Songbird

by Jamie Campbell

  “Forest and I are in a good place,” I added. “Plus, we had a nice dinner together and the last thing I wanted to do was sneak off to the bathroom. Same with breakfast this morning.”

  “That’s great, Brier. Remember to take one day at a time.”

  I nodded. The doctors told me that every single freaking day in the hospital. I still don’t understand why people think that’s so reassuring. One day still leads onto another, which then stretches out for eternity.

  I changed the subject before it started to get into uncomfortable territory that would feel more like a therapy session. I’d had enough of that yesterday. “So did you find out any more about the photos in my dressing room?”

  “Security went through all the footage,” she explained. “There was nothing out of the ordinary.”

  “So you have no idea who left them?”

  She shook her head and shifted in the seat as we barreled along the highway. “We can only guess. I’m sorry, I wish I had all the answers for you.”

  There was something she wasn’t telling me, she was biting on her bottom lip. Every single time it gave her away. “What are you trying to keep from me?”

  “Nothing. Perhaps we should just consider it a prank.” Now I was completely starting to freak out. Demi never classified anything as a prank, especially when there was a threat involved.

  “You’re freaking me out, Demi. Tell me what you found out. The truth can’t be any scarier than knowing you don’t want me to know something.”

  She stared at me, her eyes serious and her brow wrinkled with concern. My heart started racing in my chest and not in the good way that Forest made it act.

  “Demi, tell me.”

  She sighed. “It has to be someone in our team. We checked all the cameras and there wasn’t one that showed anyone else coming in.”

  I let out the breath I was holding. That wasn’t so bad, I already suspected as much. “So what do we do about it? I can’t have someone working against me on the tour. Who knows what else they might do?”

  “I know, I know.”

  “How do we figure out who it is?” I asked.

  She lowered her voice so we couldn’t be overheard. “Have you noticed anyone acting differently toward you? Maybe you had a disagreement with one of the crew?”

  My mind whirled trying to think of something. I scanned through the faces of everyone involved in the tour. All the roadies that set up the stage and took it down again the next day, the sound guys, the band, the dancers, Ryan, Demi. I knew them all, I’d worked with many of them for a few years. I couldn’t think of one who would want me dead.

  But that didn’t mean they weren’t really good at hiding their hatred. We were in show business, full of performers. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who had mastered the act of masking their emotions.

  On the outside, my life seemed perfect. Jealousy was a strong emotion that could make someone want to hurt me. Everyone assumed I was as happy as I looked in photos. I knew differently, and those closest to me did too, but I hid it from everyone else. It wouldn’t take much for someone to believe I should be brought to my knees and they should be the one to do it.

  “It’s okay, Brierly, we’ll find out who it is and deal with them before they can hurt you,” Demi reassured me. My fear and confusion was probably written across my face, I had to put my mask back on.

  “I know.” I smiled back. “I’m sure they thought they’d cause some drama and won’t do anything again.”

  Her phone beeped with a text message and she excused herself to make some calls. I was glad of the peace and quiet for a moment. Glancing back subtly, Forest was still happily talking to the rest of the boys. I wasn’t going to interrupt that. Instead, I put my ear buds in and cranked my iPod. I needed to catch up on my sleep anyway, all thanks to Forest keeping me up most of the night. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

  I didn’t wake up until the gentle rocking of the bus stopped and people started moving around me. We were at a gas station, in the middle of a long stretch of road.

  Considering using an actual bathroom was luxurious compared to the one on the bus, I joined the queue to get outside. Even a gas station bathroom was better than the bus, as least you didn’t have to breathe in to close the door.

  I made sure Demi knew where I was before slipping inside. One good thing about touring with so many guys was that the queue for the ladies’ room was never very long. I ducked into a stall and could think again within minutes.

  Outside again, people mingled everywhere as they stretched their legs. I spotted Forest behind the bus, still talking with Ace and the guys. They were like their own little clique. I didn’t feel right joining them. That seemed like Forest’s world, not mine.

  I didn’t really fit in anywhere with the crew. The younger ones were too scared to include me and the older ones knew better than to speak with the talent.

  I hated that term – talent. Unfortunately, that was the tag put on me at most venues to differentiate me from the crew. Because apparently not everyone in the world knew who I was and they had to identify the person they really shouldn’t annoy somehow.

  God, it was all so politically correct. It was the little things like that which could cause someone to really hate me. Maybe I couldn’t blame them. Perhaps I would hate me if I wasn’t actually me – hell, I’d spent a great deal of time loathing myself in the past year.

  A group of girls found the band. They weren’t with us, they pulled up in a convertible car and were refilling from the pump behind the bus. The moment they spotted the boys, they made a beeline.

  Two of the teenagers seemed to find Forest particularly delicious. They fiddled with their hair, flicking it to accentuate the blonde highlights – bottle blonde, no doubt. They somehow seemed to make the movements and press their chest together so their boobs were plump and perky at the same time. I bet Forest noticed. I hated that he would. He shouldn’t be looking at any chests other than mine.

  I should have gone over there and claimed my stake on the man, but my feet wouldn’t let me. Or perhaps it was my pride. Either way, all I could do was watch and pretend like I wasn’t.

  The giggles carried my way on the whisper of a breeze in the air. Whatever Forest said was apparently hilarious. Did I sound like that when I laughed? God, I hoped not. I wasn’t that much older than those girls, but I hoped those few years made a whole heap of difference.

  I couldn’t imagine Forest falling for girls like that. He was smart and incredibly talented, surely he’d want more substance than those bobble heads. At least I could hold a conversation with him, even if it did mainly consist of arguing.

  When the sun hit him the right way, he absolutely took my breath away. Even from across a grotty gas station in the middle of Nowheresville. His honey colored hair looked golden in the sunbeam, making him shine like he wore a halo.

  And he was mine. Not those girls’, not anybody else’s but mine. It didn’t matter who he talked to all day long, it was my bed he would be crawling into tonight. It would be my body he would touch and bring untold pleasures to. I had nothing to be jealous about.

  I tore my eyes away from him, not wanting to get caught staring like a stalker. I was in love with him, I wasn’t creepy. The second tour bus had pulled up while I had been lost in my own thoughts. It carried most of the crew and some of the equipment. If we waited around long enough, a few trucks would join us too.

  I couldn’t fathom which one of them had left me that package yesterday. I could rule out Demi and Ryan easily. They would tell me off to my face and get it over and done with. Neither would want to scare me like that, it would only cause them even more problems than they already had.

  Forest had no reason to upset me with photos. I seriously doubted he had a hero complex so wouldn’t make a problem just so he could swoop in to rescue me from it. He wasn’t the kind to play games, I was sure of that.

  What about the rest of my band? I had known Ace for years, he had p
lenty of time in the past to tell me what he thought about me. I only had to ply him with a few drinks before he started spouting the truth on any subject I prompted him to. Marty? He was too laid back to even care what I did. As long as he had his guitar and knew what to play, he was happy. I doubted it was anyone in the band.

  My eyes fell on Naomi, my hairdresser. Her mop of hair was bright pink, she always stood out in a crowd. She had two little kids waiting for her at home, a boyfriend that wasn’t too keen on her being gone for so long, and a lot of bills to pay thanks to medical expenses. I offered to help her out with those bills once, but she had refused. Surely if she hated me, she would have been happy to part me from my money?

  She was talking to Andre, my lead sound technician. With just a wave of my hand during a concert, he adjusted my earpiece so I could hear properly again. He had never put a foot wrong, even when we were having so many hiccups at the beginning of the tour.

  The problem was, I could scan the group all day long and I would never be able to say who had left those photographs for me. If Demi hadn’t proved it to be so, I wouldn’t believe it could be any of them.

  It was pointless trying to play detective. I was apparently a terrible judge of character, especially considering my dating history. An axe murderer could look me in the eye and smile and I would welcome them inside. I would probably hand them an axe too.

  I waited for the call and returned to the bus, resuming my usual seat. That was one of the perks of being the star of the tour, nobody ever took my seat. Of course, they also threatened to kill me behind my back, but it was still good.

  I put my ear buds in and settled back in the seat as we took off. Closing my eyes, they shot open again when someone sat beside me. I expected to see Demi to go over my schedule or something equally as boring, but it was Forest instead.

  “Hey,” he said, breaking a gas station cookie in half. “Want a cookie?”

  A guy that would share half his cookie with me, what more could a girl want? I smiled and accepted it, taking a small bite. It actually tasted pretty good, considering it was probably a week old. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. How are you holding up?”

  “Do you mean from not getting any sleep last night, or knowing someone wants to harm me?” Watching the cheeky smile spread across his lips was totally worth the comment.

  He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone. “If you weren’t so damn irresistible, Miss Wilcox, I would be able to keep my hands off you and then you could get some sleep. So, really, this whole thing is your fault.”

  “Right, my fault.” I rolled my eyes and had another bite of my cookie, making sure to lick my lips slowly. “So you are nothing but a hapless victim in this scenario then?”

  He nodded. “Absolutely.”

  “So, if I wanted to-”

  “Forest, you coming or what? Should I deal you in?” Ace’s voice interrupted me. He was holding up a pack of cards. I really wished we were alone right then and there. I doubted our clothes would last much longer.

  Forest looked between Ace and I, trying to make a decision about who he wanted to put offside. I didn’t want him to decide, mainly because I wasn’t sure if he would actually choose me. “I’m fine, really, go. You wouldn’t want to leave the boys waiting.”

  “Why don’t you come play with us? You do know how to play poker, right?” Getting an invitation to the back of the bus, that was something I didn’t ordinarily get. Or ever get, thinking about it.

  It might be my one and only opportunity. “Sure.” I plastered on the smile, pretending that sitting around with a bunch of guys was so much more fun than flirting with Forest one on one.

  I followed him, gripping the seats to offset the gentle rocking of the bus. Between the few back seats was a table. Ace, Marty, and the rest of the band all held a set of cards as they watched us sit down.

  “Deal me in,” I said to break the uncomfortable silence. Ace slid some cards to me, doing the same with Forest. I checked my hand, a pair of threes and that was it. Not exactly the best or worst start.

  “Do you need me to go over the rules?” Ace asked.

  “Nah, I’ll wing it,” I replied. A skeptical laugh passed among the boys. If only they knew the truth.

  I had spent weeks playing poker with Braydon. On the deserted tropical island where we hid from the world for a full three weeks, there was only two things to do, and sometimes we needed a break from being naked and entwined in each other’s bodies.

  He taught me everything I ever needed to know about poker. Braydon used to fund his alcohol budget by being a card shark, he knew what he was doing. At least I got something other than a mental breakdown from our mess of a relationship.

  I let them all win the first few hands, throwing any good cards I was dealt. Pretending I was getting all the bad cards was enough to lure them into my honey trap. Once they were comfortable I was a terrible player, that was when I had to strike.

  It wasn’t until the fifth round that I decided to actually start playing for real. All their looks were smug enough to want to beat into one of surprise instead.

  Ace dealt again. I got a pair of fives. I wasn’t going to be giving those ones away, this game was for real. I placed my bet, we were using toothpicks for the kitty.

  “Hit me,” I said when Ace was dealing again. I exchanged a four and got a king in return. It was a start.

  Forest shot a questioning gaze my way. I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to save me or read my mind. One good thing about wearing a fake smile for ninety percent of my life, I had a damn good poker face. None of them was going to get anything out of me.

  “Hit me,” I repeated when it was my turn again. Lady luck was on my side, I got the King of Hearts. Two pairs, that would do nicely. I pursed my lips, as if thinking about my next move. Like I needed to think about it.

  “Call,” Marty declared on his turn. Ace, Forest, and Luke threw down their cards. That only left my keyboardist Ronan, Marty and I. They each put in the last of their toothpicks, they were all in.

  Ronan took the challenge and revealed his hand, one pair. My hand beat his with no problem. It was down to Marty and me. Marty raised his eyebrows and stared me down, pushing his toothpicks around in the center.

  The kitty was overwhelmed with little wooden pieces. I never asked how much they were worth, I probably should have. It wasn’t like I carried a large amount of cash around with me. Demi paid for most things with her company credit card.

  “What do you think, boss? You in?” He challenged me. All eyes turned my way. Forest tried to peek at my cards but I held them close to my chest – literally.

  “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” I replied, arching an eyebrow of my own.

  He laid out his cards, he had two pairs as well. A pair of eights and a pair of threes. My hand with the pair of kings trumped his. Turned out Braydon was good for something, pity it had to be gambling.

  “Come on, boss, what have you got?”

  I was about to splay my cards on the table and claim victory but there was something in Marty’s eyes that made me stop. He was so excited to win, to have a leg up on me. If I took away all their toothpicks, they wouldn’t have anything else to play with. I couldn’t do that. I didn’t need the money and I spent months telling them what to do. For once, he could have the upper hand.

  I put my cards on the table, face down. “I’m out. Congrats, Marty.”

  He whooped with joy and pulled the kitty toward him with a dazzling smile across his face. “You shouldn’t play with the professionals, boss. This game is no place for an amateur. We’re all serious business down here.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I scoffed, unable to keep the smile from my face. At least when they teased me it meant I was just one of them. They wouldn’t do that if they truly saw me as the boss. “How about a rematch? I’m sure I can win some of that loot back.”

  “You’re on.”

  Ace started dealing. My cards weren’t
great but they were workable.

  “Brierly, I need you,” Demi called from down the aisle. She had her iPad out, her horribly boring schedule up on the screen. She waved it at me. “We don’t have long before we arrive.”

  I inwardly groaned. “Sorry, guys, maybe another time.” I left my cards and ran along like a good girl. Someone had to be the boss and I guessed it was still going to be me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  A few weeks later, I was sitting under spotlights again. The reporter with his twitchy eye and sweaty palms was making me nervous. Interviews normally didn’t faze me so much, not since the tour had been going so well. Besides the few little indiscretions, they were finding it difficult to dig up dirt on me.

  But this guy, Pete Barker, was unsettling. He had barely asked me anything about my music and if his eye didn’t stop moving soon, it was going to hypnotize me. I’d be clucking like a chicken in no time.

  “So I hear you have a big fan base in Asia.” That wasn’t a question, what was I supposed to say to that?

  “Yeah, my fans around the world are so sweet and supportive. I hope to get down there one day so I can meet them all.” I flashed a smile, hopefully it looked charming and not bored like I felt.

  “It seems like you have one big fan right here, a very big fan.” He gave me that slimy look, the one that was a little sweaty and condescending. I had no idea where he was going with his questioning but he seemed to be excited about it. That probably wasn’t a good thing.

  “I’m grateful for all of my fans,” I replied warily, not letting my guard down. I glanced at the cameras, feeling like it was really hot in the studio. Demi was waiting by the producer’s side, equally as bored and confused as I was.

  Pete tapped quickly on his tablet, his finger sliding a little with the perspiration. I really hoped he didn’t share the gadget with anyone, they would need to sterilize it first. He held up the screen. “Would you say this is your biggest fan? He looks pretty big to me.”