Or until you’re sure they won’t run away? I thought.
“And now for the most exciting part,” Harmony said. “The horse pasture.” She was off again, through a field of grapevines. I followed, feeling strangely content, the dirt warm and crumbly beneath my feet.
The horse pasture also had a barn, small but newer than the one for the other livestock. Harmony was positively glowing as she introduced a beautiful brown horse, whose sides were distended. “Any day now,” she said, “and we’ll have another foal. Do any of you ride?”
“Never have,” I admitted, as Jake and Spring shook their heads, too.
Jake and I looked carefully around inside the barn during our tour, but again there seemed to be no hidden door. I trailed my fingers along the door, the walls, but there wasn’t a single imprint that hinted at a secret room or any emotion at all that I could detect. I shook my head at Jake.
“So, this is the farm,” Jake said to Harmony. “Very impressive.”
“Have we seen it all, then?” I asked, an idea forming in my mind.
“Yes.”
“Oh, because I was wondering where they make the pottery. There were some beautiful pieces in Portland. I was hoping maybe someone could teach me how.”
Harmony laughed. “Fox, the red-haired boy we saw in the greenhouse, is the one to talk to. He’s our most talented potter, and I’m sure he’d be glad to show you how. Actually, he does most of his work out here on the other side of the horse barn because it’s closest to the kiln. In the winter, he drags everything inside the main room, though. Makes a terrible mess. Eventually, we’re hoping to add on a room for the pottery out here.”
She took us around the far side of the horse barn where a carport of sorts had been added to the structure. It had a roof, half a wall, and surprisingly sturdy shelves built into the side. These were filled with vases and pots of all sizes, like those I’d seen the group selling near the Willamette River. Two throwing wheels sat in the corner where the half wall met the barn, and a thick power cord ran from them into the woods.
“What’s in there?” I asked, thumbing toward the trees where the cord vanished.
Harmony smiled. “The bathrooms. We’ve basically gone in a big circle. We’ll cut through there to get back to the houses.”
“What’ll we do when we get back?” Spring’s demeanor was weary now, and she looked as wilted as her son sleeping in her arms.
“You can join the women working on the quilts,” Harmony said to her. To me she added, “I imagine you will want to talk to Essence about setting up whatever you need for your remedies. We can order any size plastic containers that you’ll need. We have some already, but you’ll probably need others. Of course, we’ll want to start small, test the waters.” Her voice was filled with subdued excitement. I was standing on her left side now, and I could see the scar along her jawline. It looked serious, and I wondered what had happened. Had there been an accident on the farm?
“You’ll have to schedule any kitchen time you might need with Scarlet and her staff. And they can assign you people to help if you need them.”
“I’d love to help,” Spring said.
I didn’t know how well that would work with little Silverstar occupying so much of her attention, but as I didn’t really plan to stay, I simply nodded and smiled. “Sounds perfect.”
“As for you,” Harmony told Jake, “they’ll be starting on the walls of the new house tomorrow, so you may want to go over the plans.” She glanced between us again, a slight smile forming on her lips. “Seeing as how you two might be needing a place soon, the faster you can build it, the better. You seem to have hit it off rather well.”
I wondered if her comment came from her observation of us today, or if Dar had told her about finding us kissing last night.
Jake laughed. “Where are these plans?”
“Let me show you.” Harmony took his arm.
“You coming?” Jake looked in my direction.
“Yeah.” I wanted to get my bearings back at the houses before I tried to find the greenhouse again. Otherwise, I might end up lost.
Spring fell into step with me, her movements stiff. “Can I carry him for you?” I asked. My body was aching, but she appeared ready to drop. Her eyes were red, and she was sniffing. I looked around for cats, but I didn’t see any.
Spring hesitated. “But your wrist.”
“Almost doesn’t hurt at all with this wrap.” My shoulder and my face ached far worse, but she didn’t need to know that. “Come on,” I urged. “You’ve been carrying him a long time.”
She handed him over carefully. Silverstar’s head landed on my shoulder, on one of my bruises, to be exact, but I endured the pressure since I didn’t want to wake him.
“Jimmy usually carries him when we go for walks,” Spring said out of nowhere.
My stomach clenched. “Do you miss him?”
“No.” We walked for a few minutes more, the silence broken only by the low hum of voices drifting back to us from Harmony and Jake. After a while, Spring sighed and began again. “Being around these women, especially Scarlet—well, it reminds me of my mom. They’ve been so supportive, and I wonder if maybe she would have been, too.”
“You didn’t talk to her about what was happening between you and Jimmy?”
Spring shook her head, her eyes wide and sad. “What could she do? What if he hurt her? That’s the first place he’d look for me. Besides, I was thinking maybe she’d tell me ‘I told you so,’ or maybe that I had to lie in the bed I’d made, but I could have been wrong. She didn’t want me to marry Jimmy in the first place, you know. She said he had mean eyes, small and beady, and that she was afraid for me. Of course, I was in love and didn’t listen. I mean, lots of people have small eyes and they aren’t abusers.” She paused, considering. “Now I’m thinking she might have helped me.”
“Well, you’re away from him now, and it’s nice here.”
She smiled. “Yeah. But I think I might be allergic to all these animals.”
“I hope not. Wouldn’t be a good place for you, long term, if you are. They don’t seem to be much into medication.”
“Maybe I’ll get over it. Do you think they would let me go into town and contact my mom? You know, just tell her I’m okay and not to worry?”
She hadn’t told her mother she was leaving? Maybe that’s what separated youth from maturity. I would never have disappeared without letting my sister know. Or Winter, when he was alive. “You could ask. They should let you. If they don’t, maybe you shouldn’t be here.”
Spring’s face creased in a frown. “What do you mean?”
“I’m just saying they should let you.” On my shoulder, Silverstar was moving, digging his face into my bruise. I took the opportunity to switch him to the other shoulder. “But Spring, if by some chance this place doesn’t work out for us, I want you to know that you always have a place to stay with me.”
“You have a place?”
I didn’t want to say too much. “I know how to make a living. And you’re always welcome wherever I go.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she tilted her head toward mine as we walked. I tilted mine, too, and since we were about the same height, our heads were touching. “I wish,” she said softly, “that I’d met you last year.” Then she gave an impatient snort and added, “Well, we’re here now—Spring and Autumn. All we need is Winter and Summer.”
My parents, I wanted to say. But I didn’t. Because Winter, having been the last person found after the bridge collapse, was still fairly well-known in Portland and talking about him might lead to a discussion of who I really was and my reasons for being here. I stayed quiet.
Back in the square, I got directions from Harmony and started out again for the greenhouse. Jake caught up with me before I’d gone far.
“Nothing,” he said. “Absolutely no place for a hidden room.”
“What do you mean? There’s three hundred acres here. It could be anywhere.”
“I meant in the main areas. I thought finding it would be easier than this.”
“We may have to wait for the police. Once they get interviewing people, someone will talk.”
“But don’t you see, Autumn? Even if the police come, with no body they only have your word.”
“I’ll tell them about the guard’s buckle.”
“Like they’ll believe that.”
“Detective Martin would. I already helped him find one murderer.”
“Maybe. He still wouldn’t like it, and he wouldn’t have jurisdiction here.”
I heaved a sigh. “Okay, so we keep looking. First, I’m going to talk to Essence. I want to know about those drugs.”
Jake nodded. “I’m going to meet with the guys about the building and then sneak off and check out the countryside.”
“If you get a chance, go to the gate and see if Ethan left us another radio and try to contact him if he has. It really isn’t like him not to have brought the police already.”
Jake blew out an irritated breath. “This could be exactly like him. We don’t really know the man at all.”
“He’s okay, Jake. You know how long he’s been looking for his sister. And I told you already that I checked him out on the Internet. His name came up in connection with the university.” Though I hadn’t actually looked at the sites, the search page clearly showed he was with the math department.
Jake shrugged. “I’m just saying something isn’t adding up here.”
“Well, duh, but if there’s a radio there, he may be able to tell us something more. For all we know, the local police are on the take.”
Jake grimaced, but he didn’t continue the subject. “I’ll check the gate. You just be careful.”
“I will.” He left, striding across the square with an animal-like grace, sure and powerful. The few women watching the children eyed him as he left, and I felt a little jealousy at their freedom to give him such admiring looks.
Shaking the thoughts away, I set out between the rows of vegetables bordering the square. These, Harmony had explained, were the plants most commonly used for consumption at the farm—lettuce, carrots, broccoli, spinach, squash, cucumbers. I passed them all. I should have reached the potatoes and the berry patches, but somehow I ended up near the foundation of the new building, which meant I’d seriously curved to the left when I was only supposed to slightly curve. The good news was that I knew where I was, more or less, and I could just cut through the trees here to the right and probably emerge in the fields near the greenhouse.
All the while, my mind was churning with questions. Did Gabe and Harmony know about Essence’s drugs? Did the drugs work into the setup here, or were they Essence’s secret? Obviously one she at least shared with the red-haired Fox. Hopefully, she would have some answers for me.
A movement beyond the foundation of the new house caught my eye, and instinctively, I ducked behind a tree. Then I felt silly because it was probably Jake taking a look at what they’d done so far. Fortunately, I peeked before I stepped out. Instead of Jake, I saw Gabe and Dar with the guard from last night and two others flanking them some distance away.
My heart flipped into overdrive, making me want to flee, but I held my position because they were coming my way. Just step out and say hi, I told myself. My feet wouldn’t move.
“Where is he now?” Gabe’s voice came into range.
Dar replied, but I couldn’t hear his softer voice, which was odd, given that he was so good at projecting during his speeches.
“We have to take care of this immediately,” Gabe said. “There’s too much at risk.”
I still couldn’t hear Dar’s reply, but it sounded soft and pleading, the way I’d expect a man to sound after learning his brother was dead. Had they found Inclar’s body wherever someone had moved it?
Gabe stopped and faced Dar, and now I couldn’t hear him clearly, either. “ . . . risk we have to take . . . snooping around . . . Harmony . . . nothing to do with us.”
Dar was nodding, his face intent and respectful. But when Gabe started walking again, a flash of something else glinted in his eyes. Courage? Fear? I couldn’t say.
“Come on. Let’s do this,” Gabe said.
They were closer to me now, flanked by the guards, and I hugged the tree, not daring to peek out. I waited until they were past me, and then I followed. I was quiet on my bare feet, and they were making so much noise I wasn’t worried about their hearing me. They seemed to be walking in a direction that would take them nearer the cow barn than the greenhouse.
My heart still pounded in overtime. For no reason at all, I thought of Shannon. Did he feel like this when he tracked criminals—tingly, purposeful? Alive? Maybe now I would see where they had hidden both the body and Marcie. I hoped they weren’t in the same place because if Tawnia’s drawing and the imprints were correct, Marcie was already on the edge of madness.
Their voices had faded, and I began to hurry, afraid of losing them but also afraid they’d discover my presence. I was so involved in worrying and sneaking along that I broke out into the clearing surrounding the main barn before I realized where I was. I stepped back into the trees and scanned the area, finding nothing but packed dirt and two cats lounging in the shade of the barn. Gabe and Dar were nowhere to be seen. They hadn’t been far enough ahead of me to get to the barn, but I couldn’t see where else they might have gone.
Maybe they were somehow behind me now. Maybe they knew I’d been following them. Suddenly, I felt small and helpless and exposed, despite the trees surrounding me.
Nothing happened. No one emerged to confront or accuse me. Still looking over my shoulder far too often, I hurried in the direction of the greenhouse, praying that this time I wouldn’t get lost.
Chapter 20
After a little side trip to a big field of potatoes, I found the herb fields and the greenhouse. Essence was still there, looking rather spaced-out. This time I knew why. I sat down beside her where she was staring off into the distance, apparently having watered all the seedlings that needed daily attention.
The floor of the greenhouse was packed earth, and I was glad for my jeans. Essence herself was wearing some wide-legged culottes made from the same brown material many of the men and women used for pants—the same cloth I’d seen in bolts in the meeting room. These were badly sewn, as though hurriedly, or perhaps the first in a homemade pattern. Her T-shirt was white with the familiar blue lettering, a copy of the one I wore.
I pulled a few mint leaves from a plant and popped them into my mouth, savoring the flavor. Essence glanced at me, actually focusing on my face for a second, but didn’t comment on my breaking the fast.
“Do they know?” I asked into the silence. “About the marijuana?”
She didn’t look at me but stared at the ground, like a little child caught in a wrongdoing.
“Come on. I just want to know.”
She shrugged. “Maybe they know.”
“What do you mean?”
Coming to her feet in a single graceful movement that said a lot about her physical condition, she beckoned me to the corner. “Sometimes when I come in here, some of the leaves have been cut.” She pointed to a section. “I don’t know who does it.”
“Could it be that boy who was in here?”
“Fox?”
“Yeah.”
“He might have, but I don’t know why he would. I give him all he wants.”
I moved closer to her. “Why do you use it, Essence? Is it so bad here?”
“Two years ago I wanted to go home. Now I don’t.”
I studied her pointed features, her dark hair making her face appear pale and sickly. “Who gave you these plants?” I said the words slowly, deliberately, so she would be sure to understand.
She looked at me again, a sharp, piercing stare that shot a sliver of terror into my heart. Her eyes weren’t green, as I’d thought they might be, but a light brown and frighteningly empty. “No one.” She turned away.
I followed her. “Someone gave them to you. Who was it? Why won’t they let people leave?”
No reply.
“What if you didn’t have to stay? What if you could leave now?”
She shook her head. “This is my home. I have a purpose. I love my work. And I love Fox. We’re getting married when the new house is finished.”
“Will Fox protect you from what’s going on here? Not that I know what’s going on because none of you will tell me anything.”
She whirled on me. “Go away! Go away now! I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to see you again.”
I glared at her. “What are you so afraid of?”
At my words, she crumpled into a heap on the ground, knees to her chest, head tucked, arms curled up to cover her head. Sobs broke through. “I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back.”
I knelt beside her and patted her back. “Shhh. It’s okay.” She cringed at my touch but gradually relaxed, her sobs subsiding. “Essence, where don’t you want to go back to?”
“To the dark.”
I’d suspected she hadn’t been talking about civilization, but the words confirmed this. “The dark place,” I said. “Where is it?”
She curled tighter and said nothing. Maybe she didn’t know. I put my arms around her, but she seemed to have gone into some sort of trance and didn’t appear to notice me. Her breathing was shallow and irregular. “Essence, are you okay?”
No reply.
I’d never felt so helpless in all my life, except at the bank of the river watching the divers search for Winter’s body. Fear grew into a tight knot in my chest. If I managed to carry her back to the houses, would they take her to a doctor? I doubted it.
I prayed. I prayed long and silently, and eventually I felt her muscles unclench. Her breathing deepened and evened out. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I won’t ask you any more questions. But I will tell you that I’m here to help you. That’s why I’ve come. You are not alone.”
So many promises I was making—to Victoria, Spring, and now Essence. Women I didn’t even know, not really.
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