With Stryker came risks. She couldn’t allow herself back into his arms. No matter how much her core ached or how she yearned to explore his every inch.
Oh brother! She was in trouble.
CHAPTER FIVE
“LILLY AND I should go,” Stryker said as they pulled up along the street in front of Leslie’s house. He shifted his truck into park, but didn’t kill the engine. “Lilly’s zonked.” She’d fallen asleep on the ride back from Swift Wind.
“Dinner was great. My friends liked you,” Leslie said.
“I liked your friends. It’s been a long time since I’ve sat around and had good conversation.” He thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel, not from impatience, but managing the desire to kiss her goodnight. He didn’t want to confuse things more than they already were.
Liar. He wanted to mess things up real good and see where the pieces landed. Sometimes jumping off a cliff was the only way one could learn to fly. Hell, he’d taken bigger leaps before and landed on his feet just fine.
“It’s getting late.” When Leslie didn’t make a move to slide out of the passenger side, he had a feeling she wanted to say something.
“You okay?” He flipped on the overhead lighting. She had a worried expression.
“No.” She sighed. “The trip home is too far tonight. You can stay here. I have a guest bedroom.”
Stryker stared at her from across the seat. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off her through dinner. She was beautiful and he loved watching her laugh with her friends. He happened to like them a lot and they seemed to have great relationships. He didn’t want to admit the truth but he felt a tad envious. He’d wanted a similar life with Leslie once upon a time. Had he been way off mark about the love they’d shared?
“You’re stalling. Is it that hard to make a decision? I promise, I’ll keep my hands to myself.” She looked at him through the veil of her lashes.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“That I’ll keep my hands to myself? I can try.”
“I meant for us to stay. Hell, maybe about keeping your hands to yourself as well. What’s the fun in that?” He was teasing, but his cock certainly didn’t know the difference.
“Yes, of course. Lilly will be more comfortable in a bed and not a back seat. As for my hands, we can discuss that inside.”
He swallowed. That was the most unexpected, most gratifying, invitation he’d been a part of in a very long time. He’d thought he’d lost his skill at flirtation, but he may have just jumped back into the saddle. He hadn’t been this anxious and hard since, well, the first time he’d touched Leslie. His fingers itched to adjust his growing member before the zipper popped, but he’d save that for her. “Okay. I’ll carry her in.” He realized the constricted tone of his voice must have warned her of his inner turmoil.
Five minutes later, Stryker tucked Lilly under the blankets in the guest bed while she still snoozed. He kissed her forehead, wished her a good night and turned, almost colliding with Leslie. “I didn’t know you were in here,” he whispered.
“Sorry. I just wanted to make sure she had enough blankets.”
“She kicks them off anyway.”
“Like someone else I know.” She laughed.
He’d missed her laugh. He’d missed everything. He didn’t realize he was ogling until her eyes narrowed in curiosity. “I’m staring, aren’t I?”
“Yes.”
“I love your laugh.” He wanted to stroke her cheek. Instead, he stretched his fingers.
“Let’s go out and let her sleep.” Leslie took his hand and started toward the door. “Oh wait.” Still holding his hand, she went to the side of the bed, leaned over and kissed Lilly on the cheek.
His heart skipped. At the same time his stomach rolled. Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? For Leslie to take Lilly under her wing?
Problem was, Leslie’s emotional grip didn’t stop with Lilly. It seeped into his veins, mingling with his blood and soared through every part of his body, like warm whiskey on a cold brisk night. She had the power to grasp his soul in her palm and he was afraid to lose control. His heart still carried the scars of the break she’d caused. He couldn’t take a second round of hell if she decided to leave.
They walked out into the hall, Leslie closing the door behind them.
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” She looked up at him, her eyes were like diamonds glowing in the dim light and the slight pucker of her bottom lip made him want to run his tongue along the soft curve.
Clearing his throat, he searched for his voice. “For being kind to Lilly.”
She brushed past him and he followed, realizing he’d follow her down a path into an inferno if it meant that he could hold her, touch her, one last time. The scent of her silky skin was an aphrodisiac and her deep moans of pleasure lived in the recesses of his mind, driving him crazy on the lonely nights. His body tightened and his clothes felt like they’d burst at the seams.
When she stopped, her shoulders slumped as if she carried the weight of the world. He knew the feeling, especially here lately. Completely thoughtless of tomorrow’s wrath, he went to her and laid his hand on her cheek, his fingers entwined in the tendrils of her hair. He’d meant to only comfort her, but the touch ignited a torrid emotion. She sniffed and he saw the glistening wet trail against her pale skin. He reached up and wiped the moisture with his thumb. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“What we had is over.” There was harshness to her tone, but there was something else that he couldn’t decode.
“I understand,” he said. “What we had was special, innocent. Now there’s baggage and scars. I told you, I didn’t come here to get you back or to open raw wounds.”
“No, you just came here and upended my entire life. How dare you!” Her bottom lip trembled and the tears quickened.
An ache grew in the pit of his stomach. Damn, if she melted, so would he. “Maybe we’re even because when you left, my world toppled and I’m not sure it ever balanced.”
Her sigh echoed off the walls. “And you didn’t think telling your sister that once we were married I’d stop working so we could focus on getting pregnant was wrong?”
He couldn’t have been more thunderstruck if a cyclone had plowed him over. “And when was this? I don’t remember—”
“The night before I left,” she said. “I heard you two talking. I had come to speak to you about something, but instead I ran.”
Opening his mouth to defend himself, he snapped it shut. He remembered now. “I’m not denying that I did say to Justine that I’d like for us to start a family. I admit I even told her you may quit your job, but there’s a big problem when people snoop into private conversations. They miss a lot.”
She brought her chin up in a defiant tilt. “I didn’t hear wrong.”
He dropped his hand. “Is that so? Did you also hear me tell her that it was your choice? That I wanted you to be happy and I’d support you in whatever you wanted, including waiting to get pregnant? No, you heard what you wanted. After all, you knew then you didn’t want kids.”
“Would you have still asked me to marry you if I had told you?”
“I can’t answer that, but I should have been given the opportunity to hear your thoughts. I loved you.”
“Having children was all you ever talked about, having a family, especially when Justine got pregnant. Lilly was born and you seemed even more anxious for us to get married to start a family of our own. You wanted a full house. I wasn’t even sure I wanted one child.”
“You didn’t tell me that. I don’t recall you ever, in all of those conversations, saying how you felt.”
“How could I? In all honesty, I knew our relationship would end.” Her bottom lip quivered and he felt his chest tighten. He didn’t like to see her hurting and, at the same time, he was hurting too.
“You decided for the both of us what was right. You left. I guess that was the easy solution instead of just being honest. I
f we learned a lesson here, it is that neither of us were ready for marriage. Apparently, we couldn’t even talk to each other about the future.” He knew his tone was punishing, but he didn’t care. All of these years he’d wondered why she’d vanished before their wedding. He wasn’t sure if this was closure, or the salt in old wounds. “I’d say you were looking for an excuse to break off the engagement and you found it when you overheard that conversation. Damn, I wish I could be angry with you, but I’m not! I guess in the long run, what happened was best.”
“Okay.” Her tears dried.
“And I want to make sure this is clear, I came for that little girl in there.” He darted a finger toward the closed door. “You and Justine were close, always were. She cared for you, thought the world of you, and so did I. Unfortunately, I’m seeing that you can’t help with Lilly, not when you don’t want children.” He started to turn away when he felt her fingers on his elbow. He stopped, but didn’t look at her.
“Stryker…”
He’d never heard his name said with more emotion, but he’d been broken by her once before. He had to be strong, not only for himself, but for Lilly also. He looked at her and his heart cracked. “What?”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
Oh hell! Those were never good words. “Does it require me sitting down? A drink? Maybe a ten inch thick wall around my emotions?” She hesitated. “Spit it out, sweetheart.”
“I came there that night to talk to you about something important. I wanted to start our life clear of any secrets before we got married. What you didn’t know is that I had gotten pregnant. You and I had been using protection, but sometimes there’s that one time—”
“What?” Fuck! What was he hearing?
“The night we’d shared at the cabin to celebrate my birthday. I—I had no clue until I went to the doctor. I found out I had carried your child the same day I learned that I’d miscarried.”
Her words raced through him like a firestorm of reality. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He was at a cross between pain and anger. “How cruel of you to wait this long to bring my world down.”
“I wanted to tell you for so long. I knew I had to tell you now.”
He scrubbed his jaw. “No worries, darlin’. We’ll be out of your hair come morning.” He gently pulled his arm free of her grasp and tore out the door.
****
Leslie watched Stryker walk away and the door slammed behind him. She wanted to chase him, yearned to settle the pain between them. He needed time to absorb the truth. She’d debated whether she should tell him about the baby, but she’d followed her instinct and the words spilled from her. There was no way of knowing if she’d made the right decision, but in her heart, she felt she’d done what was best.
In time, she hoped he’d find forgiveness, something she’d never found. Guilt had plagued her in its evil grip for a long time. She’d blamed herself for the loss of their child. What God would find her fit as a parent when she hadn’t even wanted a child? Had she been punished?
Tears filled her eyes and she couldn’t hold them back.
She hurried into her bedroom, closed the door and leaned against the solid wood, wishing it was Stryker’s firm body. She craved the comfort of his arms wrapped around her shoulders and the soothing whispers of his kindness—like he’d done many times when they were together.
After all of these years, she’d finally admitted why she’d left. Sadly, once the words were out, she’d realized how stupid she’d been, yet at the time she hadn’t known what she wanted. Her emotions had been on a roller coaster. She’d grown and matured since her relationship with Stryker, but she couldn’t deny that she was more confused than ever.
Having Stryker and Lilly in her life made her feel things she’d never felt before. Having them with her tonight at Swift Wind seemed comforting—like they were a family. She’d wanted to tuck herself inside of Stryker’s arm and proudly call herself Lilly’s…what? Lilly had a mom, so what role would Leslie have in the child’s life? She’d never want Lilly to forget Justine, but Leslie wanted to be a part of Lilly’s future.
The revelation drained her, yet thrilled her too. For the first time, she knew she wanted a child—she wanted Lilly.
Stripping down to bra and panties, she climbed into bed, and buried her face into the softness of the pillow. She couldn’t count how many nights she’d stayed awake, missing Stryker, wishing she could have picked up the phone and hear his rich, husky voice.
Days had passed into months, and then years, until it seemed too late. She’d figured he’d found someone that could give him all of his wishes for a family.
Regret had taken up residence in a large part of her heart. Several times she’d picked out a birthday card, addressed it and even came close to dropping the envelope into the mailbox until she’d changed her mind the last minute.
Some times were harder than others.
Christmas had always been tough. She’d missed the excitement they’d shared giving each other presents. Even as kids, they’d exchanged gifts. It had become a tradition for them to sit around the tree, listening to music as they sang along merrily.
Sleep had never been easy. She’d dreamt of his touch, his arms wrapped around her, their naked bodies entwined…
With each day, she’d forced more and more of him to the secret places of her mind, but they’d resurface when she least expected them.
Eventually, regret had turned to anger.
She heard the front door open and softly close. Stryker had come back. A few minutes later, she heard the thudding of his boots against the hardwood floor and the rustling and popping of the couch as he settled onto the cushions.
The man who’d haunted her night after night was in the next room and soon he’d be gone. He’d told her he would leave come morning. The thought of Stryker and Lilly leaving ripped through her. She didn’t want to go back to her lonely existence. How could she change things?
She battled an inner turmoil that she could no longer control. Her body ached to feel alive again. The cells of her body churned, defining the definition of desire. Although danger lurked, her wanton needs screamed for release.
Climbing from bed, she opened the door and came face to face with her greatest weakness. “Stryker…” His name trickled from her trembling lips.
“I could be the biggest fool in Texas, but right now, I want one thing and the need is too strong to deny.” His heated gaze spoke volumes.
Reaching out, she clutched the collar of his shirt and tugged him across the threshold. She heard seams break, but it could have been the barriers of her wall breaking. It didn’t matter, he was here, with her, and she closed the door with her foot as her body tingled in the realization of what was about to happen.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against the steely tone of pecs and abs. His scorching temperature seeped through her bare skin. She wanted to rip his clothes from his body, wanting to rid them of all barriers.
Their lips connected and they went at each other, tongues swirling, mouths suckling, hands tugging at one another like rabid animals full of carnal desire. She found the buttons to his shirt, undoing one with shaking fingers, but impatience boiled within her. She tore the cotton like paper and dropped the tattered material to the floor at their feet. Starving for pleasure, she smoothed her hands across his thick chest, nestling the tips of her fingers in the splattering of crisp hair across taut skin.
His fingers crawled along her curves until he found the front clasp of her bra and released the hook. It fell away from her breasts. His tormented gaze slipped over her, then his head bent, taking one bud into his mouth. She clung to his shoulders as he dipped one hand into her panties and pushed them low on her hips, all the while sucking her nipples. The strip of thong slid past her knees, falling to her ankles. She gave them a toss with her big toe.
He lifted his head, his breathing was ragged and his jaw was tight. He bent to his knees, his h
ands splayed against her stomach as he buried his face between her thighs. She moaned and entwined her fingers in his hair as his tongue looped a path along her pelvic bone, then sliding a warm trail to her throbbing pussy, and licking her most intimate part. He gently pushed her thighs wider as he awakened her clit then slid his tongue into her moist passage.
Bliss played a fervent tune, drawing her closer to the sweet abyss. She dug her fingers deeper into his thick hair, guiding him, riding his mouth until she clung to a morsel of control. “Stryker!”
He must have understood the urgency because he stood and lifted her. She wrapped her legs around his hips. “Let’s see how this bed handles a real cowboy.” His voice intoxicated her senses.
As he moved toward the bed, his belt buckle rubbed her core, teasing her. Her muscles involuntarily quivered.
Reaching the bed, he lowered her to the comforter but didn’t follow. She watched in marvel as he removed his belt in haste. She brought her gaze upward and met his. All of the years that had passed between them were gone. All of the turmoil had vanished, and the only thing left was a driving force, two people needing release that the other could give.
He tossed his jeans and boxers, and his cock stood erect, long and thick. Although size didn’t matter, a man built like Stryker certainly deserved respect. She knew the pleasure he’d given her and no one could ever meet the same standards.
The mattress lowered under his weight, forcing her to lift her stare. Leslie couldn’t hear anything but her ragged breaths and the pounding of her heart as he raised himself above her.
“We don’t want to forget this.” He waved a shiny package and tore off the top with his teeth.
She was grateful that at least one of them had thought of protection because it had totally slipped her mind. “Let me help.” She took the condom from him, her fingers shaking as she rolled the sheath onto his taut package.
Lowering himself between her thighs, she spread her legs wide, ready for him to fill her completely. Wrapping her fingers around his girth, she guided him to her core and he wasted no time in rewarding her demand. He thrust himself deep inside, stretching her, and immediately bringing her closer to release.
Second Round Cowboy (Second Chance Series) Page 5