by Mel Sparke
The Valentine card-was it from Billy? she wondered fleetingly, remembering her recent suspicions.
“He’s trying to stop you from slicing your fingers off!” said Andy, appearing at her side.
Maya stared down at the paper guillotine in front of her and the print she’d been about to trim. It was true; her fingers probably had been exactly where they shouldn’t have been. She wasn’t concentrating.
“Thanks-thanks, Billy,” she said in a softer tone, gently wriggling herself out of his arms.
“That’s OK,” he replied, reluctantly letting her go.
“Hey, you two-Alex is trying to get your attention,” Andy nudged them.
They spun their heads round in the direction Andy was pointing; everyone else in the room was facing the tutor.
“I was just saying to the others, there’s a photography exhibition on at the gallery up in the city. It finishes this weekend and I thought maybe we should all go up as a group on Saturday and check it out.”
Alex stood with his rangy shoulders slightly hunched as usual, as if the low roof was in danger of pressing down on his almost two metre frame.
He’s not even my type… Maya tried to tell herself, her eyes automatically taking in the uniform of plain jeans and dull, short-sleeved shirt he nearly always wore, rain or shine.
Not that I have a type, she silently added. But if I did, it wouldn’t be him…
“So who’s up for it? Quick show of hands, yeah?”
Maya felt her hand slide traitorously into the air, before she’d even properly considered whether or not she could make it on Saturday.
“Aw, not again!” wailed Billy. “Me and Andy can’t make it, Alex!”
“We’ve got tickets to the match!”
“No worries, guys,” Alex shrugged. “It’s just the way it goes. So, Jane, Stuart, Ashleigh, Salman, Martin… you’re all up for it, yes? And I’ll check with the others when they come out of the dark room.”
What about me? Maya fretted, letting her hand slip waveringly back down again.
Alex turned and started checking out the sheet of contacts Salman was holding up.
Either I’m right and Alex is ignoring me, Maya realised with a shock, or I’m going totally mad.
CHAPTER 11
THE COAST IS CLEAR
“She hasn’t been in the End all week!”
“So?”
“Well, Cat, if she hasn’t been in the café all week, then she can’t be much of a stalker!”
“And she’s not turned up tonight so far,” said Joe, glancing round the busy pub. Even though he didn’t entirely share his mate’s optimism, Joe felt duty-bound to back him up-he knew Ollie felt totally uncomfortable with the whole idea of this weird ‘groupie’ girl hanging around, and with the teasing he was getting from the likes of Cat and Matt in particular.
“Early days, Ol, early days. You’ve still got ten minutes before you go on stage,” Matt grinned. “So there’s plenty of time for her to turn up and present you with a fan photo and a box of chocs, or whatever she’s got up her sleeve next!”
“Duck, if something comes flying at you on stage, Ol,” Cat cackled. “It’ll probably be her knickers!”
“Cat!” said Ollie, disgust written all over his face. “What are you on about?”
“Well, all those middle-aged housewives do it to whatsisname, don’t they?” she shrugged.
“Tom Jones?” Andy suggested.
“Yeah, him!” Cat nodded, pointing a long, orange-painted nail in his direction.
“Listen, give it a rest, will you? All this stuff isn’t exactly nice for Kerry to hear!” said Sonja, jokingly wrapping her arm around her friend.
“It’s OK,” Kerry laughed. “I’m not exactly going to stick a sign around Ollie’s neck on stage saying, ‘Keep your eyes off my man’! Girls are allowed to look at him!”
“Just not touch,” grinned Sonja.
“Exactly,” nodded Kerry. “And anyway, I agree with Ollie-I think all that stuff that happened over the weekend was just coincidence.”
“But—”
“But, Matt,” Ollie interrupted his friend, “we all managed to convince ourselves that something was going on with Nick and that escort business. And that was a case of putting two and two together and coming up with sixty-nine…”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Billy agreed, feeling particularly guilty about his involvement in fuelling that rumour.
The lads all looked over towards the bar where Nick was perched on a stool chatting to the owner of the Railway Tavern as he served pints. Perched next to him was Derek’s lovely wife, Eva-once again resplendent in leopard skin and enough make-up to make even Cat shudder. Nick, seeing them gazing at him, tapped his watch.
“We get the hint!” Ollie shouted over, raising up his thumb. “C’mon, boys, time to head backstage and get ready.”
“You aren’t just being brave about all this, are you?” Anna asked Kerry as soon as the lads had clattered off. “Are you sure all this nonsense with that girl isn’t stressing you out?”
“No, I’m fine, honestly!” Kerry insisted. It was sweet, but it irritated her slightly the way everyone had been treating her like she was made of fragile china since the accident. “It’s all just a laugh isn’t it?”
“Well, good for you. That’s the best way to treat it,” smiled Anna encouragingly.
Just as long as it doesn’t go any further than this, Kerry added silently.
“Well, I still think we should keep an eye on Stalker Girl, and her mate, if they turn up tonight…” growled Cat. “What do you reckon, Maya?”
Maya realised she hadn’t said much so far this evening. But to be honest-much as she cared about Ollie-right now, she couldn’t care less whether Stalker Girl turned up or not.
There was only one person she hoped might turn up to see the band.
“Coast seems clear!” Billy grinned at Ollie between numbers. “No sign of SG!”
Ollie knew. He’d been staring out into the audience so much during the last few numbers that he’d forgotten his lyrics twice, and had only saved himself by repeating earlier verses a couple of times. But in all his staring, he had noticed someone he hadn’t expected to see.
“Spotted who is here?” he said to his guitarist.
“No,” said Billy, squinting out into the sea of faces. “Who?”
“That tutor bloke of yours. Must be a fan after coming last week!”
Billy squinted again and could just make out the tall figure of Alex standing way at the back, by the door.
As Joe counted them in to the next song with his drumsticks, Billy couldn’t help but notice that Alex’s attention wasn’t directed at the stage. He seemed to be staring over to the left-over to where Maya was sitting with the other girls.
CHAPTER 12
JUST THE TWO OF US…
Maya stood on the chilly station forecourt and looked down at what she was wearing. She’d made too much of an effort, she knew.
Why didn’t I just wear my black trousers? she fretted, watching as the gauzy pale sea-green of her new dress-the Lottie cast-off from Sonja’s free-for-all rummage a couple of Fridays back-fluttered out like a banner from beneath her long black coat.
The station had been buzzing with Saturday morning shoppers, all heading up to the city for a day out. But so far, there was no sign of anyone else from photography club, and that included Alex.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come today. Not while I’m in this stupid mood, Maya thought, noting the hands of the station clock crawl towards 10 o’clock. The train they were meant to catch was at five past. If I’d given this a miss, and then if I skip a couple of Wednesday night classes, then maybe I’ll get things back in perspective. If I just stay away from Alex. Yes, maybe I should just go home-before anyone else arrives…
“Maya!”
Alex took a second to smile. The expression on his face just the moment before he forced the corners of his mouth upwards was hard for Ma
ya to read. The slight furrow of the brow, the strange look in his eyes… what was running through his mind?
“Hi, Alex!” she said as casually as she could, although she was sure it didn’t sound casual.
“Where’s everyone else?”
I wish I knew… she thought, feeling her toes curl with embarrassment.
“No sign of anyone. And I’ve been here quite a while,” she shrugged.
Alex said nothing. He glanced first at his watch and then at the departures board, before peering back in the direction of Station Road. The silence felt leaden.
Is it being alone with me that’s got him worried? Maya thought fast, scanning his face for clues. I’m sure he was avoiding me at the club on Wednesday. Did I do something on Saturday night at the party that annoyed him or freaked him out?
She trawled through her memory banks; she’d been pleasant to everyone, even that guy Sam when he was drunkenly coming on to her. The only awkward moment was when her eyes had met Alex’s for that split second as they tidied the broken glass; but she’d looked away quickly and started talking about getting a cloth for the red wine that had spilt. Had he even been aware of that look? Or was it something different-had she overstayed her welcome, hanging on for another hour when the other girls from the club had long since gone?
Maybe he just wanted to be with his own friends by then. Maybe… Oh, God—Maya realised in a flash. What if everyone was thinking like that guy Sam? What if they thought I was just some silly little schoolgirl hanging round her teacher with some pathetic crush? What if Alex thought that too? Maybe he thinks I’m like that Stalker Girl who’s been hanging round Ollie…
The whole idea was seedy and depressing, but it seemed to make sense. What would a teacher do if a pupil was showing signs of falling for him? Become more distant. To Maya, it definitely made sense.
“Well,” Alex broke the silence at last, “it looks like it’s just you and me, Maya. Shall we get going?”
“Mmm,” Maya nodded, wondering which one of them was dreading this more.
Alex and Maya both stood with their heads tilted so far over to the right that their ears nearly touched their shoulders.
“What do you think of this one?” asked Alex, not taking his eyes off the photo collage in front of them.
“I’m, er, not sure…” Maya muttered, trying to make sense of the confused multiple images.
“Not sure they’ve hung it up the right way?”
The giggle erupted involuntarily. Maya clapped a hand over her mouth and glanced around quickly in case she offended any earnest art lovers around her.
Alex grinned at her. “And what does this one say to you?”
Maya bit her lip and tried really hard to suppress more giggles that were pressing inside her chest. It was another collage by the same artist and it was more bizarre than the first. In among a jumble of snaps taken in supermarkets was the figure of a housewife pushing a shopping trolley, but with a giant hamburger for a head.
“Um, I guess it’s some kind of statement about the consumer society?” she managed, trying to remember that the purpose of this outing was meant to be vaguely educational.
“Really?” Alex nodded, gazing back at the picture, while rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “To me, that hamburger just says… let’s get out of this exhibition and find the café. C’mon, I’m starving!”
Maya followed his back with her eyes as he weaved between a viewing public who obviously saw more in the pictures on the walls than either she or Alex did.
What a relief that he thinks this is a load of pompous old rubbish too! she sighed to herself as she slipped through the crowd towards the door. And what a relief today’s turned out all right!
The train journey up had felt a little frosty at first, but the awkward spell had been broken when Alex started talking and asked about Billy and Andy and the band. Maya had been surprised when Alex mentioned he’d popped in to the Railway Tavern on Thursday and caught a few numbers of The Loud’s set: she hadn’t seen him. He’d been on his way somewhere, he’d told her, and hadn’t spotted her to say hello, the pub was so busy by that time.
Being able to talk about the band and the boys had made her feel more normal. In fact, she’d felt so relaxed so quickly, it seemed as if the strange spell of the last couple of weeks had been broken. All the tension was gone; all thoughts of tarot readings and predictions left her mind; speaking to Alex felt comfy and normal again.
But it was better than normal. At photography club-with him pottering around everyone in teacher mode-she’d never had the chance to find out how funny Alex really was. She’d seen glimpses of it the first night he’d come to see the band, when he’d joked around and made Cat cackle her embarrassingly dirty laugh, and she’d been aware of it at his flat-warming party too. And on the train this morning, he’d had her crying with laughter as he recounted trying to pour a reluctant and rubber-legged Sam into a taxi at the end of the night, after he’d drunkenly tried to chat up every other girl in the room-even those with boyfriends.
“Well, I’m pretty glad I only made you suffer today!” he exclaimed as they emerged into a quiet gallery corridor outside the exhibition. “I’d never have forgiven myself if I’d dragged everyone from the club along to that load of cobblers!”
“But I felt terrible giggling when everyone else was looking so serious!” Maya admitted, padding along beside Alex as they headed towards the gallery’s coffee shop. She had to practically stop herself giving him a playful dig in the stomach for setting her off-it’s what she would have automatically done if Matt or Ollie had pulled the same trick.
“Ah, but people can take art too seriously. And just ‘cause something’s hung on a wall, doesn’t automatically make it good!” he beamed at her. “Now here…”
He ushered her over to a black and white print on the corridor wall, part of the gallery’s permanent collection.
“…to me, this is miles better than that arty junk back there!”
Maya stared at a brooding skyline, rain-filled clouds hanging low and dark over a barren but beautiful American plain.
“It’s a bit like your stuff,” Maya pointed out, thinking of the blown-up prints on Alex’s pale blue walls.
“I guess that’s why I like it,” he admitted with a wry smile.
“The sky reminds me of your picture on the mantelpiece, the one that got broken.”
“Ah, yeah-the one of Charlotte.”
Maya felt a jolt shake her out of her good mood.
“Who?”
“Charlotte, my girlfriend. Took that one when we were on holiday in Greece one year.”
After forgetting herself to the point that she felt like she was hanging out with a friend for the afternoon, Maya suddenly felt like the silly little school kid all over again.
CHAPTER 13
SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
Maya closed the magazine that she wasn’t reading and took another sip of coffee from the Styrofoam cup.
“…an’ she says, ‘Don’t you know how I feel about you?’, an’ he says, ‘Don’t say anything, I don’t want to hear it.’”
“Did he?”
Somehow, Maya couldn’t help listening in to the conversation of the two young mums sitting next to her at the booth by the lake. Over in the distance, their children were tearing about with Ravi and the other kids on the swings and climbing frames of the playpark.
“Yeah, he did. An’ then she says to him, ‘But you’ve got to hear it! I’m crazy about you! I can’t stop thinking about you!’”
“Nah!”
“Yeah! An’ then he says, ‘But you know I can’t be with you-you know I’m with someone else…’”
Maya gave a little shudder and it wasn’t just because the wintry sunshine this Sunday afternoon was too weak to warm the chilly air. Whoever the women were talking about-it struck a chord in her, whether she wanted it to or not.
“What happened then?”
“Dunno. The phone rang, so I missed it.
S’pose we’ll just have to watch tomorrow night’s episode and see if we can pick it up from there.”
Smiling to herself, it suddenly dawned on Maya that she hadn’t been listening in to a saga of someone’s personal life at all; it was just the latest storyline in EastEnders.
A small figure in the distance distracted her; Ravi was leaving his playmates behind and running over to her at the speed of small boy light.
“Maya!” he panted as he came close.
“What?” she asked with concern.
The two mums had stopped their soap catch-up-it was their turn to listen in.
“Jack…” panted Ravi.
“Who’s Jack?” she asked. Maya knew most of her little brother’s regular playmates, but then every time they came to the park he seemed to hook up with someone new.
“Him!” said Ravi, turning and pointing uselessly at a distant playpark heaving with children.
“What about Jack? What’s wrong?”
“He… he…” gasped Ravi, exhausted from his sprint. “He said he’d give me one of his Skips.”
“And…” prompted Maya, relaxing now that she knew that the emergency wasn’t to do with anything more life-threatening than crisps.
“And then I took one,” explained Ravi, his brown eyes wide. “But I was on the roundabout - and I spilled the whole bag! By accident!”
“So… you want to get him another bag of Skips to make it up?” she guessed.
“Uh-huh,” Ravi nodded solemnly.
As Maya searched around in her pockets for some small change, she took comfort in the fact that this was the real world; the world of looking out for little brothers who loved you because you could sort out their crisp crises.
Not some fantasy world where you persuade yourself that you’re in love with someone you don’t even know properly, and don’t have any right to be in love with… she told herself off.
The emotional rollercoaster Maya had suddenly found herself on was driving her crazy. Having her mood swing up to the clouds and back down to a pit of gloom wasn’t something Maya was enjoying one little bit. The fact that after the fun she’d had with Alex on the train journey up to the city the day before and all through the exhibition, she’d managed to slip back into some ridiculous ditch of doom after he’d mentioned his girlfriend, irritated her to the point of desperation.