by Ian Fox
When he found himself in the corrections center, Jerry Duncan couldn’t understand why his mother had not fought to keep him beside her. Why had she let them take him away? He remembered how often she had challenged his father, as if she wanted his blows. How often his father had asked her to stop needling him, but she went on. The way she behaved, she seemed to be almost begging his father to hit her. He didn’t know who was more guilty, his father or her. From that moment on, his father forbade her to visit her son and he never saw her again.
Jerry bared his teeth and the corners of his mouth rose slightly, like a dog growling. The veins on his forehead stood out. “Damn that Patterson. He won’t say again that I’m not ready. He’ll see, I’ll get my revenge.”
Chapter 30
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“You haven’t said a word since you got here. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”
Jerry Duncan got up and put the book he was reading on the windowsill. “I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about things. What if I’m not cut out to be a neurosurgeon? What if I’m in the wrong profession?”
Anita clasped her hands in front of her and looked at him suspiciously. “What are you talking about? You already are a neurosurgeon.”
“You know, when I was a little kid I always wanted to be a doctor. An ordinary doctor. I dreamed about helping people with different health problems. I don’t even know why I specialized in neurosurgery.”
Now she was even more horrified. “Whoops, I see you’re in one of your depressed moods again. I really wonder what causes these dark thoughts.”
“I should have been satisfied with a medical degree. But that wasn’t enough. Why did I keep on studying?”
She went up to him and took his hands. “Stop right there. Stop. I’m not listening to this anymore. You’re going to tell me what happened. I know you and I know these thoughts didn’t just spring up on their own. What happened, Jerry?”
He looked aside because he couldn’t bear her scowl. “I talked to him.”
“Who?”
“Dr. Patterson. I asked him when I’d be able to work independently.”
“So that’s it. I see he sapped all your energy. What did he say?”
“He told me he doesn’t have enough trust in me. He said he couldn’t leave me alone, that he felt I wasn’t decisive enough.”
She let go of his hands and paced up and down the kitchen. “What? I can’t believe this. And you fell for it?”
He looked at her, then immediately withdrew his gaze again. “It wasn’t just what he said. You should have heard him. He seemed absolutely serious.”
“Of course he seemed serious. It’s a serious thing. That’s what it’s like in this hospital. There’s no money, so they act stingy. Listen, it’s all an act. He said that he doesn’t trust you in order to bring down your self-confidence. How many times a week do you operate alone?”
“At least once, but they’re all easy operations.”
“Bullshit. You’ve performed serious operations as well and I was there. When you work alone you’re a lot more relaxed than when he’s there.”
He raised his index finger. “That’s true. I’m never relaxed when I work with him.”
“Yes, of course, my dear Jerry. That happens to everyone. You’re nervous in front of him, that’s all.”
“I thought …. You know, he said I’d need at least another year or maybe more.”
“These are typical excuses and they’re obviously good enough for you to fall for. Listen, Jerry, you’re a good neurosurgeon. I always watch you and I see what you do. You could have been an associate ages ago.”
“You really think so?”
She drummed on his head with her knuckles. “Of course, you silly boy. If you’re lacking anything, it’s faith in yourself, definitely not experience. Get it?”
His posture became more upright. He no longer had his head between his shoulders. “I thought—”
“Stop it, Jerry, or you’ll start crying. Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to talk to him again.”
“What? Are you totally crazy? I can’t do that.”
“You have to talk to him. I have an idea. It would be best if you visited him at home.”
He raised both his hands in the air. “What? Never. That’s out of the question. I’d rather die than visit him at home.”
“Stop panicking. I’ll explain why. Sit down, you’re tense. I can feel it.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and pushed him down. She took a chair, putting it in front of him. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to drop by at his place, saying that you were in the neighborhood and that you haven’t been able to carry on since your last conversation.”
“Never!”
“Listen to me, will you? You’ll explain to him how much a promotion means to you. You’ll also tell him that you’re only unsure of yourself when he’s around. If need be, I’ll also speak to him in your favor.”
“I don’t see why I have to go to his home.”
“So he sees how much it means to you.”
“No, I really can’t do that.”
“I’m sure he’ll listen to you and reconsider. Maybe he won’t agree immediately. You have to demand, though, that he thinks the whole thing through.”
“But why at his home? I can ask him that at work.”
“Don’t you see? By paying him a visit at home you prove your determination. That way, he’ll see you’re not scared of anyone. That’s what it’s about.”
“You … really think so?”
“Of course I do. Tell me, when am I ever wrong?” She gave him a confident smile.
“Maybe I will pay him a visit. I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about it.”
“That’s right, honey. Give it some thought. Don’t let other people run your life. It all comes down to money, anyway.”
He nodded. “Did I ever tell you I’m in love with you?”
She burst out laughing. “Yes, you did.”
“Then let’s go to bed. I’ve had enough of the stupid Dr. Patterson.”
She placed her hands on his shoulders. “You’ll have to try harder than that. You’ll have to carry me into the bedroom.”
He lifted her like a feather. “You’ll see what I’ll do to you. Then you won’t feel like getting out of bed.”
She was still laughing. “Now I’m interested, tiger.”
Chapter 31
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When Dr. Patterson arrived at work the next day the results of Christine Vucci’s tests were waiting for him on his desk. At first he didn’t intend to look at them since he had to hurry to a lecture, but he changed his mind and tore open the envelope.
He stared at different scans and diagrams and read all that was written for more than ten minutes. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Supposedly there was nothing wrong with her head. At first he was happy for her because he had been scared that she might have something serious, but at the same time he was sorry he couldn’t help her. Obviously something else is causing her headaches. Maybe she has an infected tooth or something similar. Leaving the envelope half open on the desk, he hurried out of his office.
When he returned three hours later, he could see her from a distance in an elegant red suit.
He greeted her with a deep, serious voice and invited her into his office with a wave of his hand. “I apologize for being late. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”
“Not at all,” she answered. “The time passed very quickly.”
“Sit down, please.” His tone of voice was cool. He had decided not to let her confuse him this time. He sat behind his desk.
In a frightened voice she said, “I can feel something’s wrong. Whatever it is, please tell me. I want to know straight out.” She put a shaky hand to her heart.
Simon realized that his serious manner had been overdone and had alarmed her unnecessarily. He forced a faint smile. Getting up, he came around the desk and sat in the chai
r near hers. Looking into her eyes, he smiled warmly.
“Everything is OK with you, Christine. All the tests show that there is nothing wrong with your head.”
A long sigh floated through the air and then silence fell. The fear in her eyes vanished, and Simon felt that she was relieved. He wanted to say something but noticed she was trembling. She covered her mouth with her hand and started gasping jerkily, so that she looked like a little girl crying.
Simon didn’t know what to do. Maybe I scared her too much, he thought. He repeated what he’d said: “Everything is fine.”
She started sobbing even more, as if she hadn’t heard him. She was gulping air, shaking, and wiping her tears with her fingers.
That confused him. His heart started to melt as he watched her cry. She was fragile and delicate and he felt an incredible urge to pull her to him and hold her tight.
He pulled up some tissues from the box on the table and offered them to her. She sobbed even more and it seemed like it was getting worse. Every time he said or did anything he made it worse. It was some sort of a hysterical outburst.
Not able to endure it any longer, Simon pushed his chair close to hers and took hold of her hand. She also pulled her chair nearer to him and swiftly leaned her head on his chest. She clasped her arms around him tightly. It was strange, like a little girl hugging her father.
Stunned, he became aware of her beautiful hair shining in the light. Not knowing what to do, he put his hand on her head, gently stroking her hair. She started to calm down.
The softness between his fingers was like stroking silk. A faint smell of perfume entered his nostrils. He was relieved. For a moment, he shut his eyes and gave in to the comfortable feeling. A miracle must have happened for him to have such a beautiful woman in his arms, he thought with a smile on his face. Then he roused himself, quickly raising his head.
“Sorry, Dr. Patterson.” She wiped her eyes and nose. “I didn’t mean to have such an outburst. I have so many problems.” All the time she was clasping his hand.
“It’s OK,” he said kindly. “You released some of your negative energy. That’ll help.” Simon gently let go of her hand. “Wait a moment. I’ll lock the office just in case. If anyone came in, they might get the wrong idea. And we don’t want that, do we?”
She nodded regretfully.
He turned the key twice and sat down next to her. They spontaneously took each other’s hands again.
“Go on, please,” he said. “Tell me what’s troubling you.” He checked his watch. “My next operation is in an hour and a half. No one should come bothering me till then.”
“Ah, I don’t even know where to start. You know, my husband …. I made a big mistake marrying ….”
“Go on.” The whole time he looked into her eyes, admiring her beauty. Never in his life had he touched such a beautiful woman. He felt bad, watching her suffer and pour her heart out to him, and he wished he could pull her to him again, to calm her. But of course, he didn’t dare do anything like that.
“I don’t know how much longer I’ll last. Maybe I’ll have to run away.”
“Is it really that bad? Why don’t you ask for a divorce? Why don’t you move away?”
She shook her head in abrupt movements. “If only it was that simple! Carlo would never let me go. You haven’t a clue how dangerous he is.”
Again she started sobbing, trying to catch her breath. And in a moment she was clinging to him again. He hugged her back, holding her close. His heart pained him because she was sad and by holding her he wanted to help.
Wiping her tears again, she apologized. “I shouldn’t be burdening you with my problems. You really scared me, looking at me that seriously. I don’t know how I’d handle something being wrong with my head. I thought I had cancer or something.”
“I’d really like to help with your headaches, but I can’t. The cause must be somewhere else. Maybe you have an inflamed tooth.” He thought that unlikely, having noticed how nice and healthy her teeth were the first time they had met.
She shook her head. “I go for a checkup to the dentist’s almost every three months. Everything’s always OK.” She fixed her hair. “I’ll manage. They’re only headaches. Luckily, painkillers exist. I’ll manage, don’t worry, Doctor.”
He didn’t realize he was stroking her arm with his fingers. It was a spontaneous action, as if they’d been friends for years. He picked up a tissue and dabbed at the tears on her cheeks. “I’m sure everything will turn out OK.”
“You’re very kind. I don’t know how to thank you.” Her bottom jaw shook as she stared at him. She was obviously trying not to start crying again. “Sadly, I wasn’t destined to meet someone like you.”
Moving his head, he backed away slightly. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re everything I ever wanted.”
He didn’t know what to say. Was it possible for such a woman, a goddess, to want an average guy like him? “Oh Christine, you must be desperate.”
She shook her head, still gazing into his eyes. “I’m not desperate. That evening you were at our place was one of the nicest evenings of my life. Do you realize how much I admire you? I know I shouldn’t be telling you this.” Big tears rolled from her eyes.
His heart was beating like crazy. “I had a nice time too, but ….”
“I always wanted to marry a doctor, but ….”
He was drawn to her more and more and wanted to kiss her passionately. “Everything will be OK,” he whispered. “Sshhhh.”
Slowly, they moved toward each other and the gap between them diminished.
At first their kiss was soft and slow, their hands hardly moving. They surrendered to each other, eyes closed and not realizing what they were doing.
Christine was the first to open her eyes. Still kissing him, she started to unbutton his shirt. At that, Simon came to. For a moment he looked around the room, making sure they were still alone and then remembering that he had locked the door. He looked at her with fright while she was undressing him, not knowing what to do. He knew he was doing something he shouldn’t: cheating on Helen and kissing the wife of a dangerous Mafia boss. Taking a deep breath, he moved his chair a few inches away from her.
“We have to stop, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Yes, we should stop,” she whispered.
They were still holding hands. He felt an indescribable urge to kiss her at least once more. His urge was irresistible and his hands were shaking. He looked at her longingly, moving his chair toward her and pressing himself against her. He didn’t even realize that she had taken his shirt off long ago and was now working on his pants. Then they stood up so suddenly that one of the chairs toppled over.
Christine was also trembling with fear, while drowning in his kisses. She had come looking for help. She had wanted him to save her from her unbearable headaches; maybe she had wanted to talk to him, but …
“We shouldn’t do this,” he finally let out. He was standing in front of her in only his underpants.
“You’re right, Simon, we shouldn’t be doing this.” She skillfully unbuttoned her blouse and let the material open on its own.
He wanted to say something else, but the words dried up. Her soft, pert breasts appeared and he couldn’t move his dry tongue.
“Oh Simon, kiss me, please!”
And they were together again, not caring about the world around them. Their tongues entwined, their hands caressed, and they breathed heavily. In a slow rhythm, they drifted to another reality, for the moment unaware of the dangers they were letting themselves into.
Simon opened his eyes. In front of him lay Christine, naked and barely catching her breath. His hands were stroking her stomach.
“Shh,” he whispered to her. “Not so loud, please.”
She had cried out at least three times, making him worry that someone in the corridor would hear.
Then she got up and started dressing. She avoided looking at him from embarrassment.
Her lips touched his for the last time and then she was hurrying toward the door.
“Wait! I’m not even—” Before he could finish, she had already turned the key and was outside his office. Simon was standing at his desk in his underwear. “My God, I have to get dressed. Quickly!”
An hour later, when he was at the operating table wanting to start the operation, he realized his breathing still hadn’t slowed down. He was agitated and it showed in his hands. He turned to Dr. Duncan and handed him the scalpel.
“I don’t feel well. It will be best if you operate and I assist.”
Chapter 32
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Simon got home at five in the afternoon. Strange thoughts had buzzed around his brain as he drove. In a way, he felt sorry because he had cheated on Helen and threatened their marriage. He also felt sorry because he’d never wanted to have anything to do with Christine. On the other hand, he felt unbelievably alive, full of energy, something that hadn’t happened in years. He felt twenty years old again because his body was bursting with life. Remembering his sexual adventure made him smile to himself and sent pins and needles running from his toes to his groin and all the way up to his neck.
Ashamed of his thoughts, he drove them away: A waste of time.
He looked in the refrigerator and found a saucepan containing seafood risotto. He was glad that he’d be able to eat something fast and wouldn’t lose a lot of time. He put the saucepan on the stovetop and turned his attention to a medical journal.
Later, he headed to his laboratory. While he was analyzing the last results of blood samples taken from the rats, his eyes wandered to their cages. He noticed that they had gray fur around their snouts. Surprised, he murmured something to himself and proceeded with his writing.
He suddenly turned to them again. How can they be going gray? They’re only six months old. He put on thick gloves and grabbed one of them. It struggled with all its might, biting the glove several times.