“I never expected to hear that come out of your mouth.” He paused, but only for a moment before adding, “But you know you don’t mean that. And I never asked you to quit. You’re a dancer with every fiber of your being. Every muscle, every toe, every graceful line of your neck and arms and legs shouts that you were born to dance. I do love your legs, you know.”
I gave him a shaky smile. “Seems I’ve heard that once or twice.”
The music changed into a slow two-step and James held me a smidgen closer, his breath on my ear. “I can’t ask you to be someone you’re not. If you gave up your dancing, you’d hate me within two years.”
“Do you think so little of me? Am I that shallow?”
“Okay, five years. You know it, Jess. Deep in your heart. That would be worse for both of us. Maybe we have to face facts.”
“But I love you.” Now I was crying. “And I don’t know how to reconcile us. Because I can’t ask you to give up the ministry, either. Aunt Sophie gave me a small inheritance to start a dance studio here in Snow Valley.”
James let out a low whistle. “How very generous of her.”
“It is generous, and thoughtful—and maybe it’s a sign. Perhaps I should move back home instead of dancing on a stage. I could pass on the love of the art and the skills. Inspire another young girl to become a ballerina.”
“You have too much of your own potential to give it up to teach ten-year-olds with bony knees and no posture.”
“You make it sound dreadful.”
“It’s not. Teaching is a noble calling, but we’d still be in the same boat. You’d still be giving up your life’s work, your dream.”
I buried my face into his suit coat, smelling his aftershave, feeling the heat from his skin. All those perfect things I noticed about him every time he was close.
“I can’t say goodbye to you.” A tear rolled down my cheek and he reached up to wipe it away.
“Would you give Alonso a chance?” he asked. “He’s been throwing sharp blades with his eyes at me—figuratively speaking—for the last ten minutes.”
I shook my head, bewildered at his question. “Is that a request to give Alonso a chance, or a question about my sanity? He’s annoying. But he can also be sweet. So it depends.”
“On what?”
“You.”
I hadn’t been aware of it, but we’d stopped dancing despite the music, the swirling couples, and the sparkling white lights. The magical evening was anything but enchanting for me.
James cupped my face in my hands and my breath caught in my throat. He was so close, so handsome. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to see if it still gave me that same jumpy feeling in my stomach. Especially after he’d proposed and we’d left each other so uncomfortably earlier that month. But I couldn’t do that to him. Not in front of the entire town. “Do you trust me, Jessica? Do you believe in me?”
All of a sudden, I wondered if he’d kissed April Murphy, the pastor-husband-chaser. But when I looked into James’ blue, blue eyes I knew he hadn’t. He wouldn’t do that; not until we’d officially and forever broken up.
My brow furrowed. I placed my hands on his. “Of course. Implicitly.”
“Then keep on trusting me. We’ll figure this out one way or another.”
“I think you’re saying that I’m supposed to have faith—and you know I’m not very good at that.”
“Practice, my love. It just takes practice.”
Alonso suddenly appeared behind James’ shoulder. “Cutting in,” he announced, grasping my arm.
My ballet partner twirled me away and I looked back over my shoulder. The man I’d deeply loved for the past year just smiled at me, as if he knew I would go back to New Orleans and forget about him. As if he knew that I should move on with another man, just as he was moving on with April.
His expression conveyed that he was letting me go—and was just waiting for me to figure it out for myself.
Chapter 14
James’ mood turned melancholy after he parted from Jessica on the dance floor. They still hadn’t officially broken up because neither of them wanted to, but there seemed to be no way out of their predicament. Dear Lord, how could he live without her?
He was tired and not thinking clearly. What a day it had been. First the revelation from April about her pregnancy before he was barely awake, the funeral of Sophie Morris, then a hundred conversations with various members of the family and congregation after the graveside service. Socializing during the family luncheon.
Now he was trying to dance with every woman and girl at the Easter Ball so that he didn’t look like he was choosing favorites. Smiling, laughing, and chatting some more. He wouldn’t have a voice in the morning and he was practically dead on his feet. There was still tomorrow’s sermon to run through in front of the mirror, too.
Uncle John couldn’t return home soon enough.
He knew the work load wasn’t really all that bad, and he actually enjoyed his life’s calling. He loved meeting people and helping them through their problems and joys. It was part of who he was. It was the emotional roller coaster with Jessica that was getting to him.
He got a plate of food from the buffet table and sat down at one of the corner tables to eat. His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. A text message from Uncle John. That was unusual.
Heard from an old friend. Interesting proposition. Set aside some time for me on Monday when I return. I need to talk to you. btw: Cora’s sister is doing better, at least for the moment. No more funerals for awhile.
James typed: That’s good news. And my curious is definitely piqued.
“May I join you?” April stood in front of him with a loaded plate of food.
“Please. Sit down.” James got up and pulled out her chair. “Much better not to eat alone.”
“That’s the truth. When I don’t feel like cooking Daphne and I often have a bowl of popcorn and string cheese while we watch a Disney movie. The salty popcorn seems to settle my stomach.”
“Whatever trick works, right?” He smiled at her. “We also need to introduce you to Max Hamilton. He’s done courses in taxes and insurance. Maybe he can recommend the best direction for your educational and financial goals.”
“I’d appreciate that.” She took a bite from her plate and chewed thoughtfully, staring out at the dancers. Particularly Jessica and Alonso who was now teaching her a swing step variation.
James focused on his food, not wanting to watch them dance. Not wanting to think about the hours they spent together practicing choreography. In many ways they seemed to fit well together but maybe that was just because they were both such skilled dancers. It was an illusion.
When he glanced up, about to rise from his chair to grab drinks James was startled to see that April was gazing at him with an odd expression.
“Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Just musing on Snow Valley and its inhabitants. Like you.”
James felt himself go still, wondering where she was going with the conversation.
“I was watching you with that girl. Jessica Mason, right? I understand she’s a ballet dancer.”
“She’s a native of the town, born and bred. Her dad’s the dentist. And Jess is very talented.” James kept his reply short and sweet, not relishing where this might go.
April touched his arm. “Don’t worry; I’m not about to spill anymore alarming secrets. I appreciate your concern for me and Daphne as well as your friendship. But,” she paused and James waited, his heart in his throat. “Okay, I admit, I thought maybe we’d get to know each other better. Down the road, you know? Golly, this is getting embarrassing.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. You’re an attractive and very nice woman, April.”
“Okay, thanks, but I’m not fishing for compliments. I see the way you look at Jessica. Your eyes—wow. Well, nobody has to tell me that you’re madly in love with her.”
James tried not to look as stunned as he felt
. “Is it that obvious?”
“Unquestionably. Reminds me of Roy when we were dating and first married. The best time of my whole life. Except Daphne’s birth might be a tiny notch higher on the run of amazing.”
James gave a laugh. “I can imagine so. It’s remarkable that you can look back with such pleasure. Not allowing your anger or grief color your memories. I admire you for handling this tough road with faith and poise.”
“You’re a good man, James. Even though I’m lonely beyond belief, and overwhelmed, I don’t want to be second choice.”
“No,” James said. “You shouldn’t ever be. You don’t deserve that.”
“Maybe someday a man will look at me with that kind of love again. Not just because I’d make a respectable wife, or provide an instant family, but because he couldn’t live without me.”
“Wise words, April.”
She bit at her lips, resigned, but obviously wanting to do the right thing. “Now go figure out what you have to do to be with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
Chapter 15
It was the day before opening night of Swan Lake and I was a complete wreck. My ankles wobbled, my palms sweated, and Alonso was driving me insane.
Maddox yelled, “Where is your brain, Jessica Mason! Take five and then come back center stage. Do it perfectly or you’re fired.”
Shocked gasps sounded and then dead silence filled the auditorium.
I gulped, fighting a stream of tears. Fired? For missing a couple of steps? I did know better and that it was unacceptable, but I’d never heard those words before and I tried not to let it rattle me. I staggered off the stage, wondering where my demeanor had gone as well as my dancing skills.
“He’s just blowing smoke,” Sierra said when I passed her in the wings on my way to the restroom. “Maddox can’t fire you. At least not until after the run of Swan Lake.”
“So he’ll fire me after the production is over? That’s comforting.”
“Course he can get rid of you,” Monica added, listening to our conversation. “He’s a jerk and he’d rather get rid of you than have his production get bad reviews.”
My teeth gritted. “You’re not helping, Monica.”
I reached the hallway and lurched to the drinking fountain, then headed to the ladies room. What was wrong with me? I’d been struggling ever since I’d returned from Snow Valley two weeks ago. My focus was shot to pieces. I was missing James desperately. I was coming to realize that I was hopelessly in love with him and had lost him forever.
“Men problems?” Sierra said when I came out of the stall.
“Of course not,” I said, turning on the water.
Sierra was the last person I’d confide in.
“It’s always men problems.” She leaned against the wall, one leg bent to brace herself, her pink toe shoes perfectly tied and knotted. “Who else jerks our emotions around?”
Perhaps Sierra was wiser than I gave her credit for.
James and I had only spoken a few times on the phone. He seemed to be really busy with a new project for Pastor John. I resented it despite the fact that I was putting in twelve hour days since Easter weekend and didn’t have time to do anything but eat a sandwich and fall into bed every night.
When I slammed the bathroom door shut and returned backstage Alonso was there, taking my arm, murmuring words of comfort. Ever since he thought he had a chance with me he’d dropped the accents and the silliness, but I couldn’t look at him as more than a dancer partner.
James had ruined my heart forever.
I was dancing woodenly, like a beginner, because I’d lost my heart in Snow Valley and I couldn’t ever get it back.
Maddox shouted, “Mason, back on stage now!”
Crunching my toe shoes in the resin box, I ran out under the spotlight to run through the dance piece gain. By the end of the day, I’d pushed thoughts of James from my mind, shoving them into a dark corner so I could focus.
“Better,” Maddox growled when I exited the stage after the finale, sweating like a pig. “No more dancing like a wooden doll.”
“Yes, sir.”
I didn’t allow myself to dream about James or wonder what he was doing with April Murphy any longer. I’d encase my heart in stone and be the dancer I was supposed to be.
It would be enough.
It had to be enough.
Which was why I was stunned speechless when, the next night after the second curtain call at the end of opening night, Pastor Dude James Douglas himself sauntered into my dressing room.
It was close to midnight. I’d just finished removing my makeup and had thrown a sweater over my leotard, planning to shower and change at home where it was warmer and more comfortable. I couldn’t wait to fall into my bed where I planned to sleep until noon, eat a huge lunch, and then head back to The Orpheum for warm-ups for Saturday’s performance.
I stopped in my tracks when I spotted him, wondering if I was seeing an apparition. He was like a dream come to life. The Nutcracker turning into a handsome prince in Clara’s dream.
We didn’t speak, just stared at each other.
“How did you get in?” I finally stammered.
“Sierra told me how to find the right corridor to your dressing room. After I watched the most beautiful performance of Swan Lake I’ve ever seen.”
“It’s probably the only performance of Swan Lake you’ve ever seen.”
He lifted his shoulders, and then quirked his beautiful mouth into a grin.
I was still trying to absorb the fact that he was actually here and not in Snow Valley at his desk in the church offices. “You had a ticket for tonight? You mean you were in the audience? You flew to New Orleans just for this?”
“Yes, yes, and yes. I told you I was coming for Opening Night. I bought my ticket ages ago.”
“You didn’t have to feel obligated to come, you know. You could have sold it or got it refunded. The flight must have cost a fortune. And what about your church duties? What about April Murphy?”
“April who?”
My laugh hurt my throat. “What’s going on here, Pastor Dude?”
“Hey, that’s James to you, Jessica Mason, prima ballerina.”
“I do believe the humidity of New Orleans has gone to your head.”
“Nope. A girl named Jess has gone to my head. She’s completely messed me up. Forever.”
He suddenly dropped to one knee and grasped my hand. I tried to pull away, but he just gripped it tighter.
“You’re crazy, James. Come on, don’t joke about this.”
“I’m not joking. I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
“But nothing has changed. We’re still living inside a dilemma that has no solution.”
“Uncle John decided he’s not going to retire yet. Said he’s been thinking about it for months, but didn’t know how to break it to me. Early retirement doesn’t suit him. He misses the youth and the counseling and the sermons.”
“So what are you saying? That he’s firing you and you’re moving to New Orleans? That’s silly to change up his whole life and his wife’s for you. Besides, my salary as a dancer would ensure that we’re paupers.”
“This has nothing to do with us. He’s not that noble.” James’ eyes twinkled and I knew he was teasing about the last part. “But he’s been working on something else for me. And it sort of all fell into place—or into our laps.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “What, a bag of gold?”
James kissed my hand and slipped the same diamond ring he’d brought more than a month ago onto my finger. It fit even better this time. So perfectly my heart was about to burst.
“Snow Valley may be the best little town in the entire country, but it’s a little quiet for a twenty-eight year old. And . . . I’ve always had a yearning to help inner city kids. Set up a youth program in a bigger city. Feel like I’m doing more than attending pot lucks and charity balls.”
I tried to grasp what he was sayin
g but my heart was thudding so loud I could barely hear the words.
“Uncle John has a friend of a friend right here in New Orleans looking for a youth pastor. Been looking for awhile, but the information only came to our ears after you left the weekend of Sophie Morris’s funeral.”
“You’re moving here?” I had to say the words to make sure I’d heard them correctly.
“I’m staying at a hotel until I can find a place for us to live.”
“Us?”
“If you’ll marry me.”
“But I couldn’t get a wedding ready until at least the fall. My work schedule. . . the cost . . . I’ve got to save my money.”
“We’ll have a wedding whenever you want. Just tell me you won’t wait more than a year. I’m not sure I could stand it. Six months tops. And we’re going to save our money and plan it all together. The best wedding Snow Valley has ever seen.”
I was speechless.
“Is that ring staying on your finger this time?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Then I can get up off this cold floor?” James rose to his feet and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground to twirl me in a circle.
His arms encompassed me, and I was finally warm, my heart soaring into my throat, my ears ringing with a giddy joy.
“I feel like I’m inside a dream,” I said as my feet slid down to touch the floor once more.
Just then James’s cell phone rang.
“Who’s calling you this late at night?”
He stared at the face of the phone and then pressed the button. “It’s Uncle John. And it’s only eleven o’clock in Snow Valley.”
Pastor John’s familiar voice came through the receiver. “Did you ask her? Don’t keep me in suspense, you two.”
“You’re acting like a kid at Christmas.”
“It’s going to feel like Christmas when I perform your wedding. It’s about time. So, yes, Jessica?”
Spring in Snow Valley: A Snow Valley Anthology Page 49