You Belong to Me

by You Belong to Me (NCP) (lit)

  "Julie?"

  Max's voice intruded into Julie's state of half-sleep. "I must have dozed." She yawned. "Do you think we could talk some other time? I really am very tired."

  Max sat beside her. "This has been an ordeal for you, hasn't it?"

  She scooted away from him. "It couldn't have been easy for you either."

  A wry smile twisted his lips. "I've had better moments. I thought I knew Shannon so well. This afternoon I saw a side to her that I never knew existed."

  Why did Julie feel a need to defend her daughter? "Shannon didn't mean any of those terrible things she said to you."

  That aggravating smile still pulled at Max's mouth. "Any more than you meant any of the terrible things you said to her?"

  He did have a way of driving his point home. "Shannon understands. She knows what I said but she also knows what I felt in my heart and couldn't say."

  "I wasn't criticizing Shannon, or you." Max inched a little closer pinning Julie between his strong body and the arm of the couch. "Do you have any idea how much I envy that bond you two share? You can say outrageous things to each other and when the battle is over you can go right back to being a loving mother and a devoted daughter again."

  "That's because we both know how far to go."

  "I'm beginning to see that. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to speak my mind to Shannon. I don't know where that invisible line is." He positioned himself to where his knee was touching hers. "May I?" Without waiting for permission Max laid his hand on her stomach. "This time it's going to be different." His fingers rested feather light on her abdomen.

  She should move--she knew that--but the look on Max's face had mesmerized her. "Last week I felt the baby move."

  "He's kicking already?"

  "Those first movements are more like flutters than kicks. It's like holding a butterfly in your hands and feeling its wings brush across your palms." This scene was becoming far too intimate. Julie knew she should escape. Trapped as she was, between Max and the couch arm, she had no place to run.

  Max's hands moved to encircle her waist as he dropped his head and placed his ear against Julie's stomach. "Hello baby, can you hear me?"

  Julie was surprised and touched. She had never known Max to act the doting father to this extent before. "You wouldn't get an answer even if he could and he may be a she." Good Lord! They were behaving like doting parents who had planned this baby from the beginning. She pressed her back into the arm of the couch. "Max, please move."

  His head flew up. "I'm sorry. I got carried away." That foolish grin once again stretched his lips. "I'm staying over. I'll sleep in the spare bedroom." His hand brushed through the side of her hair. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

  She was so tempted to take advantage of Max's mellow mood and let him pamper her. God knew she could use a little tender loving care. Just in time common sense kicked in. "I can put myself to bed, and you should go."

  "I want to begin work on the nursery tomorrow." Max's voice dropped and became velvet soft. "Please don't send me away tonight."

  She had never been able to refuse him. She didn't now. "You'll have to make your own bed."

  "I will. Then I'll lie in it." He stood, pulled her to her feet and steered her toward her bedroom. As they neared her door Max asked, "Do you think I could see, just once?" His arm went around her waist as he pulled her nearer. "And maybe feel, too?"

  Caution sounded an alarm in Julie's head. "See what?"

  "I want to look at where my child is resting."

  Julie snapped, "For that you'd have to have x-ray vision."

  Max opened the door, led Julie inside and pushed her down on the edge of the bed. "I remember when you used to lie down how Shannon would move around inside you." He knelt before her and began to unbutton her blouse.

  Julie made no move to stop him. "Even then Shannon could be an aggravation." The touch of his hands, warm on her body, sent a feeling of languor flowing through her.

  Max slipped her blouse over her shoulders, unfastened her bra and tossed it aside leaving her bare to her waist. Her breasts, heavier now, stood proud with the nipples protruding like little flower buds.

  He had always had the ability to enchant her but tonight there was a subtle difference. His touch, his voice and the blue flame burning deep in his eyes, were not so much sexual as adoring; he was not making love to her, he was loving her. The tender distinction took her breath away. She knew where this could lead and it mustn't. Putting her hands on his shoulders, she pushed gently. "Max, we shouldn't."

  His hands pushed her skirt down over her stomach. "Don't deny me this, Julie." His hands rubbed across the soft nylon of her panties, touching her stomach almost reverently. "It's a miracle." His voice held wonder. "You and I have made a human being, Julie, a tiny, living baby."

  His words triggered the bitter recollection of another time that she had carried the beginning of a new life inside her. It had been alive and growing with a wealth of potential and promise and she had destroyed it. A sob shook through her.

  Max's head came up. He seemed to sense her thoughts. "Julie sweetheart, no."

  She blinked her eyes, but the tears wouldn't go away. "Why don't you hate me, Max?"

  He sat beside her and gathered her in his arms. "I could never hate you."

  "You should. I killed your baby." Sobs shook her small frame. She had destroyed her own child and nothing could ever take away the guilt and shame of that atrocity.

  Chapter Ten

  Max held Julie in his arms, letting her feel the strength of his body and the assurance of his presence. "Julie, darling, it's all right. Please don't cry."

  She clung to him. "It's not all right. It's never going to be all right. I killed my baby. How can I ever atone for that?" She was teetering on the edge of hysteria.

  Max gave her a little shake. "Julie, God has forgiven you for what you did. Now you have to forgive yourself."

  Gradually Julie was able to stop her frantic weeping. "What makes you think God's forgiven me?"

  Max rested his chin on the top of her head. "He's given you another baby hasn't He?"

  Julie's emotions were running rampant. Was this baby God's way of saying he had forgiven her? Oh, how she wanted to think so. A smothering sensation caught in her lungs. She grabbed the front of Max's shirt and held on. "And you, Max, can you forgive me?"

  He captured her hands in his. "Can you forgive me?"

  Puzzled she asked, "For what?"

  "For letting you down; for not being here when you needed me. Maybe God has given us both a second chance." Leaning back, he brushed his fingers through her hair. "Sooner or later you're going to have to face and come to terms with what happened."

  "I had an abortion. And it didn't just happen. I made it happen."

  Max cupped her chin in his hand and brought her face up to meet his gaze. "Would you like to talk about it?"

  Color fused Julie's cheeks. "No. It's too painful. I want to put it behind me and forget it if I can."

  Very slowly Max brought his lips down on hers. The kiss was as gentle as a whisper and sweet as honey in the comb. There was no attempt to probe or invade. It was a kiss of assurance and tender regard. After awhile he lifted his face and smiled down at her. "I'll be here for you this time, I promise."

  Caution caused her to pause and draw a deep breath. "For how long?"

  "For as long as you need me."

  This was a moment Julie had dreamed of since the day she had walked out of that little apartment in Dallas so many years ago. Max was inviting her back into his life again. For a moment she was infused with a flash of incredible joy. But only for a moment and then cold reality set in. He was here because of the child she carried. There was nothing permanent or lasting about his offer and as wonderful as it was, it wasn't enough. "That's very kind of you but it's not necessary. I can take care of myself."

  Max pushed her from him. "I wasn't being kind." His hands fell from her shoulders and brushed across her bare breast
s. He hardly seemed to notice he had touched her so intimately. "I'll go now."

  She had wounded him and that was not her intent. "Max, I'm sorry."

  "Don't apologize."

  "Please don't go." What was wrong with her? How could she with one breath ask him to leave and with the next plead with him to stay?

  Max's anger blazed suddenly, "Julie, what the hell do you want from me?" and died on the end of an expelled breath. "One minute you're pushing me away, the next you're inviting me to stay."

  She reminded him, "You invited yourself to stay." He had posed a question that she'd often asked herself--what did she want from him? Obviously it was much more than he could give. More than anything else she wanted him. He could give her such intense physical pleasure. But that pleasure exacted a price and the cost was too high. That didn't take the desire away.

  Since she had first seem him--a tall, handsome youth standing in the entrance to the school gymnasium, Julie had wanted Max Anderson. She had looked at him and felt a surge of desire that had startled and confused her. Her romantic little-girl fantasies were suddenly replaced with a very adult and earthy passion. That passion had not burned itself out in twenty years; she had no reason to think that it would be any less fervent or intense twenty years from now.

  And Max had felt a responding flare of desire. That passion that leaped so suddenly and so unexpectedly between them that had been their undoing. "I want you to stay."

  Max's jaw went slack as his mouth fell open. "Just what are you suggesting?" He folded his arms across his chest.

  Julie knew the strength of those arms. "You said you wanted to tuck me in bed." Was she out of her mind, giving him such a blatantly open invitation? Maybe she was, a little, but then she had never been entirely sane where Max Anderson was concerned.

  He swallowed with great difficulty. "And in return what are you offering; your very luscious little body?"

  She couldn't understand the sudden shift in his mood. But then when had she ever understood him? "I need you, Max." Leaning against him, she let her bare breasts push erotically into his folded arms.

  A mocking almost bitter note had found its way into his voice. "For how long?" His arms fell to his side as a pained expression flitted across his handsome face.

  There it was again that fear of being trapped into making a permanent commitment. She entwined her arms around his neck "Poor Max. But don't worry."

  Reaching behind his head, Max unlaced her fingers. "Oh, but I do."

  Pulling her hands from his grasp Julie pushed herself to a standing position. Her skirt fell to the floor and she stood before him, bare and beautiful except for a scrap of nylon panties. "I'm not trying to trap you."

  Max's breath caught in his throat as from deep inside him a groan escaped through his parted lips. "No, you're trying to drive me mad." He pulled her back down onto the bed and into his arms.

  Julie unbuttoned his shirt and ran the palms of her hands across the rough hair on his chest. His clean masculine scent roused a host of old memories.

  The lines around Max's mouth deepened as his eyes glassed over. "You're playing with fire."

  "I know." Under her touch he shivered as the muscles of his chest rippled and bunched. Leaning nearer, she whispered, "You're wearing too many clothes." She slid his shirt from his shoulders and let her fingers play caressingly across his back. Even as her hands moved and her mind clouded she sensed his struggle to hold onto his control.

  "Are you sure this is what you want?" Max's voice was ragged with desire.

  Provocatively she asked, "Don't you?"

  Max closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure. "Oh God, yes!" He made no effort to respond to her amorous overtures as through clenched teeth, he gritted, "But I want you to be sure, too."

  Her voice was heavy with passion. "Can we talk about it later?"

  Max pulled her into his arms and kissed the trembling length of her soft mouth. "I'll be gentle this time."

  And he was. His lovemaking was sweetly abandoned. Never before had he been so gentle, stroking her, kissing the hollows and crevices of her body until he brought her to the peak of sheer ecstasy. But he was passionate too and fervent as he took her over the edge then followed her into the erotic world of passionate fulfillment.

  For a long time afterward Julie lay perfectly still, savoring the sweet aftermath of being totally sated and reveling in the delicious languor that flowed through her body.

  Max moved to lie beside her. His arm was still under her shoulder. "Did I hurt you?"

  Julie shifted to face him. "No." Not physically at least, she could have added, and didn't.

  He pulled his arm away. "Would you rather I went to the other bedroom now?"

  Was he afraid that if he stayed in the afterglow of passion she would make demands? "Maybe you should. I have to get up early in the morning."

  Max shifted to sit on the side of the bed. "Shall I call you tomorrow?" He could have been making a business appointment.

  Julie turned her back to him and pulled her knees up under her chin. "If you'd like, turn the light out when you go."

  Max gathered his clothes and hung them over his arm and then caught his shoes with the fingers of one hand. With the other he flicked out the light and closed the door.

  Long after his footsteps faded down the hall, Julie lay awake, wide-eyed and sleepless. How hopeless she felt and how defeated; she couldn't let Max go and she couldn't hold him. Her last conscious thought was that she had on her hands a dilemma of heartbreaking proportions.

  The harsh jangle of her alarm clock woke Julie with a start. She sat up and turned the lamp switch, flooding the room with soft light. As her mind became more alert, the events from the night before began to run through her brain. It was the worst possible scenario. Max had ended up in her bed. The ultimate irony was that it had been at her invitation. She should have known she couldn't be alone with him for any length of time without making a fool of herself.

  Julie dressed, slipped her feet into her most comfortable shoes, found her car keys and her handbag and hurried out the door. As she tiptoed past the spare bedroom she had to exercise every ounce of her self-control to keep from peeking inside. Hurrying through the kitchen, she let herself out the back door and locked it behind her.

  The short drive to the restaurant gave her a much-needed respite. By the time she arrived at The Hungry Farmer, her emotions were under control. By seven o'clock when Royce came into the kitchen she greeted him with a smile. "Good morning. You're early. "

  "I couldn't sleep." Royce tied a clean apron around his middle. "I kept having these terrible dreams."

  Julie recalled when Royce's nights were plagued with tormenting dreams of Jean. "Oh. Royce, I'm sorry." Was she haunting him still? "Are your old nightmares returning?"

  Royce filled a cup with coffee and leaned against the wall as he sipped thoughtfully. "No. I seldom dream of Jean anymore."

  "Are you worried about Dan?"

  He set his cup on the sandwich table. "You have worries of your own. I shouldn't be troubling you with my petty problems." He turned to walk away.

  Julie caught his arm. "Not being able to sleep is not a petty problem." She commanded, "Look at me, Royce."

  His shoulders sagged as his eyes locked into her questioning gaze. "My problem seems to be that I have no problems. I realized yesterday after I left your house just how empty my life really is." A sigh hissed from his lips. "Here I am, a man well into middle age and I'm all alone in the world."

  "You're forty-three that's not exactly ancient." That didn't sound like much of an argument against middle age. "And you have Dan and me."

  Royce's smile was cynical. "I don't have Dan anymore. He's in Denver beginning a new life. That new life doesn't include me." He squared his shoulders. "I'm not complaining. All I really want is for Dan to be happy. He was miserable here after he lost Shannon."

  Julie suspected that Dan was going to be miserable for sometime to come regardless of
where he was. "Maybe in a few months you can visit Dan." Brightening considerably, she added, "Meanwhile, you still have me."

  "Do I?" His gaze was searching. "Have you?"

  "I'll always be your friend just as Dan will always be your son."

  "And you don't need me anymore than Dan does." Royce let his eyes wander around the spacious kitchen. "You have Max and Shannon."

  "I no longer have Shannon. Her first allegiance is to Brett now."

  Royce's gaze swung back to Julie's face. "And what about Max?"

  "I never really had Max." Why should admitting what she'd always known be so painful? "We were lovers but we were never friends."

  From the serving window that separated the kitchen from the dining room, a female voice called, "Where's the short stack I ordered?"

  "Coming up." Julie turned to the griddle. ""We'll talk more later."

  Royce picked up his coffee cup and disappeared through the swinging doors that led to the lunch counter.

  The morning was busy and the lunch rush lasted until well past one-thirty. Julie finished her last cooking chore, hung up her apron, ladled soup into a bowl and made her way to a booth in the almost deserted dining room.

  Royce smiled from behind the counter. "Are you calling it a day?"

  Julie rested her shoulders against the back of the booth. "Just taking a breather; come sit with me."

  Royce came around the counter and toward the booth. "You look tired. Are you all right?"

  Julie smiled. "I'm okay. How are you feeling?"

  Royce shrugged as he sat down across from her. "Does it matter?"

  Julie told him, "It matters to me."

  "I'm glad because I'm about to ask a big favor of you." Royce struck his forehead with the heel of his hand. "I almost forgot. Max called and left a message."