Songbird

by Jamie Campbell

  “Your lawyer can’t save you now.”

  “I guess not.” My voice was barely a whisper with the anticipation. If he didn’t kiss me soon, I was going to attack him with desire. And I knew I shouldn’t. Everything about Forest was bad for me. What the hell was I doing?

  Before I could answer my own question, Forest’s lips were pressed against mine and I completely forgot about what I was thinking. His lips hungered, pressing me for more.

  I opened my mouth to let him in, his tongue greedily devouring me. He tasted like coffee and sugar. Every inch of my body screamed for more. I melted into his chest, not caring anymore. If he could make me feel that way with just a kiss, I wanted more. I wanted every part of him. And now.

  He continued to taunt me, his lips continuing to come back for more. I was only too happy to give it to him. With our lips pressed against each other, my hands found his neck. I cradled his strong jaw, pulling him even closer than he was before.

  I was quickly getting breathless but I didn’t care. He was everything I needed at that point, breathing was overrated.

  “Hey, look, it’s Brierly Wilcox.” A kid’s voice brought me crashing back to earth. I quickly pulled away from Forest, my cheeks burning with embarrassment at being caught out by a fan.

  I let go of his neck and his arms let me free. I jumped back to see a girl of about eight staring at us open-mouthed. Her mother joined her, both standing there like we were zoo animals.

  One look at Forest’s sheepish grin and I couldn’t stop the laughter. I was giddy with endorphins as they coursed through my blood.

  I grabbed his hand and started hurrying for the exit, past the girl and her mother. My giggling fit wouldn’t stop, the whole thing just seemed so bazaar. Forest and I, caught kissing in the First Lady’s Garden. If the little girl didn’t catch us, we probably would have been asked to leave by the staff anyway.

  Getting thrown out of the garden for kissing my lead guitarist, that would have been a good headline for the tabloids. They would have had a field day. Thank goodness the girl didn’t have a camera pointed our way.

  I didn’t let go of Forest’s hand and he didn’t try to get loose. Nor did I slow my pace. My body was on fire and I had to get back to the hotel. I had seen enough of Washington D.C. for one trip.

  We raced through the lobby and up to my floor. My brain was focused, I wasn’t going to give into the nagging doubts that were always playing on it. I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to back down.

  Inside my room, I grabbed Forest for a second round. There was nobody now to stop us. I flung my arms around his neck, practically throwing myself at him. It wasn’t very ladylike but that didn’t matter. Forest made me feel all woman.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Forest whispered, our foreheads leaning against each other.

  “More than anything right now.”

  “Sure?”

  I giggled. “Stop asking me that. Unless you want to leave now?”

  He started laughing too. “I don’t think I could leave even if I wanted to.”

  “Well then, shut up,” I replied, covering his mouth with my own so he followed my directions.

  He picked me up, my legs wrapped around his torso, and he carried me to the bed. Gently, he lay me down and started unbuttoning my blouse. He moved with precision and calm, like he didn’t want to rush things. As much as I wanted him to rip the thing off me, the sweet anticipation was even better.

  As he finished with the last button, Forest caressed my stomach, his hands moving upwards to cover my breasts. Even through the bra, he set my skin alight. I arched into him, wanting his hands everywhere, immediately. I didn’t want any part to go untouched by his gentle fingers.

  He started kissing my stomach, starting at the bottom and moving upwards. I couldn’t hold in the groan that escaped my lips. Every kiss sent out a shockwave of desire, making me ache with the need of him. My clothes felt too heavy, a barrier between us that was unwelcome.

  I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him upwards, his lips coming with him to land on my own. But that wasn’t what I wanted, I needed him to be free of the shirt. I tugged at the bottom, pulling it up until he got the hint and removed it.

  His chest was even better than I had imagined it would be. A rippling six pack greeted me, strong muscles that I could only picture what he could use them for. I pulled him close again, desperate to feel his weight on me.

  Forest suddenly sat up, pulling me with him. With one swift move, my shirt and bra ended up on the floor. The edges of his mouth smiled, taking me in.

  “Like what you see?” I asked teasingly, thankful for all those hours of dance rehearsal I had gone through for the tour. My body was in the best shape it had been in years.

  “Very much,” he replied. He ended the conversation by kissing me, lowering me back onto the pillow. From there, I was completely lost in him.

  At some stage he removed my shorts before sliding my panties down my legs. The touch of his hands spread fire throughout me. I absolutely ached to have him inside me, I would have done anything he asked to make that happen.

  Yet Forest insisted on still taking it painfully slow. He teased me with his gentle caressing, touching every part of my skin but not where I wanted him to.

  As he simultaneously placed kisses on my neck and teased my nipples, I gripped his back, pulling him closer. I needed his body pressed against mine, to feel his weight on me and own me. I was ready to give everything over to him completely, he had me right where he wanted me.

  “Do you have protection?” I whispered. I may have been crazy with desire, but I wasn’t crazy.

  I had to suffer the pain of being released from his grasp while he reached for his wallet – still in the pocket of his jeans. I missed him for the few seconds it took for him to retrieve a condom.

  I tried not to watch as he slid it on, still a little shy at seeing him completely naked. He climbed back onto the bed, losing his hands in my hair and pulling me toward him for another kiss. Our lips locked as he settled himself between my legs.

  His lips moved to my neck, nuzzling my ear and sending goosebumps shooting across my skin. His breath tickled, causing my want for him to escalate a thousand fold.

  “You are so beautiful, Brier,” he whispered. It was Forest that made me feel beautiful, the most gorgeous I had ever been.

  He hovered over me as our eyes locked together. His dark, intense gaze could see right down to my soul, I was sure. His eyes, normally so unreadable, burned with desire. I reveled in being the one he burned for.

  “I want you so much,” I managed to pant out. He was completely taking my breath away, barely leaving any air in its wake.

  He slid into me. Finally, I got what I wanted. It barely took any effort to get me to the brink. I coursed over the edge of oblivion as stars swum over my vision. I had never felt anything that mind-shattering before. Forest satisfied me in a way that no man had ever done. It was like our bodies were made to interlock, fitting perfectly together with a charge that would make an electric current jealous.

  “Brierly,” Forest moaned against my skin as he found his release. I couldn’t speak at that point, my mind was completely given over to the sensations running through my veins. I gripped his broad back and just held on for the ride.

  When Forest finally let me go and lay on the bed beside me, I felt naked without him so close. Every part of me tingled, I wouldn’t let regret creep in. Not this time and not now. I didn’t regret what we just did, I was happy about it. And hopefully I would still feel that way tomorrow.

  Chapter Ten

  Forest was still asleep when I awoke the next morning. I hadn’t woken up with anyone since Braydon and it felt weird to have someone there again.

  Didn’t I promise myself a year ago that I wouldn’t go through that again? That any kind of relationship only ended in disaster and an irreparably broken heart? I’m pretty certain I had that conversation with myself. Probably in the lonely hours
of the morning when it was just me fighting my eating disorder.

  He looked so sweet as he slept. His beautiful face was relaxed and twitching ever so slightly. I wondered what he was dreaming about. It was probably too much to ask for it to be about me. One night didn’t give me the right to invade his dreams, I’m sure.

  As I stared at him, I couldn’t imagine he would hurt me like Braydon had. He had to be different, he just had to be. I couldn’t get on that rollercoaster again if it was going to end in tragedy. I had made the decision yesterday that he was different and I had to believe that. Otherwise I was setting myself up for another year of hell. And I doubted I would be able to survive it again.

  I crept to the shower, careful not to wake him. My alarm would do that soon enough. As I let the hot water cascade over my skin, if I concentrated, I could still feel Forest’s hands on me. The way he had been so gentle when he touched me, the way he set me on fire like nobody had ever done before. It was enough to get me hot all over again.

  And I didn’t have time for that. I finished showering and dressed quickly, trying to remember what was on my itinerary for the day. If I had interviews, I had to put more thought into my outfit rather than if I was just sitting on a bus all day. Forest had done a good job of wiping my memory, but I thought I remembered something about an interview or two. I dressed for people to see me.

  Forest stirred awake as the alarm started beeping from my phone. He looked even more adorable with his messy hair and sleep in his eyes. God, he had a serious effect on me which wasn’t all that unwelcome.

  “Hey.” I smiled.

  He sat up, as if trying to remember where he was. “Hey, Brierly. Did what happen last night really happen? Or am I dreaming?”

  “I’m pretty sure it happened.”

  “Oh.” More confused face. “Good. I had a really fun time.”

  “Me too.” I leaned over the bed and gave him a good morning kiss. I wanted him to know I didn’t expect it to be a one night thing. I wasn’t the kind of girl you could use and abuse, not anymore anyway.

  I shouldn’t have done it, I put myself in his reach and that was the end of my free will. Forest pulled me close so I had no choice except to straddle him. His passionate kisses were doing nothing for my resolve.

  When he started unbuttoning my blouse, I pulled back. “I have to go meet Demi or she’ll have a heart attack.”

  “So be late.” His fingers continued to weave their way through my buttons, his lips continued to taste my neck. Finally, I had to grab his hands to stop them exploring further.

  “I can’t. I’ll see you on the bus.” I stood to make my point, it took all my self control to do so. How easy it would have been just to give myself over to him again. One more button and I might have done.

  I threw the remaining items into my suitcase and zipped it closed, like that was my final decision. I placed it by the door and swept the room, making sure I didn’t forget anything. The only thing left in the room was Forest as he watched me from the bed. Tempting.

  “See you later,” I said as I escaped through the door.

  I had to race to find Demi in the breakfast room. She was already loading two plates with food. I took one from her and continued to fill it. “Good morning.”

  She looked me up and down, trying to decide whether she approved of my outfit. It was just a simple loose blouse with blue three quarter pants. I didn’t think I could get it too wrong.

  “Good morning, you look nice.” That was a relief.

  “Thank you.”

  We finished getting our food and found a table in the back of the room. I started eating as Demi rifled around in her handbag and pulled out her cell phone. She flicked through the screen before settling on something and laying it on the table in front of us.

  Staring up at me were images of Forest and I, taken at the Smithsonian yesterday. The photographer had managed to snap us in ways that made us look very cozy together. Holding hands and arms, looking into each other’s eyes while smiling, huddled together intimately. They were all completely innocent – those ones anyway – but to the average eye, they definitely spoke volumes.

  “You were spying on me?” I asked, shocked that she could do something like that. Surely I deserved some privacy? Especially from those I loved most, and Demi was definitely one of those people.

  “Of course I wasn’t, they’re all over the internet. You trended on Twitter last night over these pictures,” Demi explained, a little roughly. She obviously didn’t appreciate my accusation. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  I really didn’t. But I had a full disclosure policy with Demi, an agreement we had made when she first started working for me. If she didn’t know everything, she wouldn’t be able to fully help me manage the media – or my personal problems. If I kept Forest from her, it would only blow up in my face later on. It always did.

  “Forest and I hooked up last night,” I finally confessed. “But everything in these pictures is just of two band mates hanging out. We went to the museum together, that’s all.”

  “Until you hooked up.”

  “That came later.”

  “I would hope so. Were you discreet or will I find pictures of that splashed over the internet too?” Demi asked, growing angry.

  “We were in my hotel room. Why are you getting all mad about this? You said you liked Forest.” I went on the defensive, I was perfectly capable of beating myself up about my decisions. It was too early in the morning for Demi to do it too. It was exactly why I didn’t want her to know about Forest in the first place.

  “I do like Forest, as a lead guitarist. You said you weren’t going to go there with him.”

  “I know, but I misjudged him. He’s not like Braydon. He’s nice and kind and funny. It’s not going to end the same way, I promise.”

  Demi stared at her breakfast, pushing some apricots around her plate. “We’ve got a full year’s worth of touring to do. Are you a couple now? Or was it a one night deal?”

  It really sucked that I couldn’t have any secrets or anything to myself. I tried not to get annoyed with Demi but her questions were starting to grate on my nerves. “I don’t think it was a one night deal.”

  “And what happens when you break up?”

  “Then we get a new guitarist and move on. Worse comes to worse, I can play the damn thing for the entire show.” She rolled her eyes, just slightly enough for me to notice. “I don’t care, Demi. I’m not stopping something just because of what might happen.”

  She lowered her voice and leaned in so nobody could overhear. I feared what she was about to say. “You know how fragile you still are. The pressure of the tour is enough, do you really need this too? I can’t have you go back to where you were.”

  “Neither can I, so that’s not going to happen.” I pointedly focused on buttering my toast, trying to put an end to the conversation. Just having the discussion was enough to send me back to the hospital.

  We ate in silence after that, the food a little less appetizing. The fumes were still steaming off Demi. I knew she had my best interests at heart, but it wasn’t really any of her business. She was my manager, she didn’t have a say over who I dated. Or slept with.

  After breakfast we climbed onto the tour bus. Forest was sitting with the rest of the band, he gave me a smile when he saw me. I took a seat at the front, Demi’s warning still circling around in my head. I didn’t want to infuriate her more by flaunting it in front of her.

  We didn’t have far to travel before we got to Northport. It wasn’t a place people normally stopped on a tour, the numbers didn’t make much sense as the venue was quite small. However, I had a particular reason for requesting we stop there.

  When things got bad last year and I had to run away to escape from everything, I ended up in Northport. It also happened to be the place where I was subsequently hospitalized after I collapsed in my hotel room. I was found lying on the bathroom tiles by a maid when they came to clean my room. />
  I weighed only seventy pounds when I was admitted to hospital. My hair was ridiculously thin, my periods had stopped, and I was always so incredibly tired. My body was shutting down on me and I was too obsessed to notice or care.

  The doctors and nurses at the hospital had been amazing to me. I fought against them to leave. The moment I woke up, I tried to remove the IV from my arm and refused to do anything they said. More often than not they had to resort to sedating me just so they could help save my life.

  Not only did they have to deal with me, but the media too. When the maid told her story to the first camera she came across, the hospital was swarmed with journalists and tabloid reporters. Not one hospital staff member talked to them, which I appreciated more than anything. All the world knew was that I was hospitalized for exhaustion and recovering well. The gory details were kept for my private file only.

  I was at the hospital for just over two weeks before my parents arranged to have me transferred to a private facility that specialized in eating disorders. That’s where I spent the next five months. And when the world learnt about my real condition.

  Coming back to the town that day brought up horrible memories, but I felt it was something I had to do. I wanted to return to the hospital and thank everyone for saving my life. Without them, I doubted I would be able to stand there today. I would most likely be lying six feet under and pushing up daisies.

  Demi and I took a cab, leaving everyone else to go to the venue and get set up for the next performance. I was going to have some special guests there tonight, I had sent two dozen tickets to the hospital for the staff and patients with a note saying to get in touch if they needed more.

  The hospital was different to how I remembered it, but I wasn’t in a good state of mind to recall all the details. I had travelled through a few different departments, the emergency room, the intensive care unit, and then the psych ward. At least I got a change of scenery every few days.