by Beth Maria
Freedom
Book Two in The Mended Heart Series
By Beth Maria
Freedom
Book Two in the Mended Heart Series
Copyright © 2014 by Beth Maria
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Dedication
Freedom is dedicated to my readers.
Thank you for reading Alive and making my dream possible.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Dedication
Table of contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Epilogue
Coming Soon
Acknowledgements
About the author
Prologue
9 Months Earlier
I’ve been in love with Jake Peterson for as long as I can remember. I think I was eleven the very first time Maisie brought me to her house and I saw him watching TV. He was sitting there laughing at something, which caused me to laugh. His head snapped in my direction, a funny look on his face, and the laughter died on my lips, a blush taking over. He was even better looking close up. His brown hair was gelled, his brown eyes shining in the light. I was hooked from the first glance. I just said, “Hi,” then ran off laughing to find Maisie, and Jake’s been teasing me about that ever since.
My feelings for Jake only became stronger over the years. I desperately tried to get him to notice me. I even tried dressing like the girls he always went for. You know those girls who hardly wear any clothes? Yeah, I even dressed like them, thinking that was what he liked, but he still didn’t notice me.
I gave up all hope of him ever seeing me as more than his little sister’s best friend.
I started dating other guys, in hope that I might forget about Jake. My relationships didn’t last longer than a few months. I just couldn’t shake the feelings I had for the guy who didn’t want me back.
That is until a few months ago when I was staying the night at Maisie’s.
Maisie had gone to bed early, leaving Jake and I watching a movie together. It wasn’t unusual for us to be alone. This was practically my second home. What was unusual was the fact that he sat so close to me that his leg was brushing against mine, and the fact that he had his arm around my shoulder. Jake never touched me, ever. I was screaming inside, mentally doing a fist pump in the air. I sat quietly watching the rest of the movie, acting as if I didn’t notice what he had done, but oh, I’d noticed.
Then he made his move. He gently turned my face toward his, and before I even knew what was happening, his lips were on mine. By the time I realized what he was doing, he was pulling away, standing up, and leaving the room.
After that, Jake would occasionally text me, asking if I wanted to meet up with him. Of course I said yes. I was ecstatic that he had finally noticed me, thinking that it was only a matter of time before he wanted to date me.
It wasn’t long before we had sex, and oh my, it was best experience I’d ever had. Jake wasn’t a selfish lover; he always made sure that my needs were fulfilled before his own. I couldn’t have asked for a better first time, or second, third and so on.
We weren’t a couple, and Jake always made me promise not to tell anybody about this, but I didn’t care because he was finally noticing me. I should have noticed that something was wrong with the fact that he wanted me to keep quiet, but I was stupid and naive.
We carried on this routine of meeting up occasionally for around two months.
Until he ended it with me, leaving me on my own to deal with the consequences.
That’s where I am now, sitting by myself, staring at the white walls and feeling sick to my stomach. He should be here with me, holding my hand and telling me that everything is going to be fine. Instead, he’s out doing God knows what.
I have no one else to turn to, only Jake, and he let me down.
I couldn’t tell Maisie as she didn’t know that Jake and I were sleeping together. I know that she would be there for me, but it isn’t her place. It’s her brother’s. Also, she would ask why I never told her sooner. She wouldn’t understand that he told me not to tell anybody. She would have confronted him, possibly ruining my chances of us ever being more than fuck buddies. I realize now that’s what we were; I was just too naïve to see it for what it really was.
I couldn’t tell my parents because they would have hit the roof. My dad would probably kill Jake, and then I’d be fatherless as well as losing the love of my life. You’d expect me to be able to talk to my parents, but mine are pretty old fashioned when it comes to boys. They would most probably disown me, leaving me on my own. I guess I am right now, but I will need my parents eventually. I’m not going to risk it.
I remember every little detail of when I told Jake. His face drained of all color, making him look like a ghost, and his features dropped. He didn’t say anything for a very long time, and neither did I. I knew he needed to process what I’d just said. I was the same when I found out, except I had no one to talk to about it.
Eventually he snapped out of his funk, registering what I’d said.
He didn’t react how I thought he would. I thought he would man up and stick by me. I figured he would at least give me a choice. He is as much to blame as me in this. He proved me wrong.
He told me, and I quote, “You need to get rid of this. I can’t be dealing with this drama. We aren’t meant to be more than a fling. Get rid of it ASAP!”
My heart shattered the moment he said that. I wasn’t ready to bring a child up on my own. I had college to start in a few short months. Though had Jake stood by me, I would have been able to finish college with his help. He ditched me when the going got tough, though, leaving me to deal with the consequences.
“Miss. Reed?” a nurse asks.
I swallow and stand up. This is it.
“This way please,” she instructs, giving me a warm smile.
It doesn’t help lessen the nerves that are swirling around in my tummy; my tummy that will never get bigger with the growth of my child. I try to push that thought to the back of my mind. I don’t have a choice. I can’t do this alone, and there’s no way Jake will help me. He’s made it perfectly clear already.
The next ten minutes are the longest ten minutes of my life. As soon as I took that tiny little tablet, I felt a tiny little bit of myself die as the minutes ticked by. There is no going back now. The deed has already been done, and I regret it with my whole being. Now I have to find a way to carry on living my life, without the guilt at what I could have had eating away at me every day. I already know that it’s going to be impossible. It’s already started. I hate myself. More importantly, I hate the love of my life for not giving me a choice. I know that he won’t think about it ever again, but I know that every
time I look at his face from now on, I’m going to remember exactly what I lost because of him. I got rid of my baby when I was eleven weeks pregnant; this is why I’m going to keep my distance from him. I will never forgive him for this.
Chapter 1
Chloe
These last nine months have been hell. I thought it would get better with time, seeing as they say ‘time heals all wounds’. Whoever said that was bullshitting. It doesn’t get better with time. It eats away at you until there is nothing left but a shadow of the person you once were.
It doesn’t help that I have to stare into the eyes of the man who made me this way often. I guess it wasn’t wise for me to start dating his best friend. Evan is a really sweet guy; the kind of guy I wished I was in love with because I know that he would never hurt me, but the heart knows what the heart wants, and that unfortunately isn’t Evan. I’m not saying that I don’t have feelings for him, because I do, quite strong ones actually. However, do I see myself being with him in five years time? Probably not.
I know I should end it with him. It’s just, when I’m with him, I forget all about my problems and can just be myself again. He loves me for who I am, which is what every girl wants, right? Except me. I guess I’m just too stupid to realize a good thing when it’s right in front of me.
That being said, I’m not getting rid of Evan anytime soon. He helps me in ways which he will never know. To some, I may be using him, however, like I said, I do have feelings for him. I just want to feel happy, and he does exactly that.
“Morning baby,” Evan says, his voice croaky from just waking up.
He truly is beautiful. I don’t usually like guys who have longer hair, though it totally suits him. His blonde hair is messy from sleeping, his face a little bit swollen. It’s so cute. His bright green eyes, the color of emeralds, stare into mine. He gives me a sexy smile, one side of his mouth tipping up.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?” I ask, leaning on my elbow and smiling back at him.
He uses his thumb to push back a stray bit of my hair, which has fallen in front of my face, back behind my ear. “I did knowing you were with me.”
“Such a charmer,” I tell him, giving him a cheeky wink.
I like sleeping next to him because then I don’t have nightmares, the same nightmares that have haunted me for the past nine months. If Evan has heard me talk in my sleep, he hasn’t mentioned it, for which I am grateful.
“I’m being serious. I love waking up and the first thing I see is your beautiful face. It makes my day.” His thumb trails down my cheek, rubbing over my dry lips. Instinctively, my tongue darts out, wetting my lips and his thumb.
Evan growls and switches position, so that I’m now on my back and he’s hovering over me. I can feel what he wants, his hardness digging into my leg. I’m just not in the mood this morning. I need an out. Glancing over at the clock, I see that it’s nearly nine am. I’ve got a class in an hour. This is the perfect out. He knows it takes me forever to get ready in the morning, and I can’t be late.
I feel him peppering kisses down my neck, causing goosebumps to surface. It tickles!
“Evan, stop. I don’t have time this morning. I’ve got class in an hour.” He stops kissing me, peaking at me through his hair that has fallen in his face. He’s pouting, which just cracks me up. “That doesn’t work on me, chump. Now can you move please? I’m going to be late at this rate.”
Thankfully he moves and doesn’t say any more on the subject. I think, deep down, he is starting to realize that I’m doing anything I can to not have sex with him. It just doesn’t feel right.
I stand up, choose my clothes for the day, and then head into the bathroom for a shower. Evan doesn’t follow, which is unusual. I’m not going to complain though. I need some space right now. I’m not purposefully being off with him; it’s just that thinking about my past this morning has put me in a depressed state. That’s always the case when I think about it, which is around three times a day if I’m lucky. Sometimes I don’t get out of bed because the flashbacks just won’t disappear. I can’t escape them. They follow me around wherever I go and get worse as time goes on. I just have to get on with it as best I can though.
I jump out of the shower when the water starts running cold, and then rush to get dressed. I’m going to be late.
****
I arrive at college with a few minutes to spare. I’m not going to have time for my morning caffeine, which sucks balls. I need that to be able to function properly, and especially when I’ve had a morning like I’m having today. I’m just going to have to be a zombie for the next two hours until I get a break, when I can run to Cafe Blanc and drink as much caffeine as I like for an hour.
For the next two hours, I finish off my art project. I’ve always loved art, ever since I was a little girl. I express myself through my art because I’ve never been very good at expressing my emotions through words or actions. All of my emotions show in my artwork. Recently my work has been very dark because of how I’ve been feeling. I miss the days where I painted bright pictures. You could tell that I was happy then. I don’t show anybody my artwork, only my professor, and that’s because I have no choice if I want to get a degree. My parents wanted me to do business as there are always jobs in that field. They think that I won’t get anywhere with my art. They may be right, but I’d rather end up doing something I love, instead of something that I hate with a passion. I wouldn’t be happy sitting in an office from nine till five, being told what to do and sorting through paperwork. I like being free; doing what I like, when I like. My parents just need to realize this without giving me a hard time. It’s my life, not theirs.
Before I know it, it’s the end of class and I’m rushing toward Cafe Blanc in dire need of my caffeine fix.
After ordering a salted caramel mocha, I sit down in one of the booths and relax. This is more like it. I have an hour to unwind, so I pull out the book I’m reading and get engrossed in my fantasy world.
“Mind if I sit here?” a voice asks, breaking my concentration.
I look up and instantly wish I hadn’t. The reason for my flashbacks is standing before my very eyes. Anger courses through my body. “Yes, I do mind actually. I’m trying to have some peace and quiet,” I quip back.
Jake just raises his eyebrows and laughs at me. Dick. Then he sits down opposite me, completely ignoring what I just told him. I carry on reading, pretending that he isn’t there, and that my heart didn’t just start beating faster from his presence. Damn you, traitorous heart!
“So, what ya reading?” he sing-songs.
Not looking up from my book, I tell him, “Nothing that you would be interested in.”
Out of the corner of my eye I see him lean forward on his elbows. “Try me,” he says, a smirk on his face.
Letting out a sigh, I snap my book closed in frustration. I’m not going to be able to read, so I might as well give up. Raising my eyebrows, letting him know that I’m not impressed, I say, “Look, Jake, I’m really not in the mood for you today, so please, could you kindly fuck off?”
He laughs. Did I actually expect him to listen to me? He never has before. “Sorry, no can do. I miss you and would like your company for a little while,”
“You chat out of your ass. You don’t miss me. You just want to annoy me,”
“Oh, how you wound me, woman,” he says, putting his hand over his heart and feigning hurt. I’m trying so hard not to laugh. I want him to leave, not stay.
“Too right. Now are you going to leave, or do I have to?” I start putting my book back in my bag, getting ready to make my exit.
His face turns serious. “Chloe, do we have to do this? Can’t we just be nice to each other and hold a conversation like normal people do?” he asks.
That just makes me even angrier. Has he forgotten everything that he’s done to me? I stand up, ready to leave. “Yes, we do have to do this. We can’t be friends anymore, Jake, and it’s time you started realizing this. If anyone is to
blame, then you need to take a good long hard look at yourself. I loved you, and you trod on me, leaving me by myself. You need to grow up and start facing your responsibilities, not leave when the going gets tough. I’ve finally had enough of your shit, so please leave me alone.” With that, I walk off, the tears threatening to spill.
However much I despise him, it still pains me to be horrible to him. But in order to be able to move on with my life, I need him to keep his distance from me. I just hope eventually it works, and that I’m not left loving someone who will never love me back.
Jake
Watching the only woman who I have ever loved walk out of Cafe Blanc, hating my guts, about kills me. I’ve tried time and time again to sort things out with her, but she doesn’t allow me a chance to explain. Then she starts dating my best friend. That was a slap to the face from both of them. I can tell Evan really likes Chloe, though I’m not really sure about how she feels about him. I do know that she doesn’t look at him like how she looks at me when she thinks I’m not looking. I should walk away and leave them in their relationship if they are happy, but I can’t. Chloe’s been mine ever since I first set eyes on her, back when she laughed at me watching the TV. Since then, I haven’t been able to get the blonde bombshell out of my head.
I had my chance to prove to her how much she meant to me months ago, and I blew it; all because I was scared shitless. Since then, she hasn’t forgiven me, and I really don’t blame her. However, I won’t give up trying. I know she’s it for me. I just need to prove to her how sorry I am and hope that eventually she can forgive me enough to give me another chance, Evan be damned.
If I have to explain to him how much Chloe means to me, then so be it. I will do anything to win her back. But first things first; I need to get her to talk to me without walking away or biting my head off.