He drops his backpack near my feet and sets off through the thickest part of the woods.
I soon lose sight him and wonder what kind of lesson this is going to be. A few minutes later, he comes back, carrying an arm load of plants and roots.
“Botany lesson?” I ask when he gets closer.
“Sort of.” He sits down beside me on the log and arranges the plants in between us. “And a picnic – I guess.”
I look at him like he’s crazy. Weeds and muddy roots are not my idea of a picnic.
He smiles. “Trust me, okay?” He pulls a water bottle from his bag and rinses the dirt from the roots, cleaning them with his hands.
There are a few things I recognize on the log. Dandelions and blackberries, but the rest certainly don’t look edible.
“These are gooseberries,” he says, dropping a little green berry into my palm. I inspect it closer. It’s covered in fine green hairs. He shows me the plant that they come from, pointing out its skinny stalk laced with sharp spines.
“Try it.” He pops one into his mouth first.
I expect the berry to be sweet, but it’s bitter, like biting into a sour green apple. The texture is firm and tangy.
“Not horrible, right?”
I take another. Though it’s not great, it’s not terrible either. And I am actually hungry.
“These are nettles,” he says. He holds the weed out for me to take it. It’s a long stalk filled with oblong, jagged-edged leaves.
“You can eat this?”
He nods. “With most of these, boiling or steaming them will get rid of the bitter taste, but they’re just fine to eat raw, too. They may not taste great, but they’ll keep you alive.”
He tears off a leaf and offers it to me. “Smell it.”
“Smells like sour milk.” He nods. I put it in my mouth. It feels wrong, but I chew it up and swallow. “It tastes sour too.” I make a face.
“Here.” He passes me the water bottle.
I swish the water around, clearing my mouth.
Next, we try the dandelion leaves, then a few blackberries, which are ripe and sweet. Then I take a small bite of the root he offers me. It’s bitter and gritty with sand, but I choke it down.
“Okay, I saved the best for last.” When I see what he’s holding, I’m doubtful. It’s a brown nut covered in a hairy white tuft. “It’s a chestnut.”
“Oh.”
“They come from that tree, right over there.” He points and my gaze follows. “Close your eyes.” I look over at him, trying to figure out what he intends to do. “Close them,” he says softly. I release a sigh and close my eyes. “Describe the tree to me.”
I try to remember the tree from my quick glance. I would have paid better attention if I’d known there’d be a test. “It’s a large tree.” I feel stupid. “It has jagged saw-toothed leaves,” I say, remembering the shape.
“Good. And the most important thing?” I hear him crack the nut open.
“It has chestnuts littering the ground underneath it.”
“Exactly. Now open your mouth.”
Keeping my eyes closed, I open my mouth. Will’s fingers brush past my lips, and he places a small piece of the chestnut onto my tongue. I open my eyes and look at him as I begin to chew. It’s firm and slightly sweet.
“Do you like it?” he asks.
I nod.
He shows me how to peel off the outer husk, and break open the shell. Inside, it has a creamy-white flesh. We eat all that he’s gathered, and when they’re gone, he goes and gets a few more from underneath the tree.
He sits back down beside me and cracks open a chestnut for me. “You have to be careful when you’re choosing plants. Some look similar, but could be deadly poisonous. If you aren’t positive about what it is – don’t eat it.”
I nod and take the chestnut, popping it into my mouth.
“Always avoid plants with a milky discharge,” he says, giving me another.
“Will?” I swallow down the nut. “Why are teaching me all this?” I sense that it’s not on the typical compound guard curriculum.
He looks down and fumbles with his backpack. “You should know how to find food if you ever find yourself alone in the woods.”
I’ve got to admit, this knowledge would have come in handy for the last challenge, but it’s also knowledge that I hope I won’t have to use.
He pulls a crusty loaf of bread from his bag. “You didn’t think I was going to make you eat only weeds for lunch, did you?”
I smile and look at him, confused. I guess he was serious about the picnic.
I watch as he removes the wrapped up food from his bag. My stomach responds with a grumble, reminding me how hungry I still am.
“This I know you’ll like.” His hand hesitates inside the bag. “Close your eyes.” I can’t see what he has, but I close my eyes again.
He brings his fingertips to my lips, and my mouth opens in response. I don’t know when I started trusting him so much, but with my reactions to him, it’s obvious that I do. He places something sweet on my tongue. Chocolate. The second it hits my taste buds, sweetness flood my senses, and my eyes tear up. I haven’t had chocolate in the longest time. I close my eyes again, savoring the flavor as it melts and fills with mouth with a bittersweet, rich flavor. I don’t even chew; I just let the taste linger as long as possible, until it’s completely dissolved.
“I read in your file it was your favorite,” his voice is soft.
I open my eyes slowly. I’m not sure how I feel about that. “Why did you take my file?”
He hesitates for just a second. “I didn’t want it falling into the wrong hands. You’re not mad, are you?”
It isn’t possible to be mad at a boy who has just fed me chocolate. “No.”
He inches closer. “I looked for your mom’s file too, but it wasn’t there.”
I crane up to look at him. “Why would you?”
“I just get the sense there’s something they’re not telling us.”
“Will, you can’t get yourself in trouble over me. You’re an instructor – if they find out …” I don’t want to think what his punishment would be.
“No. Since I am an instructor, I figured I could say I was looking for information to train you. Don’t worry about me, Eve. I want to help you.”
He moves closer toward me on the log. I can feel his breath on my cheek. I look down, suddenly feeling unsure. I never imagined feeling anything like this would be possible under the harsh conditions we live in. But my entire body is aware of Will. I imagine his lips tasting like chestnuts, his fingertips caressing the bruised spots on my body, and my heart speeds up at the thought. My stomach grumbles loudly, ruining the moment.
His eyes break away from mine. He fumbles with the bread. “You’re hungry. Let’s feed you.” He tears off a piece and hands it to me.
I take his hand. “Will.” My voice is pleading, but the rest of the words die on my lips. I have no idea what I’m doing, what I’m trying to say. But I know the last thing on my mind is eating.
His eyes meet mine and slowly, carefully, he brings one hand up to my face. He trails his fingers across my cheek, touches my swollen eye. I’d forgotten about that. I must look horrible. I look away and grab for the bread. He drops his hand.
We eat in silence for the next few minutes, tearing off hunks of bread and chewing, since it seems neither of us knows what to say. Will’s even quieter than usual. I watch his jaw tense as he stares out into the woods. I wonder what’s bothering him. When the food is gone, he packs up his backpack.
“Ready?”
“Sure.” I stand up.
We climb into the Jeep in silence, and I wonder if I did something wrong. Will stares straight ahead as he drives. It’s like I’m not even in the Jeep with him.
“Thanks for showing me all that today,” I say, once he parks alongside the building.
“Yeah, no problem,” he says, still looking ahead. It’s like he purposefully avoids looking a
t me. I don’t know what I did wrong.
I climb down from the Jeep and head for the door, but Will’s hand on my arm stops me. I turn toward him. “Listen, Eve.” He releases a sigh. “I’m sorry if I acted strange today. I’ll explain all this soon … I promise.”
I watch his eyes, trying to understand. I nod. “When?” I hear myself asking.
His lips quirk up in a half-smile. “Tonight. Meet me in the bunker after everyone’s gone to bed.”
Though I don’t know if I should, the word tumbles out of me without my consent. “Okay.” We part at the door, and I go inside. He doesn’t follow me.
Chapter 20
I’m back in time for dinner and slip into the cafeteria unnoticed. I head for my usual table. Sam and Jake are pressed together, sharing food from each other’s trays. I’m reminded of my afternoon with Will and blush involuntarily.
Sam hardly notices me, distracted by Jake, but Alex perks up the second I sit down.
“Your eye doesn’t look too bad,” he says after a bite of mashed potato.
“Oh, thanks.” I bring my hand up to touch it. “How’s your leg, by the way?”
“Pretty good. It’s healing nicely.”
“What’d you guys do in training today?” I don’t know why, but my conversations with Alex seem to stay at the surface level – just one level up from asking about the weather.
“We ran and did weights in the gym – stuff like that. You didn’t miss much.”
I nod and stir the food on my tray. I’m not hungry after my picnic with Will.
I can hardly wait for everyone to go to bed once we make it back to the bunker. But there are card games and people lounging around talking, and I know it will be a while.
I sit with Alex in the corner of the room. Sam and Jake are completely distracted by each other. They sit facing each other on a small sofa. He winds her hair around his fingers while they talk in hushed voices. I’ve never seen her like this – so completely absorbed, but I kind of like it.
I look over at Alex. He looks nervous. He places one hand awkwardly on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything last night when you fought Drew and Bryce.”
I’m reminded of how he easily lost to Jake. “Oh, I … don’t worry about that. There’s nothing you could have done.”
His eyes don’t leave mine. I look down. I wish Alex didn’t like me like this. I wasn’t sure at first, but now I know he does. I can’t return his feelings; I’m not sure why. He’s nice and polite and funny. I just … can’t. My mind jumps to my meeting with Will tonight, and I sigh knowing how long I still have to wait. “I’m kinda tired, Alex. I think I’ll just go to bed.” I get up to leave.
He doesn’t look happy. “See you tomorrow, Eve.”
I lie down on my bunk and watch the ceiling. Slowly, one by one, girls start to filter into the dorm. When I spot Sam, I get down from my bed.
She’s changing beside her bunk.
“So … you and Jake, huh?”
She breaks into a grin. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. When he’s around … I don’t know, I just feel completely comfortable and happy. I never thought it could be like this here, but he’s the first thing I think of in the morning, and I actually want to go to training just so I can see him.”
I’m happy for her – I am. But a twinge of jealousy spreads over me. I used to be Sam’s number one priority. Or is it that I don’t have what she’s describing? She pulls me into a hug before I have the chance to figure it out.
“Sam, I’m meeting with Will tonight – after lights out.”
“What?” She pulls back, still holding onto my arms. “What for? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Sam, it’s fine. He’s not like you would think.”
At this, she takes a step back, like clearly I’ve taken one too many blows to the head. “What are you talking about? Why are you meeting him?”
I swallow, searching for the words to explain. “He’s different … he’s … he can give me information about why I’m here.”
“But he shouldn’t ask you to meet him after everyone is asleep. That’s strange, don’t you think?” I don’t explain that it’s for my own protection that he wants me to wait. Her eyes harden, searching mine. “Just be careful. Please.”
“I will.” I give her another hug. It’s obvious she understands Will in a completely different way than I do.
I go back to my bed and wait until everyone is asleep. I lay still, looking up at the ceiling trying to remember my mom’s face. I can’t recall all the small details, not the way I should be able to. I roll over, frustrated.
When there are no sounds coming from the bunker, I creep down my ladder and cross the dorm into the bunker. It’s dark and completely silent. I sit in one of the chairs, waiting for Will.
After a little while, I grow restless. He said to meet him here, right? I consider trying to find his room, but don’t want to get caught in the hallways after hours. I pace the room for a little while, then sit down on the sofa. I lean my head back against the arm and close my eyes. I’m more tired than I realized.
I awake with a start, sensing someone else is in the room with me. I sit up.
“I’m sorry.” Will holds his hands up. “I got held up.”
“Oh, it’s fine.” I get up.
He lowers his hands, but not before I notice that his knuckles are swollen and red.
He steps closer, so he’s standing right in front of me. “I didn’t mean to make you wait. There was just something I needed to take care of.” He reaches a hand toward me and lets his fingers run down my arm, finding my hand in the darkness. “Come with me. We can talk in my room,” he whispers. He keeps my hand in his, and with our palms pressed together, my breath feels caught in my chest.
My heart pounds the entire way to his room. My entire body tingles, like I’m on edge, waiting for something to happen, only I have no idea what.
He lets the sensor scan his fingerprint, and the door to his room clicks open. He lets me in first and comes in behind me as the heavy door falls closed.
His room is even smaller than I remember, and at night in the silent compound, it seems even more private. For some reason, I’m reminded of Lexi and feel a pang of jealousy. Now that she’s gone, is Will suddenly interested in me?
“So …” I draw out the word. He gives me a strange smile. “Listen, I know that you and Lexi were close … and now that she’s gone …”
He places a finger over my lips, stopping me, a little smile quirked on his lips. “No. That’s not ...” He shakes his head and then lowers his finger from my lips. “Lexi wanted there to be something … but there never was. Not for me anyway.”
“Will, I saw you.” My voice doesn’t waver.
His eyes narrow, trying to figure out exactly what I mean, what I saw.
“You and Lexi were in the hallway – it wasn’t exactly discreet.” He’s still studying me to figure out what I’m referring to. “She was down on her knees …”
“Oh, God.” He runs his hands over his face. “No, Eve.” He takes a step closer to me. I take a step back. “That wasn’t what it looked like.”
I smile crookedly. “Will …” If he thinks he can explain this away as something completely innocent, he must think I’m a fool.
“I’m serious … If you’d stayed a second longer, you’d have seen me pull her back up to her feet.”
I scan his eyes. He seems to be telling the truth. And I do remember that once I got back to the dorms, Lexi was only a minute behind me. I just figured it was just over fast. “Then why was she down there to begin with?”
He shakes his head. “That was Lexi trying to … get my attention.”
I remember the way his head was leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. The soft way he whispered her name. It still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “Well from what I saw, she succeeded.”
“No, she didn’t.” His voice is
firm.
“Will, you don’t have to lie about it. I don’t care.” Which isn’t true. Though I don’t want to, I care way more than I should.
He takes my arms, his fingers curling around my elbows. “Listen to me. It was a moment of weakness on my part, but I’m telling you, I stopped it even before she undid my belt.”
His eyes implore mine, soft and smoky gray, framed in dark lashes and it’s impossible to think the worst of him right now. I nod. I don’t know if I should, but I believe him. Everything I’d seen of Will so far, his moment of weakness aside, told me he was good and someone I could trust.
We stand facing each other. “You said you’d explain all this.” I motion between us. Though instantly I’m sure he didn’t mean us – he meant this, the training, the compound.
“I’m not good at this,” he says, taking a step back from me. He brushes his hand across his hair.
“Rena told me that the capital has gotten unstable, and there’s talk of my test results.”
His head picks up, like I’ve interrupted a private thought. “That’s true, though they don’t want any of us here to know. I hear O’Donovan and La Rusa talking.” He hesitates and won’t look at me. “A lot of it’s about you. You’re stronger than they ever expected.”
Something in me rebels. I don’t want to talk about my demise right now. I don’t want to think right now. I want to feel. Driven by my new found courage, I take a step closer to him. “And what about you? What did you expect that first time you saw me at my mindscan?” I remember back to that scared girl who refused to be made into a prisoner.
He takes a step toward me, closing the distance between us. “I didn’t have any expectations, I guess. I knew you’d be unexpected.”
At this, I have no words. Will takes another step toward me. There is nothing separating us now. My heart thumps so loud, I’m sure he can hear it. He’s looking straight into my eyes with that same wonder and curiosity I’ve felt so many times over the past few weeks. It’s too much. I look down.
He places a finger under my chin and lifts it to meet his eyes again. His eyes are intense and searching as he looks at me. His fingers are soft against my jaw, and he lets his hand slide to the back of my neck, under my hair.
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