A Father's Vow

by Myrna Temte

  She was haggling with Winona over a dining-room table that looked as if it belonged in the back of somebody’s attic. He watched her intently, waiting until she turned enough to give him a clear view of her body in profile. She didn’t look pregnant, but of course, the baby—if there was one—would still be awfully tiny.

  As if she sensed his scrutiny, she turned and met his gaze. She raised her eyebrows in query, then waved him over to join her. Warning himself to stay calm and wait until they could talk privately, he walked across the yard. Winona turned to him with a knowing smile that made the hair on the back of his neck twitch.

  “Did you find anything you want, Sam?” Winona said.

  “No, thanks, Winona.”

  “I have some lovely baby furniture, don’t you think?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with good humor. “You just never know when you might need something for a little one.”

  He felt silly letting this nice little old lady creep him out, but damn, she knew he wasn’t married. She knew he didn’t have any kids. Why would she say such a thing to him unless, she “knew” what he’d been thinking? He gave her a polite smile and left to get the pickup while Julia paid Winona for the table.

  Once he and Julia were alone in the truck and away from the Stop-’N-Swap, he couldn’t hold back the question sizzling on the tip of his tongue. He pulled onto the shoulder, killed the engine and turned to her.

  “Are you late?”

  She glanced at her watch, then back at him, her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “Late for what?”

  Oh, great, he’d never come right out and talked to a woman about her monthlies before. Well, this was no time to be squeamish. “You know, are you…late?”

  “What are you talking about, Sam?”

  “You know…late.” Hell, he wasn’t any good at this. “That…monthly thing. And what we did up at the jump? You know?”

  She still looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned in her eyes, along with a wicked dose of amusement. Rotten woman. Didn’t she know guys didn’t talk about this stuff?

  “Are you referring to the M-word, Sam?”

  He closed his eyes and felt his neck and ears get hot. “Please, don’t say that word.”

  “How about the P-word?” There was laughter in her voice now. “Think you can handle that one?”

  “Just answer the question, okay?”

  “You mean, is my period late?”

  “Yeah. That one.”

  “To tell you the truth, I don’t know.”

  “How can that be? I mean, don’t you know when it’s supposed to…happen?”

  She grinned at him. “In theory, yes. If you’re lucky enough to be regular, I suppose you would. Unfortunately, I have never been very regular. I haven’t had any symptoms of pregnancy, though.”

  “Have you taken one of those tests they advertise on TV?”

  “Well, no. If my period hasn’t started in another couple of weeks, I probably will.”

  “Wait another couple of weeks? Aren’t you even curious?”

  “Yeah, a little,” she admitted with a smile and a shrug. “But the odds are that I’m not pregnant, and I don’t see the point in buying a test in Whitehorn where everybody will talk about the fact that I’m not married, if you know what I mean.”

  “Oh. Yeah, I guess you could be right about that.”

  She tipped back her head and laughed. “I can see it now. I’d set that box on the counter and who would walk into the drugstore but Lily Mae Wheeler. Or better yet, Virgil.”

  “I could go buy one. Or, we could drive to Big Timber,” Sam suggested. “Or make a run to Billings. It’s not that far.”

  Julia shook her head. “There’s no rush. If I’m pregnant, we’ll know soon enough. I’m taking good care of myself and I won’t do anything dangerous for a baby, so don’t worry about it. You’re not stuck with me yet.”

  Sam let the matter drop for the moment and drove on to the next address on her list. But he didn’t forget about the possibility of a baby, or Julia’s remark about not being stuck with her yet. Funny thing was, when he thought of marrying her and having a baby with her, he didn’t feel stuck. Not really. In fact, given enough time, he might even learn to like the idea.

  The idea kept churning in his mind, and by the time he took Julia to the Hip Hop for a late lunch, he knew he couldn’t stand to wait a couple more weeks to learn the truth. They were the only customers in the place when they’d finished eating, and Janie Carson stopped by their booth to visit with Julia. Knowing a good opportunity when he saw one, Sam told Julia he had an errand to run.

  He slipped out of the booth and made a quick trip to the drugstore. Lily Mae Wheeler didn’t appear and the clerk didn’t even bother to look at his face. No fuss. No muss. No waiting.

  On the way back to the reservation, Julia glanced over at Sam, then smiled to herself. What a great day they had spent together. He’d been awfully patient with her shopping and bargaining, and she’d found almost everything she wanted. She wouldn’t be surprised if he offered to help her refinish the tables for the lounge, and she just might let him. When he was as relaxed and easygoing as he was right now, she really loved being with him.

  He’d convinced her to let him deliver their load of treasures to a workroom at the community center, and said if she would teach others her skills refinishing wood furniture, he would arrange for any needed supplies. If the right people became interested, it could mean a new business and paying jobs for some of the unemployed people on the res. He never missed an opportunity to use any available resources to improve the well-being of the tribe.

  Others might have the original inspiration, but Sam was a real mover and shaker. He was the practical, hands-on guy who would spend the time, energy and money to line up the workers, materials and tools to turn an inspiration into a reality tangible enough to do some good. An idea didn’t have to be big to grab his attention; if the idea would help the tribe, he would see to it that something happened. Julia admired that about him.

  In fact, the more time she spent with him, the more wonderful qualities she found in him. He wasn’t an easy man to know, but once he started opening up a little, he was an easy man to respect, perhaps even to…love. Oooh. That thought was a little scary.

  Actually, it was very scary. She could see herself loving Sam. She was not so sure she could see Sam really loving her. For one thing, he’d said he didn’t believe in love. For another, she wasn’t the kind of woman he really wanted, and she never would be. It hurt to admit that to herself, but she couldn’t afford to forget it.

  However, she intended to hang in there with Sam for as long as she could. They finally got the truck unloaded and returned to her house. Julia led the way inside, then raised an eyebrow at Sam when he closed the door and leaned back against it. Smiling, he raised an eyebrow right back at her. She sidled close to him, went up on tiptoe and linked her hands together behind his neck.

  “Would you like to stay for…dinner?” she asked.

  “I want to stay,” he said, rubbing the side of his chin against her hair. “But I don’t want any food. I want you.”

  “Me, too.” She grasped the lapels of his western shirt and would have popped the snaps open with a tug or two if he hadn’t stopped her.

  “Hold it right there a second.” Chuckling, he kissed the tip of her nose, then set her away from him. “I need something in the glove box, and while I’m out there, I’ll move the truck around in back of the house so it won’t be so noticeable.”

  “Well, all right.” She shooed him toward the front door. “Just hurry up, will you? I don’t want to waste any time.”

  His lecherous grin made her laugh all the way to her bedroom. He was back before she got her shoes and socks off. They fell onto the bed together and re-created, or perhaps they simply rediscovered all the joy and pleasure they had experienced twice before. When they had found completion, Sam cuddled her close to him.

  She lay against his rig
ht side, with her head resting on his shoulder and her right arm draped across his chest. His skin was darker than hers, and she loved the rich brown color of it. He rolled onto his side facing her, grasped a lock of her hair and twirled it around and around his index finger, studying it as if it were a great invention.

  “Will you do something for me?” he asked.

  “Probably,” she said with a smile. “I’m feeling rather… warm toward you at the moment.”

  Chuckling, he kissed her forehead. “Mmm. I’m glad to hear that. I feel the same way toward you.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “I picked up a pregnancy test in town this afternoon when you were talking to Janie,” he said. “Will you go take it for me now?”

  Inexplicably, disappointment lanced through her. “Why? I thought we agreed it could wait.”

  “I didn’t exactly agree,” he said. “And I was really careful when I bought it. Nobody paid any attention to me.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “That’s the reason you gave me for not doing it yet. You didn’t want people gossiping about you.”

  “It’s sort of a private thing.”

  “Private from me?” he said with a surprised laugh. “Hey, we talked about your…you know, today. Your…period. I don’t see anything for you to be embarrassed about after that.”

  She swung her feet over the side of the bed. “Well, maybe I’m just not ready to know yet.”

  “Not ready? I don’t see how you can stand not knowing. Please, honey, it won’t take long. All you have to do is—”

  “I know what you have to do. If you want to know so bad, why don’t you pee on the little stick?”

  Laughing too loud for her tastes, he sat up beside her. “Aw, come on, Jules, mine won’t tell us anything.”

  She frowned at him, but he just laughed again, put his arm around her waist and boosted both of them to their feet. As if by magic, a white pharmacy sack appeared in his hands. Chattering like a manic squirrel, he hustled her down the hall to the bathroom. Once there, he gave her the sack, put his hand at the back of her waist and pushed her inside.

  Julia stood for a moment, staring at the sack with distaste. She supposed it would be good to know for certain if she was pregnant, but she felt such a strong reluctance to cooperate, she had to wonder about her motivations. Besides the obvious desire not to have repeated her mother’s “worst mistake,” her reasons were all tied up with Sam.

  If she knew she was pregnant, Sam undoubtedly would want to get married. Well, she wasn’t ready to marry him, but she wasn’t ready to give him up, either. She simply wasn’t ready to make that decision, and she resented him for trying to force her into doing this right now.

  “You okay in there?” he called through the door.

  “I’m fine,” she lied.

  It was perfectly justifiable to lie under the circumstances. After all, what would he do if she said she wasn’t fine? Come in here and try to help her? The thought made her laugh—a little hysterically, but still a laugh. It was enough of a laugh to help her put things in perspective, anyway.

  Inhaling deeply, she read the kit’s directions and took the damn test. Positive. But maybe she hadn’t done it right.

  She read the instructions again, looking for a loophole in the tiny print with the dedication of a tax attorney. While she hadn’t really done anything the wrong way, the directions said she should do the test first thing in the morning for “best results.” That was all she needed to convince herself that she would need to take another test at a later time in order to be absolutely certain she was pregnant. For now, Sam would just have to take her word for it.

  Thirteen

  Sam paced the narrow hallway from the bathroom to Julia’s bedroom, then back to the bathroom again. “What the heck is she doing in there?” he muttered. “How long does it take to piddle on a stick, for heaven’s sake?”

  He paused, tipped his head to one side and listened for any sound on the other side of the bathroom door. No sounds. The woman was driving him nuts. On purpose.

  Damn, he couldn’t stand still. Pacing didn’t help much, but it was all he had. If he’d just listened to his first instincts and stayed away from her, he wouldn’t be in this predicament, would he? So why the hell hadn’t he listened to his brain instead of his…

  Well, what was done, was done. There wasn’t much point in second-guessing himself now. Weird as it seemed, he wasn’t even sure which way he wanted the test to turn out. It wasn’t the ideal situation for it, but he could think of worse things than making a baby with Julia. She’d be a great mom, they were fantastic in bed together and he really did like her a lot.

  They didn’t always get along too well, but what couple did? Most of his married friends had to work at that, especially in the beginning. What was she doing in there? He’d heard water running a minute ago, but—

  With a squeak of its hinges, the bathroom door swung open and Julia started as if she hadn’t expected him to be waiting out here for her. He thought her face looked a little pale, but it was impossible to tell much of anything for sure in this light.

  Her mouth wore a crabby little pout.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “Well, it was positive,” she said. Before he could even draw a breath or savor the news, she rushed to add, “But I don’t think it’s right.”

  “What? The box said that test was 99.9 percent accurate.”

  She hurried to the bedroom, yapping all the way about how she should have waited until morning for the chemistry to work right. Sam went into the bathroom, grabbed the box out of the trash and hurried after her. She was pulling on clothes faster than a jackrabbit hopped away from a hungry coyote.

  Cautiously, he entered the room and fished his own clothes out of the haphazard pile on the floor beside the double bed. While he finished dressing, she straightened the bedroom and remade the bed. Sam took one look at the strain in her eyes and decided this might be a real good time for a man to shut his mouth and let her work off a little steam in her own way.

  They moved into the kitchen next. Julia put on a pot of coffee. Sam sat down at the table and read the box from one end to the other. After reading it a second time, he didn’t buy her problem with the chemistry.

  “We need to talk, Jules,” he said.

  Shaking her head, she turned to the coffeemaker as if it held the secrets of the universe. “Not now. Maybe later.”

  He got up and went to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, crossing his wrists over the front of her waist. “You can’t make a problem go away by denying it exists.”

  Pulling away from him, she stuck her hands in her front jeans pockets and hunched her shoulders. “I’m not denying the possibility that a pregnancy exists. I’m simply not convinced these test results are accurate. I’ll take another test when I get a chance, and then we can talk if we need to.”

  Sam muttered a few choice Cheyenne curses, but wound up feeling more impatient with her, not less. “Dammit, Julia, be reasonable. We should get married right away.”

  Color rushed into her face and temper flared in her eyes. “Even if I am pregnant, don’t assume we’re going to get married. That isn’t always the best answer to this…problem.”

  “In this case, it is.”

  “Oh? Why are you so sure of that?”

  “You’re a teacher. A pregnant, single teacher is not exactly the best role model to give our kids, you know? A lot of people won’t approve at all.”

  “You would marry me to prevent a scandal? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “If you want to keep teaching on this reservation, I’d say it’s probably a necessity. Wasn’t there a morals clause in your contract?”

  She nodded. “Oh, undoubtedly, but that’s not enough reason to get married. I won’t be hurried into anything, so back off and give me some time to think this through.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know. I ha
ve a lot of important things going on right now.”

  “What’s more important than a baby?”

  “I didn’t say they were more important,” she said. “Just important. I’m still getting acquainted with my kids at school and learning what works best for them. We’re all going to be working overtime to get ready for the dedication and open house next month. I just don’t have time to figure this all out right now.”

  “But, Julia—”

  “I don’t feel pregnant, and even if I am, I won’t start showing for months.”

  “People will still count backward when the baby’s born.”

  She raised her chin and speared him with a defiant glare. “If they want to be that small-minded, that’s their problem. Or is it your own reputation you’re so worried about? A member of the tribal council getting a single teacher pregnant? That’s not exactly great role-model material, either. Is it?”

  “No, it isn’t,” he admitted, stiffening in spite of his determination to remain calm and unruffled. “I doubt I would receive as much community censure as you would, however. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is, and I can’t do anything to protect you if we’re not married. Neither can Dan.”

  “Well, then, I’ll have to handle whatever happens,” she said, “because I’m not going to marry you simply to make everybody else happy.”

  “Do you hate the idea of being married to me so much?” he asked, trying to hide how much her attitude hurt.

  Her glare softened into a thoughtful frown. “No. I think you’ll make some woman a wonderful husband someday. I’m just not convinced I’m the right woman.”

  “We’d do all right together.”

  The saddest expression he’d ever seen entered her eyes. “We might. Unfortunately, when I get married, I want it to be better than ‘all right.’ Don’t you?”

  He supposed she was talking about love, but he felt too raw at the moment to talk about that. Jeez, was she dense about men, or what? Here she was, basically rejecting his offer to marry her, or at least letting him know she wasn’t going to jump at the chance. Did she really expect he would tell her he loved her now, even if that was true? No way.