I hoped she felt how good we were together.
Zoey raked her fingers through my hair. I deliberately drove deep inside her, the sounds of our desire filling the room. Bracing myself on my arms on either side of her head, I picked up the pace and rolled my hips. She arched up to receive me. Zoey’s breasts jiggled tantalizingly with each thrust, and I couldn’t help but lean down and taste them, suckling one after the other hard into my mouth. She emitted sexy breaths of pleasure while matching me thrust for thrust, I couldn’t stop telling her how much I loved her. Her whole body shook when my cock rubbed against her magic spot inside over and over.
Zoey screamed my name, shattering. I blew right after her with a loud roar.
“Don’t go home, stay with me.” I nuzzled her neck and then looked at her intently. “We’re a couple now, let’s figure this out together.”
“I can’t lose my job. Risk my license. I sacrificed years of my life. Don’t ask me to do that.”
I didn’t know what to say, my heart seized. I’d been so overwhelmingly happy having her back in my life, but how could I ask her to give everything up? It wasn’t just about her fitting into my life, I had to fit into hers. I was desperate to find a solution.
“I’ll fire the firm.” I reached for my phone. “Then there’s no conflict.”
“No! Ty, whether you fire the firm or stay, I’m facing the same ethical issue. It would be worse if you leave, it will bring all of the attention on me.” Zoey gestured frantically. “I don’t want this to be true. It’s killing me, but I have no choice but to deal with it. Alone.”
Ah, there it was. My mind screamed at me.
You’re not good enough for her, she’s found the perfect excuse to leave you again.
“You do have a choice. You’re just not choosing me. You’ll never choose me.” The words tumbled out of my lips before I could take them back.
“Ty, that’s not true. That’s not fair, you’re not listening to me.”
“You know what? Nothing about our relationship is fair. Do you know what is true? You call the shots, I just follow you around like a lovestruck puppy hoping you’ll keep me.” I was furious. “I’m never going to be enough for you. All I do is try to do things that will make you feel the same way I do. For nothing.”
“No! Babe! Stop! That is not true!” Zoey clung to me. But I held up my hand to stop her from saying anything else.
The sheets nearly ripped when I shot out of bed, angrily threw my things in my duffle bag, and stalked to the living room, leaving her sitting in bed, her mouth hanging open. A few minutes later she emerged, dressed in leggings and a T-shirt, wheeling her suitcase. We silently exited the room and rode the elevator down. Striding through the lobby, leaving Zoey in my wake, I handed the valet ticket to the attendant and waited, staring straight ahead behind my mirrored sunglasses. When my McLaren pulled up, I pulled out a couple of hundreds and shoved them into Zoey’s purse.
“Take a cab,” I growled before jumping in my car and speeding away.
I didn’t look back.
Even if it made me the biggest asshole on the planet.
Chapter 21
ZOEY
Strangely, I couldn’t even cry. I was numb. On the flight home I put on my noise-canceling headphones so I didn’t have to talk to anyone. At first, I didn’t blame Ty for being angry. After all, I was the queen of self-sabotage when it came to our relationship. It didn’t excuse his behavior though. I didn’t deserve to be treated like a disposable groupie. Not by a long shot.
I found myself in an impossible situation. I’d been living in a fantasy world for weeks, believing that Ty and I could have our happy ever after without any issues. For the most part, other than the day after the launch party, things between us had been wonderful. Easy. Drama-free. As far as I was concerned, it was only a matter of time before we moved in together. Or got married.
Until that humiliating scene at the hotel. Now, suddenly, I was alone. Again.
Of course, I’d told him I needed to handle my situation alone, so I got what I asked for.
Alone was better than disrespected.
Alone was also better than being vilified for something I had done years ago. Something he still used against me to justify his cruel and dismissive behavior. If he couldn’t let our past go, how could anyone else in his world? I wasn’t going to live my life apologizing. If Ty couldn’t forgive me, and it was clear that he couldn’t, then we didn’t have a future. And goddammit, if he could forgive Carter years ago, why couldn’t he give me a break?
Truth be told, as sad as I felt at losing Ty again, I was also livid. And weary. It had been overwhelming to bear the burden of our split and everything that came afterward on my own. I had never wanted to break up with Ty, but I certainly didn’t expect that I’d be the subject of songs about it. They were part of pop culture now. This meant that unlike most breakups and heartbreaks, Ty’s side of our story had been shared, no exaggeration, with the entire world. It stood to reason that the world was behind Ty.
I’d been lulled into a state of complacency. In Seattle, no one really bugged him, and we certainly didn’t have a fleet of paparazzi following us around. It was easy for me to forget Ty was famous. I got lost in him and us again and pretended that things were exactly the same as where we left off. Well, before I left him all those years ago.
The reality of the level of his fame smacked me in the face when we were out and about in LA. It bugged me that Jace had warned Ty about the potential consequences of being out in public and he ignored the warning. Call it self-preservation, but I didn’t want to face the judgment of the zillions of LTZ fans without a plan in place. They’d been waiting for years to find out my identity to tear me down. Years ago, I would have believed that I deserved it.
Now? Not so much.
Ty had to have known that if we were in public, holding hands, cuddling and kissing, hundreds of people would be taking his picture. I didn’t know, so I was taken by complete surprise. It was irresponsible, and maybe even unsafe. Don’t get me wrong, nothing made me prouder than to be on Ty’s arm. I just deserved an equal say in my life.
Luckily, even though my photo was out there, the trolls didn’t know my identity yet. I couldn’t help but read their cruel comments about my physical appearance and worthiness to be with Ty. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the fear I had about the ethical violations I could face. I’d gone all-in with Ty without a second thought, and my own carelessness chilled me to the bone.
Whenever I felt out of my element, I needed to think things through. Reset. Analyze. Problem-solve. Ty knew that about me. I’ve always been this way. That was the only reason I wanted to come home early. When he drove off leaving me in the dust with cab fare, it was devastating. I understood that his own insecurities about my commitment to him drove him to do it. It didn’t excuse his behavior. Or his inability to be there for me.
I couldn’t believe we were over before we even had a chance to begin.
I needed my mom.
She picked up on the first ring. “Are you already back in town? I thought you got in later tonight.”
“I came home early. Ty and I broke up.” The tears I couldn’t muster on the plane flooded out of me at the sound of her voice.
“Oh, Zoey, are you okay?”
“I don’t know. He’s so angry with me.”
“Sweetie, everyone argues, it’s to be expected. Tell me.”
As I explained what happened and how Ty reacted, I was so glad I called her. She never lectured me or made me feel bad. She didn’t place judgment on Ty. My mom was the best at helping me reason through things to come to my own conclusions. I was so lucky to have her.
“Zoey, from what you told me, Ty didn’t have much parental guidance, and I’m sure he’s struggling with abandonment issues. In any relationship, communication is the most important element and if you plan on being with him long-term, it will be up to the two of you to work on these issues together.”
“What will you do about the ethics situation?”
“It won’t matter if I get a new job. But, Mom, all of the photos, autographs, and selfies? It was overwhelming. It wasn’t until we were at the hotel when I realized that if Joe found out I’d have serious issues at the firm, and I freaked out. My homing instinct ignited, and I just wanted to be here to calm down and come up with a plan.”
Mom dropped a bomb. “If it’s any consolation, Ty came over when you were working late a couple of weeks ago to talk to me and your dad.”
“Why?” I was beyond shocked. He’d said nothing about it.
“He loves you. He’s a good man, but he’s not perfect.” My mom’s gentle voice soothed me a bit. “And neither are you, sweetheart.”
“God, don’t I know that.” Tears leaked down my cheeks. “What if I tank my career and Ty and I don’t work out? I’m so confused. I’m not sure if I’m prepared to live my life so publicly, and with Ty it’s my only option.”
“Zoey, you’ve always been such a serious, careful girl. Now, you’re a serious, careful young woman. Your dad and I always encouraged you to come out of your shell. We’ve worried about your solitary tendencies for years. Only you can decide what makes you happy and how you want to interact in this world. All I ask as your mother is that you don’t make decisions out of fear. Don’t always plan for the worst, or you will draw the worst to you. Tonight, allow yourself to dream about your perfect life and all of the people surrounding you. Think about how you’d feel in this perfect life. I guarantee, you will know what to do.”
“You sound like a self-help book.” I was able to muster up a smile.
“Moms always know best, remember that,” she laughed.
A couple of days later, I sat at my desk well past office hours. I still hadn’t heard from Ty, and I hadn’t reached out to him either. I was numb, bordering on depressed.
Staring out my window at the Space Needle, I waited for Joe, who had requested a meeting. I knew it was do or die time. Even if we weren’t together anymore, my ethics professor had advised me to let HR know about my relationship with Ty. I’d emailed them that morning and the meeting request from Joe followed within minutes. All day the wait made me feel nauseated, anticipating the conversation I’d be having any second now.
My mind was swirling around on a loop. When I got this way, Ty teased me about the hamster wheel in my head. Where was he now? My career was about to tank because of our relationship that didn’t even exist anymore.
I glanced at the clock and realized Joe was over half an hour late. Figuring, or maybe hoping, he had forgotten our meeting, I decided to pack up and go home to my empty condo. Nothing said “party” more than eating a pint of Haagen-Dazs Peanut Butter and Chocolate for dinner in front of BravoTV after you lost your job because of your famous boyfriend who wasn’t your boyfriend anymore.
Just as I powered down my PC, I noticed Joe standing at my office door. “Zoey? Good, I’m not too late. Do you still have a minute?”
“Sure, Joe.” I inwardly sighed, smoothed the slacks on my black pantsuit, and sat back down at my desk. He took the seat across from me, leaving my door open.
“We need to discuss Tyson Rainier.” He lowered his reading glasses to look me in the eye.
“Okay”
“Zoey, I’ve learned that you have been seeing Mr. Rainier. As a client of the firm, there are ethical concerns.” He tapped his fingers on my desk.
“Yes, which is why I disclosed to HR about it. Ty has been my lover since I was eighteen years old. Well before I brought his foundation business to the firm.” I held his gaze, refusing to apologize for my sexual history or my relationship with Ty. It was none of his fucking business.
Well, maybe it was, but I had to stand my ground.
“Ehh. Umm,” Joe sputtered, visibly shocked at my unexpected crassness.
“You might remember from that first meeting that Ty and I lost touch for a few years, but we started dating again.”
“Zoey, you have to understand, this firm takes its ethical responsibilities—”
“I didn’t do anything to deliberately compromise this firm.” I cut him off.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Look, I need to take some time. I know that I don’t have enough seniority for a sabbatical. I’m happy to formalize my resignation in writing.”
“Zoey, wait. We don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m not making this decision irrationally. I appreciate all that you have done for me. I just—” I looked out the window without finishing.
“Want to do something else?” Joe asked.
“I don’t know. But I need a change.”
Joe tapped his finger to his nose. “Zoey, forgive me for asking, it isn’t my business but are you sure he’s the man for you? It seems like he has a pretty troubled history.”
“He’s always been the only man for me, Joe.” I furrowed my brow. “You don’t know him, and you shouldn’t believe everything you read.”
“Wait a minute—” His eyes opened wide. “You’re Z!”
“Umm.” My downturned eyes said it all.
“Oh, wow.” Joe was stunned. “Wow.”
“Yes, Joe. I’m the one he wrote all those songs about. I won’t go into everything, but there are two sides to the story and his version has become our truth. Until he showed up last June, we’d lost touch. He’s a public figure, which means I’m going to be outed. It’s best if I leave to protect the firm.”
“Um. Um. Well, um—Huh.” He looked completely befuddled. If that’s your decision, I won’t stand in your way.”
“Thanks, Joe. Seriously. For everything.” I stood too and walked over to shake his hand.
“You can always come back if it doesn’t work out, Zoey. I mean it.” He clasped my hand in both of his. “You’re an exceptional talent.”
“I appreciate it.” I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. “I’ve boxed up my personal stuff, but I’m happy to help with a transition if you need me to.”
“That won’t be necessary, Zoey.” Joe turned to leave. “Good luck to you.”
Afterward, I sat down behind my desk, stunned that I’d actually quit my job. I had no back-up plan and no true prospects, just about a year’s salary in my bank account to keep me going until I landed on my feet. It was already 8:25 p.m., and my heart sank when I saw I’d missed a dozen texts and calls from Ty.
6:41 pm Tyson – missed call.
6:42 pm Tyson: Hey can we talk?
6:58 pm Tyson – missed call.
6:59 pm Tyson – missed call.
6:59 pm Tyson: Z, please pick up.
7:13 pm Tyson: I’m back in Seattle, I need to see you Z.
7:38 pm Tyson: missed call.
7:39 pm Tyson: Z, please just let me know ur ok.
7:45 pm Tyson: missed call.
7:50 pm Tyson: missed call.
7:59 pm Tyson: missed call.
8:05 pm Tyson: I’m coming to you.
Frantically I dialed Ty’s number, I hoped to intercept him before he came to find me. The call went to Ty’s voicemail, and I left a message explaining I had been in a meeting and to call me. Grabbing my purse and box of stuff, I rushed out, desperate to talk to him. If for no other reason than to end things more civilly this time. At the elevator, I was rustling through my purse to find my car keys when the door opened. In my rush to get to the parking garage, I smashed straight into a wall of my rock god.
Chapter 22
TYSON
“Z, baby.” I was so relieved to see my beautiful girl, I instinctively pulled Zoey into a bear hug before realizing she had a big box of her things in her hands. She looked tired and stressed but relieved to see it was me and not some rando.
“Hi.” She pulled away quickly.
“Sorry, I don’t want to cause trouble for you at your job.” I looked around, mentally chastising myself for being inconsiderate. Again.
“Former job.” She kicked the rug with her Fleuvog boot. “I quit today.”
“What?” I was blown away, leave it to Zoey to thwart my grand gesture again.
“Yep, I chose you.” She hit the elevator button with her elbow and looked up to watch its descent.
“Zoey.” My heart melted into a puddle on the floor. “Let me take that.”
She said nothing when I took the box, just kept her eyes fixed to the floor indicator. When the elevator arrived, she stepped in and pressed the button for the parking garage.
I followed her. “Can we talk?”
“Okay.”
“I wrapped up my vocals and came back as soon as I could.” I tried to explain.
“Look, I know I didn’t handle things well in LA.” Zoey shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “But I was really worried about being outed. You leaving me in the dust wasn’t cool. It really hurt me.”
“I was wrong.” I shook my head in shame. “I’m so sorry.”
“Getting back together was a big adjustment for both of us.” She stared straight ahead. “After what just happened, I’m still afraid.”
“And yet that is all I want to do with you.” I slumped against the elevator wall, clasping her box to my chest.
The doors opened and I followed Zoey out to the garage. She opened the trunk and I set the box inside. She tossed me the keys and we got into her RAV. I eased out into the shitty Seattle traffic and headed toward West Seattle. We sat in silence. The air felt heavy with tension. After twenty minutes, when we only managed to travel a few blocks in bumper-to-bumper traffic, the pressure got to me.
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