Ryan put his finger under her chin and lifted, stopping her emotion-driven words. “You are not a horrible person. Period. You are a mother who is relieved a threat to her son has been eliminated. You’re going to have huge emotional swings. This isn't going to be easy for you to process. It is also natural to see me in a different light.” He dropped his finger and hated he no longer had the right to pull her into his arms. He figured he'd lost that when he'd admitted he'd killed those men.
She sat up straighter and examined him. Her brow furrowed for a moment before she jerked her head to the side and then back to look at him. “Why would I look at you differently? You saved us.”
“I killed two men and left the third to die.”
She nodded; her brow still tightly furrowed. “Yes, to protect us.”
Ryan stared at her for a moment. “You're not repulsed by the fact that I've killed?”
She shook her head. “I've seen monsters. I know what they do and why they kill. They kill to intimidate. To show power, to punish, to imprison. You killed to free us. Does it make it right? No, but it doesn't convict you of some atrocity in my eyes.”
“What about Ethan?”
“He can never know about this. As his parents...” Bethanie's mouth snapped shut. “Sorry, I didn't mean to...”
Ryan reached out and took her hand in his. “When you two first arrived on this mountain, I couldn't fathom having either of you in my space. Then you went and got lost.” Ryan laughed and shook his head. “Woman, you have no idea what a royal pain in the ass I thought you were.”
“And stupid.”
Bethanie lifted an eyebrow at him, which caused him to laugh again. “Well you did almost make a popsicle of yourself, but yeah... The entire time I was searching for you I was telling myself that getting you both off the mountain as soon as humanly possible was the best thing for everyone. I didn't want anyone here. I liked being alone. It was all I knew.” With the exception of his time with Moriah, and there was no comparison to be drawn between the two women. None.
“But you asked us to stay.”
Ryan nodded, but studied her small hand in his rather than look at her. “I did.”
“Why?”
He met her gaze and smiled. “You and Ethan brought me to life. I was dormant, suspended in a vast cushion of nothingness I worked damn hard to believe I wanted. I built this home, all the while telling myself I'd be content, complete, and happy to live out my days alone when, in reality, I built this home for a family.” Moriah knew that when he didn't.
“A family?” Her whisper echoed his words.
He nodded and watched Bethanie's eyes fill with tears, but he didn't look away. Ryan held onto that connection, to emotions that were foreign, and messy, and loud. He embraced the feelings that drove him crazy because he didn't know how to deal with the disaster internalizing them left in their wake. He clung to the desperation he felt when he’d seen Ethan on that ledge and the mind-numbing dread that had encased him when he’d seen the blood on the trail this afternoon. Emotions he'd shielded himself against as a preemptive strike against the entire world now coursed through his veins, and he did not know what to do with them or how to explain them.
He shook his head and swallowed hard. Time to sac up. “I asked you to stay because I think I am in love with you. I don't know for sure because I've never experienced it, you know? I just... I can't lose you. Either of you.”
“I don't think I love you.”
Karma, you fucking bitch. Ryan pulled away, but the grasp of her small hand on his arm stilled him.
“I don't think I love you because I know I love you. I know it because Ethan taught me what it means to love. One day you'll wake up, and you'll realize loving someone isn't as terrifying as it seems. Loving someone gives you a center and a purpose. Love isn't something to be feared. I love you. I know Ethan loves you, too. My past and yours are horrid. Ethan was born out of a madman's lust for an heir. Yet the three battered strands of our lives combined together can make us all stronger. Love does that, Ryan. Love makes us stronger than we think we are. It allows us to do things we never dreamed we could.”
He lifted his trembling hand to her face and cupped her cheek. Tears crested from those beautiful blue eyes, dropped down, and skittered along the pad of his thumb. He shook his head. “I don't understand how you can love me.”
A sad smile spread across her face. “I know. One day you will. I promise.” She turned her head and kissed the tender flesh of his palm. “We need sleep.”
“We do.” Ryan stood and offered her his hand. She carefully took the offered assistance, but gripped him by his wrist rather than his shredded flesh. She followed him as he opened Ethan's door. The boy had moved from his bed and was lying rolled in a blanket beside Dog, his hand buried in the animal's scruff. The dog lifted his head when the door opened. He chuffed quietly and lay back down. Ryan tiptoed in and checked the bandages. There was a small amount of fluids, but no new bleeding. He reached down and stroked the soft fur on Dog's muzzle. “You did good today.”
Dog lifted his tail and gave a few thwacks against the flooring. Ryan covered Ethan's hand. “You did a hell of a job, too, young man.” The kid did what it took to survive. Granted, if he had anything to say about it, the boy wouldn't be leaving the house until he was old enough to vote, but still... Ethan was a survivor, and smart, and so much like his mom.
Ryan stood and walked to Bethanie, who was leaning against the doorjamb. “Let's go to bed.”
Bethanie woke up and stretched against the vast expanse of warm skin spooned up against her back. She could feel Ryan's morning erection against her bottom. She stilled and listened to his steady breathing. She pushed back into him and wiggled her hips a bit.
Ryan hummed and tightened his arms, pulling her closer to him. A lazy roll of his hips against her released a waiting a hum of desire from her, too. He did it again, and she met the movement. His hand traveled down to the bottom of her sleep shirt and lifted it.
He groaned and rotated his hips when his fingers failed to find any panties. She smiled and ground back into him and raised her top leg up toward her chest. He rolled his hips, and his cock pushed up, sliding against her as his hand cupped her breast.
She reached down and positioned his shaft at her core. He lifted his leg, paralleling her position and pushed into her. She arched her back; the bite of his thick cock was delicious and too much, all at the same time. His hand slid from her breast to her hip, and he held her still as he rocked back and forth, working himself into her. Her body opened for him, and they both groaned when he seated fully inside her. Their union in this moment was a validation of life, of their need for each other.
“I don’t deserve you.” Ryan’s words fell like a prayer in her ear.
“You do. We deserve this. Make love to me.”
He withdrew from her and moved them, so she was under him. Bethanie wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. “My love.”
He draped over her. Their bodies touched and melded into one as he entered her again. Her hands snuck down his muscled back, moving along with his hips. Her hands slid lower and grabbed his ass, asking without words for a stronger, harder connection.
He covered her mouth with his, stealing her breath and depositing it next to the heart he already owned. When he lifted away, she was desperate for air and for this man. She pushed his hair away from his face. He was hers.
He lifted his leg and changed the angle of his thrust. The slight change stirred the brewing storm inside her and shuttered all attempts to relish anything but the sensations his body was creating inside her. His neck muscles strained above her and sweat trickled from his brow. She felt her insides peak and tighten before that blessed snap of delight lit her body up. Her fingernails dug into his back, and he bucked against her, thrusting deep and hard. She gasped and climaxed again as he came inside her.
She panted underneath his weight; her body ravaged by shudders of residual de
light. “I like waking up that way.”
Her breathy words drew a low chuckle from him, and he slid out of her, rolling to the side. “I could do that for the next thirty or forty years.” He cupped her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. His lips swept hers, once, twice, and again, before he pulled away.
“I love you,” she whispered across the few inches that separated them.
“I have to leave you. I have to protect you and Ethan.” His thumb stroked her cheek.
“I know.” She understood the need to protect, to shield, to make sure the ones she loved were safe. Ethan had taught her that lesson.
“I’ll be back.”
“We’ll be here.”
“Mom, Dog needs to go outside.” They both jumped at Ethan’s voice right outside the closed door. Bethanie squeaked and shot under the covers.
“I’ll be right there, Bud,” Ryan called over his shoulder and laughed when she folded the sheet down and peeked out.
“I think we need to have a talk about closed doors.” Bethanie held the sheet against her.
Ryan chuckled and rolled out of bed, standing up gloriously naked. “I thought I had, but Dog is a priority.”
“That he is.” Ethan loved that animal.
“I’ll take care of them; you grab a shower. After breakfast, we’ll figure out a way to work on handgun familiarization. My associate should be here by nightfall or latest, tomorrow morning.” Ryan slid into his blue jeans. Commando.
Bethanie blushed and swatted away her thoughts about how to capitalize on his nakedness. “He works for Guardian, too?”
“He does.”
“What’s his name?”
Ryan frowned and glanced back at her. “The name I know him by is… classified. I’ll have him introduce himself when he shows up.”
“Classified?”
He made a noise that sounded like an agreement when he pulled his sweater over his head.
“Is your name classified?”
He chuckled. “Not the one you know me by.”
She sat up, pulling the sheet up with her. “You have a code name or something?”
“Or something.” He smiled and winked at her.
He’d given her a glimpse of what he’d done for Guardian. She could draw her own conclusions, but every equation equaled the same summation. She loved the man he was and what he did for Guardian was a part of that man. “I’ll never say a word. You’re safe with me.”
He walked over, leaned down, and kissed her. “I’m beginning to realize that.”
Chapter 24
Thanatos stood outside the safe house and leaned against the debarked tree that held up the left side of the porch. The heavy, wet, snow that his four-wheel drive had sloshed through this afternoon was in the process of a slow melt, leaving a muddy mess.
Mother Nature’s defrost was an efficient way to remove the signs of what had happened here, but Thanatos’s trained eyes missed nothing. Lycos had sanitized the cabin. The smell of chemicals told him it had been recently. He’d inspected the inside of the abode. There was a mattress missing from a bed frame, and the sun-bleached flooring showed where a rug had been removed. The small outbuilding behind the safe house had a similar chemical smell. Of course, the most telling indication was the two dead bodies currently occupying the cargo space of the SUV parked outside the house.
He couldn’t decide if the shallow wounds on dead body number one had been inflicted to cause fear or if someone other than Lycos had killed the guy. Maybe someone weaker? But the fact that the man’s nose was smeared across his face suggested Lycos was being purposeful in the slow death rather than putting the man down. Interesting. Wasn’t his usual dispassionate style.
The second guy, well, he’d been mauled. Probably that damn wolf of Lycos’. Thanatos rolled his shoulders, pulled out a cigarette, lipped, and lit it. He inhaled a lungful of the toxic fumes and relaxed. Lycos would know he was here. His eyes flew to the tree line when a bunch of sparrows, or whatever the fuck the little birds were, took off into the air. He leaned forward and smiled as Lycos appeared out of the trees. The motherfucker walked like a damn wolf, prowled like the predator he was. Thanatos glanced around furtively, looking for the damn beast that always lurked somewhere near.
“Where is the poodle?” Thanatos offered his hand when Lycos’ stride brought him close enough.
Lycos tipped his head toward the four-wheeled coffin. “Son of a bitch stabbed him. Twice.”
Thanatos did a double take. What the actual fuck? The beast wouldn’t attack without provocation. As much as he didn’t care for the lion-sized dog, he was well trained. “Did they get the drop on you?”
“No, the bastard grabbed my kid.”
Thanatos felt his jaw unhinge and drop. Shit, the echo of his chin hitting the wooden porch could be heard in Alaska. “You’re going to have to explain that, mate.”
“Figured. I need you to watch him and his mom. I need to take care of business. Personal business.”
“Personal? Since when do you deviate from protocol?” Thanatos lifted his cigarette and pulled a long toke.
“Since I left Guardian.”
He released the deliberate exhale of smoke. “So, I think I’m going to need a strong shot of Irish Whiskey.”
“Come with me.” Lycos turned and headed back into the tree line.
“Going to leave the stiffs?”
“I’ll take care of them tonight when I go down the mountain.”
“And you’re going after…?”
“Stratus. They’re after my family.”
Thanatos hopped off the porch and grimaced at the ankle-deep mud, but he was too invested in what-the-ever-loving-fuck was going on with the lone wolf of the group. Seriously, of all people, Lycos was the last person he’d ever peg as having a family. How the fuck had he hidden this?
“I think you should start talking.” Thanatos fell into step behind Lycos and naturally mimicked his footfall. The man was a ghost in the forest, and Thanatos wasn’t. He’d be able to survive, but his forte was the urban jungle, not granite mountaintops.
“Three months ago, this woman shows up at the safe house…”
Thanatos had tripped twice and muttered, “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?” at least five times by the time they made it around the face of the mountain. Thanatos took in everything, the words, the mountaintop trail–minus the two outcroppings that he’d stumbled over—and the stoic presentation of the events of the last three months that came in staccato bursts from the man leading him.
“So, you are going after Stratus.” They paused at what appeared to be a narrow passageway of weather honed rock. He leaned against the massive boulder that seemed to have been placed in front of the passageway.
“I’m going after those who are coming after me.”
“Could take a hot minute. You sure you want to be away from them that long?” He shoved his hands in his jacket. “Fuck, man, you realize it is springtime in the rest of the world?”
“Spring here, too.” Lycos shrugged. “I have to neutralize the threat.”
“Why are they after them?”
“Long story. She can tell you, but basically the boy’s father was deep in the organization.”
“They are wiping the slate clean.”
“Exactly. I’m going to ensure they understand the cost of assuming they are expendable.”
“And you don’t have any Guardian back up.” It was a statement, not a question.
“You can tap out man. I’d understand. This isn’t standard operating procedure.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? But you will buy me new boots. Do you know how much these things cost?”
Lycos glanced down at his feet and laughed. “Get some Timberlands. Designer clothes don’t do well up here. You know that.”
“True, but when I get a call for help from the last person who would ever call because his contrary, solitary, lonely ass has walked through life solo for over forty years, I came running. You t
hink I was going to stop for a wardrobe change?” Thanatos glanced down at his hand made, Italian leather, ankle-high boots. Fifteen hundred dollars of artesian beauty, ruined.
“Damn good thing we are about the same size. You can gear up with my shit.”
“Oh, goodie.” Thanatos drawled, earning him a laugh from his colleague.
“Come on, I’ll introduce you to Bethanie and Ethan.” He circled around Thanatos and headed down a narrow path.
“Dude, I am not living in a fucking cave while you run amuck down the mountain.” He would, for Lycos, he would do what it took, but fuck him, camping in Thanatos' opinion was staying at a three-star hotel without a Starbucks in the lobby and no room service.
Lycos lifted a hand and flipped him a middle finger. When they stopped, he leaned over so he could see what Lycos was doing. “Holy fuck. You built a house in the fucking mountain. How very Grizzly Adams of you.”
“Fuck you, asshole.” He keyed in a code to the panel, and the door slid open.
“Holy fuck, Batman.” The vast expanse of a majestic cavern had been turned into a warm, inviting home. “Solar?”
“Yep. Thermal heat from the hot springs. Completely off the grid. Satellite antenna retracts and deploys for contact with the outside. We’ve been building a hydroponic garden in the antechamber through there.” Lycos pointed as he toed off his boots.
Thanatos kicked off his sodden leather and followed him into the cavern. A heavenly smell of meat and herbs… and freshly baked bread assailed him. He swung his attention to the portion of the cavern that had been allocated as the kitchen.
Lycos pointed up the ramp. “Bedrooms, office, and vault are up there. I’ll give you access to the weapons.”
“I brought my own arsenal. They’re locked in my vehicle down the mountain a bit.”
Lycos nodded. “We’ll get it, and I’ll show you where you can park. The back trail is more user-friendly.”
From the other side of the room, a low, vicious growl captured Thanatos’ attention. The wolf was lying on the couch, his head lifted up. Just beyond the massive fur body, Thanatos could see small, sock-covered feet. They bounced up and down in time to some unheard beat.
Lycos (Guardian Security Shadow World Book 3) Page 22