His words cut the quick. Viciously, she struck back. "That would let you off the hook." She was immediately repentant. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
He dropped his head and then lifted it to stare at the ceiling. "Neither did I. So where do we go from here?"
An old half-forgotten memory played across Julie's mind. Closing her eyes she saw, as plainly as if it were yesterday, a slim teenage girl with a mane of flame-red hair sitting on the soft ground beside an incredibly handsome young man. Lowering her head until her long hair hid her face, the girl whispered, "I'm pregnant."
The surprised look that flashed across the young man's handsome features would have been comic if hadn't been so pathetic. He pulled her into his arms in a protective embrace and rubbed his chin along the side of her face. The stubble of his beard created a delicious friction. "Don't be afraid, honey. I'll take care of you."
Youth and naiveté had allowed her to believe then that he would. "Can we get married?"
How vividly she recalled the way his body had tensed against hers. It seemed an eternity before he answered, and then it had been to argue rather than confirm. "Your mother would have to give her permission."
"Mamma wants me to get married. She says it's the only answer."
Max's protests were weak, but valid. "I don't have a job. I had planned to enroll in college this fall."
If she hadn't been so young and so foolish and so much in love she would have set him free then and there. But because she was all those things she clung tenaciously. And Max, noble, sweet, innocent character that he was had made it almost too easy for her to ensnare him in the oldest of tender traps. Opening her eyes, Julie willed herself back to the present. "I don't know where you're going. I'm going to bed. Good night." She raised herself to a half-standing position. "And good bye."
Max caught her arm and pulled her back down beside him. "So you are going to have an abortion." He jerked her around to face him. "Is that what you plan to do?"
The urge was there to twist the knife of revenge in his open wound. She suppressed that impulse. "I'm going to have the baby. It's due the twenty-fifth of next February."
He sighed heavily with what could only be relief. "Are you sure?"
"Will you stop worrying? Of course, I'm sure."
"What about all those wonderful things you planned to do after Shannon was married?" Max asked, uneasiness threading his voice. "What about your Caribbean cruise and your European vacation?"
Remembering those impetuous words made Julie smile. "I'll postpone them for another twenty years."
Max rubbed his hands together. "Good. Now we can make some concrete plans."
His words surprised her. Maybe there still remained buried somewhere deep inside this jaded, disillusioned man a residue of the vulnerable, noble boy who had once been Max Anderson. She was quick to discard that foolish notion. The truth was, once again she had caught him in a double bind only this time he was wise enough not to make rash promises or rush into a long-term commitment. "My plans are made. I'm seeing a doctor. I have good health care insurance. Everything's under control"
"That's not my only worry." Max's brow wrinkled. "How do you think Shannon will take this?"
So it was regard for his daughter that motivated Max's concern. As commendable as that was it angered Julie. She unlaced his fingers from around her wrist. "This is not your problem. I'll explain that to Shannon."
Max arched one eyebrow. "Will you now? And just what will you tell her?"
The task of telling Shannon she was pregnant hit Julie with sudden impact. She had always stressed to her daughter the importance of abstinence and the shame--yes that was the only word that could explain her attitude--shame of premarital sex. God! What a sanctimonious prude she had been! What would Shannon think of her mother when she learned that this preacher of a strict moral code of abstinence and unbending morality was herself about to bear a child out of wedlock? Quickly, she swallowed her fears. "I don't know. I'll think of something."
Pity softened the hard glitter of Max's eyes. "Shannon has a very high opinion of you. This isn't going to be easy for either of you."
Julie's spine stiffened. "She may begin to look at you a little differently, too."
He nodded in agreement. "That may be true but then her opinion of me was never very high anyway."
The accusing note in his voice made Julie flinch. "And you think that's my fault?"
He shrugged. "I wasn't placing blame but now that you mention it, yes, I do to some extent."
She was set to deny that accusation. She couldn't. There was an element of truth in what he said. In her own defense she declared, "I never, ever, spoke ill of you to Shannon!"
"Well, you didn't have to, did you?" There was condemnation in Max's voice and a touch of bitterness. "You were such a paragon of virtue and I was nothing but the absentee father."
Furious that he would blame her for his absence through the years, Julie snapped, "That was nobody's fault but your own."
Smoothly Max argued. "Was it? I don't think so. You're the one who left me. You're the one who got the divorce."
He was making it sound as though their break up had been all her fault and that wasn't so! "No, Max. You left me long before I moved out of our apartment and changed geographical locations. You left me for your job; you left me for your rowdy friends." She blinked back tears. "And you left me for Lucie Traywick."
Max exploded with righteous indignation. "Lucie Traywick was my boss's wife."
Julie was well aware of that. "A boss she later divorced and in the process took Acme Construction from him." She was pleased that she had kept her cool in the face of Max's anger. "Don't you think I know you lived with her after..." She almost said after I left you. "After we separated?"
His anger was being replaced with a steely, almost deadly calm. "I never tried to hide the fact that I had an affair with Lucie but it didn't begin until after you and I were divorced. You sound like you may have been jealous."
She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she had been more than jealous, she had been devastated. "Maybe the actual affair didn't begin until after I was gone but the want to was there long before I left. Did you think I didn't notice the way she looked at you the way she was always touching you?"
"That was Lucie, not me. I never looked at another woman as long as you were my wife. And my affair with Lucie was never serious. We were two lonely people trying to survive the aftermath of divorce."
Julie wanted desperately to believe that. Somehow, she couldn't. "You were deadly serious about one thing. Somewhere along the line you acquired the business that Lucie had taken from her ex-husband."
Once again, Max's anger bubbled to the surface. "Who are you to cast stones? Did you think I didn't know that you lived with Royce after you came back to Summerville?"
He was deliberately trying to provoke her. "Let's get our facts straight, shall we?" Julie smiled, too sweetly. "I lived with Royce and his wife." She had moved in to help Royce with Jean after she had become so ill. "Jean was the one who wanted me there."
"Which makes it even worse; you lived under the same roof and carried on with a married man right under his dying wife's nose."
Julie's resolve to stay calm dissolved in the heat of that unfair accusation. "I did no such thing! Jean was my friend. I would never have betrayed her." She was telling the truth. There had never been anything between her and Royce until after Jean was dead and buried.
With a skeptical lift of his eyebrows, Max said. "That's not the way I heard it. Gossip around Summerville had it that you and Royce were so close that after his wife's death he made you a partner in his business."
Did he really believe such garbage or was this his way of striking back? After a short pause to gather her wits and calm her nerves, Julie explained. "The gossips were wrong as usual. Jean left her share of the restaurant to me when she died." Over time Julie had come to realize that Jean's motives for leaving her share
of The Hungry Farmer to her friend and employee had been selfish ones. It was her way of making sure Julie would be around for Royce and Dan after she was gone.
"Then you were more clever than I," Max said with a supercilious grin. "Or is the word devious? I had to buy Acme Construction from Lucie."
Julie fumed, "Will you shut up with your accusations and insinuations?"
Max pursed his lips. "Oh? So you can dish it out, but you can't take it?"
He was right, she couldn't, not tonight, not in the face of all her other problems. "We can hash over our miserable past some other time. It's late. You should go."
Max didn't budge. "No. Not until we get a few things settled."
Julie ran a weary hand across her face. "Everything is settled."
Once again, Max shackled her wrist with his long fingers. "I don't think so."
Julie shot him a lethal look. "Well, I do."
"Then you'd better think again. Things between us are a long damn way from being settled." Max's hand tightened on her arm. "I stood by and let you steal my daughter's growing up years from me. That's not going to happen again."
Julie snatched her arm away. "I never stopped you from seeing Shannon!" A sudden wave of debilitating fatigue hit her. Laying her head back against the couch, she wilted like a rootless flower. "And I won't try to stop you from seeing this baby either." She couldn't believe that Max's sudden burst of paternal concern would last. While he was suffering these momentary pangs of regret she would humor him. "I'll call you when the baby's born. You can come to see her," she shrugged, "or him, whichever it is, if you still want to by then."
Max vaulted to his feet. "Don't patronize me, Julie, I won't stand for it."
Julie rubbed her fingers along her hairline. "I wasn't being patronizing!" Her head had begun to throb like a sore thumb. "I was trying to be fair."
"Fair?" Max threw both his hands into the air. "What's fair about separating me from my child?"
Calmly, Julie argued, "There's no child yet. It's just a fetus I'm carrying around inside me.
What's there to see?"
His voice lifted in anger. "Is that how you think of our baby, as a fetus?"
A sharp pain shot through Julie's head and lodged behind her eyes. Pressing her fingertips to her temples, she grimaced. "You're giving me a headache."
For a moment Max was contrite. "I'm sorry." His apology was automatic and without feeling. Then his voice dropped as he probed, "Is it?"
Lifting her head, Julie stared at him. "What the hell do you want from me, Max?" She patted the cushion beside her. "And will you sit down? You're jumping around like a jack-in-the-box."
"What do I want?" H sank down onto the couch and drew a long tortured breath. "I want a second chance."
She had no idea what he meant by such a statement. "A second chance to do what?"
"A second chance to be a father."
"But you are a father," Julie argued.
One of Max's winged eyebrows shot up. "Am I? Shannon might disagree with you on that point."
Julie wanted to argue further. She couldn't. How many times as she was growing up had Shannon expressed the desire to have her father near her? "So you want another chance. Do you mean that?"
"I mean every word."
Hope unfolded inside her like the petals of a blossoming flower. Was there a chance that this time they...? Before her mind could think the words she closed her heart. "What are you suggesting?"
"I'd like to be there when the baby's born and not just waiting outside the way I was when Shannon came. I'd like to be in the delivery room. I want to be a part of the process."
The temptation was there to ensnare him again. She could, so easily. Instead she decided to offer him a dose of reality. "You already are a part of the process. You started this whole thing."
"I'm not joking. I want to be there."
He didn't know what he was letting himself in for. "Have you ever seen a baby born?"
Max shook his head. "No."
"It's a bloody business."
"Stop finding excuses and give me an answer."
Rather ungraciously Julie relented. "If that's what you want, okay."
"Good." Max's jaw tensed. "Now we can discuss my being around to watch this process I've set in motion. Do you want to come live at my ranch or should I move in here?"
For one capricious moment Julie was tempted, so tempted and then fact moved in to replace fancy. She would be twice a fool to open herself up to that kind of heartbreak again. "Neither and don't push your luck." She yawned openly. "Goodbye, Max."
He grinned and for a fleeting second she saw a flash of the Max Anderson she had known and loved. Then the curtain fell. "I'm going but I'll be back next weekend."
Julie's backbone stiffened. "Don't come here without calling first."
Max waltzed through the door. "I'll see you next weekend."
Julie sat for a long time staring into space and trying to make some order of the chaotic thoughts that slammed around inside her head.
Chapter Eight
Julie rose early Monday morning found her biggest skirt and began to dress. The time had come for her to tell Royce that she was pregnant. What would he say? What would he do? She would soon know.
After the noon rush Julie cornered Royce in the stock room. "I have to talk to you."
Royce was counting boxes of paper napkins. "Shoot. I'm listening."
Julie leaned against the door and waited for him to complete his task before saying. "Not here, in the office."
Royce stuck his pencil behind his ear and laid his clipboard on a stack of boxes. "I could use a breather. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Julie had stopped drinking coffee when she knew she was pregnant. "No. Thanks. I'll see you in the office in a few minutes." She spent that time trying to decide how best to break this news to her friend and business partner.
When Julie got to the office Royce was sitting behind his desk scanning figures on his computer screen. "Business is getting better all the time."
Julie perched on the straight chair in front of Royce's desk and tried to remember at least one of the fifty ways she had rehearsed to break the news of her pregnancy to him. She couldn't remember a single one. Without preamble she blurted out, "I'm three months pregnant."
Royce leaned back in his chair and put his feet on his desk. "I've been wondering when you'd get around to telling me."
Julie's mouth fell open. "You knew?"
"I suspected." His feet fell to the floor with a thud. "Does Max know?"
Relief made Julie light headed. "I told him over the weekend."
Royce switched off his computer and turned his full attention toward Julie. "And?"
"And nothing." Julie didn't want to go into details about her strange encounter with Max.
Royce asked bluntly, "Are you going to marry him again?"
"The subject didn't come up but I don't think so."
"Why not," Royce asked. "You're still in love with him."
Julie smiled. "He'd have to ask me first and he hasn't. I have no reason to think he will."
Royce tented his fingers and stared over them. "You could ask him."
"I did once and I lived to regret it."
Royce nodded his understanding. "I know." When she looked at him in surprise, he added, "Jean told me all about it just before she died." Royce's Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed. "She talked about you a lot during those last terrible days. She admired you, Julie. She thought you had courage and determination."
Julie was moved to tears. "Jean was the one with the courage. It takes a special kind of valor to die with grace. Jean did that." She brushed away a wayward teardrop. "If Jean were here now what would she tell me to do?"
"Probably some silly sentimental something like follow your heart. Jean was an incurable romantic." Royce took a deep breath. "But she's not here, and she never will be again."
Julie felt sudden empathy with this sad, lonely
man. "In a way that's how I feel about Max."
Frown lines pulled Royce's brows together. "Max is very much alive."
Julie shook her head in negation. "Not the Max I knew and loved in the beginning. He's gone forever."
"What you thought you saw probably never existed." Royce's frown degenerated into a scowl. "You were young and impressionable. The same thing happened to Shannon." He was on his feet and coming around the desk. "Did you know that Dan has asked for a transfer to Denver?" Perching on the edge of his desk Royce swung one leg. "In a way I envy him and you. You're both starting over. I can't do that."
For no reason she could explain Julie felt a bite of guilt. Royce was right. By some miracle she had been given another chance. "Will you stop feeling sorry for yourself?" The last thing Royce needed now was to wallow around in self-pity and recriminations. "My starting over has presented me with some real problems. I need your help."
Royce stopped swinging his leg and stared at her. "Just what do you expect me to do?"
"Maybe I shouldn't expect anything after what happened between Dan and Shannon."
"I stopped blaming you for that months ago." Picking up a pencil Royce twisted it through his fingers. "We were both at fault but not intentionally. Our children were growing up and getting away from us. We saw them getting married as a way to hold the four of us together."
The truth behind that insight troubled Julie. "Letting go is never easy."
"I'm finding that out. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to let Dan move away from Summerville and out of my life?" There it was again, that resounding note of self-pity.
Oh, yes, she knew. She had lost a daughter, just as surely as he was losing a son. "I don't have time to dwell on the past," Julie said with feigned indifference. "I have some very real and pressing problems that demand my attention now. When you decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself, maybe you can offer some advice."
Her words had the desired effect. "Advice?" Royce dropped the pencil and looked up. "Like what?"
"Like how long will I be able to work in the kitchen; like who will do the cooking when I can't. Like what kind of financial arrangements can I make with you to compensate for me not being able to pull my full share of the work load for the next few months?" She drew a quick breath. "That should be enough for starters."
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