back too.”

  Ty cuddled me under his arm so he could stroke my back.

  “Tell me the truth, Z. Did I fuck things up?” Ty’s expressive eyes were full of worry.

  “No, we are together again. It’s what I want too. As I said before, I’m a little insecure about how I’ll measure up, but I promise that I won’t throw the past in your face.”

  “For the record, you have nothing to be insecure about. You’re the only girl I have ever wanted. I drank and partied and lost myself in the cliché rock-star life to try to forget you. It never worked. That probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but it’s why I don’t drink anymore and why I haven’t been with anyone in almost two years. Well, until you.”